Google search: how to fill the mother shaped hole I have in my chest.

What do I fill it with? I’ve tried
taking the most maternal pieces I’ve found
in my therapists and stuffing it into my chest
like toilet paper in a bra but something
always goes wrong. Blood seeps
deep into toilet paper rapidly & then becomes
more danger than gauze & I can’t help
but remove it from my heart because
the maternal parts of the therapist
didn’t belong there in the first place &
everyone knew it except for me.

Google search: how to accept the fact that I will never have the mom that I have always needed.

That no matter what I do or say,
or how much I plead with whatever power
lives up above and decides what happens
here on earth to give me a re-do or
to give me a woman here who will take on
the mother role,
I will never have the mom
I have always needed.

Google search: what is it going to take for me to move forward knowing I will never have what I need?

What has to happen for me to stop
taking a blade to the soft flesh of my wrist
every time I don’t get what I need?—
every time I look for a mom in the eyes
of the nice woman working at TGI Fridays or
the dental hygienist who cleans my teeth
& wipes a tear from my cheek while I shake
in the dentist chair & tells me
I did a good job when it’s over or
every time a person who my mind has
already labeled “fill-in mom” doesn’t
fit inside the mother shaped gaping
wound in my heart.

What has to happen in order for me
to stop searching for love inside eyes
that do not have what I need inside them?

What has to happen in order for me
to stop emptying myself out when those people
who I want to love me like a mother loves
her daughter don’t have that capacity?

Google search: tell me a good story about your own mom.

Tell me about the time when she
rubbed your back & sang a lullaby to your
sick, aching heart. Tell me about
how she made you chicken noodle soup
& stayed home from work with you
because she loved you & wanted to do
nothing more than help you
feel better.

Tell me about the time when
you fell down & scraped your knee &
you went crying to your mommy & she
grabbed a pretty baindaid & kissed
your bruise & said, “all better!”

Tell me about your first break up & how
your mom came home early that day
with ice cream & trashy movies &
held you in her arms as you cried
until you had nothing left in your heart but
the love of your mommy’s soft touch.

Google search: how to make it stop hurting so much.

I can’t go a day without feeling this
missing piece inside of me & some days
it aches less than others but on the days
when the aching has total hold of me
there is no relief. No one can do anything
to make it better; there is no word in the world
that could save me from the pain of knowing
that I will have to live the rest of my life
without the love I needed maternally.

I need to find a way to stop hurting;
a way to make the world stop turning on the days
when the pain takes control of my body
& all I can feel is the way my mom’s touch
was a bullet & she was the gun &
I need to find a way to make the noose
around my neck loosen its grip before
I suffocate inside the truth.

Google search: the truth is that I’ll never have a mom. How do I accept this? How do I move on? How do I live without that love?

Google search: the sadness is overtaking me.

One night, my mom was in a good mood & she came into my room to sing me to sleep—she never did this, it was a new thing. I was laying in bed & she was sitting on the carpet next to me, leaning her back against my nightstand when she began to sing.

“Close your eyes and I’ll kiss you,
tomorrow I’ll miss you,
remember I’ll always be true.”

I felt my eyes begin to fill up with tears, though I wasn’t sure why & feelings were never safe so I hid it & pretended I was fine.

“And then while I’m away,
I’ll write home everyday,
and I’ll send all my lovin’
to you.”

I could not control it, I let out a loud sob & said,
“Please don’t leave me mommy! I promise I’ll be good, I’ll do anything!” & my mom grabbed my hand & said, “don’t worry, Baby, I’ll never leave.” & when she left my room that night I laid in bed & cried & cried & didn’t know why.

Google search: why do the good memories hurt more than the bad ones?

Why am I still crying at that song
by the Beatles & the memory of my mom
grabbing my hand & assuring me
she would never leave when
I’m now an adult & can see
all the awful things that my mom did to me?

Google search: how to stop wanting a mommy like the version of my mommy who randomly sang to me.

—  GOOGLE SEARCH: MOMMY, (han hyland)
Dad!Connor x Reader fluff headcannons

Hi guys this is my first request and I love getting them so send more in if you want! ————————————————

 -You would have a little girl that Connor would be SO protective of

 -her nursery would be really yellow which you had to talk Connor into doing because the guy doesn’t exactly love bright colors 

-during the labor Connor would have been freaking out more than you 


 -he would go with them when they do the check up on her cause he’s already like “no way is anyone gonna hurt my baby" 

 -he would see this duck stuffed animal on the way back to the room and he gets it because it reminds him of the nursery

 -the baby really helps him open up even more than you did. It makes him more protective but more caring than usual

 -she cries in the middle of the night ALL THE TIME. But like what baby doesn't 

-"I’ll get her” “no Y/N you got her last time go back to sleep”

 -you walk in and Connor is bottle feeding her while singing ba ba black sheep and you’ve never seen your daughter more content

 -Connor reads to her every night before bed. Her favorite is Mrs spiders sunny patch kids books 

-on her first day of kindergarten Connor did her hair in these little pigtails and she was so adorable. 

 -one day after Connor tried to teach her to ride a bike she got a really bad skinned knee and Connor freaked out “oh my goodness! That’s it no more bike without training wheels” and he smiled and picked her up to get her a baindaid and you went out for ice cream to make her feel better  

-you wouldn’t rather have anyone else be the father of your child

hey there i’d like you to imagine, for a moment,,, now jsut imagine for am  in,,, 

someone (loki) puts a curse on tony two weeks before crhistmas,, and the nerd has just read A Christmas Carol so of course it’s ghosts ahahahaahahaaah a

And it starts out with Tony’s mom and it’s okay because he cries every time he sees her but it’s cuz he misses her and he avoids the rest of the team but they endersand and then he emergest on day and its not just her following him around but his dad too and then slowly his mom fades and his dad grows stronger and every time they see him he’s hissing in tony’s ear until one day tony’s walking through th eliving room and his dad just shoves him to the floor and starts kicking him and tony just Takes It and they dnt understand and rush to hel p him only wait theres a new figure there now

it’s Ty and hes Grinning and 

okay but just imagine sorry for the misspellings ive got a bunch of baindaids on my fingers and its like 11 pm i should be writing a paper im not

I’m not going to lie to you guys: it gets pretty sickfic-hurt/comfort pwp from here on out (minus the sex part). You’ve been warned.


When Nico woke up again it was because he was freezing. He shivered under Will’s embrace, wrapping his own arms around his shoulders in an attempt to keep warm. It didn’t seem to help much, so very slowly, Nico extracted himself from Will, noting how sluggish and exhausted he still felt. Overseas jet lag was the worst, he decided.

He went to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face, frowning at the pale, haggard expression that greeted him in the mirror. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days, and the way his body dragged, he almost believed it.

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Okay so I wanted to make some head cannons of the bros along with a ref sheet so i remember how I draw them all

These are just a few of the headcanons I have for them all and if you guys like them thats fine I don’t expect anyone else to abide by these since it’s just personal thoughts! If you guys have any of your own please tell me! I’d love to read of some more!

Written Head Canons listed below~

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winndigo-deactivated20170718  asked:

THIS IS SO CUTE!!! ok how bout the tmi crew's little ways of taking care of each other and doing each other favors


Clary: I feel like Clary has like bandaids on her at all times. Like basic medical necessities. But it’s not like a whole “i always come prepared” thing, she just always happens to have stuff in her purse. She’s that one friend that’s like “oh yeah i have a fucking box of baindaids in my bag nbd”. I also feel like she’s that really chill friend who has no problem with getting people water and stuff. Like they’d all be hanging out and she’d get up to get some food, and Jace and Simon and the others would all be like “oh can you get me some chips and water etc” and she’d be like “dude yes i will definitely do that”

Jace: Jace would always have a way to comfort everyone. Like it’s not just that he’s an empathetic person, he’d just know everyone’s specific way to be comforted. Does that make sense? Like, he’d know that Clary likes logic, Alec needs space, Simon needs emotion, etc. It would be really refreshing. He’d always know how to comfort you.

Isabelle: SHE IS THAT FRIEND WHO ALWAYS HAS GUM. Like oh my god. It makes so much sense. Like she’ll always have gum at all times ALWAYS. Also she’d always have a comb on hand and a hair tie. I also feel like Isabelle is really honest with her money like if someone asked if she had fifty cents she’d ACTUALLY TELL THEM YES (i don’t). What a kind soul

Alec: I feel like he’d always have a way to cheer the others up. Like he’s not exactly the “comic relief” of the gang, by any means, but he’s sassy enough that he could make a casual comment and it would get everyone to smile, even in the darkest situation. This also works if someone is upset about someone else, he could easily trash talk whoever hurt his friend and make them feel better.

Simon: Simon would always know if you’re not okay, somehow. Like, even if you’re not obvious about it. For example, Jace is always sorta grumpy and snarky but if one day he changed even the slightest bit, Simon would notice and approach him like “is something wrong today?” LIKE SOMEHOW HE JUST KNOWS. it’d be really refreshing for the others.

Magnus: Well, with his magic, he could do little things to help everyone out. I don’t really know how extensive his magical powers are, but if, say, he could move things, he’d like levitate Alec’s phone to him if it were across the room 😂 or like he’d bring Clary’s milk to her (because Clary drinks milk) (just like me) like little things like that. Also, he’d be a really good comforter.

Sebastian: aww baby doesn’t really do too many favors. I think he’d do subtle things, like pay for their lunch or other items. He wouldn’t do it in a super showy way, either, he’d just sort of “nah, i’ll handle it”. it’s actually really sweet when you think about it.