summaries for musicals

spring awakening

  • that fucking musical… literally
  • sex ed is important, kids

wicked

  • racism still lives on
  • opposites attract
  • eleka nahmen nahmen FEELS

phantom of the opera

  • what even is love
  • murder will not get you the girl
  • angels aren’t as beautiful as they seem

love never dies

  • basically just one horribly written christine x phantom fanfic
  • we don’t talk about it

les miserables

  • EVERYONE DIES
  • 24601% done with the government
  • i fell in love with someone i literally just met

cinderella (rodgers and hammerstein)

  • i fell in love with someone i literally just met
  • a fitting i-shoe

next to normal

  • mental illness is a thing
  • lots of pole dancing and feelings
  • something’s there but not really and it’s driving everyone insane

miss saigon

  • war changes you
  • crazy in love
  • the american dream was fucking useless
  • shots fired

the wizard of oz

  • it will blow you away (not the musical, the tornado)
  • it’s a fucking shoe, get over it
  • such a melting musical
  • Me:*is a waiter*
  • Me:*is working at a wedding*
  • Bridesmaid:What a beautiful wedding
  • Me:Yes, but what a shame, what a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore.
  • Wedding Guests:*gasp in outrage*
  • Me:*stands there awkwardly for a few minutes*
  • Me:I CHIME IN WITH A HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE GODDAMN DOOR?
The Signs as Dad Jokes

Aries: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.

Taurus: Without geometry life is pointless.

Gemini: Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

Cancer: A sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says “sorry we don’t serve food here”

Leo: A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

Virgo: I fear for the calendar, it’s days are numbered.

Libra: How do you organize a space party? You planet.

Scorpio: What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk

Sagittarius: Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was outstanding in it’s field.

Capricorn: I went to buy some camouflage pants but I couldn’t find any.

Aquarius: I’m terrified of elevators, I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.

Pisces: The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.