Best Friends Are The Best

Request: A one where Evans your bestf and you like him, but you cant tell him it cause you’re in a relationship and your bf is abusive so you’re afraid to dump him but your bf finds it out and gets super mad and beats you to the hospital where Evans there comforting you and then he admits that he loves you and then some fluff at the end. Sorry if you don’t understand ill try to make it more clear then. :P

 A/N: So sorry about the lack of posting. I know I always say that I’m back and then I never am, but I swear I’m trying my hardest. This year has been pretty hard school wise, so please forgive me!! Anyways, hope you guys enjoy!! And please don’t be afraid to leave suggestions because I love hearing from you guys!!!


Evan had been in the Bahamans for a little vacation for himself. He had been there for about two weeks and you had been texting back and forth and he seemed like he was having an awesome time, but he would love it so much more if his best friend, you, was there. Because both of you missed each other so much, you decided to throw him a little ‘Coming Home’ party, even though it was only you going to be there.

Just as you were starting to somewhat panic, your thoughts were cut short to hear someone unlocking the door. Obviously, it was Evan so you hid making sure none of you was visible.

You heard the door open as the light from outside illuminated the room. He put his things down and on the table next to his door and turned the lights on, only to be scared half to death by you, popping up and yelling, “Surprise!”

He screamed and jumped backwards, his head colliding with the door. “Jesus,” he moaned. You instantly went to his side and helped him onto the couch.

“Oh my God, Evan, I’m so sorry, are you all right?” you asked feeling his forehead and the back of his head, checking for anything that seemed bad.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Evan, said standing up. “Just got a little scared is all.” You tried containing your giggles, but failed miserably as you let a couple slip.

“Evan, you were scared shitless,” you laughed out loud. He smiled and softly told you to shut up, only making you laugh harder.

“Anyways, welcome home,” you said getting up from the couch and leading him in to the kitchen where you had a large cake on the table for him. His eyes widened and you knew that he would probably eat the whole thing in two seconds.

Just as you were about to grab a knife and cut the first slice when you felt your phone buzz in your back pocket. It was your boyfriend, (Y/BF/N). You made sure that Evan couldn’t see what the text had said because he sends some iffy stuff sometimes. But you read it anyways.

“Hey girl, you better gets home right now. And I better not hear that you’re with that Evan kid.”

You immediately put your phone back in your pocket and turned to Evan.

“Hey, sorry to cut this short, but I really need to go,” you said kissing him on the cheek.

“But wait you just got here, don’t you want some of the cake?” he asked watching you as you left the room.

“Yeah, save me a slice, I might come back later,” you said as you opened the door to leave. You saw the saddened look in his eyes but you really needed to get home to (Y/BF/N) because there was no telling what he was going to do. And the later you were, the worse the punishment would be.

You ran to your car and stepped on the gas pedal trying to get home as fast as possible.

When you arrived, you had to take a couple deep breaths and collect yourself before walking in to the house. You walked slowly up the walkway hoping to make the trip to the door a little longer so you could delay the beating just a little bit more. Any time was good.

You jiggled your keys in the keyhole on the door, hoping that it wouldn’t work, but it did. You opened the door to the messy apartment and you took a deep breath in attempt to try and calm your nerves.

“(Y/N)!” you heard (Y/BF/N) call through the apartment. You closed your eyes and yelled back, getting his attention so he would know where you were. He loudly marched into the same room as you, showing that he was a drunken mess.

“Where have you been? When I woke up you weren’t here,” he stated through gritted teeth.

“I was out,” you simply stated, trying to sound casual and not suspicious.

“Out where?” Of course he asked. Sometimes he’ll ask where specially you were and most of the times he asked when you weren’t doing anything suspicious at all, like out shopping or at the grocery store. You never wanted to lie to (Y/BF/N) because you knew if he found out that he would make everything worse.

“At a friends house,” you said, standing your ground.

“Which friend?” (Y/BF/N) asked getting angrier as you went on. You desperately tried to think of some names of friends that you knew would cover for you.

“Jamie.” (Y/BF/N) peeled his eyes, seeing if you would budge and tell the truth, but you stuck to what you said because you knew she would cover for you.

“Alright, next time, stay in bed. I wasn’t finished what we started last night,” he said turning around to go back to bed. You let out a sigh of relief knowing that it was going to be ok, for today at least.


The next day you woke up in your bed, the familiar sound of (Y/BF/N) snoring putting you on edge immediately. You thought that by now you would be used to everything and everything would be ok. But you were so wrong. Every day since you moved in to (Y/BF/N)’s apartment, except for yesterday really, has been a living hell. He would beat you continually the entire god damn day. You never told Evan and always wore clothes that would cover the bruises. He never suspected a thing because (Y/BF/N) was usually good in front of other people, hugging and kissing you and being so nice. You wished he was like that all the time but those little moments in public were what made the whole relationship worth it, you told yourself. Really, nothing was worth it, you were just afraid he would murder you if you broke up with him or tried to run away, literally murder you.

You slowly and carefully sat up and went into the kitchen to make yourself a little breakfast. You grab a box of cereal off a high shelf and pour it into a bowl. You get the milk from the fridge and pour it into the bowl of cereal.

“Hey!” (Y/BF/N) yelled, causing you to spill the milk all over the floor. You quickly ran to get some paper towels to clean up the mess you had made.

“No, leave it you bitch,” (Y/BF/N) spat. You froze in your steps knowing that something bad was about to happen. He grabbed you by the neckline on your frail tee shirt. You closed your eyes tightly not knowing what he was going to do next. He came very close to your face and said, “What the fuck is this?” He brought your phone to your face, almost smacking you with it. You slowly grabbed it from his hands and read carefully what was on the screen. It was messages that you and Evan had been sending back and forth. They were from when he was away on the Bahamas.

The texts read, “Evan, when are you coming home, I miss you :(“

“Soon baby, be patient. God I wish you were here.”

“Me too, but I go to go, I love you and I’ll see you when you get home :)”

“Love you too.”

As much as you did love Evan, they weren’t really meant to be true. You just said because of how close you were and how much you cared for each other, it wasn’t meant to be a confession of love for him. But obviously (Y/BF/N) thought otherwise.

“It’s nothing, it doesn’t mean anything I swear!” you exclaimed trying to calm (Y/BF/N) down.

“I can’t believe you would fucking cheat on me, with that douche!”

“Don’t call him that, he’s my best friend and you can’t control me (Y/BF/N)!”

“Oh yes I can,” he said before you felt a stinging feeling on your cheek. It took you a second to realize that he had just slapped you, hard, in the face.

The next thing you knew you were lying on the ground in the milk that had been spilled earlier with a pounding headache forming. You felt him over top of you as you opened your eyes. The next thing was you felt was a pain in your lower abdomen, where he had been kicking multiple times. You had been used to some punches here and there, but what was happening right now was straight out abuse. You couldn’t fight back because you couldn’t move or feel any part of your body so you just lay there, lifeless on the floor taking every hit that he swung at you.


You woke up in an unfamiliar room and a pounding headache. You blinked multiple times in attempt to get your eyes used to the bright new surroundings. As you looked around, you heard a small noise that felt like it was in the back of your head. As everything cleared up, you realized that it was Evan, snoring by your side. You took another good look around and realized that you were in a hospital bed.

You shook Evan awake with all of your might, which didn’t seem like much because it involved a lot of shaking to get him to wake up. But when he finally did, he was up with a jolt.

His eyes started to get that glassy look to it as he bear hugged you. You hugged him back weakly because you barely had any feeling what so ever in your body.

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry, I should’ve known what he was doing to you. I should’ve been able to tell but I was so stupid. So, so stupid,” Evan began to cry. You held him closer because you knew it wasn’t his fault, he was just blaming it on himself for no reason.

“No, no it’s not your fault, Ev.”

“(Y/M), you were almost beaten to death by that son of a bitch, I could’ve prevented it, I could’ve done something, but I was so stupid,” he cried, letting all of the tears that he has kept in for so long flow out onto his fragile face.

“Evan, listen to me, none of this is your fault, and I thought he loved me, I wanted to give him another chance. It’s my fault. Stop blaming yourself, baby, please,” you cooed in his ear.

“Shit, (Y/N), I should be comforting you, you shouldn’t have to sit and watch me cry. You literally almost died.”

“What happened exactly, I kind of blacked out in the middle of it all?” you asked.

“I came by your apartment because you hadn’t been answering my texts or calls, and you never miss any of my texts, so I got really worried. I came in and you were on the grown in a pool of your own blood. He was kicking you and he didn’t even notice me walk in. I called 911 and the police came and arrested (Y/BF/N), and I rode in the ambulance here with you.”

“Shit, I almost died,” you laughed. Evan laughed along, happy that you could still keep a positive outlook even though things were so bleak.

“I love you so much,” Evan said under his breath, probably intending for you not to hear.

“I love you too, Ev,” you responded. He looked up, fear in his eyes because he didn’t want you to hear him say it. You smiled and giggled at his shock.

“I love you, Evan,” you stated again.

“You don’t understand, (Y/N), I don’t love you as a best friend.”

“No, I understand, I love you, Evan,” you said again, slower to prove your point. Evan just smiled like a goof ball and hugged you so tightly you thought your bones might fall apart and you would explode.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to let you know,” he whispered in your ear.

“Me too,” you said kissing his cheek.

The Longest Joke Ever Written

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and two Africans walk into a fine restaurant.

After scrutinising the group, the waiter says:

“I’m sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai”

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a Dane, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Slovak, an Australian, an Egyptian, a New Zealander, a Japanese, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Uzbek, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Israeli, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Liechtensteiner, a Moldovan, a Syrian, an Aruban, a Mongolian, a Portuguese, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Cook Islander, a Norfolk Islander, a Haitian, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Tajikistani, an Armenian, an Albanian, a Samoan, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Belarusian, a Qatari, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Cuban, an Azerbaijani ,a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and two Africans walk into a fine restaurant. ”I’m sorry,” says the maître d’, “but you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

- Clare Suttie, Atlas Translations