bad lash

Manipulative fake apologies

Some apologies amount to someone asking for permission to keep doing something bad.

  • These apologies generally shouldn’t be accepted.
  • (But it can be really hard not to, because who want permission to do bad things tend to lash out when they don’t get it.)
  • (If you have to accept a bad apology to protect yourself, it’s not your fault.)

Eg:

  • Moe: “I’m sorry, I know this is my privileged male opinion talking but…”
  • Or, Moe: “I’m sorry, I know I’m kind of a creeper…” or “I’m sorry, I know I’m standing too close but…”
  • At this point, Sarah may feel pressured to say “It’s ok.”
  • If Sarah says, “Actually, it’s not ok. Please back off” or “Yes, you’re mansplaining, please knock it off”, Moe is likely to get angry.
  • The thing is, it’s not ok, and Moe has no intention of stopping. 
  • Moe is just apologizing in order to feel ok about doing something he knows is wrong.

Another example:

  • Sam is a wheelchair user. He’s trying to get through a door.
  • Mary sees him and decides that he needs help.
  • Mary rushes to open the door. As she does so, she says “Oh, sorry, I know I’m supposed to ask first”, with an expectant pause. 
  • At this point, Sam may feel pressured to say “It’s ok”, even if the ‘help’ is unwanted and unhelpful. 
  • If Sam says, “Yes, you should have asked first. You’re in my way. Please move”, Mary is likely to get angry and say “I was just trying to help!”.
  • In this situation, Mary wasn’t really apologizing. She was asking Sam to give her permission to do something she knows is wrong.

More generally:

  • Fake Apologizer: *does something they know the other person will object to*.
  • Fake Apologizer: “Oh, I’m sorry. I know I’m doing The Bad Thing…” or “I guess you’re going to be mad if I…”
  • Fake Apologizer: *expectant pause*
  • The Target is then supposed to feel pressured to say something like “That’s ok”, or “I know you mean well”, or “You’re a good person, so it’s ok for you to do The Bad Thing.”

If the Target doesn’t respond by giving the Fake Apologizer permission/validation, the Fake Apologizer will often lash out. This sometimes escalates in stages, along the lines of:

  • Fake Apologizer: I *said* I was sorry!
  • Fake Apologizer: *expectant pause*
  • The Target is then supposed to feel pressure to be grateful to the Fake Apologizer for apologizing, and then as a reward, give them permission to do The Bad Thing. (Or apologize for not letting them do The Bad Thing.)
  • If the Target doesn’t respond in the way the Fake Apologizer wants, they will often escalate to intense personal insults, or even overt threats, eg:
  • Fake Apologizer: I guess you’re just too bitter and broken inside to accept my good intentions. I hope you get the help you need. And/or:
  • Fake Apologizer: Ok, fine. I’ll never try to do anything for you ever again. And/or
  • Fake Apologizer: *storms off, and slams the door in a way that causes the person who refused their intrusive help to fall over*.

Tl;dr Sometimes what looks like an apology is really a manipulative demand for validation and permission to do something bad.

To all my lovely friends that are all like “my smol son I must protect him too pure” about Jack…

Please don’t get too mad at Dean when he blows the fuck up at the kid, k? He’s going through some shit right now.

Older brother Namjoon + rest of BTS scolds you PT.14 END

BTS x Reader

Genre: Angst

Namjoon’s Sister AU

[PT.1] [PT.2] [PT.3][PT.4] [PT.5] [PT.6] [PT.7] [PT.8] [PT.9] [PT.10] [PT.11] [PT.12] [PT.13] [PT.14 END] [PT.14 Alternative]


Originally posted by allforbts

Y/N’s p.o.v

I was waiting patiently for their arrival, I was early. I never liked being late, I hated the thought of making others wait for me, so I stood there waiting. Half an hour passed and I was still waiting. They’re only five minutes late I thought to myself, maybe coming so early wasn’t the best idea.

I was startled when I felt someone give me a back hug. I was ready to start swinging my arms until I heard familiar voices. The person who was hugging me had let go, and turned me to face them.

“Princess, how are you? It’s been a while.” Jin had his hands on my shoulders staring right at me, I felt a little flustered but I managed to smile.

“I’m good, how have you been?”

“I’ve been good too.” He said and ruffled my hair.

“Y/N.” I saw Joonie have his arms out wide open. I hesitated at first but gave him a hug anyway. This was nice, I missed it.

I pulled away and looked at everyone, I didn’t know how to face Hoseok or Jimin. I didn’t know how they felt about me still and it did make me feel slightly uncomfortable. Neither of them smiled at me, or even greeted me so I take it that they’re still mad. Jimin was my best friend, and it hurt knowing that I’ve lost him because of my stupidity. I understand why they may not like me anymore so I suppose I’ll just have to move on and pretend nothing ever happened.

“Let’s get going!” Yoongi piped up and we headed towards the entrance. I walked behind them still feeling some sort of awkward aura between us all, but Taehyung held back and waited for me.

“Y/N…” He called my name softly whilst walking and not turning to look at me.

“Hmm?” 

“I’m sorry.” He turned to look at me but I shook my head.

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because I betrayed you, I never should have told them to come and I’m sorry because you’ve probably lost all trust and faith in me.” He looked guilty, and I admit that at first I was mad but how could I stay angry at him when he never meant any harm?

“It’s okay Tae, I’m not mad at you. Actually I’m thankful to have you in my life, you didn’t betray me. You only did what you thought was best but I was too stubborn and childish to see that, so for that I’m sorry. You’ve only ever done what you could to help me and I pushed you away.” I admitted.

“No don’t be, how about we just call it even?” He said and stopped, causing me to stop beside him. I nodded and he pulled me into a hug. 

“Hurry up!” Joonie complained and we pulled away and rushed towards them again. I was about to walk off when Jin stopped me.

“Are you really okay?” I nodded, reassuring him. But was I really? My best friend hates me, Hoseok doesn’t seem to want to be here, I just wanted to make everyone happy. “So why do you look so conflicted?”

“Does Hoseok and Jimin hate me?” I questioned bluntly. 

“What makes you think that?” 

“I’m just getting this vibe off of them. But it’s okay if they do, I completely get it, this was all my fault anyway so if they do then I understand.” I was hurt, but I didn’t want to show it. I don’t want to continue being that same old weak Y/N who acts like a child and needs to grab attention from everyone. If they don’t like me anymore then I’m just going to leave it.

Jimin’s p.o.v

I overheard her conversation with Jin hyung. Idiot. I don’t hate you, I’m just embarrassed and too stubborn to admit that I was wrong. Too afraid to apologise for being a shitty best friend. How could I even claim that title after what I had put her through. Knowing her, she believes that all this was her fault, but it wasn’t. We all played a part in hurting her, I was someone she trusted but I took advantage of that, I ruined the friendship we had once I had messaged back in the group chat. I should have never said those things, but I did. 

We walked around and had food, I still wasn’t speaking to her. She looked like she was having fun, especially with Taehyung. Did she replace me with him? Not like I can stop her from doing so, but I was jealous. I shoulder barged into Taehyung, who was standing next to Y/N. I continued walking ahead until I heard.

“Oh my gosh, Y/N are you okay? I’m so sorry.” I spun around and saw that Y/N was now on the floor with a scratch on her leg. The force of me walking into him must have caused a domino effect that knocked Y/N over. Now I felt even guiltier, I rushed over to her side as did everyone else.

“Are you okay?” I questioned, she looked at me with tears welling up in her eyes but nodded shyly and looked away.

“Ya, why did you walk into Taehyung like that Jimin?” Hoseok hyung glared at me. “Yeah I saw everything.” 

“It’s okay I’m fine don’t worry about it.” She smiled at us and got up. 

“Small, lets go get you cleaned up.” Namjoon glared at me whilst walking past holding a limping Y/N by his side.

“What the hell is wrong with you hyung?” Jungkook questioned me. “And you Hoseok hyung, why are they two of you so bitter? Can’t you see how hard Y/N is trying? Can’t you see how much she’s hurting? And I don’t mean physically, but emotionally.

“What did I do?” Hoseok complained.

“Exactly, you didn’t do anything Hoseok. You arrived and hadn’t said a single word to her.” Yoongi confirmed.

“She asked me if you two hated her.” Jin confessed.

“What? No I don’t, I’m just guilty for being so mean so I don’t know how to be around her.”

“She’s trying to push it aside and pretend that nothing happened, she’s trying but the two of you aren’t doing anything to help her and Jimin hyung, why would you knock into Taehyung like that?”

“You’re jealous because we’re close aren’t you?” Taehyung interjected.

“She was my best friend, but now you come along, I don’t even know how to apologise to her and you’re making it more difficult for me.” I said in such a bitter tone, I’m sure everyone realised that I was just jealous.

“You don’t know how much she misses you Jimin, and Hoseok hyung you have no idea how bad she feels for lashing out on you. Just have some decency and apologise for a change and stop making her feel like she’s in hell because the both of you are incapable of saying a simple sorry.”

“She misses me?” 

“Isn’t it obvious? She keeps stealing glances at you and after realising you don’t even care enough to look at her face just drops.” Jungkook said whilst rolling his eyes. 

It was silent between us all until Y/N came back, smiling.

“Are you okay?” Hoseok hyung asked her, which took her by surprise because her eyes widened. 

“Yeah, I’m definitely much better now.” Her smile was so genuine, you could tell that she was sincerely happy that Hoseok acknowledged her.

“I’m sorry Y/N.” I apologised.

“Oh no, it’s not your fault I’m just really clumsy I mean I must take it after my brother, I can’t even stand properly.” Namjoon hyung flicked her on the head.

“Not just that, I’m sorry for everything.” She looked like she wanted to cry, but instead she just wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me.

“It’s okay, I just want my best friend back.” I nodded and hugged her back.

Namjoon’s p.o.v

After a few hours, we parted our ways. Y/N and I headed out to grab dinner whilst everyone else went home. Although we practically spent the whole day together, we barely even spoke because of the guys. 

“How have you been small?” I say whilst looking up from the menu.

“Pretty good I guess, how about you?” 

“Same, just busy I guess.”

“You don’t have to have dinner with me if you’re busy you know, I mean you’ve already spent the whole day with me and that’s honestly more than enough.” She looked guilty, how and why does she look guilty for asking to spend time with me? Her brother.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Right, I’m sorry.”

“Why do I still feel so distant from you?” I asked her. 

“I - I don’t know, I’m sorry.” 

Y/N’s p.o.v

I felt like I wanted to cry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know how to act in front of Joonie. I don’t want to do anything that will make him mad at me. 

“Why do I still feel so distant from you?” he asked me, that’s something I never wanted to hear, because it’s not what I want and if that’s what he’s saying then it’s my fault he feels this way.

“I - I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

“Will you stop apologising? You’re not doing anything wrong. What happened to you?”

“Nothing happened to me.” 

“Then why can’t you be comfortable like you were before? Like the old times? Why have you changed so much? It’s making me feel awkward and uncomfortable.”

“I, I guess I’m afraid of doing something that you don’t like that will aggravate you. I don’t want to do something that you don’t like. I want to be that good younger sister that you loved before, but I didn’t know that it was making you feel uncomfortable.”

“Why does what I like matter so much? What about the things that you like?”

Namjoon’s p.o.v

“Last time I did something like that, this huge mess happened. I don’t want that again.” She said so quietly I could barely hear her.

“This is because of me?”

“I’m not blaming you oppa, it was my fault. I should have been more careful, I should have looked out for you more and I shouldn’t have done those things that could damage your career. You’ve worked so hard for it, I can’t be the one to ruin it for you.”

“How do you think that makes me feel? I feel like I’m ruining your life because of what may or may not even happen.”

“You’re not, it’s what I chose to do.” 

“But why?”

“You’re my big brother Joonie, I don’t want to let you down. I promised that I won’t let you down but I already broke that promise so I really have to set myself straight. It’s what I’ve always done for you so I’m sorry that I messed up that one time, I won’t let it happen again, I don’t know what came over me because I never got myself into that kind of trouble before but I promise I’ll go back to how it was before.” 

“But you’re not happy.” 

“If you and the boys are happy, then I’m happy too.” she smiled at me, so genuinely. How was she so selfless? How have I never noticed? All I thought about was myself the past few years that I had no idea she was hurting.

After all this time, I’ve finally come to realise, my image, the scolding. Non of it was worth it. All this time Y/N did everything she could to protect my image like she had promised to. But when she slipped up that one time to be a normal teenage girl, we scolded her, we hurt her. I finally realised how hard it must have been for her to neglect a fun life, where she could do whatever she wanted. She was never able to be herself because she didn’t want it to affect us. She put us before herself and we selfishly put ourselves before her, or more like I put myself before her. Is our image really that important if it made those around us miserable? All this time she was looking out for us, for me. But I never did the same for her. 


END!!! thanks for reading!! 

miss-mojache replied to your post

Do you have a tutorial on how you shade/color? If…

Would you ever do a tut about how you draw night elf eyes?? Im really struggling, especially with the gold /o/ but i love the way you xolour them!

Not really tutorial worthy. I just paint eyes like normal and then put a glowy layer over it. 

I use Manga/Clip Studio so the layer setting i use is “Add(Glow)” with a light blue or whatever color looks right to me for that piece. Using an airbrush brush..brush

A dodge layer would work in Photoshop i think? 

8
4

We’re all free men here. And I wish to stay that way.

As do we all.

3

R A D

(almost done with my lup cosplay for animazement!! gonna find some bling and a red jacket. … .. taako is my twinso @midoizuku!)

Painter Connor

Whoop whooping it’s done!


Tag list @sea-creature-anons @imperfectanatomy @diamond-anon @piano-anon @watch-the-whole-world-disappear @spade-anon @stargirl-murphy @avocado-anon @unicorn-anon


•Connor had loved art for as long as he could remember, he had fond memories of preschool where he happily sent his time at the drawing table for most of the day


•as he grew his love for art did to. Soon his childish scribbles of cars and rocket ships turned into detailed sketches of the things around him.


•his favourite thing to do was to sketch the trees down at the orchard and try to copy the intricate details found with in the flowers his mother planted. Especially the sunflowers, he’ll never admit it to anyone but those are his favourite flowers


•when things started to turn dark so did his art. He switched water colour and graphite to oil based paints and charcoal. His hands became stained with paint and smudged with charcoal nearly daily


•he read online once that drawing your depression was meant to help so he started doing that around age 15 and it did help slightly. These were usually done in charcoal in a separate notebook to everything. He’d draw twisted self portraits and some times distorted versions of Larry but mostly it was just dark figures and faceless nightmares


•when he paints he ties his hair up in a bun (he started doing that after he accidentally got paint in his hair and couldn’t seem to get it out for weeks). Usually he’d just use a rubber band or a tie that he stole from Zoe but eventually (since she was tired of Connor stealing hers) Zoe just brought him a cheep back from the supermarket one day


•when he paints he doesn’t care what colour the hair tie is. He’s 100% had a pink glittery one in before and didn’t give a single fuck


•Connor listens to jazz or Frank Sinatra when he paints, usually he has earbuds in but when he can’t find them, because let’s face it Connor loses them every other month, he just plays it full volume on his speaker and pisses of Larry


•Cynthia buys him new canvases and leather bound sketch book for birthdays and over the holidays. Connor is always grateful for that and he often gifts her his artwork at random times


•once after he had a rather bad day and lashed out at Cynthia he drew a family portrait in charcoal and just placed it on her bedside table. Cynthia started crying when she saw the drawing and for sure keeps it in a special place so she can keep looking back on it


•he starts to draw on his arms instead of harming himself, sometimes his whole arm is littered with messy pen sketches.


•once you and Connor starts dating he starts drawing you as well. It started off as just small details at first, he has pages dedicated your your eyes and mouth from different angles and showing different expressions. He wanted to make sure he had those elements down perfectly before he sketched your whole face


•his favourite piece he’s ever done of you was an acrylic panting of you in the orchard during fall. Sometimes when he’s feeling down he looks at it to remember the day


•he paints on your arms and back. It relaxed both you so much. He once covered your back in a swirl of blues and purples as he paints the night sky. He’s also painted sunflowers and your favourite flowers on the inside of your arms


•for your two year anniversary you surprised him with these really nice paint brushes, you have up for months to afford them and Connor nearly cried when he saw them


•he’s almost too scared to use them but he eventually does. He insists the first thing he paints with them is you though.


•he’s painted his and your desk so they match and it’s adorable. Yours is a sunrise while his is a sunset


•low key Connor wears glasses and he had gotten paint all over the lenses before and were too lazy to clean them


•you sometimes challenge Connor to paint something with odd materials. So far he’s painted a forest with just nail polish and the orchard at dusk with just his fingers


•sometimes you and Connor go down to the local children’s hospital and he paints their faces. It’s just a nice cute thing you two do and Connor loves seeing the kids faces light up


•Connor has painted and drawn you naked before. He has a special place in his room to hide those… the last thing he needs is Jared or anyone else finding those.


•after high school Connor wants to go to art school but Larry is strongly against it. It leads to a straight up fight, Cynthia and Zoe try to defend him but Larry stays strong


•he ends up threatening that if he goes to art school he’ll cut him off completely. Connor doesn’t care and ends up doing it anyway, he didn’t care about the money, he just wanted to follow his dreams and be with you


•he gets into a pretty prestigious art school on a scholarship (something you, Cynthia and Zoe are super proud of) and you get into a local collage as well


•you two move into an apartment together and Connor takes it upon himself to surprise you by painting the walls in the bedroom. You nearly cry when you see the wall covered in a near perfect timeline of you relationship with each other


•in collage he starts picking up sculpting and photography, he’s not great at the whole sculpting part of it but he admits he does enjoy playing with the camera


•overall painter Connor is adorable. His hands and clothes are usually splattered with paint and it’s not unusual or him to have a pencil behind his ear or a paintbrush holding his bun in place

Blah

You know what is the bane of all existence- Wattpad. I get that it’s a place where original work is also published-

But I literally cannot stand the fan part of the site. Hear me out on this-

If you’re going to make a fanfic on there, cool. I support you fully- but if you’re going to STEAL a whole fanfic from another site- Shame on you. You should know the terms and policies of Wattpad to KNOW that it’s a violation on their rules. Just because you want to share works that you’ve seen- don’t do this. Don’t take someones stories that DO NOT belong to you and post them up just for popularity gain. I don’t care if you ‘didn’t know’ or that ‘Oh, well I just wanted to share one of my favorite stories!’- If you didn’t write it- if you didn’t make it- DON’T POST IT!!! Like I don’t even see credit to the original author on this stuff.

Another thing is- Picture books. Unless YOU DREW THOSE PICTURES don’t post it. I cannot stress how many picture books I’ve seen on Wattpad- and how DISGUSTED I am with the amount of lack of care for these artists that had their artwork stolen. These users literally have no lack of respect and use the excuse of well- “Oh well I don’t know the artist but I respect them-” 

No. No you don’t. You steal their work, you take credit for their work, YOU’RE LITERAL SCUM IF YOU THINK IT’S FUNNY AND CUTE TO TAKE HARD WORK FROM OTHERS JUST TO BE PRAISED- YOU’RE A SELFISH THIEF AND YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN BE ON A WRITING SITE IF ALL YOU DO IS STEAL WORK.

Don’t be this person. Don’t be scum. And there is no excuse as to why you can’t give credit and why you don’t ask. THERE IS NO EXCUSE-

Saying- “Credit goes to original artist-” Or “I didn’t draw this-” Does not count. It literally shows how low of a person you are. It shows you’re selfish, it shows you don’t care about others, and it shows that you think you’re entitled to every fan content out there. Newsflash for you, you’re not. It just shows how big of an obnoxious jerk you are and how you don’t even care if you hurt others for your gain of popularity. 

And Wattpad? Get your site together, actually take your copyright violations seriously rather let these things happen. Actually get yourselves together like Fanfiction.net or Ao3 or something like that. 

I’m sorry, but I just had to make this post- ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE IN THE BURST FANDOM-

As stated in the other post- BE CAREFUL OF WATTPAD USERS AND THEIR LACK OF CARE/RESPECT FOR YOUR WORK. Make sure you’re putting your watermarks on your work and make absolutely sure to check and see if your artwork is being used without your permission or credit to you- or even edited. And if it is, kindly send a (nice) message asking users to take down the work or credit you (it’s up to you) and if they do not comply to your wishes feel free to report them. 

anonymous asked:

may i request some sad ones where the mc wants to break up with the minor trio?? but then she realizes that she was just having a hard time and wants to be back w them :-) i love ur headcanons btw!!! ☺

✿ *claps hands together* hello naughty children, it is time for angst. warning: there’s physical abuse in the Saeran section. (also vanderwood’s is really stupid.)

V

  • god fucking damn are you sick and tired of being a replacement for Rika.
  • It’s not even just that. If it was, maybe you could salvage this train wreck of a relationship. V has some serious issues that go deeper than just using you as a replacement goldfish for his cult leader ex-girlfriend, and you can’t deal with the way he continually puts you on a pedestal.
  • he idealizes everything about you - from your appearance to your actions, he treats everything you are as something to be admired. even when you’re in the wrong, he stands valiantly by you, telling you that it’s not your fault and your pain does not make you unlovable.
  • on it’s on, that’d be fine, but… he treats you like he’d treat art
  • that sounds romantic, but fuck you’re a person and you don’t want him to admire your pain, you want him to help you work through it and become better. stronger.
  • you are human, sometimes you are wrong, but V will never, ever acknowledge that. he airbrushes away all your faults and only sees you for part of who you really are.
  • Living up to the image of you he has in his head is so stressful. It’s like you’re living in a glass tower, and any moment he could realize “you’re not what he thought you were” and shatter the entire facade.
  • it’s too much. the constant worry, the constant sensation that the person he thinks he’s dating isn’t really who you are… 
  • you find yourself getting nauseous whenever he smiles sweetly at you. (you don’t want to be his light! you don’t want to be his entire world! you just want to be you!)
  • You tell him over coffee. Quietly, like you’ve rehearsed the entire thing - because you have. You still love V. You still care for him, and you know you could wound him deeply with a misplaced word, so everything you say is very composed. Cool. Clinical, almost, as you try to restrain your own emotions.
  • He listens to you without interrupting, the only sign of his upset being the way his fingers tighten around his ceramic cup. And, when you’re done, his reply is a simple, “Ah.”
  • “I see.”
  •  (is that it? you can’t help but wonder. you thought he’d fight you at least a little. maybe he’d beg, say he wants to fix things -)
  • But he doesn’t do any of that. He just sits there, staring into his coffee, before saying, “I - I respect your decision.”
  • FUCKING HELL V
  • maybe it’s irrational, but that just reinforces everything that you’re feeling - that he’ll automatically accept any decision of yours without trying to debate it at all. that your relationship has never been anything more than worship from him, and he’ll do whatever you say without an ounce of push-back.
  • that you can’t trust him to have opinions of his own.
  • You don’t feel good about it at all as you take your leave. It wasn’t satisfying, it didn’t feel complete… kind of like the underwhelming ending to a M. Night Shyamalan film.
  • You go through the next few weeks in a daze. V in the messenger is indistinguishable from normal - that is, distant-yet-kind and horribly polite. You wonder if you actually mattered to him, or if he already found something new to fill the void that you left.
  • (or… maybe you just momentarily filled a void that Rika had left behind, and had never made an impression of your own?)
  • it hurts.
  • like a wound that’s just ignored instead of treated, like an unwanted child that everyone prays will go away… it hurts.
  • You’ve resolved yourself to this growing numbness when, in the middle of the night, there’s a series of furious knocks on your door. Opening it you find, to your shock, V.
  • Disheveled, drunk, eyes red from what clearly was a fit of sobbing… he sways at your doorway, puts his hand against the wall for support, and asks if you’d consent to let him in.
  • Now, V is not a man who rants. V is a proper, composed, polite man who has trouble killing bugs because he feels bad for them. But he’s also a man who’s been bottling up emotions for too long, and everything spills out that night. How he’s pissed off that you ever thought that he didn’t love you, how he’s pissed off about how he tried his best to be supportive but no matter what he does apparently it’s not good enough because that was why you left him, how he’s pissed off at you, at the world, at himself because he knows he shouldn’t be mad but shit
  • shit.
  • But it’s V, so like, he doesn’t actually swear. He doesn’t even really know how to express anger, so his frustration is wholly ineffectual, trailing off in parts as he gets quiet and mad at himself. He doesn’t even yell! There’s a stark disconnect between what he says and how he says it that is really very surreal.
  • it’s… something you’ve wanted to see for a long time. his true feelings. him, for once, standing up against something and taking issue with it. He ends up falling asleep on your couch, and you’re left with a lot to think about.
  • You don’t get back together tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after… But you do actually start talking again. You start breaking down that wall V put up around his heart, and what’s opened up is a path to an actual, functioning relationship between two people who can share their feelings equally.

Saeran

  • oh saeran, baby. you wish things could be different, but he frightens you.
  • You understand why he’s like this. He had a horrible life that didn’t give him the skills to properly handle his emotions, but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying when he yells at you, when he gets frustrated and punches things, and when he gets this horrible look in his eyes that makes you want to hide the knives.
  • You try. You really, really do. You want to give him the things that he’s never had - love, support - and for awhile? It seems like it might actually work. Like “love will find a way” and help fix his problems. But he loses his cool, he loses control, and you start getting scared to get in disagreements with him because
  • because if he could try to strangle his brother
  • would he do that to you?
  • the answer is, apparently, yes, because after a particularly explosive argument where he’s afraid you’re cheating on him (spoiler alert: you’re not but that’s another problem, his paranoia and suspicion) he shoves you against the wall and hurts you pretty badly.
  • Once he realizes what he did, everything evaporates - the anger, the rage - but it’s too late. you’re scared, you’re sobbing, and you’re tired of trying to change him.
  • At first, he begs. God does he beg. Never in person - because one of the first things he says to you after you leave him that day is “he won’t visit you until you say it’s okay”, and he stands by that. That respect of your space is almost enough to get you to give him a second chance, but Zen - bless his soul, he’s been listening to you talk endlessly about this - says no fucking way holy shit he hurt you.
  • After awhile, the begging stops. He goes quiet, actually, and you check in on Seven to see how he’s doing. (he’s not hurting himself, is he? he’s eating? he’s… is he doing okay?)
  • The answer is… kind of surprising. Obviously he’s doing pretty bad, but he’s been calm. After that first really bad week, he hasn’t lashed out at anyone - Seven, Vanderwood, even himself - and he’s been -
  • wait. whoops, sorry, Seven wasn’t supposed to tell you that last bit.
  • You’re like - what? before Seven hangs up.
  • A few weeks later, you get a message from Saeran asking you if he could meet you somewhere. A coffee-shop or something. Somewhere public. There’s some things he’d like to say to you.
  • You’re like - okay, particularly because you haven’t seen him at all since that day and there are things you want to say yourself.
  • Stepping into the coffee-shop, you look around and almost don’t recognize him at first. He’s still the sweater-wearing loser you knew before, but something is… different about his posture. More restrained.
  • You sit across from him, nervous, and he looks up at you and gives you a little wave.
  • There’s a bit of small-talk. About you, about your lives… and then he brings up the real reason he wanted to meet you.
  • “I’ve been going to therapy lately, and it’s been helping. I promise that I am trying to change, so I was wondering…”
  • (Deep breath.)
  • “If you’ve like to be friends again.”
  • You’re honestly shocked. You’d been afraid of more begging, more of him telling you that he can’t live without you, please get back together with him but this is…
  • …A really mature response!
  • He’s collected. He’s composed. And he seems to genuinely just want to be your friend again, even if your trust in him has been broken forever.
  • It…. admittedly doesn’t take long for “friendship” to turn into “well let’s try a round two of this shall we”, though to your credit, you do put some rules on the relationship. He hurt you, and abuse is not something to treat lightly. However, he genuinely wants to recover… and as long as he keeps putting his money where his mouth is… things will work out.

Vanderwood

  • hhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhHHHH YOU ARE SICK OF HOW FINNICKY, DISHONEST, AND SECRETIVE THIS ASSHOLE IS
  • WILL THEY TELL YOU WHEN SOMETHING IS WRONG? NO. NO, THEY JUST FUCKING BROOD AND KEEP IT TO THEMSELVES.
  • WILL THEY LET YOU WASH THE DISHES? NO. NO, THEY SAY YOU DON’T DO IT RIGHT AND WILL GET PISSY WITH YOU IF YOU TRY TO HELP THEM OUT.
  • WILL THEY HOLD YOUR HAND IN PUBLIC? NO. NO, THEY JUST GET. FUCKING. EMBARRASSED. LIKE THEY ARE TWELVE YEARS OLD.
  • YOU’RE SO DONE WITH IT!!!
  • the breakup happens when you just so happened to drop a glass at their house and they got SO passive aggressive and SO whiny about it, and then they cut themselves on the glass and WOULDN’T LET YOU HELP THEM, and it’s like
  • oh my god
  • you are done
  • you say you are finished with them being a stubborn child and stomp out the door as they stare at you with a shell-shocked expression on their face.
  • You ignore all phone calls from them for a good two days afterwards. No one else in the RFA even knows the two of you had a fight, because LMAO would VANDERWOOD ever TELL SOMEONE ABOUT A PROBLEM? HELL NO. So nothing changes there.
  • you basically just stew on your annoyance until you open the door one day to go out shopping and
  • there’s vanderwood
  • shuffling about awkwardly with a bouquet of flowers.
  • you stare at them and ask what they’re doing on your doorstep, and they’re like
  • “uhhhhhh i was. i was just.”
  • (pause to come up with a convincing lie.)
  • “i was just about to knock.”
  • (you are 90% certain that they’ve probably been there for fifteen minutes.)
  • “What do you want,” you say, and look at the flowers in their hand, to which they reply…
  • “to prostrate myself before you and beg for your forgiveness.”
  • WELL GET FUCKIN PROSTRATING BUDDY
  • To your shock, they actually do, getting on their knees and bowing their head on the shitty carpet of your apartment building. and, for once in their life, vanderwood is honest.
  • “I’m a complete dumbass, I’m sorry that I repeatedly pushed you away in some sort of fucked up defense mechanism, I’ll try to chill out about unimportant shit and I’ll stop say “it’s nothing” when there’s clearly a problem so please take me back I love you and I miss you.”
  • You’re already kind of melting from the initial bout of psychoanalysis, and the fact that they remembered your favorite flowers sort of takes the cake, so… yeah.
  • yeah, you’ll forgive them.
  • BUT BUDDYYYYYY YOU BETTER ACKNOWLEDGE THAT USING THINGS OTHER THAN YOUR FAVORITE BRAND OF LEMON-SCENTED FURNITURE POLISH IS OK
3

things that should be appreciated more:

Ianto’s eyelashes.