This week, we return to “The Clover”, a stand in for the real karaoke bar Heidi and I visit. This strip also introduces the first extra supporting character that ISN’T an actual person. Laurie here is, like the Clover, a stand in for a couple of real people but fictionalized to make storytelling (And likeness rights) easier to manage.
As for the content of the strip itself, it is largely inspired by the fact that while Hollywood is currently enamored with Trans women and our stories, they are still insistent on hiring cisgender men to play us. If I’m LUCKY, I would get Seth Rogan. Maybe that Zack Galifiwhatshisface. Their careers could probably use some award-bait in them, right? Le Sigh.
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Just stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
4. Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.
5. Remember: “Y'all” is singular. “All y'all” is plural. “All y'all’s” is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing “You ain’t from around here, are you?”
7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
8. If you hear a redneck say, “Hey, y'all, watch this!” Stay out of his way, these are likely his last words ever.
9. Get used to the phrase “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity”. And the collateral phrase “You call this hot? Wait’ll August.”
10. There are no delis. Don’t ask.
11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man’s shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.
12. Chili does NOT have beans in it.
13. Brisket is not ‘cooked’ in an oven.
14. Don’t tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
15. If you think it’s too hot, don’t worry. It’ll cool down-in December.
16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer.
17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford is.
18. If someone tells you “Don’t worry, those peppers aren’t hot” you can be certain they are.
19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won’t do it.
20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don’t ask.
21. If someone says they’re “fixin” to do something, that doesn’t mean anything’s broken.
22. Don’t even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is 'Margarita.’
23. If you don’t understand our passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.
24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.
25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called “courtesy”.
26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
27. No matter what you’ve seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.
28. “Tea” = Sweet Iced Tea. There is no other kind.
29. Everything is better with Ranch dressing.
So alright, there were a couple of cute moments, but how are you gonna make a modern day musical, with a fun and colourful opening number, no less, and make it boring?!
I cant even remember any of the songs from it. Not even a tune.
And Ryan Gosling’s character was SO unlikeable! I like him as an actor, but the character he played was a twat! I get that you need character conflict, but you can do it without making the protagonist and unlikeable ass-hat!
Not to mention is based in Jazz bars and movie lots and the staging WAS! SO! DULL! (apart from the final dreamy sequence where their lives are reimagined in a ‘what if?’ fashion, which is what the whole movie should have looked like, stylistically, but it didn’t)
Summary: La-La Land hasn’t changed my opinion of Oscar-bait movies being hugely overrated. It committed the worst crime a musical can commit, it was DULL!