Ballistic blog #19

Sigh, I feel like I’ve digressed into my past self. Lacking self love and love for others. Plus stagnant, and underachieving. It’s nothing too bad really just a mass compilation of thoughts spurring from some initial ones. Like I just feel lonely. Like idk. Like I’ve lost everything. I haven’t lost everything yet, but I may as well have because I’ve lost my hope. And I also feel like I have no one I can talk to about the specifics.
I’m back to feeling like I’m just a walking shell. I no longer really have anything to look forward to, but I keep trying to no avail.
I just feel like something is constantly closing in on me, trying to suck away my life.
I feel like I’ve been left alone. Just dropped. And it’s a constant happenstance with my life and it shouldn’t be. I think I’ll just be.
Just be.
But fuck everything right now, I won’t give up, but I also don’t know how long I’ll be affected by this rut.