baking is a science

Public School Is A Goddamn Disater, Part 2: The Lovecraftian Madness of Machismo

Part 1 here, AKA: the Mantisocalypse (you don;t have to read it to understand this one, but you should anyway)

Content Warnings: Mental Illness, Attempted Murder, Sexual Content, Stalking, Abuse, Animal Abuse Mention, Emetophobia, US Public Education, Military Industrial Complex.  I’ve been told this is my most disturbing story, even if it’s hilarious, so mind your health.  All the names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent and Not-So-Innocent.

This is the story of Recruiting Sergeant Scott VS. The Lacrosse Jocks VS. Yours truly.

To understand this story, you must understand the dystopian hellscape that is US Public High School- I went to the NICE high school in town, with the AP curriculum and new building, where the the kids were generally too obsessed with getting into the ivy league to do anything worse than occasionally smoke on the roof.  Not even weed, just regular cigs.  During their off-periods, so they’d have time to febreeze their clothes and arrive to their next class early.  You know, the most boring fucking kids ever.

AND STILL, we were subjected to the various scourges of US public ed, namely-

-on-campus police officers and regular “what to do in case of a columbine event” drill.  We had Officer Munoz, who was a wonderful Latina Woman with the good sense to focus her efforts on getting kids away from abusive parents rather than persecuting brown kids, but we were VERY lucky on that front.  Still, having someone walking around with a gun and technically the authority to kill you, and having to hide in the science cabinets three times a year fucks you up.  Remember Officer Munoz though, She is Important.

- A weird, cult-like, frankly masturbatory attitude regarding athletic achievement.  The arts and sciences were stuck doing bake sales for supplies while the gym got re-done two years after the school opened.  This was tempered in an odd way at my school in that literally all the sports teams unequivocally sucked, with the exception of 

1.Marching Band, which went to nationals twice in the first two years the school was open 

2.Knowledge Bowl, where kevin and I took the team to 3rd in state in our first year, and only lost because Kevin had an asthma attack so we decided to let the other teams fight over the ‘lesser’ medals 

3.Lacrosse, which didn’t actually didn’t GO anywhere, but was a “real” sport and beat our ‘rival’ school, so the team got to be Big Men On Campus, and get away with all kinds of nonsense like eating in class when everyone else was forbidden or skipping tests for ‘practice’.  The three worst offenders were Dustin, Jack and “Rattlesnake Pete”, all of whom were budding neo-nazis and thus signed up for German.  With our Jewish teacher.  Remember them too.

-On-campus military recruiters.  As in, people who are legally allowed to exaggerate, manipulate and actually lie to minors to convince them to join the armed forces.  Ours was Sergeant Scott, and as much of a skeevy rat as he was I honestly felt bad for him, because remember, academic magnet high school so he had three kinds of kids to work with:

  • Kids who made the physical standards for the armed forces and were all about honoring their country via physical labor, but were dumb as shit and couldn’t pass the written exam.
  • Kids who could pass the written exam and were totally ready to bully some people in the third world, but couldn’t do a pull up if you covered the gym floor in cobras.
  • Kids who passed the physical and mental portions but were uniformly rabidly anti-military industrial complex, to the point where 35 of them crammed into his cubicle in the office he shared with Officer Munoz and Janitor Wendy, so they could hold a sit-in protest of the Iraq war and chant “Impeach Bush” and “War is Murder” at him  Someone chucked red paint on him, because they’re furious immature teenagers.  It was his first day.

Poor bastard.  Remember Him as well.

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"The Types Based on my Experience" - an ENFP

INTJ
- Has too many extra curricular
- Low- key brags about achievements
- Will and won’t hesitate to roast someone.
- They type of person to read during lunch
- Books.
- Just a little bit clingy, but in the best way
- “Let me sleep— I only slept an hour last night.”


INTP
- Talks to them-self sometimes
- Likes to make random google searchers
- Master at BSing
- Why do they know so much about obscure concepts and theories?
- My random facts buddy
- “Have you heard of cerebropathy?”

ENTJ
- Tries to control me (for the greater good I guess)
- Great at logic puzzles
- If there was an apocalypse— I would want to paired with them.
- Seems like they got their life together
- A bit of a neat freak
- Will not deal with your shit, but will still help you?
- “I need more coffee to deal with all of you people.”

ENTP
-FITE ME
- Is super intimidating at first glance
- Secretly a softy
- will not hesitate to start a debate
- loves politics
- If you tell them a fact they ask where you got it
- Likes to read Edgar Allen Poe and romance novels
- “ Are you sure? Where did you read that?”

INFJ
- Nice friend
- Poker face
- Everyone thinks that they have chill
- has no chill
- Loves cats and babies
- Great listener
- Has too many feelings and bottles them up
- “OMG!!! I LOVE MUGS!!! I LOVE PURPLE!!!! LOOK AT THIS ITS A PURPLE MUG!!!!”

INFP
- Easily flustered
- Will hate you and you will never know
- Once you know them— they’ll argue with you about their opinions.
- Anime nerd
- Wears over-sized glasses
- Gestures a lot when talking
- Roasts me about everything
- Has an unhealthy obsession for cats
- Self deprecation 101
- “ I don’t know what your tal- *gestures and hits someone with arm*- OMG!!! I am so sorry.”

ENFJ
- Identity crisis all day everyday
- Likes to do power poses
- Will do random acts of kindness
- Knits
- Soft
- Really imaginative
- Will do stupid stuff to make a sad friend happy again
- You can’t not like them
- “A toast to spongebob and Bob Marley.”

ENFP (not me— another ENFP)
- Loves to art
- Procrastinates kinda(?). It just takes them a long time to do their work
- Is very smol
- Low-key manipulative
- Great at fake accents
- Has the voice of an angel
- Awesome dancer
- “ Oh look, it’s a birb. *makes chicken noises*”

ISTJ
- Is in all my advanced classes
- Gets annoyed with me really easily
- Likes to bake
- Has ten sources to back up one fact
- Will binge watch Crash Course
- Secretly loves bird memes
- Determined
- “Baking is a science. It isn’t just measuring and mixing— it’s watching the chemical re- *rants about for ten minutes*”

ISFJ
- Literally a cinnamon roll
- Are too caring
- Seriously they are going to get hurt one day
- Mom friend
- When they get mad everyone freaks out
- Will fight you if you hurt their loved one
- “Are you okay? Do you need a band- aid? I have a first aid kit in my backpack.”


ESTJ
- Law and order
- Is practically the teacher
- Strong moral base
- Does not tolerate lying
- Can see your soul
- Loves dark chocolate and hot chocolate
- Eats the same thing for lunch everyday
- Will lay down the law
- “I just told them to kindly leave me alone because their fake personalities were annoying me.”

ESFJ
- Will appear out of no-where
- Social Butterfly
- EVERYONE knows them
- Loves to sing, but is sadly tone deaf
- Can do really intricate pranks and succeed
- Teachers pet, but not nerdy in any way
- “Hi! My name’s ESTJ. What’s your weight— I mean, name?”

ISTP
- Loves workshop
- Is great at video games
- Everyone thinks they listen to punk rock, but they actually listen to Country music
- Can be bossy
- Likes to wear flannel
- Is really chill
- “I had one job, to finish my homework. Did I do it? Nope.”

ISFP
- Can’t art
- Can write like there is not tomorrow
- Can also play piano really well, but they never took lessons
- Have eyes filled with wonder
- Great at makeup
- Has good fashion sense
- Thinks shoes are a social construct.
- They have a bucket list written
- Has great stories
- “I once went to an upscale hotel and hijacked the penthouse level with my friends.”

ESTP
- Loves to play pranks and do stupid stuff
- Is flexible af
- Laughs weirdly
- Has the best ideas
- Smart, but really lazy
- p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n
- “Move I’m gay.”

ESFP
- Acts like they had five cups of coffee
- Really likes unicorns
- Is a theatre kid
- Wait for it…. they never stop quoting Hamilton
- Great at lying
- Really, really funny
- Loves everything smol
- Everyone loves them
- “Bill Nye the science guy– history has its eyeesss ON YOOOOUUUUUU.”

little ways to cope with stress ♡

➳ make silly faces in the mirror

➳ take a bubble bath

➳ pet a friendly puppy/kitten

➳ dance to your favorite song

➳ eat a rainbow of fruits (& veggies)

➳ take a long nap

➳ read some story books

➳ build a blankie fort then fill it with stuffies & fairy lights

➳ visit a toy store (or several)

➳ watch your favorite movies back to back
➳ give yourself a makeover
➳ color color color

➳ listen to lullabies or soft music

➳ do some yoga
➳ make snow angels

➳ pack a picnic
➳ cook some macaroni & cheese

➳ go on a long walk or scavenger hunt

➳ paint a picture frame or flower pot

➳ go to an animal/exotic bird sanctuary

➳ cuddle up with a bottle/binkie

➳ cry cry cry

➳ put together a puzzle

➳ eat a lollipop (or several)

➳ make a mobile with ribbon & paper
➳ bang together pots & pans

➳ build a block castle
➳ play dress up
➳ build a snowman

➳ go to an art/science museum

➳ bake cupcakes or cookies

➳ visit a candy shop (buy some sweets)

➳ make homemade hot cocoa

➳ brush your teeth & hair
➳ play cute online games

➳ buy a new toy or coloring book

➳ set goals then celebrate them

➳ watch funny youtube videos

➳ make a collage of cute photos for your wall
➳ set up a bird or chipmunk feeder
➳ stay in your jammies all day
➳ have a tea party with your stuffies
➳ make a new “imaginary” friend
➳ marathon your favorite cartoons

Fanon APH Germany: Uptight, overly controlling, makes his older brother live in the basement, constantly yells at people, hates fun, always working

Canon APH Germany: Loves dogs, kids, his brother, baking, sightseeing, literature and science, ninja movies, totally believes all the shit his brother makes up, goes to the extreme lengths for his friends

anonymous asked:

I just read a post that mentioned the entire Justice League being on Cutthroat Kitchen and I desperately needed to know what your headcanons are on this.

Batman is out in round one. Firstly, he thinks $25k is nothing. What can you buy with $25k. Is that even enough to make a meal. He spends all his money and gets no sabotages and loses anyway because he is honestly a terrible cook. It will be edible and it will keep you alive but it will be terrible. Now, if you give him a fully stocked kitchen with all kinds of equipment he can bake you some fancy, fancy shit. But that’s baking. That is a science. Cooking is bullshit. Medium heat? What the fuck is medium heat? Medium is not a temperature. If you mean 180C say 180C. He never adds enough salt or sugar or fat to anything and everything is too spicy.

Wonder Woman also doesn’t make it very far. She can cook but, like… with fresh ingredients, and specific dishes. Plus she’s a vegetarian? She doesn’t know what the fuck to do with meats. They’re supposed to make chili dogs and she just has no frame of reference at all for what that should even look like. And she got the sabotage to do everything in the microwave. How even??

Flash gets the sabotage that replaces his good shit with garbage but that works in his favor because garbage is his specialty. He will make a delicious meal out of cheese whiz and goldfish and cocktail weenies. Unfortunately trash is all he’s good at. The man loves trash food. The next round they have to make something fresh and he’s SOL.

Green Arrow can’t cook for shit. He can stir fry and maybe roast things. It’s just not enough. He just buys sabotages for everyone because he wants to do as much damage as possible before he’s gone. Trolliver. He makes the Flash walk everywhere on top of egg crates. He’s the one who gives Wonder Woman the microwave.

J’onn can’t play because he can’t convince anyone he isn’t reading Alton’s mind for ideas. Alton always knows what you should do. Being able to read Alton’s mind is the ultimate advantage. Plus he can tell which judge it is, so he knows whether he needs to go for good food generally or for the best representation of the dish. Different judges want different things!! Honestly it is for the best they wouldn’t let J’onn play because he’s an alien and he eats weird shit.

Once they get Aquaman to understand the concept he gets really into it. He’s a great cook! How does he know how to cook these things? The man loves food. By all rights he shouldn’t be any better than Wonder Woman but holy shit he’s amazing. The things that man can do with a crab… he gets a sabotage to wear lobster claws but is weirdly highly functional. Ollie regrets buying it. Of COURSE he can handle having claws. He’s probably asked for advice. He should have bought the claws for Superman. In the end it’s Aquaman versus Superman which no one saw coming.

Superman wins. It’s bullshit. Everyone is mad about it. Not because he didn’t deserve it but because WHAT IS HE BAD AT. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING. Where did he even learn this stuff??? Little do they know HE GREW UP ON A FARM. THAT BOY CAN MAKE MAYONNAISE FROM SCRATCH, AND DOES. There’s a no-superpowers rule in place with a fine for offenders but he is actually great about it because Martha never let him use powers in the house. They get asked to make a lasagna and he’s so excited because he never gets to make time-intensive things usually. Murphy’s Law and supervillains get him every time he tries. He doesn’t have enough time to make his mozzarella and ricotta and tomato sauce from scratch like he usually does (YOU DO WHAT) but he does make his own pasta and it does not seem to occur to him not to do this. He lets Aquaman buy the sabotage to take his pasta because he didn’t even grab any. He does that thing where he sings pop songs in the voice of the original singer while he cooks and they have to ask him to stop so they won’t have to pay royalties. He’s very embarrassed because he didn’t realize he was doing it. He successfully stops himself from adding way too much garlic, even though he thinks it’s better with like… a whole head of garlic… all the garlic, in the world. Aquaman makes a really good eggplant lasagna but he just can’t compete with the meaty cheesy midwestern monstrosity that Superman has created.

I love when I go to ochem lab and no one’s done the reading so it’s like a technical challenge on the Great British Bake Off

“It just says ‘distill it’”

“Okay, here’s what we have, what do you think we’re supposed to use as a solvent?”

“Filter it. That’s all it says.”

*takes complicated apparatus out of box* “how do we assemble this”

“Take the melting point? Seems simple enough”
*starts a fire*

“Oh, gosh, my heating mantle wasn’t on!”

*looks around at what everyone else is doing*

“What do you mean I wasn’t supposed to use that kind of grease on the glassware!?”

“I can’t get my layers!!!”

“I never used this beaker/reagent I really hope I didn’t screw something up”

*forgets to add stir bar* “why isn’t this stirring”

“I’ve never heard of this chemical we’re synthesizing, no, and I hope I’m using the right process”

Instructions: Draw your favorite character in your last outfit and answer questions below.

Draco Malfoy in my Sunday outfit (aka the I need to hibernate look)

Tagged by @upthehillart ! Thanks so much, this was really fun <3

Tagging: @convallarias-art , @avoidakedavra , @sadfishkid & anyone who wants to do this! (tell me and I’ll add you here hehe)  

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ID #68612

Name: Riki
Age: 20
Country: Australia

Hi so…
some quick facts about myself:
I love drinking tea and cats are my favourite. I’m a night owl but also sometimes an early bird. I’d like to say I’m a social introvert. Traveling is something I aspire to do. I’ve always wanted to visit Europe. Food is what my life revolves around; I bake in my free time, I collect cookbooks/watch cooking shows and because that’s not nerdy enough (and I am indeed a nerd) I also study Food Science at uni. I listen to music constantly and enjoy creative hobbies. I’m a girl. Nothing’s better than being consumed by a good book but I spend way too much time on the internet. I just want to laugh everyday. I think it would be great to talk to new people and share genuine conversations and experiences.


Preferences: I’m opened minded and happy to talk with anyone who is interested but preferably those who are in a similar age bracket to myself.

For the Bees Masterpost

Hey y’all! As I am sure most of you have heard, we seem to be witnessing an alarming decline in our little buzzing friends. As of right now, seven species of bees in other countries have been added to the Endangered Species List. However, the bumblebees were officially announced as being Endangered around two weeks ago. This, my dear friends, is especially scary because these little fuzzy friends are very close to home. 

Leading causes to the destruction of bees is the use of pesticides on crops, bee-feeding parasites, and a global decline in wildflowers. Meaning: bees LOVE wildflowers.

If the bee disappears from the surface of the earth, mankind would have no more than four years to live. 

So what can we do to help our pollinating pals? 

Enter here this masterpost!

-Set up a bee bath! This little trick can literally just be a bird bath with sugar water instead of normal water and stones! (Do not forget the stones, as the bees rest on them when drinking to prevent drowning) Honey bees can travel very far just to find nectar and water. They usually go as far as a radius of 4 miles covering 32,166 archers around their hives, but some bees have been known to go as far as 17 miles or even 30 to find what their hive needs. At 30 miles the honey bees will start to lose more ‘weight’. (-8.6 pounds of honey) Sugar water will help keep these bees healthy and happy! PSA: if you see a rather slow moving bee, give the little one some sugar water and they’ll perk right up!

-Build a bee hotel! The truth is, many species of bees are solitary - they do not live in hives but instead construct their own nest. This is because in these certain species every female is fertile and this would not make for comfortable communal living in a hive. 

-IF you get stung - Bee stings are acidic on the pH scale. If you add baking soda to them, it neutralizes the sting! #SCIENCE

-Flowers that our bumblebabies fancy: Thyme, lilac, snapdragons, goldenrod, wildflowers, sweet william, English lavender, bergamot,lilac, sage, ivy cilantro, burage, fennel, hollyhock, crocus, buttercup, snowdrop, geranium, aster, calendula, sweet asylum, poppy, zinnia, sunflower, heliotrope. Okay, bumblebees LOVE goldenrod. When goldenrod goes into full bloom, the pollination from the flowers ACTUALLY contains chemicals that make the bees drunk off their little bee butts. It’s amazing.

-Fruit trees are great too! 

I could go on and on about the bees, but this post is already a lot longer than I originally attended. 

If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask me at any time! I’m a licensed beekeeper and I love my bees very much. We need the bees, guys. If they go, they’re taking us down with them. 

Educate yourselves, educate your friends and family. 

Have an absolute wonderful day! 

Prompt by @softestisak: “write me a cake fight drabble u brat”

Ak, I don’t like you. But lucky enough, I like the prompt. HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVEN!!!! (also where is the fucking trailer?!?!?)

—————————————–

“So, you’re going to… bake a cake?”

Eskild’s voice is dubious, eyebrows raised to epic proportions and mouth set in an incredulous line.

Which, fuck him very much, because Isak is not completely helpless. And how fucking hard can baking a cake from scratch be? He has a printed set of directions in front of him, he has all of the ingredients spread out over the counter, and the oven is happily pre-heating.

What could go wrong?

“Yes,” Isak answers with a narrowed look, “I’m baking Even a birthday cake. It’s not rocket science.”

Eskild swallows and puts his hands up, like he was approaching a spooked horse or a small child, “Isak just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you automatically get Martha Stewart powers.

“Who the fuck is Martha Stewart?”

Eskild sighs, “Oh god, this is not going to end well. Are you sure we can’t call Noora in here to help you?”

“Nei,” Isak grabs the empty mixing bowl off the counter and away from Eskild, hugging it to his chest like a shield. “He’s my boyfriend and he made me promise not to by him anything, so this is what I’m doing. Jesus, you make it sound like baking is hard.”

Eskild whimpers but leaves the kitchen in peace.

———————

Okay- so as it turns out, baking is a little harder than it looks. It really wouldn’t be, but there are phrases like sift the flour and fold in the eggs.

What the actual fuck does any of that mean? And Isak is too proud to google it on his phone because he is seventeen years old and baking will not conquer him.

Also, is there really a difference in between baking soda and baking powder? And like, between regular sugar and confectioners sugar? Isak hopes not because Even will be here in two hours and Isak doesn’t have time to run back out to the store.

So he just kind of puts all the ingredients together and hope it works

———————-

It doesn’t work. It very much does not work.

And Even is laughing his ass off, arms securely around Isak’s waist as he takes another bite of the shitty Moulin Rouge inspired decorations Isak had turned into stick figures and laughs some more. “I love it,”

“You suck,” Isak groans, batting the fork away from Even’s mouth, “Stop eating it, you might poison yourself.”

“But what a way to go,” Even leans down to kiss at Isak’s pulse point, ignoring the loud boos of their friends. Isak flips them off, but Even doesn’t look ruffled at all, “Baby… you baked me a cake. You, yourself. God knows it was yourself because Noora never would have let this happen.”

Isak groans and Even’s attention is pulled away for a hot second by Sana, who’s just arrived to the apartment.

Isak glares at the failure cake. He worked fucking hard on it and now what? They’re just going to throw it out? Over his dead body is the cake he spent hours slaving away for going to be dumped into the trash.

So he cocks his head to consider, eye slanting right to note that Even isn’t wearing anything to expensive, just his favorite button up (read Isak’s button up) and a pair of jeans. 

The arms tightens around Isak’s wait again and Isak has an idea, He steps out of the embrace. Even swivels his head to look at him.

“One more surprise.” Isak gestures down to the sugar monstrosity, “Look at the cake closer.”

Even raises his eyebrows, but glances down at it, “I don’t get it.”

“Look.”

Even gets a little closer to the cake, now intent on finding whatever mystery clue Isak had hidden in the frosting. When he shifts his head down, just a little bit, Isak pounces.

He hooks a hand around the back of Even’s neck and pulls his face into the cake, waiting several seconds before releasing and stepping back.

The cheers are almost instant and Even is pulling back, wiping frosting from his eyes and laughing again, bright and happy laughter and this might just be one of the greatest cakes ever baked in the world.

“Little shit,” Even grabs a handful of the corner piece and- oh fuck no, Isak didn’t anticipate that. Even hurls the cake at him. Isak dives out of the way and-

The fucking cake splatters against Vilde. Oh my fucking god the look on her face. She screams and everyone goes silent. 

Or at least, for about fifteen seconds and then Even is grabbing another chunk of cake and hauling Isak to him by the waist and smearing the frosting down the length of his face.

By that time, everyone had gotten the idea and Isak’s perfect fucking cake was flying across the room, smearing over every surface available and every person available and Isak and Even were still half-wrestling on the floor trying to escape each other’s frosting clad hands and-

Fucking best birthday party ever.

Lance Week- Friends/Comfort

I’m combining yesterday’s and today’s prompts because I totally didn’t forget. Not at all. *smiles nervously*

Read the first part to this here.

Lance didn’t see the door of Blue’s hangar slide open.

He didn’t hear the footsteps as they approached, soft as they were.

And he barely felt the light nudging of his shoulder that ultimately ending up waking him; eyes blinking groggily as he lifted his head.

“Lance.”

His mind was slow to register the voice, much less identify who it belonged to, but as Lance rubbed the sleep from his eyes, neck stiff from the position it had been in, he realized who it was that was standing before him.

“Keith?”

And then it all came flooding back in.

“Keith, sorry,” he said hastily, ashamed he had been caught sleeping in such dire times. The last thing he wanted was for the red paladin to think he didn’t care about finding Shiro. He hadn’t meant to doze off at all in the first place, but after coming to the realization that both his families were broken, his hollowness had manifested into tears; draining him of any and all remaining energy, until he had passed out curled up on Blue’s paw.

He made to get down, but Keith stopped him by placing a hand gently on his lower calf, keeping him in place.

“No, it’s alright.” He sounds so defeated… “I was just-we were just,” he corrected, “wondering where you went.”

How long was I out for?

“Oh,” he said instead, noticing Keith had yet to move his hand. “Yeah, I just needed some time to think.”

Keith sighed heavily, staring down at the ground.

“Don’t we all.”

Lance could feel the pain in his words; knew that, of all of them, Keith knew Shiro the best, undoubtedly liked Shiro the best, and to lose him twice now was just a cruel joke.

But he’s not lost, just temporarily misplaced. We’ll find him.

But Lance couldn’t bring himself to say those words, and he doubted Keith would want to hear them anyways, having already been subjected to a multitude of reiterations of that very phrase.

Like he had said before, Keith was a man of action.

And then a thought occurred to him.

Keep reading

OK but hear me out here

What if like instead of being all stabby stabby murder Hyde was like just a minor inconvenience.

Jekyll goes to put some salt on his dinner and the cap falls off.
“DAMN YOU, HYDE!!!”

Henry Jekyll feels like he’s been walking with a limp. Hyde shaved down one shoe out of every pair.
“GOD DAMN YOU, HYDE.”

Henry opens some windows in his house to see that each has a smudge on it and desperately tries to wipe it off only to see its on the outside.
“HYDE, YOU MONSTER.”

Hyde replaces all the of Henry’s chemicals with either baking soda or vinegar. Everything is a science fair volcano-y mess. Henry weeps gently to himself.

Hyde is hardly a monster but a minor inconvenience in every respect.

doctorshufflepuff  asked:

okay i am All About the fluff, can I has father/son Moxiety cuddles? baking? painting each others' nails? just little drabbles of happy times

Imma go with baking :)

also this got crazy stupid long because i have no self control but enjoy!

Warnings: none i know of, but let me know!

Basically: Patton and Virgil, against the odds, manage to make a decent batch of brownies

It was late one rainy Tuesday afternoon that found Virgil casually sitting in the kitchen of the common mindscape. Or, more accurately, sitting cross-legged on the kitchen counter by the open window, sipping a glass of milk as he listened to the rain. He found it relaxing, the light pattering, and allowed his head to tip back against the cabinets.

He hadn’t noticed he had started to doze off until he heard the gentle thudding of cabinets, accompanied by bowls and utensils clattering. When he opened his eyes, Virgil wasn’t surprised to see Patton prepping the kitchen for…?

“What are you making, Patton?” Virgil licked his lips, feeling how dry his mouth had gotten during his “nap”. He took a sip of his milk, room temperature.

“Oh! Hey there Virgil! Did I bother you there, son?” Patton’s cheerful face popped up from under the counter where he had been digging.

“Nah, you’re good. What are you making?” Virgil repeated, sitting forward now.

Patton bounced to his feet, grinning widely. “I’m gonna make chocolate chip brownies!”

Virgil smiled. He liked brownies, when they were fresh, at least. But baking was tedious, so it rarely ever happened if Patton was in charge; the sunny trait would get sidetracked and things would get disorganized or forgotten. “Nothing better to do?”

Patton shrugged. “It’s rainy out, which is perfect weather for indoor activities! And no one has made anything in a while so I figured, why not?” Patton continued buzzing around the kitchen as he spoke, pulling out flour and cocoa and other ingredients.

“I can’t deny that. And brownies are good.” Virgil conceded.

He leaned back against the cabinets once more to watch Patton flit around the kitchen, content for the moment, before he had to jump to his feet a moment later.

Patton had stretched up on tip-toes, reaching for a baking pan someone (probably Roman) had tossed up on top of the cabinets carelessly. He had just managed to get his fingers on it when it wobbled and decided to fall. He jerked his arms back to shield his face, but the pan never hit. Instead, it hovered a foot from his head, caught by Virgil who was now standing on the counter.

“You good, Pat?” Anxiety asked, lowering himself down off the counter.

Patton nodded, lowering his arms and taking the pan from his counterpart. “Yeah, thanks, son. We were on the Verge of a real disaster there, huh sport?” He was grinning again already as he playfully elbowed Virgil, who couldn’t hold back a chuckle at the pun on his name.

Still a little shaken over the near accident and the burst of adrenaline, Anxiety busied himself with washing out his milk glass. The rain had picked up again, and he felt the tension melt off his shoulders and go down the drain with the greywater. “So, is that everything you need to get started baking?”

“Yeppers! Now we gotta just put everything together.” Patton was already wrist deep in the flour bag with the measuring cup and Virgil couldn’t keep his eyebrows from shooting up to his hairline at the mess Patton had already managed to make. He also hadn’t missed that Patton had said “we”, obviously meaning Virgil was now part of this.

And so, Virgil pushed up his sleeves and joined the fray. Mostly he wound up passing things to Patton, who measured things out according to the recipe Virgil read off to him. As they worked Patton casually snacked on chocolate chips and Virgil tidied up as they went – to clear counter space and because spills are gross. They made a surprisingly good team as they crossed items off the list; at least until they got to the sugar.

“Patton, it only says 1 ¼ cups of sugar.” Virgil held out his hand uncertainly, stopping Patton from pouring a second whole cup of sugar into the mix.

“Well, yeah sure. But that doesn’t seem like nearly enough to me! And what’s wrong with making them sweeter?” Patton tried to move around Virgil’s hand, but the nervous trait moved and grabbed him by the wrist, lightly, keeping him from adding more sugar.

Anxiety chewed his lip as Patton gave him an annoyed stare at being retrained. After a moment’s hesitation he let go, and was relieved when Patton didn’t move to pour the sugar in. “Logan always says baking is a science, and normally I don’t care about that, but we’re gonna be eating these. What if adding too much sugar makes them fall apart or burn or something? I don’t want to ruin the whole batch.”

Patton pouted for a moment before sighing. “Fine, I guess you’re right. Can we at least add extra chocolate chips then? They’re just gooey and delicious!”

Virgil smirked at him. “Yeh, I guess, if you don’t eat them all first.”

Patton ducked his head sheepishly, but still popped another chip into his mouth.

From there, things continued smoothly. They fell back into their easy rhythm. Patton was doing a good job of staying on task with Virgil’s help, and he enjoyed watching the younger Side move easily around the kitchen; the rare sight of a relaxed smile on his face as he wiped the counter for the dozenth time since they’d started warmed his heart. The small sad voice in Patton’s head wished he could see him like this more often, but he simply shook it off, asserting that Virgil didn’t represent Anxiety without reason. If he wanted Virgil to relax around him more then he would just have to make sure he didn’t need to be stressed.

Finally, the time came to put the batter in the oven, which the younger trait insisted on doing. (“The baking pan has already attacked you once, we shouldn’t give it a second chance.”)

While they waited for the brownies to bake, they elected to watch Parks and Rec, which was about the length of the bake time, in the living room. Patton wound up stretched out on the sectional, with Anxiety perched on the arm of the couch, half his attention on the kitchen, just waiting for something to catch fire or, at least, the timer to go off.

He hated waiting. As Patton laughed along to the “Treat Yo’ Self!” episode, Anxiety quietly got up, again and again, double and triple checking. Did they shut the fridge? Were there any spills he missed? Did he accidently put the oven mitt IN THE OVEN-no ok. Eventually he elected to wash the dishes and watch the TV from the kitchen where he could keep an eye on everything. He could hear the rain in the kitchen.

He was ready when the timer went off, checking the brownies were done and pulling them out. He was already cutting them by the time Patton joined him. When he looked up at his counterpart, Patton was wearing a fond smile that broke into a wide grin when he spoke. “Thanks for your help today, Verge. It was fun, wasn’t it? We should team up more! Like a father-son team!”

Virgil felt his brain stutter at the praise and he averted his gaze and cleared his throat awkwardly. “Uhm, yeah. Thank-Thanks Pat. Yeah.”

“Now how about we dig into these brownies, huh? If they taste as good as they smell they aren’t gonna last the day!”

The two wound up finishing the batch while curled up on the couch together, Virgil dozing on Morality’s shoulder as the elder carded his fingers through his hair. 

Patton still thought the brownies could’ve used more sugar.

ID #88327

Name: Alex
Age: 26
Country: NYC/USA

I’m still in school, studying biology. Trying to earn me license as a Veterinary Technician. Huge bookworm, mostly read fantasy and science fiction, but I am branching out to other genres. This year I’m going to attempt to start my own garden. Ive done it before but with a lot of guidance, but that was a long time ago, so Im doing this based off of the internet, some old books and my memory. Anyone who knows anything about this great! I’d listen avidly. I make my own kombucha (thats fermented tea), like to bake and i love to eat.
Im trying something new here. And I’ve always wondered about doing this pen pal thing. Kinda like the idea of snail mail, sending handwritten letters and some cool photos (did i mention i live in New York City?) among other things seems like a pretty neat idea. Im not opposed to email letters or whats app, granted after some chatting.
My tumblr gives a better sense of me than this. kinda. just started a new one, and its gonna take some time to actually get it where i want to.
I prefer someone near my age, could care less about the gender, i just want someone to talk to

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