bad diction

andrewlloydwebber  asked:

I really want Patti to do one performance of Marya D in Great Comet... I wanna hear her bad diction... also "standing face to face" or whatever the song is reminds me of "I will Never Leave You"

yes and YES
you’re a visionary

I feel so bad ‘cause I’m somewhere between allergies and sick so my voice is really soft and indistinct and my sign language is somewhat lacking as usual so talking to hoh workers I just have to hope that they’re good at lip reading…

pa-parapà-(phernalia)

One day you will discover the birth of my writings, then you will want to compulsively double-click my eyes to reopen. Truth, like a drop of dew is the victory of condensation over evaporation. Eve, wouldn’t it be better if my comma between the brackets of the legs passed under an apostrophe? Wouldn’t it be better than the varicocele of verses? This is unendlessness, last time it was a success. Wouldn’t it be better to strike while the iron is hot? The darkroom is a furnace of cold hands. How I want you to take the photo of my anonymity! While the actress speaks of 231 antecedents through which the world was created. This play is derived Giottesquely by having a circle been drawn and writing my rosary of bad diction into the thin line of the circumference. Please believe in my hebetude, this is a second-hand thing (bête of ineptitude). If one now joined what is obvious in the drama with sexual matters and the sports daily, and then with all the vowels of disdain and the other five of paranoia, you would have a total of two different theatres. Are you in? The supernumeraries are a result of experimentations with blue-eyed shame. In this process, talent towers over any alchemist transformation. Dense and stale, the stalemate produces various fine classmates. These are not much Hellenic, cutting formations of margins after the smooth surface of the script, postscriptum. I think we have a more interesting connection than a layer of prologue with the cancellation of the show. This means: simply, the hardest way. According to the early Kabbalists, the mouths of the actors are hinted at the possibility of a chord. In drama, the notes of a chord do not have to be played together at the same time. The most frequently encountered chords are triads: a daughter is spelled h i m. These letters can also spell out b e c o m e h i m, which literally means “naturally I have no idea how to introduce”. For example: at the very beginning Euripides states that every peasant is kind to all and respectful of all the names’ virginity. Another example: if Agamemnon lives, Electra and Orestes they have no idea what they’re getting into. Maybe Orestes has. Waters in distress. I want this challenge.

Star Wars Rant-Along: TFA EDITION! (Chapter XII)

Continuing on with the no-so-drunk theme of more recent posts, it’s time for another Star Wars Rant Along: TFA EDITION! We’re getting closer to the end of the novel by now (about two-thirds of the way in) and I am very, very excited that we are. Not only because I no longer have time to write these things (I’m currently traveling across Canada) but also because I’m tired. I’m tired of this book and I’m tired of being disappointed, and my liver is screaming at me to stop, so I will. Sober from here on out.

For those of you who are wondering what these posts are, basically I’m reading through the TFA novelization chapter-by-chapter, and I’m making a running/ranting commentary on it. You can find my full explanation on this thing here. For prior TFA rants, click on the links below. My state of inebriation is in brackets next to each one, to give you an idea of what to expect.

This week is TFA CHAPTER XII (in which we finally get a glimpse of the future)

Originally posted by trashwilldo

^The future, with long, flowing, luscious locks.

Alright, let’s get to the goods.

Summary

  • Last week: the crew arrived on Takodana. Maz had A Thing™ for the Walking Carpet, Finn decided to get the fuck outta dodge, and Rey became upset when he did.
  • This week: Rey waxes poetic about loneliness and suffers through her first Force vision. The Hosnian System is destroyed by Starkiller. Hux gets a hernia. Takodana is attacked by the First Order and Kylo begins his all important “search for the girl.”

Livebloggin’ (happy we’re finally getting to the interesting parts)

Pg 169:

All the discussion and debate was making Rey weary. Coupled with Finn’s confession and his walking out on the rest of them, it made her wonder, not for the first time, what she was doing here. She felt lost and alone.

No different, she told herself, than she had felt on Jakku.

Alone… alone… It echoed in her mind as she sat there. Under the weight of her loneliness Han’s voice seemed to fade, and Maz Kanata’s as well, until there was nothing surrounding her but a silence as deep and profound as the distant reaches of space itself.

Then something came, stealthy and unidentifiable, to fill it.

Originally posted by hiddlestonandtom

Keep reading

(FULL)140910 Sukira - Super Junior
  • RW: They’re(SJ) reading the script right now, and are preparing. They’re talking with script writers to make the show funny today
  • RW: We will listen to one more song, and will bring in Super Junior … I’m also Super Junior ㅋㅋ
  • KI: Sungmin-ssi isn’t feeling good at all today, so he wasn’t included in the radio schedule, but he heard members will go so he came too
  • RW: Someone is missing today DH: Yesung-ssi? RW: Kyuhyun-ssi ㅋㅋㅋ KI: It’s okay, he went to talk sharply about other people anyways
  • RW: (To Siwon) Why do you think you are famous in China? (SD? not sure): Wealth?
  • HC: Personally, I like guys with mustache. So I recommended it to Siwon-ssi, “grow it out”
  • SW: and other members have ### followers.. KI: So all the other members are in the ‘others’? Siwon and others?
  • EH: I’m fine just being ‘others’ if I can be in a group with Siwon-ssi LT: I don’t know if I can say it this way, but I am ‘trash’
  • KI: no no, I think we’ve gone too far LT: I- KI: Leeteuk-ssi, Leeteuk-ssi, how long has it been since you came on radio? ㅋㅋㅋ
  • EH: Whenever I hid my eyes, the album did well. I thought, why don’t I cover it up overall?
  • EH: But I think the original picture is prettier. I think they edited it weirdly. I’ll send you guys the original photo later
  • DH: how can I talk about it myself? I can’t even talk well
  • SD: Do you like Mamacita or Shirt more? DH: I- HC: I like mamacita more, or ‘I don’t know why we did Mamacita, shirt is definitely better’
  • DH: Don’t go that far~ LT: If Mamacita and Shirt were to fall in water KI: Wait wait. Leeteuk-ssi that’s too 2 years ago
  • SD: So 2 years ago~ HC: Don’t be so mean to my friend~
  • HJ: it’ll be big trouble if Donghae’s movie is released. Everyone will fall in love with his charms. I watched the edited version that was on his computer
  • RW: I wasn’t able to do the ‘thank you’ ment after winning first place SD: Right, he went after prerecording for another schedule
  • LT: I’d also like to thank Teddy Riley. Members: Is he your friend? HC: Isn’t Teddy YG?
  • There was a ‘Su-Per-Ju-Nior’ part in MAMACITA, but they edited it out in mastering.
  • They measured the size of members’ back~
  • They wanted to do a segment where Leeteuk and Eunhyuk would sit in the DJ seat again, but now they said they won’t have time for it
  • SD: many people wanted to know why Heechul-ssi is wearing eye makeup in MAMACITA stage HC: Ah, Elsa makeup?
  • HC: The song is ‘MAMACITA’, a pretty lady, but a pretty lady doesn’t appear in the lyrics(?) so I decided to become MAMACITA myself
  • LT: Do you like sons better or daughters?
  • KI: In past, I liked sons more, because they would be like me, but then I thought ‘ah, he can’t become like me’ so I like daughters more now
  • From those who got the body size ranking right, 5 will be selected and they will win SJ selcas~
  • HC: Ho script writer keeps touching my butt!
  • How does it feel like, being back?
  • LT: Being able to wake up when I want, being able to eat what I want.. I realized that it’s a small happiness..
  • HC: How do you feel about going on Real Man?
  • LT: No. There are two shows I would never go on, Real Man and Law of the Jungle.
  • RW: You (Eunhyuk) look like a garlic~
  • RW: There is also a question for Sungmin-ssi~ SM: Oh, I’m talking now? RW: Talking after 40 minutes~ ㅋㅋ
  • Do you like Super Junior more or Musical? EH: If Super Junior and Musical were to fall in water ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
  • Sungmin got the idea for his hairstyle from a webtoon~
  • Leeteuk: Yeaaa (gets up) Kangin: Hyung, sit down. Really Heechul: Don’t be like that to my friend!
  • The loser for this segment(phone call with friend) has to sexy dance while showing abs
  • Eunhyuk called gag man Lee JinHo~
  • EH: Who is the SM staff that I collaborated with recently? LT: JYP JYP
  • Jinho: That was Kangin-ssi right? His ‘diction’ is bad. KI: Jinho-ssi, hey Jinho-ssi, spell ‘diction’ ㅡ,ㅡ
  • KI: Jinho-ssi, aren’t you closest with me? Jinho: I will go learn more about Eunhyuk-ssi from now on
  • RW: Now it’s Donghae-ssi’s turn Members: who will he call? Donghwa hyung?
  • The person Donghae called got all the questions wrong, except for one about Donghae’s age. Donghae called CNBlue’s MinHyuk
  • RW: Have you listened to our new song? Minhyuk: Yes Members: Then sing a line~ 1 2 3 4 Minhyuk: What?ll
  • Members: 1 2 3 4~ Minhyuk: …. I’m dancing it now!
  • Minhyuk said he heard Mamacita before it was out (from Donghae), and members said “He!! leaking songs like that!”
  • Heechul called Lee Yoobin she got many questions right, and members asked: who is she? is she your girlfriend?
  • When members asked Minhyuk earlier, “what are you doing?” minhyuk said he was talking a stroll around his house. Members said ‘be careful of cameras~’ and when they asked YooBi what she’s doing, she also said “talking a stroll~” so members were like “OHHHH” Members told her “See you on the news article tomorrow~~ have a nice stroll~”
  • Shindong called Jung Joonyung. He got 2 questions right. They asked him to sing one line, and he said “yayayaya!!! ya!!”
  • LT called Jung Joonil and he got 7 questions right. LT said they met each other through radio, and that JoonIl visited him 7 times when he was in army
  • Siwon called DBSK Changmin
  • Siwon: what is my (jae) height (ki) ? Members: Jackie Chan! Jackie Chan!
  • Members: What are you doing? Changmin: I just took a shower Members: are you not going on a stroll?? Changmin: I will go on it too . Members: ooooooooh~ ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
  • LT: You are close with KH-ssi, who do you like more, Siwon-ssi or Kyuhyun-ssi? Changmin: ah… Siwon-ee hyung? ah…. Members: ah kyuhyun-ee
  • Changmin: I like Siwon-ee hyung because he has lots of money~
  • Kangin’s call now, and Kangin said : I’m not really calling someone famous.. LT: It’s okay, it can even be your dad Kangin: It’s not my dad
  • Sungmin tried his call but he got ‘The customer is on the phone right now..’ and members were like ‘done!! finished!!’
  • They let Sungmin have another chance ~ Sungmin called Jung Juri~
  • Donghae is the loser of this segment! they will release the sexy dance+abs video via SNS~
  • Back Size : 8th place. Eunhyuk , Kangin #1.
  • Leeteuk got a present for winning the phone call segment and he got to choose the song. He chose Only U
  • They have another quiz segment now, with quiz from members
  • Q1: “I Eunhyuk, felt (the member is) insane when ____ member did ___”
  • LT: When Donghae talked like bbbbppffffttt? EH: No no, that’s him being sane. If he talked well, then he wouldn’t be sane
  • Answer is: When Sungmin said he wouldn’t eat jajangmyeon. Members said Sungmin really loves jajangmyeon
  • Q2 “Shindong feels ‘why is he saying that?’ when ___ member said other people look like celebrities” -A: Ryeowook
  • Kangin said Donghae pretends to be a foreigner, and that it’s not funny DH: What, are you done? talk more about me!
  • An audio message from Leeteuk, to members
  • Leeteuk said “why did they make me do this? I said I don’t want to!ㅋㅋ” while walking back in after the letter
  • Message:
  • From Leeteuk, to beloved Members,
  • It might be embarrassing but I hope you listen
  • Our members should be really worn out from the busy schedules these days
  • But I am thankful about you guys, who work without showing (your tiredness), and also proud
  • I never imagined that we would receive so much love in the 10 years we’ve ran together
  • and that we would become this close
  • Thank you for being together like this
  • It is true that I am having many thoughts these days
  • ‘Is the road that we’re going down together, the right road?’
  • I think of worries like that often.
  • And I think in the end, the answer to these worries are our members
  • Just … that we would embrace each other more and understand each other more…
  • I hope that we will be together for a long time
  • That it.. I think that’s what I think.
  • Let’s work together for a long time. I sincerely love you guys.
  • Teuk: Donghae composed Shirt which almost became title track, so he is a little disappointed
  • Credit: 金圣诞是理想型
  • T@ELF_thoughts & NKsubs
Heaven Lost an Angel When I Found Mine

A/N: So I attempted to write another drabble but came out with this long, ungodly thing. Once again, it is likely severely suckish in manner, but I was on a roll. This story contains bad language at times, and bad diction. Also, I have not proofread it, and likely won’t until the writer’s remorse sets in tomorrow since it is 3:40 in the morning. Nevertheless, thanks for reading!

PART 2 HERE -> http://poeticespionage.tumblr.com/post/88842126279/heaven-lost-an-angel-when-i-got-mine-chapter-2

——————

I tried to pick her up along with the broken pieces. She was like a porcelain doll played too roughly with. Her hair a mess, all the color drained from her face, eyes glassy and almost flat, and her arms and legs stiff. But, my God was she beautiful. Even in her misery, she looked like the most beautiful angel I had ever seen.

I bent down behind her and reached underneath her arms to lift her off the ground. Clearly, she had been crying because her shirt was tear-stained and still visibly wet. Her hair clinging to the sides of her face, as beads of sweat lined her forehead.

She was limp in my arms - complete dead weight. Silence surrounding us, as I tried to bring her back to life. She would not make a sound however.

Never in all my years, had I seen someone with so much vivacity completely drained of their thirst for life.

As I got her to her feet, she stumbled backwards, slightly off balance, likely due to dehydration. I took a stance in front of her and began to wipe the hair, sweat, and tears away from her face. Yet, she continued to stare off into space, almost as if she was catatonic.

There wasn’t anything that I could say to make it better, and there wasn’t anything I could do to bring that spark, that I loved so much, back to her eyes. I hated myself so much for being so worthless, for not stopping her before she got this far.

I knew that seeing him would hurt her, but I thought that’s what she needed - what we needed. However, I learned just how selfish I had been because I realized it had all been for me. It was what I needed or rather wanted.

I had wanted her my entire life. As soon, as I met her, I knew that she was what I had been waiting for - that she was the catalyst of change in my life. I had needed her since the moment we met.

She was addictive and maddening. Her fiery spirit burning holes in my defenses. I needed her even though I tried and tried to convince myself that it wasn’t right. We were too different. I was too uptight, and she was too beautiful. Not to mention, too young at the time we first met, but I couldn’t stop myself from falling head over heels in love with her.

I tried to keep my distance and always keep her at arm’s length, but inevitably, she would worm her way back into my heart. Her smile practically killed me, causing the intense and rough persona I had created, to melt away. So I became a puddle of mush, breaking my face in half with more smiling than I had ever done before.

No matter what I did, I just couldn’t say “no” to her. At first, it irritated the crap out of me. I needed to man up and stop pretending that impossible things would happen. Not to mention, it threatened my reputation to be this complete pushover. But, inevitably and as I predicted the day we said “goodbye”, she had won.

She had become so far embedded under my skin that it literally pained me to be away from her. She had not won the trophy, but she had won her power over me.

It was inevitable.

At the end of it all, I didn’t even want the trophy. I just wanted to be her friend, her companion, her confidante, for as long as I could be, before she would move on from me and realize that it was creepy for me to enjoy her company so much.

————-

I bided my time to stay as close to her, as I possibly could. She was becoming my best friend, and one of the only people I could trust.

And that ruse, lasted for a good six years. Whatever she needed me to be, I would do my best to become. If she needed a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to dismiss the worries of her impending stardom, I would do my best. It was my motto to do the best I could do every day, and with her it was no different.

I wanted her to know that I would never allow anyone or anything ever to hurt her. Because I loved her with all my heart, and she was just as much a part of my family as my brother.

….

However, I failed her. I knew I would because I became too greedy, as she grew up, and as I became more and more confused.

We would text everyday and talk on the phone for hours, until one of us finally fell asleep. The one of us, almost always being her. It would make my heart skip a beat to hear her voice grow sleepier by the second until all I heard on the other end was her quiet steady breathing.

It frustrated me so much to hang up the phone.

It also made my heart skip a beat whenever she would look at me with that childlike wonder twinkling in her big brown eyes that would probe mine. No matter how much she grew up, she would always be the kid at heart that I loved, confusing me more and more.

It felt wrong to want anything more from her than I already had. I didn’t know how to look at her anymore.

The same heartbreaking smile and deep brown eyes would stare back at me, but she had changed.

Her beauty had skyrocketed more over the years, if that was even possible. The toss of her naturally wavy her, the curl of her lips, the sway of her hips, the legs that would not quit. It was distracting and disturbing to see her grow up.

All along, I knew that I would be lucky to watch her grow up, but I hadn’t prepared to feel this way.

She was this sweet little angel one day and suddenly this wildly enigmatic woman the next. She had always been beautiful, but she was really coming into her own and growing into her body.

It drove me mad.

Here, I had promised to protect her from the world, and all the boys that would potentially break her heart. I had promised to break something of theirs if they hurt one hair on her head. That promise still held, but now, I was one of those boys, desperate for her attention. And honest to God’s truth, I was so much worse than most of the other boys on that list.

I was terrible at commitment and avoided it with a ten-foot pole. I had ended countless relationships because “they just didn’t feel quite right”. With her, it was completely different, but what was to say that I deserved her. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

So I decided to forgo my transitioning feelings toward her and just remain friends. No matter what happened, I had to have her in my life, even if it meant she never knew how I felt.

———
But then, she began dating, and it grew more and more difficult to bite my tongue and ignore just how much I loved her.

I had done well though - that was until this last guy, Nick, who had proposed.

As macho as I am, I literally had to hold back tears, when she called me on the phone at 2AM to tell me that she said “yes”. She gushed about how perfect the proposal was, how much she loved him, and surprisingly, how much even her dad had loved him. She also commented on how well the two of us had gotten along. It was fate, she believed, since all the people that she loved, cared about Nick so much.

“So can you believe it?!” Excitement flooding the speaker of my cellphone.

“I’m getting married!”

“No, but congratulations!” I muttered out, trying to feign the same level of happiness, while holding back tears.

She must have heard something in my voice. She always was able to read me better than anyone else.

“Are you okay? I didn’t call too late did I?” Her tone was turning remorseful.

“No, no. Not at all. I’m… I’m” What was I? “…just so happy for you. You deserve the world.” The tears beginning to creep their way out of the corners of my eyes, and my throat growing more raspy than normal.

“Are you sure, you’re okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m… I’m going to be fine. This is just such big news. Wow.”

The tears falling effortlessly now.

The high of the moment returning back to her voice.

“Well, as long as you’re sure you are okay.”

“I’m okay, babe, so long as… So long as you are happy.” I gripped my chest, as the exasperation rattled through my rib cage.

“I really am! I never thought I could be this happy,” she cheerfully said with just a hint of contemplation.

“Well.. that’s all that matters. I gotta get some rest though, so I best be going. Big performance tomorrow.” My chest heavily weighing on my vocal chords.

“Okay. Sorry, I called so late. You were just the first person I wanted to hear the news.”


“Of course… Now, you get some sleep yourself. I’m sure you’ve got a busy schedule tomorrow, too.” I almost hung up because I literally couldn’t keep pretending anymore.

“Hey?”

“Yeah…”

“You know how much I love you, don’t you? I wouldn’t be where I am without you.” She spoke almost if she knew I felt like I was losing her.

“I know,” I sighed out, holding my forehead with my hand, attempting to hold back the onslaught of feeling some kind of way. It was coming.

“But, it was all you. It’s… always been you… and your hard work. You give me too much credit.”

“Not true, but anyway… Goodnight…”

“Goodnight, babe…”

I listened for one more moment, as she sighed into her phone before hanging up. And, then, I watched as “call ended” over the goofy photo of us together at Disneyland popped up on the screen.

After seeing the photo fade to black, I threw the phone across my bedroom, hitting the bathroom door. And just like that, a downpour of anger and sadness washed over me.

I had lost her.

I
lost
her.

—-
In the following months, all she could talk about was preparing for the wedding and just how excited she was for me to be there to see her get hitched. I tried to keep my distance from her, but once again, she roped me in to help her choose flowers, invitations, menus, everything.

And then, it happened. I popped over to her family’s house to drop off the information for a good tailor I knew, when I ran right into a moment between her and her mom.

My jaw must have hit the floor because she and her mom laughed at me, when they saw my expression.

“Haha. Do I look that badly?” she inquired with a teasing smile.

She was standing on a pedestal, wearing a beautiful strapless, wedding dress, with her hair pulled back casually into a ponytail. Her mom attempting to pin the bustle into place, as she asked her daughter to twirl.

“No! Not at all,” I realized I said that too emphatically.

Moving closer, as if by some sheer sort of magnetism, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

“You look… absolutely… breathtaking.” She literally did, as I was having difficulty forming coherent sentences due to my brain being deprived of oxygen.

She literally took my breath away.

Giggling, she put out her hand for me to grab to help her down from the pedestal.

“You don’t think I look silly?” Worry crossing her face.

Once again, searching for words, the best thing I could muster up was “No! I can’t… I can’t…”

Breathless emotion I hope I was conveying to her in order to allay her ridiculous fear.

“Oh man, I must look really stupid!” She frowned, attempting to go hide.

I grabbed her wrist though and spun her around. If it was possible she, she looked even more beautiful in motion.

“Don’t. You seriously look like an angel. I can’t even… speak, which you know says a lot.” I stared again from toe to head, landing on her newly-formed, heart melting smile.

“Oh, stop!” She said waving her hand and feigning to blush.

At this point, it was pretty much as if I was in an out of body experience because I just grabbed her and hugged her without thinking. Planting a kiss on her cheek.

She was taken a bit aback and looked at me confusedly, as I pulled away. My eyes were fixated on her, staring with my whole heart.

Apparently, it came across because suddenly, she turned bright red, and looked at my coyly. However, the moment ended, when her mom walked back into the room.

That day, as I walked out her front door, I felt more hopeful than ever. Yet, I felt entirely hopeless, if that made any sense. I was irrevocably and unabashedly in love with her. There was no doubt in my mind.

———
However, the days drew nearer to her wedding, and little surfaced to rekindle the hope that I had acquired that day.

It was killing me.

But then, something utterly awful happened.

I had been assigned to be one of the groomsmen in the wedding and was naturally invited to the Bachelor party.

Nick and I were by no means great friends, but he made Zvezda moya happy, so I tolerated him, seeing as how, the wedding was apparently inevitable.

However, all along, I believed that this guy was truly remarkable, and if I could or couldn’t have her, he deserved her, either way. Little did I know, how wrong I was.

Nick and the rest of the groomsmen had decided in typical Bachelor party fashion to visit a strip club. I had my doubts that this would end well, but my heart was broken, so I was looking to drown my sorrows in some stripper’s G-string anyway.

The party started off innocently, as Nick tried to vehemently deny the advances of any strippers, getting the brunt of flack from the other guys. Although he held off the strippers, he started pounding back the Jäger Bombs.

Throughout the night, the other boys would disappear off behind the curtains with the working ladies, so after a while, it was just me and Nick sitting at the bar.

Clearly, I was holding my alcohol better than he was, so I felt obligated to stay by his side despite the lustful looks of the long-legged, brown-eyed, African American stripper up on the stage. I bit my fist, as I turned my back on her to face him.

“So, buddy. You are one lucky son-of-a-bitch!”

“Haha. Don’t I know it?”

“You better, man, or else you’ve got the Russian Army coming after you.” I took another swig of vodka, as I staggered in my chair a little.

“I know! I know! You’re her "big bro” so you’ve got to threaten to beat me up, and shit.“

"That’s right! K’ll murder you, too, if you hurt his little girl.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t you ever get fed up with that shit though?” He questioned slurring his words slightly.

“What do you mean?” I side-eyed him confusedly.

“You know what I’m talking about, man! You don’t have to lie to me. I know it must get old constantly being "bro-zoned”, when all you ever wanted was to fuck her, even if just once. I don’t know how you handled it over all these years. I could barely wait a week.“

It took all my strength not to punch the shit out of him, right then and there. However, I clenched my fists, and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was just utterly shit-faced.

"You should be careful what you say. She is like family to me, and I’d do anything for her.”

“Blah, blah,blah. I know. The whole story about you being family is a crock. You just do it or rather did it in the hopes of getting her to sleep with you. And now, poor bro is whipped, knowing that I’m the one she’s going to be curling up to at night.”

I begged Jesus, Buddha, the Dalai Lama, everyone for further self-control, so that I didn’t deck him clear on the floor. I had never heard him talk about her like this before.

Unfortunately, my anger started to flare up, and Russian anger cannot be contained.

“Listen here, asshole. My relationship with her is not a crock. It never was and never will be. I will always protect her, and I don’t do any of it in hopes of getting anything back from her. I love and respect her, which is something you are not doing, by talking about her like she’s some sort of fuck toy.” I was standing up now, looking him square in the eye, ready & waiting for him to say another word.

“Chill out, man! Chill out. I’m only kidding about you being whipped. Obviously, you care about her. She’s a good girl.”

“A good WOMAN, and a DAMN good one at that.” I emphasized, as I sat back down on the rickety bar stool.

“Right, right. Sorry, geez.” He mocked as he shook his fingers in spirit finger fashion.

From there on, I left him alone. He decided to go join his buddies in a drinking game back at the table, while I continued to furiously throw back shots.

How DARE he talk about her like that! It was disgusting. The stripper on the stage came down and sat beside me at the bar.

“Strawberry daiquiri, Vinny.” She purred through her teeth.

I just stared straight ahead.

“Wow. You look thoroughly pissed. What’s got you all worked up?”

I glanced at her sideways, noticing now, why she had grabbed my attention. She looked a lot like a sleazier version of Zvezda moya far away. Up close, there wasn’t a comparison.

“Why should I tell you?”

“Well, because I happen to be a good listener. You know, being a stripper and bartender and all.”

“You tend bar here?”

“Yeah, when I’m not working the pole.” She laughed.

“So why so angry?”

“Just some asshole, particularly that asshole,” I motioned over toward Nick at the table, “disrespecting my friend.”

“Your friend, huh? Seems like a pretty good friend. So what’s her name?”

“What? How did you know I was referring to a woman?”

“Eh, a combination of things. The look in your eyes when you said ‘friend’ and the fact that I know that asshole quite well. He’s always sleeping with the girls here, and well let’s just say, he ain’t no saint.”

“Wait a minute! You mean that guy over there?” I pointed directly at Nick, as I turned in the barstool.

“Yeah, him. He’s here at least once a month. Claims he’s got a girl that leaves him all the time because she’s a fame whore and ain’t got time for him. He swears with ever girl he picks up that he ‘really likes them’ and ‘wants to get to know them’ - no ‘funny business’. He makes out pretty well though, leaving in the middle of the night. That boy is bad news.” She scoffed, gingerly sipping her daiquiri.

“And this has happened recently?” I inquired with a dumbfounded expression.

“Oh yeah! He’s been here at least once every month for the last year and a half.”

That little mat! They had just got engaged 8 months ago!

I shook my head in disbelief and took one last shot before I stood up and made my way over to the “bachelor”.

“Where you going, stranger?”

“I’ve got to go set something right.”

The alcohol had taken a bit of an effect on my coordination, making my footsteps seem extremely heavy and my head light, almost like it was floating away. But, boy was I focused and beyond pissed!

So I walked over to Nick and his friends, laughing at the girl, giving Sean, Nick’s best friend and best man, a lap dance.

I tapped on Nick’s shoulder and when he turned around, lifted him by the the collar, and …
*bam*

I punched the shit out of him, not once but several times, as the alcohol had pretty much numbed my extremities.

He fell to the ground, as I shook my hand, feeling the sting of some pain shooting through my nerves.

The girls on stage were screaming, once they saw the blood dripping off my hand, and I was thrown at the stage by Sean, who decided to stick up for his shitty best friend.

Fortunately for him, Nick’s other friends came over and held me in place, as Sean repeatedly hit me in the stomach and the face, kicking me, when I fell to the ground.

All I remember after that was the sound of bouncers yelling at the groomsmen and feet kicking through to get to me.

Soon, the twang and deafening ringing in my head overcame my ability to stay conscious, so I just blacked out.

————-
Apparently, the cops had come to take statements from bystanders, in order to determine who was to blame, as well as, two ambulances.

Nick was rolled away in one, and allegedly I, in another.

I awoke to the throbbing pain of my headache only to see my brother sitting beside me, drawing some inappropriate tattoo on my arm.

“Hey, look! Sleeping Beauty awakens!”

“Where am I?” I questioned, already knowing that I was in the hospital, but which one I didn’t know.

“Well, Bambi… you decided to make a complete and utter ass out of yourself, which led you to have a bar fight with your girl’s fiancé and his friends. Ultimately, leaving you with a concussion, two fractured ribs, a broken nose, and two STUNNING, and I do mean STUNNING, black eyes. Looks like you’ve got another battle scar, bro.”

“Oh shit… Ow. They got me good, didn’t they?”

“Well, let’s just say Nick doesn’t look too good either.”

“That asshole!”

“So, I’m guessing you two finally got into a fight over her, huh?”

“What?”

“C’mon bro, I may be getting old, but I’m not blind. There’s been a riff between the two of yous since you first met.”

“Yeah, well. I was right to not like him!”

“‘Cause he’s marrying your girl.” It wasn’t a question. Simply a declaration. Maks knew all along that his little brother was terrible at hiding his feelings.

“No, not because of that. Because, he’s a pig! He’s been sleeping around behind her back, while she’s off making the world a better place. And then, he has the nerve to tell me that I’m jealous of him. Ha.”

“I told you I could tell he was trouble. You never listen to me! But to be fair, you are jealous of him.”

“I am not jealous of that despicable example of a human being.”

“You so are! But that’s not the point. Does she know?”

My face sank, thinking about breaking the news to her. She and her family were so happy, and so close to being the most beautiful bride the world had ever seen.

“No… Of course, she doesn’t.”

“What?! You aren’t going to tell her? Tell me I am wrong, bro. Tell me you are going to tell her the truth.”

I gulped nervously.

“I can’t. I can’t ruin her happiness. You have no idea how happy she has been. I can’t just take that away from her.”

Maks slid his face behind his hands, frustratedly. “So, she’s just going to marry this jerk and never know? That’s real smart. You know what? Fine. Don’t tell her! Live in misery and let her live in a lie.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“You’re not supposed to be such a pansy. You promised her that you’d always be there for her & protect her. Family over everything, right?”

“Right,” I sighed. Since when had my brother become the wise one?

“By the way, Mama is going to kill me for letting this happen to you. I swear to God, you better tell her it wasn’t my fault.”

————————-
A couple of days had passed, and
I was released from the hospital. A couple of my friends, and of course Mama, Papa, and Maks came to visit over the interim. However, she was nowhere to be found.

I assumed she was pissed at me. I mean, realistically, who wouldn’t be for decking the love of their life? Regardless, I knew what I had done was right. I was just lucky enough to see his true colors before the wedding so she didn’t make a HUGE mistake.

So, I called her and left her an apologetic message. Basically, ‘I’m so sorry for what happened, but I had a good reason for doing it’ speech. Fifteen messages later and there was still no answer.

Finally, a month later, exactly two days before the wedding, I heard a knock at my door. Expecting to see Meryl in hand with more home baked goods and Maks following as her shadow, I opened the door.

Much to my surprise, it was K standing on my porch. Fearful of being killed by him for ruining his daughter’s wedding, I stepped backward uneasily.

“Hey, can I come in?” He asked pleasantly enough, although I was still a bit on guard.

“Uh, of course. Sorry for the mess, I’m just trying to throw some things away.”

K took a seat on the couch, looking into the box of things that I was attempting to throw away, or rather erase from my memory because they hurt too damn badly to have them around.

“Listen, I know, I am no longer welcome to the wedding, but I hope you know-”

“Val, I came here to talk to you because I wanted to know why you did what you did. We welcomed you into our home, into our family, and you broke my little girl’s heart. I should kill you, but I’m going to give you a chance to explain yourself.”

“You have no idea how much I have appreciated being a part of your family. I love you and Claire like my own parents, and of course, I love your daughter. I would protect her with my life. I did what I did because I found out that Nick wasn’t such a good guy. He doesn’t deserve her, K!”

“According to you, who does then? Every boy she has ever dated, you have always found something that you didn’t like about them. What’s different this time?”

“He’s a really bad guy, K. He’s cheated on her, repeatedly, and talks about her with such irreverence.”

There was a stillness in the air, as K pulled something out of my throw away box and threaded it through his fingers.

“As for your other question, honestly? I don’t know. I don’t know anyone that is deserving of your daughter.”

“Do you think you are deserving of her?” He questioned still looking at whatever he was playing with in his hands.

I couldn’t believe that he had found me out and knew that I not only loved his daughter, but was “in love” with her. I wanted so much to be able to say “Yes! Pick me! I am the perfect man.”

I couldn’t lie though.
“No. Of course not. Your daughter deserves perfection, and I am far from that. I wish I was-“

“Val, you know something? This isn’t the first time you’ve broken my daughter’s heart,” he spoke up, pulling into view the “Prom Queen sash” that she had won, so many years ago.

“It’s funny you should mention perfection… You know her earlier song "Bottle You Up”.“

"Of course.”

“‘You’re perfection nearly every time.’ That line… Is about you. Well, really it’s about how you made her feel. How she felt perfect in your eyes, how much you admired her, and protected her because she was special.” I was shocked and stared flabbergasted at K, as he continued on.

“Now, listen to me. I know damn well first hand that my little girl is perfect. She’s beautiful, talented, compassionate, wise beyond her years, ambitious, and determined. But, she’s also a little bit blind. She doesn’t like to see the bad in people, instead choosing to see their best qualities. I didn’t like it when she would come home telling me how much she admires you, and how much she thought you were funny and this and that. But I came to accept it because you had her best interest in heart. And I still believe that to this day.”

“So”, K said shifting his weight on the couch, “if you say Nick is bad news, I believe you. And I want her to know, so that she stops getting her heart broken.”

“Of course,” I said earnestly looking him straight in the eye.

“And Val,” he got up and headed towards the door handing me the sash, “this BETTER be the last time you break her heart.”

With that, he opened the door and walked out, leaving me completely speechless and entirely moved. Had he just given me his blessing to love his daughter?

I didn’t know, but I knew I needed to make sure she didn’t marry someone who didn’t deserve her.

———————

Later that day, I tried to go and visit her. I called her repeatedly, asked Dom and Deja where she was, but they didn’t know. It seemed as if she had disappeared. So another day passed, and I only had one more chance to make things right.

I looked high and low for her, all over town, at all the wedding vendors, everywhere, but I couldn’t find her. It looked as if my promise to K and to her would be broken.

I laid in bed that night, wondering where she went and what I could do. For all I knew, she had skipped town and eloped with Nick. It wasn’t like her, but truthfully at this point, I could have pushed her to do anything.

So I laid there and laid there, screaming into my pillow.

How had I fucked these last few years up with her so badly?

Suddenly, though at about 2:15AM, I heard my cell phone vibrate on the floor of my bedroom. Frantically, searching for it, I grabbed it and violently pushed on it to answer.

“Hello?” I sprung up out of bed.

“Val…” Her voice was weak, but it as her voice. I was so relieved to hear her voice.

“Babe, are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay!”

“Um… I’m… not,” I could hear the tears well up in her eyes. God, how I wanted to punch Nick and myself for doing this to her.

“Hold on, babe. Where are you?” I implored desperately.

“I don’t want you here.” She was crying harder.

“Please babe. Tell me where you are!”

“I’m at the park, where the ceremony is set up.”

“Hold on, babe. Hold on! I’m coming right now.” I quickly got dressed and headed to the park that she and Nick were supposed to be married at later that night.

Twinkling lights and bouquets of flowers were all arranged throughout the center of the park. But, finally I reached it. The altar.

The setting reminded me so much of her. It was absolutely beautiful.

I ascended the steps of the platform, but didn’t see her there until I noticed a limp arm lying behind one of the string quartet’s chairs.

“Babe!” I fell exasperatedly to my knees in front of her, but she didn’t even move.

“Babe,” I shook her, but all that came out were tears.

Never in all my life had I seem something so sad look so beautiful, as her skin glowed under the moonlight and her eyes sparkled from the twinkly lights.

I tried to get her to her feet, and she stumbled back haphazardly. Apparently, she had run here, as sweat coated her shirt.

“Please, babe. Say something!” I gripped her face between my hands.

“Val?” She looked at me almost like she had been in a trance.

“I’m here. I’m here.” She collapsed into my arms, hugging me tightly.

“I love you so much! You have no idea. I am so sorry I put you through this, but I needed you to see him for what he was.” I fervently kissed her hair.

“I know, but I thought he really loved me,” she cried. God, it hurt to hear her cry.

“He doesn’t know what he’s missing,” whispering into her ear.

But, she unexpectedly pushed herself away from me.

“No one ever loves me back!” Her tears falling heavily to the floor, as her hands flew up to her eyes.

“Babe, that’s not true. Lots of people love you!”

“No. No. Nick doesn’t love me! He never did!”

“He’s an idiot and asshole. You deserve better.”

“I don’t want better! I just wanted him.” She fell to her knees.

“Sweetheart, why would you want him? He’s lied to you, cheated on you, left you like this.” I knelt down in front of her and tried to wipe away her tears.

“Because… I could never have you…” She cried out shyly.

Thump thump. There went my heart.

“I’m no good though, babe. I don’t deserve you and neither does Nick. You deserve someone, who is just as amazing as you are.”

“But, you are… you are amazing.” She said defiantly, grasping my hands.

“You’re just feeling like that because of him. You never felt that way before.” I was trying so hard to convince myself not to get my hopes up.

“No. You’re wrong. I’ve loved you ever since I met you, and I’ve been IN love with you since you went on vacation with my family and me, 3 years ago. Remember we danced on the beach?”

“Yes, I remember. How could I forget?”

“It’s true, and it’s always been true. You just never wanted me back.”

“That is so far from the truth. You have no idea. I’ve watched you grow up and become this wonderful, compassionate, and breathtaking woman. I have tried so hard to protect you and unfortunately one of those things I needed to protect you from was myself.”

She lifted her head and looked at me, grabbing the collar of my T-shirt. The tears still fresh on her face.

“I’ve grown up, Val. I can protect myself, and I know what I want.”

She smiled at me, as she leaned in and gave me a kiss.

I must’ve been dreaming because that night felt like it lasted forever. As we just sat there and kissed feverishly into the night. We stayed awake all night, and just talked and held each other until the sun finally came up. Heaven might have lost an angel, but I gained mine.

anonymous asked:

YAY you're doing the writing guide! what kind of stuff's goin to be on it?

1. Know Yo Shit: The Basics - Fic-related terminology and accompanying definitions that you should know if you want to write and stuff.
2. Oh, You’re Prepared? That’s Cute: Writing for Beginners - How to go from writing in your journal to writing a full fan fiction and not having eight mental breakdowns in the process.
3. Getting Off Your Ass: Finding Inspiration - For when you find yourself staring at your computer screen for five hours and seriously debate giving up on becoming an author and think about just locking down a sugar daddy instead.
4. Bad vs. Badass: Diction - When you read a story that’s fucking mind-blowing but can’t pinpoint why, it’s probably because of this word that you vaguely remember hearing once in your English class (diction).
5. This Shit is Actually Really Hard WTF: Characterization - Everything having to do with creating and developing characters; back story, personality, continuity, character attributes and the other shit you probably don’t think about until after it’s too late (womp, womp). 
6. I Need a Cold Shower and New Batteries: Writing Smut - How to make them cum back for more (fuck you guys I’m FUNNY). 
7. Fuck the Formula: Making Your Story Stand Out - You know when you start reading a fic then wonder if you’ve read it before but know you haven’t and then you realize that it’s just the same shit that’s all over your fandom and you nope right on out of there? Yeah, let’s try and prevent that from happening, shall we?
8. Why You Gotta Be So Mean?: Receiving/Handling Feedback - Basically you need to learn the difference between “constructive criticism” and “general assholery” so you don’t rage quit and then regret it five minutes later okay.
9. This Shit Matters Too: General Writing Tips - Random crap that didn’t fit in any of the other categories but still deserve to be a part of this shit show.
10. You’re Gonna Hate This, I Guarantee It: A Challenge - If you think you are the Rihanna of your fan fiction peers, this writing challenge courtesy of Chuck Palahniuk will show you that you’re really just a Jessica Simpson but life isn’t fair now is it.

~*~so profesh~*~