Considering the fact that she was his only source of emotional, psychological, and moral support, he’d be
completely shattered. He’d find reasons to accuse everything and everyone of
letting her die. Nevertheless, the person he’d never forgive was himself—his own
powerlessness caused her demise. Without her, he wouldn’t be able to function
properly anymore. Anything that wasn’t her was just an eyesore to him. Any
semblance of goodness in him would forever be gone, along with her memory.
He found all of it ironic, actually. There was someone who once
cursed him, long ago, telling him that there would be something he could never have, despite having everything. That
person went on to say that he’d be miserable because of that something. One
day, he’d lose everything because of that something.
Back then, he only laughed, asking if such a thing existed. After all, was
there anything he couldn’t possess?
Clearly, he was a fool to
challenge fate, even if he didn’t believe in such things.
Why did she have to
die, of all people? There were so many people better off dead in this world,
and yet someone as good as her, as faultless
as her, was now gone. His mind was torn between accepting the cruel reality of
her death, and trying to bring her back to him somehow, regardless of what
common sense told him. Hell, if he could sell his soul to the devil, he would gladly give up more than just his soul
to bring her back.
He would willingly and literally
go to hell just for her to come back.
If only she were a little more
selfish. Even as she lay dying, she apologized
to him for not being strong enough for him, when in reality he was the one who wasn’t strong enough
to protect her. He absolutely hated himself for breaking his promise to her,
and everything he lived for was gone. For the first time in his life, he had a
reason to try and stay alive, despite his job. He’d try to come home every
night in one piece for the both of them, for her—but all of that was gone now.
There wasn’t any point in trying any longer.
In his mind, he didn’t just fail her; he failed everything he
once believed in. He always thought he had the power to keep her safe from any conceivable
threat. He didn’t realize, however, that his misplaced self-assurance would
cost him her life. Where was all the confidence he had back then, when he swore
to shield her from the dangers of the world? He really was a failure, in all
sense of the word.
Nothing could faze him anymore. His
moral compass was now gone, so staining his hands with blood wouldn’t be a problem
for him at all. If he ever got caught by the cops, or ratted out by one of his
subordinates, he wouldn’t care. Whether he rot in jail for life, or get shot in
the back by a trusted companion, it didn’t matter to him so long as he wouldn’t
have to live in a life without her.
Dying didn’t scare him anymore,
not after knowing a pain much worse
For the most part, he’d try to convince
himself that everything was for the best. Her death meant freedom from all the
pain in the world, and surely, she was happier in heaven, right? On the other hand, seeing the cold, empty side of his bed
every night told him a different story. He had to wrap his head around the fact
that she wouldn’t be there for him anymore. He’d be eating breakfast, going
out, and sleeping all alone, and that
killed him inside.
At the very least, he would
attempt to act like things were perfectly normal. He didn’t want to burden
anyone else with his pain, after all. His jokes were a notch louder, and his
antics were wilder than usual, but he wasn’t fooling anybody. Trying to
maintain his cheery façade only broke him inside even further. Every time he
smiled, he’d lose a bit of himself in the process.
Nevertheless, he was desperate
to keep his mask on. Everyone could see that there was something obviously wrong
with him, but no one dared to question Baba about it; he was already broken
enough beyond repair. He’d spend so much energy pretending to be normal that nothing would be left—only a void of his
former self. In his emptiness, he’d eventually become the mask, his projected stability contrasting his inner
His self-imposed masquerade only
drove him into nothingness.
Everything was ugly to him now. The moment he knew she’d
never open her eyes again, his world lost any trace of beauty it once had. He’d
snap just trying to hold a conversation with someone because anyone who wasn’t
her looked horribly distorted to him. It was difficult for him to eat anything
at all, since food now tasted disgusting to him. Sleeping only gave him
nightmares, so he’d force himself to stay awake just to avoid those dreams.
Sometimes, he’d fantasize about her to forget his grief. Every
time he came home, she would be welcoming him home with a smile, only to
disappear into Ota’s delusions whenever he tried to touch her. He knew he was
going insane, but honestly, the only thing that made sense to him at the moment
was her fleeting apparition. He probably should’ve seen a specialist by now,
but God forbid anyone try to
interfere with the only thing he had left of her—his hallucinations.
Eventually, he’d become lucid after seeing her vanish in his
arms for the hundredth time. The reality of her death would come back to him in
full force, and he’d break down at the loss of his muse. He couldn’t stand the
wretchedness his world had become without her. Accepting this unfair truth was
something he could never do. Soon enough, he realized there was one way to end his misery.
All he had to do was follow her to where she was, and he
would be happy again.
Nothing seemed to register in him when he found out about her
passing. Even at her funeral, he only seemed bored, looking at her corpse like
it was just another dead body he found at some crime scene. His numbness stunned
and angered everyone. They all carelessly thought he couldn’t feel anything,
but none of them ever witnessed Mamoru breaking down the morning after. He was eating
breakfast like usual when he asked her to pass the salt. No one replied, and
that was when it finally kicked in that she
His already disordered life only
got worse from there on. He wouldn’t show up to work at all, only choosing to
stay home and immerse himself in memories of her. His lack of motivation spiraled
downward, and even basic actions became a chore to him. He’d forget to eat,
bathe, sleep, or even get out of bed. The only thing he’d do all day was stare
at the ceiling blankly. He hoped by some impossible miracle that she’d suddenly
appear to slap some sense into him, and put him out of this pathetic state, like
she always did back then.
He could hear people knocking at
his apartment door every day. Some were worried about him, some were angry at
him, but honestly, Mamoru didn’t give two shits. Trying to put his life back
together was too much of a hassle; it hurt too much to pick up the pieces, so
he was better off broken. Even waking up every morning was a pain. If he could,
he’d gratefully sleep forever, and never wake up again.
After all, the only place he
could ever see her was his dreams.
I didn’t realize it would get this
dark. I honestly think that none of them would be able to move on if she died.
Nothing positive would come out of her death. Aw man, now I wanna give them all
slytherin halloween aesthetic monster by kanye west
These snakes throw the biggest, baddest parties. Show up to a Slytherin’s Halloween party if you want a crazy night that you’ll never forget. The costumes are spotless, the music is loud and the decorations are a little too realistic…
I kind of hate when interviewers and media in general try to make it seem like Pentatonix ONLY did covers. and that none of their EP’s had original music on them. When in actuality Pentatonix has been creating originals since PTX Vol.1! So I chose to make a list of all of their originals before their self-titled album!
This is a dream to see a thicker lady come into the WWE.. This is a woman.. A wrestler.. And she is the most stunning lady I have ever seen on TV… It doesn’t matter who she related to.. She gonna dominate NXT… And when she goes on the main roster I’m gonna wear her shirts.. She would be the first diva I ever do that for… If karma wasn’t in TNA… Oh my god they would be the baddest duo ever!!! Show those Divas what wrestling really is.. I talk too much but for me a big girl seeing a thick girl in wwe makes me so happy.. Gives us thick girls someone to look up to.. She will do great and she already has a fan with me!! 😄