badlands*

We’re lying in the sun, getting pleasantly sloshed, when Halsey confesses that she’s read a story I wrote for Rolling Stone in April, about Planned Parenthood and a miscarriage I had. “I felt like I was suffocating reading that article,” she says. “Like someone put a shopping bag over my head. I didn’t want to meet you at all. I was really terrified of you, because I knew as soon as I saw you, I was going to need to tell you that last year on tour I got pregnant.” Then, at a breathless pace, she’s describing being in a hotel room in Chicago before Badlands even came out, back when her whole career could have easily been ruined (“What happens? Do I lose my record deal? Do I lose everything? Or do I keep [the pregnancy]? What are the fans going to think? What are the moms going to think? What is the Midwest going to think? What’s fucking everyone going to think?”), and before she can even decide what to do, she’s screaming on a hotel bed, bloody, naked from the waist down, hours before she’s to go onstage. “I’m like, ‘I have to cancel this show!’ And everyone’s kind of like, 'Well, it’s Vevo LIFT, and it’s 3 million impressions, so …’ No one knew what to do.” Eventually, Halsey sent her assistant to the drugstore to buy adult diapers. She put one on, took two Percocet and went to the venue to do her job. “It’s the angriest performance that I’ve ever done in my life,” she says, her voice breaking. “That was the moment of my life where I thought to myself, 'I don’t feel like a fucking human being anymore.’ This thing, this music, Halsey, whatever it is that I’m doing, took precedence and priority over every decision that I made regarding this entire situation from the moment I found out until the moment it went wrong. I walked offstage and went into the parking lot and just started throwing up.”

Halsey says she isn’t sure why she had a miscarriage, but it’s easy for her to blame herself. “I beat myself up for it,” she tells me, “because I think that the reason it happened is just the lifestyle I was living. I wasn’t drinking. I wasn’t doing drugs. I was fucking overworked – in the hospital every couple of weeks because I was dehydrated, needing bags of IVs brought to my greenroom. I was anemic, I was fainting. My body just broke the fuck down.” The part that bothers her most is that, as insane as it was to play that concert, no one forced her to do it. “I had a choice,” she says, though she did the thing that made her feel like she didn’t. She looks off toward the fields where children play in the distance. “I want to be a mom more than I want to be a pop star. More than I want to be anything in the world.” Later, she says, “I’m really scared of being alone.” We sit on the blanket, clutching our drinks. “I’m not trying to upset you,” she says softly. “I’m really sorry.”
- Rolling Stone Magazine

ok no offense but what has halsey done to deserve all the hate she gets. literally what. in what world is it ok to tell someone that their miscarriage was only for attention, or to make themselves seem “””””more interesting?!””””” Halsey got on stage for that Vevo lift performance in fucking adult diapers as she bled out what was supposed to be her child, because she was told it was too big a performance for her to cancel. She was angry and hurt but she did it. She did it for her fans. Halsey is someone who has continually sacrificed everything for her fans, and yet there’s still this unshakable “trend” of people disrespecting her. (to put it mildly!!!) I’m not saying you have to be a fan of her, her music, or even her morals, but what I am saying is that you should have the fucking human decency to respect that she suffered a profound loss. This is not an opportunity for you to call her “attention seeking” or “too tumblr” or whatever the fuck else you think is wrong with her. This is the time for you to shut the fuck up and realize that there are things bigger and more important in life than obsessing over the humiliation of a person who is just trying to heal from the unthinkable. Stop. Being. A. Bully. 

Was it so wrong to seize a little bit of happiness in the midst of all this pain and death, when the opportunity presented itself? Were they wrong for wanting to do so, wanting to take a day to pretend that everything was right with the world?

We’re not, Clarke decided, biting her lip fiercely against tears of guilt and determination. We need this. We deserve it, after all that we’ve been through, all that we’ve had to do… Memories of charred bodies, twisted and burned beyond recognition, rose to the surface of her mind, choking her. No, she thought angrily, forcing them back and swallowing down the bile that was searing at the back of her throat. One day. Just one day, without all this. One day to pretend like we don’t have a war to fight, one that’ll put us on opposite sides… One day to pretend that we’re not Heda and Wanheda, just Lexa and Clarke, just two normal girls in love…


Yep, there is indeed another chapter of Young Gods!  This is the beginning of a calm before we head back into the storm, and has *gasp* all sorts of fluffy goodness! Let me know what you think, and head over to @green78 to let her know just how awesome her cover art is!