bad puns are good in my eyes

anonymous asked:

13&25 with Pietro?

13.  “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”- Pietro Maximoff

Nights in with the girls was honestly your favourite part of being an Avenger. You, Nat, Wanda, Sharon, Maria, Pepper, Jane and Darcy, would try and meet up at least once to bitch about the boys, work and everything else that was going on in your lives.

“Come on guys, you have to admit, Rogers has that certain boy next door charm about him!” Maria laughed, sipping on a brightly coloured drink you’d conjured up.

“There’s no denying that Cap has some serious assets…” you giggled, wiggling your eyebrows slightly as the girls laughed at your pun, “But the bad boy type is more my scene, like Pietro.” Everyone only laughing more as Wanda faked gagged.

“That boy is damn good looking…” you grinned, throwing your head back as Wanda shoved a pillow over her face.

“Why prinţesă, I never knew you felt so strongly!” A familiar voice rang from the doorway, causing your eyes to grow wide and your cheeks to burn red.

“Oh crap…” you muttered, head whipping round to lock eyes with the blue eyed speedster, “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

“I guessed I probably wasn’t.” he smirked, eyes flickering round the small group as they all tried to contain their giggles, “Thankyou for the compliment though, dragă.” Sending a wink your way before speeding out of the room.

Prompt List- Request a prompt!

Cooking Shenanigans

A/N: (Y/S/N) = Your sister’s name. Also, the pun used in here was one I actually heard in real life.

Character: Harry

Warning(s): None

(I got the GIF from this post, but not sure if the person who uploaded it is the owner of it. If you know, please do let me know!)

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The More Things Change

Haha, y’all remember when I said I had ANOTHER CC idea on top of that big one I was working on? This was that second idea. Also it’s a sequel/second chapter to Same Old, Same Old, so I suggest reading that first if you haven’t.

[Read on Ao3]

“I do not want to do this.”

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Pairing: Thor x Reader

You had grown accustomed to visiting the little diner near your shared apartment with Thor. The place provided a slice of normalcy in your busy lives. Being an Avenger wasn’t as great as it seemed, and you and Thor looked forward to returning to this little haven, to be away from the constant battles and the losses that came with them.

To the people around you, you were just another person going about their life. Your waiter, who’d served you countless times now still did not realize that it was Thor and Y/S/H/N, that or he was just really good at acting.

“Is there anything else you’d like?” Your waiter asked as he placed the bill on the table.

Thor shook his head. “No, thank you.”

Thor reached to pick up the bill but you stopped him. “I’ll pay this time, babe.”

Thor smiled and attempted to pick up the bill once more. “No, my love. Allow me.”

“It’s fine, let me,” You insisted.

“No, let me.”

“Thor, I’m paying.”

“No, I’m paying.”

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Perhaps a look was all it took for Matthew to become completely smitten.
He wasn’t completely sure when he’d fallen for Stephanie, but he could sure as hell recall the exact moment he’d realized it.

It was over coffee in the dark. The clouds of winter had hidden the sun, darkening the city significantly. It had left the frigid breeze to overtake what little warmth was left.

The cold was mind-bogglingly numb. And yet there he was, walking along the streets of Paris as he tried to escape his father and his expectations.

He’d come across her family’s bakery during his sulking, its warm glow reflected on the snow directly outside the doors. The inside had seemed so kind and cozy that he had to take a break from his misery and loneliness.

Inside, he found mouthwatering pastries of all sorts, as well as Stephanie Cordato herself. She had been making warm tea with a plate of macaroons already set on a table next to a window. The young man hadn’t exactly been keen on disturbing her, but as he made plans to back away without his classmate noticing him, she turned around.

Her chocolate colored eyes widened comically as they always did when she saw him, and she nearly fell onto the counter in front of her. “Hi!” Steph exclaimed, and Matthew wondered if the remark was out of fear or excitement. “Come in on – I mean, come on in! What are you doing here?”

He had to smile at her stumbling, truly finding it incredibly adorable. “I was just walking outside, and I figured I’d come in to escape the cold,” he explained, gesturing to the heavy snowfall that had just begun. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Not at all!” the brunette nearly shouted. “That is, I’m glad you came.”

She hesitated for a moment before turning back to the now finished tea. “I was just about to sit,” Stephanie said, gesturing to the window table and paused again. “Would you like a cup? A-and would you like to join me?”

Matthew looked at her, his lips curving upwards happily. “I’d love to,” he accepted, taking the mug she offered him. He waited for her to fetch a cup of her own, and after she finished, they took a seat together in a comfortable silence.

The pair remained that way for a bit, the sipping of their respective drinks or the clinking of the plate as one of them picked up a macaroon being the only sound. Matt spoke up after a couple of minutes.

“You know, these are really good,” he commented, referring to the macaroon in his hand. “I’d love to learn how to make one myself.”

“I-I could teach you if you’d like,” the young woman offered, a pink tinge rising to her cheeks. “It would be fun.”

“That would be pretty clawsome,” Matthew winked, his own pun making him laugh. Stephanie groaned, kicking his shin under the table. The overachiever yelped, his brown eyes scrunching up in pain. “Hey, my pun wasn’t that bad!”

“Right,” she rolled her eyes.

“You could say – ” he continued, his expression being taken over by one of mischief.

“Matthew Patrick, don’t you dare,” she cut him off, invoking his full name. He knew that Steph thought his puns were far too cheesy, especially the cat ones he occasionally sprung on her.

“– that it was quite purrfect,” he spoke over her protest, a smirk playing on his lips. Your move, he seemed to say. But she did not reply, simply choosing to roll her eyes and laugh it off.

And in that moment, Matthew was sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this woman.


(Fox: Hey, lovelies!~ Sooooooo….I’m thinking of making this into a shirt!~ It’s a remake of my Swap Sans drawing, I redrew it into BG instead!~ Mostly because I didn’t want others to think I was stealing someone else’s design for myself, the creator of swap deserves credit! So what do you all think? Bad idea? Good idea?…)

 ’*grins, eyes lighting up as he points* I’m gonna be on a shirt?! Please tell me there is a pun to all this? There HAS to be a pun if I’m on a shirt. *sees the shirt and nods in approval, chuckling* Now….the whole world will be punderfully filled with my Pun influence!‘ 

 (Fox: I’m not good with puns, but I wanted a positive message on my merch!~ So let me know what you all think,because I still have to figure out some stuff regarding this, plus I’ll plan on making multiple colors and whatnot….)

anonymous asked:

You and Alex Summers?🤔😉

me, crying as I eat chili cheese fries: I love my anons


  • who is more likely to hurt the other?

So when Alex is younger and less in control of his power, he’s definitely more likely to hurt you but as he grows into the dad adult we see in xm:a I think he’s very in control and probably wouldn’t hurt you

  • who is emotionally stronger?

Alex bc of all the shit we went through

  • who is physically stronger?

Are you serious?? Have you seen those arms?? Alex obviously

  • who is more likely to break a bone?

Honestly?? Probably Alex bc he tried to do something insane to impress you even though you’re already together

  • who knows best what to say to upset the other?

Most likely you, but you do it so quickly that when you realize you start over apologizing and crying and everyone’s just a big sad mess :(

  • who is most likely to apologise first after an argument?

I feel like it would end up being Alex just because like yes he’s stubborn but he knows when he’s crossed the line

  • who treats who’s wounds more often?

You would treat Alex’s wounds and not only as an excuse to touch his arms

  • who is in constant need of comfort?

Alex Summers is a Soft Boy™ and will always need comfort

  • who gets more jealous?

ALEX GODDAMN SUMMERS but it leads to really good sex so

  • who’s most likely to walk out on the other?

Neither of you would ever even think of walking out on the other let alone actually do it

  • who will propose?

Alex would, but it would be so simple that you wouldn’t even notice it at first?? Like, you’d be sitting together just reading with his head in your lap and he just sort of asks ‘hey will you marry me?’ and ur like ‘lmao okay sure’ and it takes you a minute to register what he just asked you so you start freaking out and nervously laughing as he puts a ring on ur finger 😍 😍

  • who has the most difficult parents?

Yours bc they don’t support the relationship you have with him since they’re afraid of him hurting you even though you’ve told them countless times that he’d never do that

  • who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public?


  • who comes up for the other all the time?


  • who hogs the blankets?

You obviously you’re in a relationship with the human version of a space heater

  • who gets more sad?

Alex’s PTSD makes him relive awful memories and he’s just sad a lot my poor baby

  • who is better at cheering the other up?

You are very good at cheering him up!! You’ll make him take his meds, go out for a walk, feed the ducks at the park, and just things to make him forget

  • who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

So it used to be you, but Alex makes so many dad jokes and bad puns that at this point it’s been reduced to a soft snort and an eye roll

  • who is more streetwise?

Alex bc of all the shady shit he used to do DON’T DO DRUGS STAY IN SCHOOL

  • who is more wise?

You, but this usually only happens when you’re tired and/or a lil tipsy

  • who’s the shyest?

Alex?? You?? Both of you?? I have no idea

  • who boasts about the other more?

Alex could literally talk for hours about you and yeah it’s cute but it can get really annoying. Before you two got together, Scott needed to write a History paper about the founding fathers and couldn’t even write a paragraph without Alex throwing a paper ball at his head and being like ‘Are you even listening to me???’ smh that boy is W H I P P E D

  • who sits on who’s lap?

I want to say you sit on Alex’s but lbr he sits on you :^)


septicious  asked:

hate to be That NB but "only blue eyes look at rhett" more like some gosh darn angst where out of the blue ( pun intended ) link has brown coloured contacts and the air suddenly tastes different, sour, and rhett knows that no good comes from a bad aura and this is lowkey a witch au make them girls i don't care i got kinda angsty au revoir

angst? brown-eyed link? witch girls? these are all my favorite things. where have you been all my life

did i just spend three hours on a bad pun? eh, whatever

have some spoopy

anonymous asked:

Hey, I made a new account called snowbaz-fics and all I basically do is reblog finished snowbaz fics. Do you mind helping me spread the word and send me finished fics? I don't care if you only send me yours ☺

Heyy @snowbaz-fics! Of course, thank you for the ask :)

Here are my finished fics (basically oneshots ahaha):

A tip for the pianist (849 words)

Simon and Agatha go on a date to their favourite restaurant. Simon can’t take his eyes off the pianist.

(Non-magical AU, fluff, POV first person)

All I want for Christmas (425 words)

Sometimes misunderstandings lead up to beautiful things.

(Non-magical AU, Christmas shopping, bad puns, fluff, alternating POV first person)

Be my religion (1052 words)

Baz is desperately in love with his roommate, Simon. But Simon thinks homosexuality is a sin.

(Boarding School AU, angst, fluff, POV first person)

Don’t let go (1243 words)

(Follows canon events on Leavers Ball)

Second part is NSFW

(angst, smut, fluff, alternating POV first person)

Good Fortune (1472 words)

Baz hasn’t come back for their eighth year at Watford. Simon is too busy adoring the mysterious little feline that has taken possession of Baz’s bed to care.

(8th Year AU - canon divergence, hurt/comfort, fluff, POV first person)

I can’t think straight (1132 words)

Simon is straight. And he’s absolutely not attracted to his roommate. Well maybe he is. A little. Maybe a little too much.

(8th Year AU - canon divergence, denial, fluff, POV first person)

I don’t love you (475 words)

(or how to tell your imbecile of a boyfriend that you do love him)

(post-canon, domestic fluff, POV first person)

Idol (1418 words)

Simon Snow is a pop star. Basilton Pitch is a lesser-known singer and violinist. Obviously, Baz loathes Snow. Or does he?

(Non-magical AU, fluff, music, POV first person)

Improvise (215 words)

That moment in fifth year.

(canon-compliant, fifth year, stairs, pining, alternating POV first person)

It’s a date (1922 words)

Five times Baz has to bite his lips in order to refrain himself and one time he doesn’t.


Five times Simon doesn’t mean it and one time he does.

(High School AU, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Pining, 5 +1 Things, POV third person)

Let it Snow (1835 words)

Sometimes, Simon wanted to wrap him in his arms and soothe him to sleep. Sometimes he just wanted to join him and cry together. But he couldn’t. Because Dr. Pitch was like snow. Simon could only admire him from the other side of the glass. As close as he may look, he was absolutely unreachable.

(Hospital AU, doctor/patient, fluff with a bit of angst, pining, POV third person)

Masquerade Ball (1277 words)

Two strangers meet at a birthday party.


(Non-magical AU, smut, POV first person)

Nail Polish (753 words)

I watch him as he takes my hand with his. One. He starts painting my nails. Two. He bites his lips while he’s focused and, oh fuck, I can’t tear my eyes off him. Three. Four. Five.

To hell with the three-seconds rule.

[Beautiful art insp. by this fic by the lovely sophiemariezie-art]

(Punk/pastel AU, roommates, pining, fluff, POV first person)

Nineteen Firsts and One Last (19/19) [3736 words]

It’s Simon’s nineteenth birthday. He’s not expecting anything unusual, just some messages from his tumblr friends. But Baz has different plans.

(For the Simon Snow’s 19th birthday project)

(tumblr AU - non-magical AU, friends to lovers, fluff, hinted smut, POV first person)

Opposites attract (402 words)

Baz is the sun. And Simon is crashing into him.

(Opposite day, non-magical AU, pining, fluff, POV first person)

Our love is memetastic (1745 words)

Simon retells his rise and fall (in love) in a way that his daughter can understand.

(Retelling of canon, memes, dialog)

Pumpkin Mocha Breve (925 words)

I watch him sipping at the cup and wait for the compliments. Which never come. He grimaces and all I want to do is spit on him. But I don’t. I’ve heard it’s not nice to spit on your customers on your first day at work.

(In which Baz works in a coffee shop and Simon is his first customer)

(Coffee Shop AU – non-magical AU, pining, bickering, POV first person, fluff)

Sign your name across my heart (1231 words)

The name of your soulmate will appear on your chest the day you turn eighteen. Simon is taken aback when he sees his. Baz doesn’t know whether to feel hope or drown in his own sorrow.

(8th Year AU - canon divergence, soulmates, angst, pining, mentions of self-harm, fluff, POV first person)

Small Talk (878 words)

Simon texts the wrong number

(Summer before 8th year AU - canon divergence, enemies to lovers, pining, fluff, texting convo)

Speechless (1296 words)

The silence of your enemy is better than their words. Because sometimes, silence speaks louder than your voice.

(8th Year AU - canon divergence, pining, fluff, spell gone wrong, POV first person)

Talk Shakespeare to Me (1110 words)

Penny forces Simon to join the poetry club. He’d never thought he was going to enjoy it so much.

(Non-magical AU, enemies to lovers, pining, fluff, POV first person)

Talk to Me (789 words)

Simon is trying to come up with a new spell but he ends up speaking only German

(8th Year AU - canon divergence, fluff, spell gone wrong, POV first person)

The many benefits of water (978 words)

Baz works as a lifeguard at the local pool. Simon seeks for his attention. This can’t end well.

(Non-magical AU, pining, fluff, neighbours, swimming pool, POV first person)

The most powerful magic (420 words)

Words are very powerful. That’s what we’ve always been told. But what are words? Are they really just a combination of spoken sounds? No, they are clearly much more. Words are meaning. Words can be written. Words can be said with our hands, or with our body. And words can be left unspoken.

(canon-compliant/post-canon, eighth year spell challenge, spells, POV first person)

Until Dawn (1615 words)

(Shadowhunters crossover)

Alec and Magnus have disappeared. Izzy has reasons to think they’re in England. So, who better to look for them than Simon Snow, the most powerful Shadowhunter in the UK?

(Crossover, Shadowhunters world, enemies to lovers, fluff, POV first person)

What did you say? (1052 words)

Baz has recently learnt Dutch and has decided to practice it, much to Simon’s sorrow.

(8th Year AU - canon divergence, enemies to lovers, fluff, POV first person)

When I see you again (1013 words)

The irony of it all is that I’m already dead. No, the cruel joke is that I don’t die. And there are things much worse than death for me to expierence forever.

(post-canon, major character death, angst, mentions of suicide, POV first person)

You are my Littlepuff (572 words)

Simon and Baz play Pokémon Go. Well, Simon does. Baz doesn’t. He absolutely does not enjoy the game. Nope. Not at all.

(Because someone had to)

(Post-canon, established relationship, fluff, POV first person)

Good luck with your blog <3

anonymous asked:

For any! A giant Hellsguard female with green hair and mismatched blue/green eyes, and with too many muscles and curves. Likes talking, laughing and making bad puns, ideal date would be either some good drinks and food at the tavern, or long walks wherever, anything goes as long as the company is good. Oh, also owns a giant hoarhound.

“Hoarhound?” he eyes the woman suspiciously, “You own such a beast? You shouldn’t. Do you want me to kill it for you?”

rhythmiblythe  asked:

Can I get a ship? My name is Julia, I'm pretty introverted but when I'm near people I know I'm kinda annoying! I have brown hair and eyes. I'm a huge anime nerd who is also obsessed with musical theatre. I also make puns ALOT. My method of killing koro-sensei would probably be making him die by bad puns, or laughter on a good day.

I pair you with: Hiroto Maehara!
He would LOVE your puns and would help you try to kill Korosensei that way! He wouldn’t think you were annoying in the slightest, and would hate when you would say that about yourself. He isn’t into much anime but would love to bindge watch shows with you! He would love to go to musicals with you, maybe you could even get him hooked on them!
I hope you like this!

spooksnhaunts  asked:

Ⓐ - rating meme for my plant child @ahealershand ? Or uh, manfred if you don't wanna spoop OCs

A plant is fine too

I will do my best


repulsive || hideous || ugly || not attractive || unappealing || not unattractive || meh || no preference || ok || mildly attractive || nice looking || cute || adorable || attractive || pleasant on the eyes || good looking || hot || sexy || beautiful || gorgeous || hot damn || would tap that || perfect || godlike || holy fuck there are no words


grating || irritating || frustrating || boring || confusing at best || awkward || unreasonable || psychotic || disturbing || interesting || engaging || affectionate || aggressive || ambitious || anxious || artistic || bad tempered || bossy || charismatic || appealing || unappealing || creative || courageous || dependable || unreliable || unpredictable || predictable || devious || dim || extroverted || introverted ||  egotistical || gregarious || fabulous || impulsive || intelligent || sympathetic || talkative || up beat || peaceful || calming || badass || flexible

How likely they would have sex with them:
(Please excuse my weakness for a tree pun)

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending || fuck no! || never || no way || not likely || not sure || indifferent || I’m asexual || maybe || probably || it depends || fairly likely || likely || yeah sure || yes || would tap that || hell yes || fuck yes! || wishing that could happen right now || as many times as possible || we are already having sex

Level of Friendship:

never in a million years || worst of enemies || enemies || rivals || indifferent || neutral || acquaintance || friendly toward each other || casual friends || friends || good friends || best friends || fuck buddies || bosom buddies || practically the same person || would die for them || true friends || my only friend ||

First impression of them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them || they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re hot || I love them

Current impression of them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them || they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re hot || I love them

How good of a kisser:

worst kisser ever || terrible || bad || awkward || just okay || alright || pretty good || good || makes me moan || excellent || exciting || oh god they’re good || I dream about it || fucking amazing || absolute perfection || we haven’t kissed

theonlycampix  asked:

*clears throat* Lucky Egg

Gym Theme/Team (long post under the cut because have we got a story for you)

Keep reading

@gomboc123 replied: “Fma au where the bee movie happens in the exact same universe and maes is best friends with that one bee”

“Oh my god maes could give the bee pictures of elicia and make it fly over to roy and annoy him”

“He could send roy pictures at any time using that one bee”

oh good lord i think that would be too much to handle. poor roy might actually snap and cause riza to fulfill her promise. those two would be a terrifying tag team from hell

@the-flame-and-hawks-eye replied: “YOU CAN’T ‘BEELIEVE’ IT?? I CAN’T BEELIEVE YOU USED THAT OH MY GOD. (Maes and his bee counterpart would be the best of friends OMG)”

YES FIGHT ME SHAY I AM ANN, QUEEN OF BAD PUNS™, BOW BEFORE MY LACK OF IMPULSE CONTROL WHEN REPLYING wake me up wake me up inside can’t wake up wake me up inside save meeeeeeee

tbh though, if that were a thing, those two being friends would terrify me and also be hilarious. just imagining… 

anonymous asked:

Could I please get an h/c, I love your blog and your head canons, they are amazing. How would Rex, Jesse, Hardcase, Fives, Echo, Wolfe, Cody, Waxer, and Boil react to their S/O making a corny joke (like puns)?THANK YOU!

(thank YOU, lovely!)

Rex: Snorts out loud (it’s rather embarrassing actually) because he is a Dad and has an almost shameful appreciation of puns. Honestly he’s never been more proud.

Cody: Stops dead in his tracks, then slumps down and sighs, shaking his head. Probably has a sarcastic reply, which is said with a completely straight face.

Jesse: Laughs delightedly and fist-bumps you. Might kiss you afterward, depending on how bad the pun was.

Hardcase: Fires back with an even worse pun. Turns it into an all-out Pun War and gets several Jedi involved. 

Fives: Rolls his eyes and scoffs, but also smiles and kisses you because you’re really cute when you laugh at your own jokes.

Echo: Smiles and dips his head down b/c he doesn’t want anyone to know how funny he actually thinks it is. But you can tell, because even if he’s wearing a helmet, his shoulders are still shaking.

Wolffe: Scowls. Looks very done with the world and says you could be arrested for a joke that bad. To which you reply: “Great. What’s my….pun-ishment?”

Waxer: Sighs dreamily and wonders how he got so lucky. By the way he has just about the sweetest smile ever and good god, where did he get those puppy eyes?

Boil: Facepalms and makes a big deal of sighing/eye rolls. Asks if you really thought that was necessary. “Necessary as teats on a bull,” you’d reply cheerfully.

Pricefield Fic: Popcorn


Originally titled Cockblock lmao. Max & Chloe have a movie night in Chloe’s house.

Since episode 1, we sort of found out Max is a film buff and scary movies don’t really scare her. And I have a headcanon that Chloe gets scared of them. May write a part 2 where she’s scared shitless and Max is very amused.

Also regulartimesucks challenged me to include “The Price is always right.” in a fic, so here muahaha.

I’d rate it T for teens since it gets a bit steamy near the end. Comments are appreciated as always :)

Chloe’s POV

Max really wanted to see this scary movie, she was hella excited about it when she finally found the link online, so I suggested that we should see it together.

We’re currently in Max’s kitchen making some popcorn and getting some snacks.

“So, what’s the movie about?” I asked while opening the popcorn bag on the counter.

“It’s about this guy who captures people and tortures them with weapons he makes himself, it’s based on an actual serial killer from the 90s. Sounds awesome-sauce right?!” She said, looking very giddy, while taking the popcorn bag from my hands and placing it in the microwave.

Damn Max is such a film buff, what a dweeb…my dweeb.

“Yeah, it’s going to be hella cool.” I replied, excited myself.

Gotta admit her excitement is contagious.

I moved behind her and placed my hands around her torso, my chin resting on the curve of her neck.

Keep reading

Terrible puns

The other week my family and I were sitting eating breakfast and my my dad had a show on the Smithsonian channel about maritime warfare and they told a story about an “Admiral Seymour” who decided it would be a good idea to test a bomb by striking it with a hammer. The bomb exploded blinding him in one eye, upon hearing this I looked at my mom and said: “Well now he can’t Seymour now can he.”  My mom thought it was hilarious and my dad just sighed, got up, came over and stared at me with this look of ‘Was that really necessary?’  

muffinsandglasses  asked:

😜 8)

The little raen tilts her head and then chuckles at the memory that came to mind smiling widely, “Faust has always been the friend that leaves me laughing until my chest hurts. Though his puns sometimes get annoying he’s always there for a good laugh, that’s for sure!” She wipes her eyes holding her stomach thinking of his bad jokes.


(Thank you for the ask! @muffinsandglasses )