bad reviews

Quiz time: Would you rather fight a yaoi fetishist who produces/consumes content exclusively of waifish seme/uke character dynamics and makes jokes about being a “filthy sinner for my gayz” or would you rather fight a stringent hetshipper who thinks that making LGBT headcanons about their favs is offensive to them personally and wants to know why, like, you have to make everything about sexuality :/ 

Notes:

  • The yaoi fetishist has a lot of pent up anger. Might pretend you’re the person who wrote them a bad review on ffnet
  • The hetshipper has an advanced sense of rhythm, having listened to Cascada’s Every Time We Touch over a hundred times when consuming every AMV of their otp in youtube history

Given that I think “My Immortal” is a troll (with the reason generally being that author Tara references both Marty McFly and TOM BOMBADIL), I just reread it and I’m astounded by the effort put into it.

The spelling and grammar gets steadily worse over the course of the story, messing up simple words and even the main character’s name (variations on Ebony include Enoby, Enony, Eboby, and my favorite Enopby). The author gives frequent shoutouts in the A/N at the beginning of each chapter to someone called Raven, who she considers a friend and apparently functions as a beta. In chapter 16, Tara severs ties with Raven, expels/murders Raven’s character Willow, and changes Ebony’s full name to Ebony Dark’ness Dementia TARA Way. It’s suggested that they fought because Tara stole Raven’s poster of Gerard Way. By chapter 17, they appear to have made up and Willow is brought back with no further explanation.

The plot, of course, is just insane, but the story was obviously being read; Tara begins each chapter furiously ranting about “flamerz” leaving bad reviews, terribly misspelled. At one point, Ebony was referred to as a Mary Sue and she immediately tried to shut that down, citing “Satanism” and “depression” as flaws. She held each new chapter hostage, demanding a certain number (usually 5) good reviews before she would update. Assuming the spelling and grammar mistakes were intentional, the natural progression of them getting worse and worse is incredible. The difference between Tara’s A/Ns and Raven’s edited text is also astounding, although chapter 16, during their supposed rift, is not noticeably more poorly written than the chapters immediately preceding and following it.

The misspellings of character names and general slipups get worse and worse to the point that once, “Enopby” is referred to as “Tara”, and at another point, “TaEnby”, further to emphasize that Ebony is, in fact, the most obvious self insert in the history of literature. The reference to Marty McFly (he appears at the end of chapter 35 to spirit Ebony into the future) confounds me; Tara does not seem like she’d been aware of pop culture enough to have seen “Back to the Future”, given that she describes “The Nightmare Before Christmas” as this serious, depressing, Adult movie. She’s young enough to consider “he put his thingy into my tool” an accurate description of sex. Further, she references Tom Bombadil, a character in “Lord of the Rings” who I believe just shows up and sings for a while and is strongly implied to be God and then disappears, not really relevant to anything. He’s not even in the movies. Would Tara Gilesbie have read “Lord of the Rings” when she admits she’s never read the Harry Potter books?

Read through that lens (that this was an elaborate hoax), can you believe the rest of it was so organically terrible? Even now, 10+ years after the fact, no one can agree on whether this story is a troll, and until anyone finds out who Tara Gilesbie really is, it’s going to be impossible to know for sure. This is just crazy to me.

Dear Fellow Guys....stop hitting on women at work. Let me explain.

So i work as your friendly underpaid barista and currently we’re having problems with one of our regulars hitting on our women staff members. The first woman he hit one, he wrote a note to her….as in elementary school note passing. Now of course, she’s at work and the model in f&b and retail is that you do everything in your power not to piss off the guest.

So in hopes of not causing a scene, she kindly wrote on the note that she appreciate the interest but she’s a lesbian. Now, 1) she shouldn’t have to out herself to a complete stranger all to avoid a bad yelp review. 2) She shouldn’t be forced into a situation where she has to entertain a guests unwanted attentions to avoid at the least, a negative review on yelp. 

So once she passes this dude the note, he then starts jokingly exclaiming “I always fall for lesbians” in the middle of our cozy cafe, effectively outing her to anyone within earshot. Now my co-worker isn’t closeted, she’s out and proud etc, etc. However, that doesn’t give someone else the right to disclose her sexuality without her permission, and especially not after he effectively coerced her into outing herself in order to avoid his come-ons.  

Another one of our regular guests, hits on one of our baristas on a regular basis. No matter how much she casually brings up her boyfriend. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve had to literally stand in front of her so he can’t force eye-contact with her (Naturally we do this kind of thing in a low-key manner so that we don’t actively piss off guest and thus put our jobs at risk).

I’ve had to actively shut down people on behalf of my women co-workers (Nah dude, she’s seeing someone. She’s not interested in that sort of thing. Dude, chill out.) because they simply can’t understand the fact that they are at their jobs and simply just want to get their jobs done and go home. Stop taking advantage of the unequal power dynamics to force her to engage you. She’s seem nice? Of course she is, her job revolves around being nice. She seemed into you? No, I can promise she’s not, she’s doing her job and told me five minutes ago how you were clearly staring down her chest. 

“But how am I supposed to let her no I’m interested in her?” you might say. My answer, that’s not my fucking concern. There are plenty of opportunities to meet people in this world that don’t revolve around you forcing them into an uncomfortable position while they’re literally trying to earn a living. Not every person your interested in obligated to entertain that interest. 

Simply put, stop being goddam creepers and let people do their goddamn jobs. 

literally every headcanon of kevin and holt meeting is gold check it out:

1. kevin writes a bad review in the newspaper of some musician holt likes and they start exchanging increasingly dry and petty letters in the classifieds
2. they both go for the last jar of cornichons at the grocery store
3. DOOR DUTY
4. embarrassing emo poetry group at the community center
5. set up by friends and they HATE each other until holt makes a lame joke and kevin dies with laughter
6. they yell at the same guy at the exact same time for talking during a movie

feel free to add!!

4

Miss Judi and I are going to see Wonder Woman Saturday, and I know it had a few bad reviews in advance, but that’s because men are garbage and write garbage reviews whenever they feel left out.  I’m excited to see a female super hero movie directed by a woman, and she is catching all kinds of pressure because the movie cost a lot to make, as if men aren’t handed enormous budgets all the time with no track record in that kind of scale.  Basically even if I didn’t want to see it, I probably still would since I don’t want it to flop, because even if it’s bad (and it’s probably great!) women should have the same opportunity to flop as men and not have it be a reflection on their entire gender.

Erik Davis is the managing editor of Fandango and he is also doing the Lord’s Work out here in these Internet Streets pointing out this ridiculous double standard.  Team Erik Davis on today.

that masterpost of ppl complaining about homosexuality in captain underpants reminded me of this gloriously bad review of transformers mtmte vol 9 so here u go

the best part is the writer found this and posted it on twitter saying it was the best review of his comic he’d ever seen

Wowwwwwww

Take me off alert then. I will write what I want and I am not going to force myself to work on any story when the inspiration is not there.

I’ve written nearly 750k words for Swan Queen. Give me a fucking break.

You don’t get to tell me what I can write and when.

Her contemporaries Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus, who have in the past burned brighter than Gomez, are lately scattered and floundering in search of new identities, leaving behind the cartoon characters and twerk provocateurs they once were, unsure of who to be instead. Cyrus is going for a middling Shania-lite sound with her new single “Malibu,” while Perry has, unfortunately, been trying out woke disco and Migos-assisted trap. Now, Gomez’s consistent, affability is beginning to feel like a solid strength. Maybe she’s had it right all the time, the proverbial tortoise to the fame hares of the world, slowly and methodically edging through the race, one foot in front of the other, until she snags a win. Which is precisely what “Bad Liar” is: A victory for an uncomplicated pop star who makes uncomplicated pop music, and a fizzy fun track that will sound as good all summer as the Gomez-endorsed Coke you pour into your rum.
—  Bad Liar review by (Pitchfork)
A few days ago, Marvel’s newest series, Iron Fist, premiered on Netflix, and the critical reception was pull-your-dick-out-at-a-funeral bad.
— 

Cracked’s review of Iron Fist

“pull-your-dick-out-at-a-funeral bad” goes on the list of things I wish I’d thought of.

spiderjar  asked:

Dear mister Gaiman, I'm a big fan of your work. However, I'd like to sort of put my heart out there to ask a question for a friend. She wants to be a writer and puts her work online but doesn't get a lot of readers. She didn't mind, but someone recently wasn't very kind about a play she wrote. It was the first review she got and it wasn't as much a review as that it was a mean comment, but it hurt her because the subjects she picks are often personal. How do you personally deal with bad reviews?

I’ll quote myself here:


It does help, to be a writer, to have the sort of crazed ego that doesn’t allow for failure. The best reaction to a rejection slip is a sort of wild-eyed madness, an evil grin, and sitting yourself in front of the keyboard muttering “Okay, you bastards. Try rejecting this!” and then writing something so unbelievably brilliant that all other writers will disembowel themselves with their pens upon reading it, because there’s nothing left to write. Because the rejection slips will arrive. And, if the books are published, then you can pretty much guarantee that bad reviews will be as well. And you’ll need to learn how to shrug and keep going. Or you stop, and get a real job.