I really wish this episode had been twenty two minutes of just this song. I don’t know what it is but this song really fucking speaks to me in that way that only Bob’s Burgers can. Fuck this amazing show…making me feel stuff for a guy stuck on a toilet.
mars in aries:
"u know what. FUCk everything. why doesnt life just give me what i want!!! life is so SLOW and BORING and i want ADVENTURE why can't things just HAPPEN MY WAY for ONCE!!!" *someone tells them to chill* "who tf are you??? are you trying to fight me????? ok i dare you FIGHT ME"
mars in taurus:
*bad stuff happens* "lol im fine" *more bad stuff happens* "@ life are u trying to provoke me...try harder it aint working" *the worst thing that could possibly happen happens* "OK THATS IT IM AT MY LIMIT. THAT WAS NOT NECESSARY. IM SO MAD RIGHT NOW I CANT EVEN THINK WTF WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME. anyways im actually totally chill haha let me just suppress my feelings it'll be ok :)"
mars in gemini:
"oh, i see! you think i'm wrong. i'm truly sorry to hear that some pitiful creatures like you find my beautiful mind so complex that you can't comprehend anything i'm saying. i'm sure that, for SOME people, it is indeed a bit too complex hahah lmao (:"
mars in cancer:
"fine, whatever. u may have said something rude but it's ok im just gonna ignore that" *later* "that fUkcin bitch...i'll show them later, trust me. i'll just wait for the right moment and destroy them when they least expect it"
mars in leo:
"??? did u just insult me or one of my interests ??? lmao first of all, HOW DARE YOU. second of all, YOU ARE WRONG. i am so beautiful and awesome and such a great friend and THIS is how u repay me??? i'm worth so much more than this. you are disgraceful. i am disgusted"
mars in virgo:
"i hate everything. NOTHING is going right and i am FALLING APART. honestly i don't even remember the last time something good happened in this world. why are people always annoying me? why is school always annoying me??? why is LIFE always annoying me????? can everyone just STOP"
mars in libra:
*someone points out that they need to get their life together* "bitch...what? i'm fine...what are you talking about.....my life is 100% under control!!!" *procrastinates everything* "wtf why do i have so much work??? i am dying under all the pressure i hate everything NOTHING IS UNDER CONTROL"
mars in scorpio:
*on the outside* "okay you know what fuck you im so over this it's over" *on the inside* "i know all ur weaknesses, honey...and trust me, you will regret it. you think i'm over this but i'm definitely not lmao watch ur back"
mars in sagittarius:
"wtf bitch i hate u, what do you think of yourself??? how dare u disagree with me and say rude stuff to me ugh don't talk to me ever again" *after like 8 minutes max* "omfg the other day i was listening to the duck song and i was thinking about how much you'd like it i mean i bet you've already heard it but it's absolutely hilarious u should watch the video it went viral on youtube hahaha" *someone asks if they've gotten over their anger* "what anger? ...oh thAT. lmao whatever who cares about that, have you heard the duck song?"
mars in capricorn:
"yeah i'm pretty fucking upset right now, things definitely did not go the way i expected them to. anyways that's just life. i'm over it. i'm just gonna...try and distract myself.....and pretend nothing happened...because that'll help me stop thinking about my shitty life...probably"
mars in aquarius:
*on the outside* "i guess ur right. maybe what ur saying is the right thing to do :) :) :)" *on the inside* "...excuse me hoe.....ur wrong, i'm right. u can't tell me what to do. i'm well-aware of what i'm doing, if u think i'm gonna listen to anything u tell me to do ur 100% wrong bye"
mars in pisces:
*accidentally offends someone, someone asks why they're mad* "honestly i'm not totally sure why i'm mad. i didn't even know i was mad until you pointed it out. i mean there are the usual reasons for being mad...people are horrible, life just generally sucks. so yeah im probably just generally mad lmao no worries"
Imagine Barbara Kean being your mother and Lee taking you in after her fall.
Your arms curled around a teddy bear as you sat across from the woman you now knew as Lee Tompkins.
“Would you like some cookies, [f/n]?” Lee offered gently, flashing a warm smile.
You shook your head, still staring at her. “No, thank you,” you mumbled. Your mother had always taught you to be polite. She hadn’t been around much for the last while. She was always off with Mr. Galavan and the other grown-ups, leaving you to play with Silver or your toys. Silver didn’t seem to like you much, though, so mostly you played with your toys since you weren’t allowed outside.
You stopped staring at Lee in favour of adjusting your teddy bear’s worn fur. He was missing one of his eyes and his stitching was starting to fray in places, allowing bits of stuffing to slip out every so often.
“That’s a very cute teddy,” Lee piped up. “Does he have a name?”
You nodded. “Mama calls him Sandman. He’s a gangster.” You held him out so she could see him better. “He says it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Lee smiled and shook his little paw. “Thanks. You’re cute. For a gangster.”
You hid the tiniest hint of a grin and hugged Sandman close again. “Mama says Sandman is supposed to protect me when I sleep if she’s not around.” You blinked at Lee, “Is mama okay?”
Lee’s lips tightened, “She had a bad fall and she’s been very sick. She’s going to need a lot of help before she’s back to normal again.”
You tilted your head to one side, “Does she need my bandaids? They have pictures of puppies on them.”
Lee shook her head, smiling softly, “I’m sure she’d appreciate the sentiment, but the doctors have lots of bandaids.”
“Do they have puppies on them?”
“I’m sure they do.”
You nodded seriously and pursed your lips. “Is Mr. Gordon going to come home soon?” you asked after a few moments. “He always tucked me into bed when he and mama were dating. They were gonna get married but then bad stuff happened and mama and me had to leave. Is he still gonna be my daddy?” You paused as though deep in thought. “Does that make you my new mama?”
Lee smiled, “Do you want me to be your new mama?”
You considered it. “Sandman says he’d like that,” you announced after a long moment.
Lee laughed, her eyes crinkling at the edges. “I’m glad to have his approval.”
Alright, here are the rest of the anon posts for today. I will do my best to answer them as well as I can. Before I do, I want to thank everyone for the supportive messages, and for doing your best to be thoughtful and kind even when talking about difficult subjects. Asks/Answers below the cut.
this is random but imagine if all the relationships in 13rw were different, like jessica and hannah dated right of the bat, and alex and justin dated, and clay and tony.. maybe none of the bad stuff would have happened... i dont know its random, dont listen to me
i hadn’t considered jessica and hannah but that would have been cute too. they were great at the start :(
Been seriously considering putting this blog on a one-year hiatus, for a plethora of reasons. Taking a break from Tumblr all together, save for checking for commissions. Now, with the lack of activity and people trying to passive aggressive their way into getting what they want, it almost seems like a good time to do that.
But I don’t wanna let down the people who I’m currently involved with, and yet if I keep replying to threads I know I’ll start more, I’ll get invested in these six idiots and have that old spark ignite and die over and over.
I think a year can mean a lot. Maybe I’ll even have a longer comic rather than the original re-wind to make up. Heck, might just reboot the blog entirely by then, who knows.
I don’t know. Thoughts?
If anyone wants my discord, please IM me or send me an ask.
This has been a long train of disappointment for everyone. I’m sorry.
Your stories are hilarious omw. Do you have any other ones to share????????
The Time I Accidentally Set Myself on Fire
(it kind of speaks for itself, but just in case…. tw for fire)
So in my family I’m the one who cooks
(Partly because I like it, partly because when I was 13 or so I said to my mum ‘I want to learn how to cook’ and she went ITS YOUR JOB NOW SUCKAAAA and ollied out of the kitchen)
And in our old house
(‘The hell house’, we call it, not fondly)
that meant using the old school spark lit gas stoves.
Now I had been using those stoves for about seven years and had never had a problem
Until the day I did have a problem
(and in case you don’t know by now, when this stuff happens to me it freaking HAPPENS. ‘how bad do you want it to be?’ the personification of misfortune asks. ‘just fuck me up’, i reply)
So it’s 2012, June - which is the coldest time of year for us
My brother is outside playing with sticks
(He’s 14. He has no excuse. Sometimes he uses sticks from the enormous, carefully cultivated twig collection he kept in the backyard, and sometimes he uses foosball sticks from a set my mother bought and promised to put together but never did, and have long since rusted from my brother using them as makeshift lightsabres and then leaving them outside come rain or shine.)
so I go into the kitchen and start to make dinner
(Pork and sage ragu)
(I’ll never forget)
(It was a memorable night)
I get out the ingredients and the pots and frying pan
I’m wearing at home clothes, which includes a multicolored, fraying cotton top with sequins all over
(It was actually a really nice top. The only reason it got segregated into staying at home clothes was because of a huge tear on the right side)
So I go to turn the gas stove on
(As I have done a thousand times before)
And to this day I couldn’t tell you if the flames were just really high, or I was standing too close, or if it was the wind factor
But for whatever reason, the flame lifts and catches onto the tear in my shirt
Out of the corner of my eye, I see the flame is incredibly bright
And then I look down and think,
I’m on fire.
I try to pat it out
Its been about two seconds of flame on
The flames have caught to the rest of my top
I have never in my life, before or since, screamed like that
So I’m not thinking much besides FUCK FUCK FUCK STOP DROP ROLL FUCK
but for some reason, my ON FIRE fight or flight mentality has time to register
DONT RUIN THE FUCKING CARPET
i BOLT outside
the door is, by some goddamn miracle, open
I look like Denethor in return of the king
I’m diving for the grass when my brother, terrified, throws a bucket of water at me
(THE BUCKET. So we had this pipe on the outside of our house that was corroding and leaking water, and the noise was bothering my mum in a telltale heart kind of way, so she put a bucket out there to catch the water)
(Note: it is actually probably a really good idea for you to have a random bucket full of water sitting in your backyard)
So I’m half lying, soaking wet, in the grass in my backyard
My brother’s crying
My throat hurts from all the screaming
My heart Is thundering like crazy
Pretty sure I’m in shock
I start laughing a little manically
(Kind of sound like the joker)
Definitely in shock
The neighbors are shouting over the fence asking if everything is alright
Their pet geese are sqwaking
My mother opens her bathroom window and pokes her head out
‘What is it?!? Is it a snake?!?!’
I’VE BEEN ON FIRE
'A sNAKE?’ I say, still laughing a little, because really now. We live in Australia, yes, but it’s the goddamn suburbs, everyone knows snakes stick to empty lots and fields
So the shock is wearing off and I’m still soaking wet, and my mother is outside now telling the neighbors we’re okay, even though my brother is still crying and I’m deep fried extra crispy
She’s telling me to get off the grass
I don’t want to get off the grass
She wants to have a look
I don’t want her to have a look
'you have to get up now okay’
I get up
It’s dark out so we go inside and as soon as my mum sees my side she says ‘wee have to go to the hospital’
Just Look At Me is sooo adorable. I love it. Are you going to write a part 4? I really hope you do! 😊
Just Look At Me—Part 4
Make sure you go read the other parts before you read this, sweethearts. Check right here for the link. Have a nice day!
Percy was jerked out of his reverie when a piece of paper was slid down onto his desk around his elbow. He looked up to see his math teacher, Mrs. Price, smiling down at him. She tapped the paper in the top right hand corner and said, “Good job, Percy.”
He stared in disbelief. There was a 97 written in red ink. He had made an A.
On a math test.
Fucking shit. This was amazing. He needed to text his mom.
The bell rang, and even though the rest of the class was shuffling out of the class, Percy still sat at his desk, staring at the paper.