Jack O'Brien, Cracked’s founder and Editor-in-Chief and possible co-conspirator in the Nancy Kerrigan / Tonya Harding thing in the ‘90s that I don’t totally understand called me into his office, and I obliged like I sometimes do.
“You, Katie Willert, Soren Bowie, Michael Swaim, and Cody Johnston will be in Chicago 4/21-4/23 for a pop culture and comic convention. You will be doing a live After Hours panel wherein you will workshop a future episode in real time, and then you’ll read an episode that hasn’t yet been seen, and then you’ll take pitches for future After Hours episodes from the audience.“
"I accept, as long as there’s room for me to do one of my long and fun dances for an audience that isn’t allowed to leave. Here are my demands for what I need for that dance: a giraffe, but not just any giraffe, a giraffe that is down, and I want you to note that I’m using italics when I say 'down,’ so to suggest that-”
“I’m not granting any of your demands, because you have no actual power here,” Jack said. “And you have two more panels that you need to do. You’ll be doing a panel about Bad Movies that Deserve a Remake and a panel about Guilty Pleasures, Defending Your Indefensible Taste. Can you repeat that back to me so I know that you heard and understood it.”
“You want me to find a famous boxer, get him to pee in the same water fountain as me so we switch bodies, and then you want us to box each other to see if having the brain of a boxer is more important than the body of a boxer.”
“Of course I don’t want you to- Wait, did you think they peed in a water fountain? Like a drinking fountain? Jesus, no, you’re not doing any of that.”