Forcing open tired eyes, Deeks casts a quick glance at the tv screen, the countdown prominently outlined in the top corner. "Yeah,” he says, his voice low, gravelly. “Seems like yesterday it was just January…”
Kensi shifts slightly, her body snug in the space between her partner’s body and the back of the couch. A warm blanket covers their naked bodies, muscles deliciously tired after a lazy day of movie watching and lovemaking. Her palm on his chest just above his heart, Kensi tucks her head in the crook of Deeks’ neck, her eyes closing as she breathes him in. “Crazy year…”
Crazy doesn’t quite do it justice, Deeks thinks. It was a year that saw him race to the other side of the world to save the woman in his arms; it was a year that saw him nearly lose his mind, driven to the brink with fear and grief and anger over a single photo sent to his phone - the photo that had portrayed his partner as dead. It was the year he’d realized just how far he would go for this woman, and just how far he would go again if she ever needed it.
It was a year that saw their partnership blossom fully into the blurred lines, the in-between, before emerging out on the other side, the side where friends became lovers, where partners became soulmates. It was a year that saw her take a chance with him, on them.
It was a year that started off delving into the deepest despair he’s ever felt, but a year that had ended with his heart the lightest it’s ever been. “Seductive highs and destructive lows…”
Kensi snorts softly. “I’m pretty sure you just quoted a country song there,” she replies, the tail of her statement gathered up cozily within a yawn.
The corners of Deeks’ lips quirk. “You’ll never prove it."
A knowing smile touches Kensi’s lips. "Would you be embarrassed by it if I did?"
Deeks doesn’t even hesitate. "Probably."
Kensi stretches luxuriously against him, sighing softly. "You’re lucky I’m too comfortable to reach for my phone and google it…”
Deeks chuckles. “I think I’m just lucky, period,” he remarks, gently threading his fingers through dark, tousled locks.
“Well that was just a little bit sappy,” Kensi teases, but there’s no denying what his words do to her heart. It remains a mystery to her just how this man managed to break through everything that makes her Badass Blye, how he managed to find that secret, hidden, lacy side of her - the side of her that wants to cuddle beneath the sheets instead of getting to the gym early in the morning; the side of her that wants the slow burn rather than fast and furious (though oh dear God how good fast and furious can be with him…)
Deeks just smirks at her comment - he happens to know she likes things overly sugary.
It’s a good forty minutes before the sleepy silence is broken again, and when it is, Kensi’s quiet voice drifts to Deeks’ ears almost as if though from miles away. “So are we making any resolutions for this year?"
"It’s New Year’s,” Deeks says, his voice slurring a bit with the heaviness of sleep. “Everyone makes a resolution or two. Even if they already know they’re gonna break it…”
She knows immediately he’s referring to her failed efforts in previous years to give up processed sugar. It’s the same one she makes every year, and the same one she fails to keep less than a week into the new year. “I haven’t really given it any thought this year,” she says finally, shrugging.
“That’s okay,” Deeks murmurs. “We’ve still got an hour or so before you have to commit."
Kensi hums softly. "What’s yours, then?"
He may be drifting right along the boundary between sleep and waking, but the words he whispers come with a certainty that can only come from the depths of his heart. "Fall more in love with you every day…”
Kensi closes her eyes, her cheeks tinting as his whispered words settle into her. Sometimes, she wishes he wouldn’t say things quite so bluntly - she’s come a long way, but there’s no denying that such declarations still frighten her.
It frightens her, she thinks, because of how deeply she wants it.
She lets out a quavering breath as she attempts to settle the butterflies in her belly. “I don’t know if that really counts as a real resolution,” she says, tracing her fingertips along his chest.
Deeks just shrugs. “Maybe not, but it’s the only one I’m a hundred percent sure I’ll keep."
Around an hour later, as their first lazy kisses of the new year slowly ignite into the slow burn of intimacy, Kensi thinks that his resolution might be one they share.
It probably hit her harder than it should have, breath catching in her throat, eyes nearly watering as she cursed herself internally for falling prey to such emotions; Badass Blye with tears in her eyes at the sight of a diamond ring, the man she loved on one knee before her, lips forming a question that utterly terrified her, mind filled with self loathing over the fear she still felt, the memory of the last ring she wore, just how confident she was that she was done, she’d found the one she was meant to have, spend the remainder of her life with, until Christmas morning and his side of the mattress, cold, occurred, leaving her with scars that built a thousand seemingly impenetrable walls around her heart, protecting her from anything, everything that could break it again.
And maybe that was okay, losing everything to gain everything; everything she never thought she needed, wanted, until him, until Marty Deeks blew into her, destroying preset walls until she made the choice to let him inside of them, and maybe that was all he wanted, maybe that was all she needed, all she knew she needed when she saw him now, one knee on the sand before her, hope and nerves so obvious in his blue eyes, clear as the ocean before her.
More than a year spent with him, learning the nuances of his heart, flaws, forgiving him for the lies that could have so easily snapped them apart, but then, they were worth some pain, heartbreak that solidified them, became nothing but cracks they overcame; months in their home, overtaking it with her things and claiming her space beside him; partners, in everything.
And now, now with him on one knee, her tongue pushing out an acknowledgement to his question while her brain froze, trapping her in the moment until he rose, arms sliding around her so naturally, head tucking itself in the crook of her neck with a murmur of “I love you” that quickly became nothing but an incoherent mumble, muffled by her neck and his inability to tear his lips from her skin.
“Aren’t you supposed to give me the ring?”
“Aren’t you supposed to say yes before the entire ocean soaks through my jeans,” he smirked, lips pressing fully to her throat once more, shiver chasing through her body with the motion; the realization of what this meant, bliss pushing down any lingering fear that attempted to make a home inside her heart.