baker cake

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The social media world is heavily populated by trolls — you know, those people who write nasty, mean comments online. Sometimes it can be tempting to respond back, but what if there’s a better alternative? Like sending them a cake…. with their words written on it.

New York City baker Kat Thek does just that. She’s the founder of Troll Cakes, a bakery and detective agency.

The process is simple. First, customers go to the Troll Cakes site to submit the comment and address of the troll in question. Thek will then bake a cake, write the comment on it using frosting or fondant letters, wrap it up in festive confetti, and send it to the perpetrator.

“When you open it up, [the box] looks like 100 percent good news,” Thek laughs. “And then you see a screen grab of your comment, and it says, ‘Congratulations! Your Internet comment has been made into a Troll Cake.’ ”

This Baker Makes Internet Trolls Eat Their Words — Literally

Photos: Courtesy of Troll Cakes

NANA Week - Day 4:  Cake

Fake AH Crew Finally Captured

‘The Fake AH Crew has been captured and is in police custody,’ says Sergeant Burns. They were caught when an attempted robbery failed due the train they hijacked being deliberately diverted manually by off-duty officer Miles Luna, who has since been promoted. This brings an end to the 5-year reign of the infamous….

“Alright Ramsey, that’s enough. Hand back the newspaper.” The guard steps into Geoff's cell to take away the newspaper he had asked for.

“I’ve barely started reading it,”

“You’ve seen enough.” The guard hands the newspaper to one of his fellow officers after shutting and locking the cell door. It clangs loudly, the noise irritating Geoff. The guard smirks at the grimace on Geoff’s face.

“Better get used to that sound Ramsey, you’re going to be hearing it a lot more in your future.”

“That’s what you think,” Geoff whispers to himself, as he turns away from the door, huddling closer to the wall. In his hands, he holds a pencil, knicked from the man’s shirt pocket. 

“Let me out!” Michael is unsurprisingly yelling at the two guards still standing at his cell door. The third one had to leave after the first 20 minutes when the sound grew too much and caused a migraine. The two left had long since forgotten the rules and put in earbuds, blasting any kind of music they had to drown out the Jones boy’s voice.

“Hey Bitches!! Pay attention to me. Fucking look at me. Come on, I’m BORED!” And finally one of the officers snaps.

“Shut the Fuck UP!”

“Make me.” 

The guard opened the cell door and marches in, gun in hand. He aims it at Michael’s head.

“Stop talking.”

“Shoot me.” With that, Michael grabs the guards hands, wrapping them in his own.

“Miss Patillo, if you cooperate with us, it could really reduce your prison sentence. Is it really worth throwing so much of your life away for these men?” The psychologist looks Jack in the eyes with her own tired ones. She smiles but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. They look sad. Jack’s face mimics hers.

‘They saved my life.” Jack utters it quietly, looking down at her lap before turning her face to the side, losing interest in the conversation. “Besides, I don’t know anything. I’m just the driver.” Jack leans back in her seat and refuses to make eye contact.

The psychologist leans marginally closer to Jack, and whispers. “Do they really care about you?”

Jacks eyes widen, and she glares at the psychologist. They stare at each other for an eternity, then Jack leans, reaching out and grabbing the psychologists shirt. “You don’t know.” She rips the top button off and the psychologist gasps. Jack leans back again in her chair as officers rush into the room. The button slips into her bra as she crosses her arms.

“I’m bored Lil J,” 

“Yeah, me too Gav.”

“Wanna play Patty Cake?”

“What are you, eight?”

“Got a better idea?”

“…No.”

The pair shuffles from their position of leaning against each others backs to sitting cross-legged in front of each other on the bed.

“This is dumb.”

“Just play along. Ready? Patty Cake, Patty Cake, Bakers Man.”

“Bake me a cake as fast as you can.” A guard turns and stares at the two known criminals playing with each other like children.

“What are you doing.” The guard steps closer to the cell because surely this is some devious plan, and they must be hiding something because no way would two grown men be playing pattycake of all things while locked in a cell.

“Playing. It’s boring in here.” Gavin smiles sweetly to the officer.

“Stop it.”

“Are we annoying you? Sorry, that really wasn’t the intention.’ The guard falters at the innocent smile on Gavin’s face, and the almost shy way the other hides behind him. 

“It’s okay, I guess.” The guard turns away, missing how Gavin’s smile changes, into something more devious.

“Why don’t we play a different game?” The pair stands. “Bet I can run into that wall before you can!”

“It’s on.” The pair grin at the guard as he turns to stop them.

“We’ve got you all Vagabond. Even if you escape, there’s no one left for you.”

The officers turned it into a game, to see who could rile up the vagabond more. It’s not as if there’d be any repercussions. The man’s been tied down for hours in the interrogation room. The door has been left open so everyone passing can see the infamous vagabond tied down like a dog, incapable of fighting back. 

“You’re no threat. You’re nothing. You can’t do a single thing. The vagabond who’s killed more people than slept with caught by the police, along with his entire pathetic crew.” The officer taking his turn on the Vagabond is a thin and mildly pathetic thing. The highlight of his year is this moment. Ryan thinks he’ll kill him slow.

He becomes distracted however when he sees Jack being dragged past the open door. Her head is down, her red hair covering her face. Someone hurt her. Ryan thinks he’s let the guards have enough fun; he needs to get back to his crew.

Ryan feels around behind him with his hands. The cuffs are simple. The Vagabond knows everything there is to keeping someone captive, usually for torture and over the years he’s learnt you can escape cuffs. The cuffs slip off and he catches them before they clatter to the ground. Then he stands. The wooden chair legs break when he kicks his legs apart. Cuffs hung from his ankles and one wrist.

The entire room’s mood changes in an instant. Every single officer has a weapon in their hands within seconds, pointed directly at Ryan. 

“A single step and we will shoot.”

Ryan grins and takes a step.

“Oi, Geoff, wake up.” There’s a pat on his cheek, and he opens his eyes. The rest of the crew stands around him. Jack is patting down Jeremy, ensuring he’s healed properly, while Ryan talks with Michael. Gavin is looking down at him.

“Is everyone all good?’ Geoff asks after climbing off the metal table. 

“Yeah. It’s about 8 o’clock. Caleb brought us some clothes.” At the mention of his name, Caleb came forwards carrying Geoff’s suit. Looking around, Geoff noticed he was the last awake.

“How’d everyone get out?” He asked while pulling on his pants.

“Well, Jeremy and I ran head first, full speed into the cell wall. Broke our necks. Apparently, the officer who was watching us quit an hour later. Weak stomach. Probably good he’s not a cop anymore.” Gavin was smiling at Lil J, who giggled a bit. It was a surprising sound in the quiet of the room, but it made Geoff smile none the less.

“I got the cop to shoot me in the head. Made him angry enough he came into the cell and put his gun on me, so a grabbed his hands and made him pull the trigger. Dude’s probably fired.” Michael was grinning from his perch on another of the cold metal work benches. “Not as impressive as Ryan though.”

Geoff raised an eyebrow at Ryan who grinned sheepishly. “The had me in an interrogation room, me and about 12 cops. They all shot me when I escaped the handcuffs.” Ryan sounded embarrassed but Geoff beamed at him. 

“Good job buddy. What did you do Jack?”

“Nothing amazing. I stole the psychologist’s shirt button and choked on it. Wasn’t the best way to go. They tried to give me the Heimlich.” Jack was blushing a bit. “What did you do Geoffrey?”

“Slammed my head down on the pencil I stole. Took a few tries though.”

“That sounds gross.” Gavin had wrinkled up his nose in distaste. Jack looked a little alarmed. 

“Yeah, It’s not an experience I want to repeat. Come on, let’s go let the city know we’re back. I’m sure they missed us.”

There is a truth to be found in what Jack Baker says about his son: the family are not truly killers, even his boy Lucas.

There’s an interesting type of truth to be found in the statement in regards to Lucas. That he is truly not a killer, at least not at heart. Lucas has murdered, tortured, and has proven not likely to stop such things. Even after his mind has become clear, given an immunity to Eveline’s control from a serum provided by her very creators; he continues his actions with a heightened sense of awareness ( a loose fitting word to how Lucas perceives the world after being pulled from Eveline’s influence). He takes pleasure from his actions, just as he takes disappoint in the failures of the abducted. He’s seeking for something beyond the bettering of his own inventions.

Lucas continued his abductions of individuals, continued acting as if he were under Eveline’s control to make her believe that he was still under her control; Lucas is an exceptionally smart individual, it would not have taken one in order to fool a child, genetically modified or not. Some of his actions are pretending. ( Which brings an interesting point– Lucas had never wanted to kidnap the Baker victims because it was wrong, but rather because he prefers not to physically be harming. The harm that Lucas does is usually through a third party, or object, and even physiological damage but he does not physically assault. Even when faced with potential confrontation of Ethan Winters he runs. He has never murder with his own hands, rather his inventions. It’s an interesting disconnect between the player and the game master.)  

While her control over Lucas was short, it did not leave without any lasting effects. Lucas was already mentally ill before the arrival of the tanker. Even before being officially diagnosed he murdered a child by starvation ( once again never really touching, rather a death by neglect ). In some fashion, as a child, Lucas did not understand his actions; while he had understood that he had murdered ( going so far as covering up the murder vis-a-vis the ‘bayou’ in order to remain a guiltless party ), there was the question of why Oliver had died, a very brief question, but still a question. Shortly after diagnosed, he began taking medicine, but Lucas stopped. Factor in the childhood trauma from the physical discipline of his father.

Eveline’s mold touched his mind. It unraveled everything that Lucas had been attempting to keep under lock and key so he could have a 'normal’ life. ( A normal life that he does not base too heavily on his own childhood, although the basics of a father and mother in a nice house stick. He would even argue for getting a job, one that uses his talents to the fullest, although he was never quite successful for varying reasons. He’s an asshole. ) Her 'mold’ was a key to unlocking the pieces of Lucas that were held back; the violent, the erratic, the more meticulous malicious pieces of his mind. ( There is, as well, a heavy sense of PTSD that comes after being freed from Eveline. ) It would be wrong to classify this Lucas as a true Lucas, he is a very complex and confusing person, he does being a 'sociopath inventor’.

He lacks a filter. There isn’t something to keep his invasive thoughts at bay, nothing to guide morality. There are actions, like nail pulling and teeth spitting and subjecting individuals to his ideas; these are things that he most ardently enjoys, things that a little less than kind and more than disturbed. Specifically, there’s a reason to the nail pulling/chewing/ripping, as they grow back quicker and knows that he can not really die, it’s become a way of calming himself.

Yet. Lucas has his moments. The moments where he is helpful, where he isn’t an entire asshole. Purposely leaving video tapes which Ethan ( or truly, any other victim ) can find, leaving the photographs and hidden treasure caches. Lucas Baker is an observer of the Baker family, employed by the same B.O.W manufacturers that had made Eveline; Zoe is helpful, yes, but Lucas is the only one whose not under Eveline’s control. Now, whether Lucas intentionally left the tapes is another question to be asked, another secret that Lucas will not reveal. It is, all of the helpful things he has done, another way at keeping people from assumptions. Keeping people guessing, because Lucas Baker does not like being pegged as one thing. He doesn’t want anyone to have a grasp on who he is, what he wants, and truthfully most aren’t capable of forming a solid conclusion on Lucas beyond asshole.

In a way, Lucas invites sympathy. He has this childlike quality about him, and he can be very charming. At other times ( really, most of the time ) he can be quite repellent, because he can be remorseless and erratic and hes an indirect murderer, and you’re reminded about what he did.

It’s National Black Forest Cake Day! Cake made by the lovely klassy kraves, check her out on Instagram for more amazing desserts like this @klassykraves