One time my friends and I decided to have a bubble bath, and at first there weren’t any bubbles so we dumped soap into the water and put the jets on high. Then we left the room to get food and when we returned the whole bathroom was submerged in bubbles, so we jumped in.
Your grades are falling. Your parents are angry. Your teachers are giving you detentions. They just don’t understand your newfound no studying aesthetic. You need to stay strong, lest you be forced into productivity, but what can you do about your increasing amount of guilt and worry for the future. Thankfully, I dont-studyblr are here to help you today with some top tips to regulate your emotions!
Repress To Impress! - Somebody say something that upset you? Worried that your job prospects are forever marred by the letter F? Kill someone? Repress it! Whenever you feel anything other than numbness, shove it down somewhere deep and dark to fester. Emotions will never bother you again!
Protip: Some people have different methods of repressing emotions. Don’t be afraid to experiment a bit and find out what works for you!
Forget Everything - This should be easy if you have practised emotional repression, in fact you may find yourself doing this naturally! Memories of things such as the rent, grades and your loved ones are pointless, so throw them into the void with your emotions! They can keep your emotions company!
Protip: Don’t forget things such as how to use the Internet, where the fridge is and how to breathe. Your life as a voluntary amnesiac won’t be as enjoyable!
Happiness? What’s that? - “dont-studyblr! Happiness is good!” you say, weeping in a corner. To that, I shake my head while waggling my virtual finger. Some people cling on to happiness and/or misery. But they’re emotions, and you want all-consuming numbness so you can have full emotional regulation. Otherwise you could do something silly, like be happy about the birth of your firstborn or cry when get kicked out of college. Wouldn’t that be embarrassing?
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Nothing Matters- In the end, nothing matters. There is nothing but oblivion after death, for are minds are just chemical reactions. And we will all die, as we start doing when we are born. Eventually, the Earth will be parched and devoured by the Sun, and even if humanity outlives that, eventually the Universe will gradually become eternal nothing as the last star sputters out. Why bother with anything?