ball chair

Churro Chumps | Yoongi

Originally posted by cyyphr

→ summary: “Hey Y/N. If I’m 130 pounds and I eat 1.3 pounds of churros, does that make me 1% churro?” -Min Yoongi, 2017

{or alternatively: two idiots with their two functioning brain cells try to make a Christmas miracle}

→ genre: college!au, fluff, humor/crack (mostly because i’m dumb and the dialogue is literally just me shitposting) || part of this collab!!
→ words: 7.2K 
→ a/n: this is most possibly the dumbest shit ever, but I hope it makes you laugh? also, I kinda make fun of Yoongi a taaaaad too much here, but it’s just for the giggles!

During one of many inebriated nights watching some dumb reality TV show with your best friend in the entire world, aforementioned best friend had somehow managed to gather enough brain power in his fucked-up state to pose you a semi-relevant question. Somehow, his alcohol damaged synapses managed to form a somewhat coherent sentence good enough for your own equally damaged synapses to comprehend. With his voice slurring so much, it was a miracle you even understood what he was trying to say. If memory served you right (which it probably didn’t), he asked you something like this:

“If you could go back in time to change anything—hic!—in your past, what would you change?”

Well, sadly, that question had remained unanswered for quite some time because drunken you from three months ago had promptly vomited all over your shared apartment’s carpet after thinking too hard about the consequences of altering the space-time continuum, causing all discussion of the hypothetical situation to cease immediately.

Luckily, sober you from the present finally had her answer, and it was something like this:

You would happily staple Min Yoongi by the balls to a chair so he wouldn’t have fucking ditched you at one in the afternoon after almost 26 hours straight of staying cooped up in the library, and leave you to drool all over the desk like some sort of friendless loser!

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