Okay, hear me out.

An action film where Chris Pine and Sebastian Stan play partners, and Sebastian is in love with Chris but thinks Chris is into their handler, Zoe Saldana.

Chris gets kidnapped/captured and when Sebastian finds out he does that teary-eyed, barely-holding-it-together thing. He goes against orders and - with Zoe’s help covering for him at the agency - tears the world apart to get Chris back, while Chris fights his way out from the inside.

They meet in the middle and everything’s great for like ninety seconds until - PLOT TWIST - it was all a trap to capture Sebastian because he has information they need and the bad guys know he’s in love with Chris. Chris had no idea! Sebastian cries some more.

Of course they escape and destroy the bad guys and save the world and get medals or something, and then Sebastian is like, ‘Look, about the whole in love with you thing, I don’t expect -’ and then Chris just

Kisses Sebastian.

Right there. In the parking lot of their agency headquarters.

Sebastian cries because he’s so happy, and they make out a little more and then walk to their car holding hands, the first openly gay action heroes in a major summer blockbuster THE END

Bad Sequels/Spinoffs

Hogwarts: First Class

Twilight: Hawaiian Style

Parody Movie

The Notebook 2: Duly Noted

The Somali Pirates of the Carribean: Shit! Navy SEALs!

The next two are brought to you by Pixar, obviously:

The Fast and the Furry-ous

Gnomeo Must Die


a POST-FELINA mix [ listen ] [ read ]

the forked road - foals // who did that to you - john legend // travelling song - passenger feat. gabrielle huber & cameron potts // all your gold - bat for lashes // roads - portishead // marble house - the knife // female robbery - the neighbourhood // about her - malcolm mclaren // talk show host - radiohead // panoramic - atticus ross // run - daughter // i know places - lykke li // bullet boy - massive attack // toxic - melanie martinez // bad intentions - niykee heaton // bend in the road - calexico // bad blood [piano album version] - bastille // keep the streets empty for me - fever ray // hurt, slowly [conscious entity instrumental version] - nine inch nails // line of fire - junip // disarm - smashing pumpkins // mr. gaunt pt 1000 - soap&skin // btsk - ms mr // the trip - still corners // running to the sea - röyksopp feat. susanne sundfør // stay gold [acoustic version] - first aid kit // over the rainbow / what a wonderful world - israel kamakawiwo’ole