bad career choice

So, with the way my college works, I have off during spring term. The idea is meant to be that you find an internship during a time when fewer other people are looking.

I’ve got my Microsoft internship lined up for the summer. (The interview process was rigorous and mother of fuck I got it.) So for spring I was planning on just looking around for something…smaller. Maybe a start up company in NYC to intern for, from mid-March to mid-May

But I’m thinking more and more that I want to…not do that. I’m just very tired of using all my time on things that aren’t for me. All my time lately has been for homework or class or TA-ing or helping friends through things or me trying to scrape together some sleep.

I want to maybe just live at home during the spring, try to pursue some independent project–spend a few months researching something that interests me and trying to build up a program from scratch that does something cool, something I can put on my resume.

I wanna fix my running schedule and exercise on my own terms, because I’ve had no time for that lately and it’s been awful for my anxiety. I want to spend a lot more time writing A Breach of Trust, because I’m so…damn excited for things to come and I’m so tired of having no time for writing it and making it happen. I wanna be able to spend time with my mom, because once my little brother goes to college this next fall she’ll be all alone, post-divorce. I wanna spend time with my dog, who’s pushing 12 years old and winding down his time.

I wanna sleep.

I…feel like it’s a little bit of a cop-out to not be finding a spring internship. I feel like I’m supposed to, and I’m lagging behind in some race if I don’t. But if I can put together a cool project, that may be more of a resume boost than a minor tech position at a start-up company. Hell, I’ll have Microsoft on my resume, soon enough…

I gotta talk to my parents about it. Maybe it’s a bad choice, career- and resume-wise, I don’t know… I kinda just wanna be able to sleep enough.

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deneebenton: Had my fro out a few days ago and it has me reminiscing to the time I committed one of my biggest acts of self love to date- I shaved all of the chemically relaxed hair off of my head and let me kinks grow wild and free. So here’s a #tbt on a Monday :) When I was little it was “Mommy why can’t my hair be flingy and bounce back and forth like Brittany’s?” When I was in middle school it was “Maybe with enough heat and enough chemicals the boys at my school would forget I was black and actually have crushes on me too.” This was before I found @indiaarie and learned the term Eurocentric beauty standards. 

Fast forward to discovering India’s album “Testimony Vol 1: life and relationships” in High school , hearing “I am not my hair” and starting slow baby steps towards true liberation and self love. She helped ease the pain when in my all white high school I didn’t get asked to my senior prom, making me want to erase my skin and get a long Malaysian haired sew in.
In college it was, “wait there are no natural women on television, is this a bad career choice?” Then after one chemical scalp burn too many I decided the world was going to have to take me as I was and I was going to have to learn to embrace myself.

What’s crazy is that every acting job I’ve had since college has requested my natural kinks or mimicked my natural Kinks for the character I’ve played- it’s been an amazing lesson that when you choose to honor who you are, the universe lines up behind you.
Now every time I look in the mirror at these tender kinky curls I’m reminded of the decision I made six years ago to love myself and I smile at every un-laid edge. Here’s to days off in the sun, reflection, and #blackgirlmagic

WTF is wrong with the swamp? (answers on a postcard please)

Ordinary fans become fans because they like someone’s work - be that work acting, football, playing the guitar or driving an F1 car. A few become fans purely because the object of their interest is pretty/handsome/androgynous/whatever but this is normally a secondary concern, particularly when out of the first flush of puberty (so for some men, never :) )

Now that person can make bad career choices, or choices you’re not interested in seeing. The actor can be in a musical when you hate musicals, the footballer can retire and become the world’s worst pundit, the guitarist can switch her musical style from hard rock to jazz funk. And as a fan you do one of three things, Stay a fan and support every single thing even if you hate it - weirdly obsessive tbh and a bit scary, or you can be discerning and say I like x but not y so I’ll only watch x or, I’m no longer interested in anything this person is doing, I’ll go and watch someone who is doing the things I like instead. I think most of us have done the second or third many times in our lifetimes.

But the swamp hate BC’s career choices, almost never see any of the work he’s doing, gleefully post any suggestion of stumbling or failure (unlike the rest of us who know no one can be brilliant all the time) and focus entirely on the minor (and unrelated) issue of his personal life.

I’ve been fans of actors, musicians, sports people with less than stellar personal lives but so what? if the work is good, if they do their job well I’m a fan of the work. And no, that’s not seeing the actor/musician as a product in the way some swamp rats do, I’m not buying the actor. I’m finding a connection with the work and buying/consuming the output - be that a radio play, a gig or a match. I’m not buying lives, I’m buying skill, design, ability and in terms of acting the talent to convince me the character on stage/screen/radio is a real person with a life outside the words and actions I see. The actor could be married to someone I personally know and dislike or the musician could have a reputation for being difficult or the footballer could be a Tory bro-Brexiteer. All of that is immaterial. Yes, of course extreme actions might stop me liking that person but I’m still able to appreciate the talent.

The swamp don’t like BC, don’t like his friends, family, work, choices, clothes, haircuts, words - why do they think they are fans at all?

sherlock replied to your post “oh ben c……u big dumb idiot”

Idek the context but I agree

honestly its abt him making bad/dumb career choices that keep landing him in hot water sdngljdfgkjljsdg like i love him but hes dumb and i feel like he ?? Knows ?? how 2 be better than some of these things but like.. idk id just like to Talk to him sometimes like…ben……..

One More Tomorrow cont.

The continuation of my WWI AU - One More Tomorrow, featuring WWIsoldier!Hannibal x RedCrossNurse!Will, especially written for @eattheboring who was so extremely excited about it, it just melted my heart <3 This is mostly for her so she’s the boss but by all means, if there are any suggestions/ideas, let me know! The fate of the story is in your hands, either way is absolutely fine with me.

The first snippet and the illustration for the AU’s right here: http://shoegazerx.tumblr.com/post/152786138151/one-more-tomorrow-wwisoldierhannibal-x

The illustration can also be purchased from my Redbubble if interested: http://www.redbubble.com/people/shoegazerx

And because music is such a big part of my creative process, here is the song that I borrowed the title/atmosphere from (tho it’s from 1946): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9s5Tp59qNk



Phantom pain. 

His leg hurt and his skin was itching, the nagging sensations nudging him from his sleep. He tried to shift his position and move his leg and as he curled on his side, his fingers brushed against the rough bind. With his kneecap shattered, his thigh ended in a grotesque stump dressed in the ragged bandages like the remains of a mummy.

It started already, he thought.

Keep reading

I’ve decided that my goal(s) for next year will be to learn Spanish and calculus. I do decent in Spanish and can get by knowing about 30% of what is being said between my boyfriend and his family and I’ve spent years playing around with learning it. I’m going to buckle down and get serious with learning it with the end result to be understanding 80-90% of the conversations (I’m giving more room to learn slang and such, figuring that’s about 10%)

Math is a little more complex. I have always struggled but I think part of the struggle has been me and others telling me that I’m bad at math. I’m going to take some courses online and use resources to focus on learning and gaining some confidence there. A part of me has always resisted things because I think I’m bad at math (like career choices). I’d rather make the decision not to do a career because it doesn’t interest me rather than limit myself.

I’m not huge on new years resolutions because I believe that once you make a goal/resolution you should begin as soon as you can. Don’t prolong it because that just means you aren’t really excited or wanting to really do it. So starting now I’ll make these goals paramount. Last year was focusing more on health and fitness and I feel comfortable moving on to a new goal (while still maintaining good health and fitness) Yay goals!

You know, I’m not naive as to why people would think it was a bad [career] choice, or why there is a snobbery about it. But I’m also not stupid, and I knew with [director] Sam [Taylor-Johnson], and [cinematographer] Seamus McGarvey, the film would be in safe hands. And, you know, it does no harm to be in a film that makes half a billion dollars.
—  Jamie Dornan talking about he choise to play Christian Grey

Umm… @runecestershire @volvano @coldalbion @edderkopper I’m really sorry to bother you guys like this, and feel free to ignore this of course! But i just wanted to ask for your opinions (and maybe a little help) since you’re all a lot more experienced than I am! Sorry!

Ok so…more disgusting rambling (because I am sad and unstoppable)…so. yeah. Not under the cut bc I’m on mobile, sorry!

Potential tw for a lot of negative and possibly just plain icky brainweird stuff.

Okay. Lets go. I just wanted to get this shit out of my system since it really has been limiting me- both in terms of self-acceptance and worship. I mean I’m not the best pagan around- I’ve been here for what? Two years? Not that long. I (for mental health reasons among other things) am practically incapable of well…the expected type of worship? I can’t make any bigger offerings, I can’t keep an altar, I’m unable to pray regularly and rarely have enough time and energy to actually do devotional things for my gods (another problem here- I cant beleive how ridiculously guilty I feel referring to Them as “mine”) and frankly, it makes me feel really shitty. While yeah, self-acceptance and all that good shit is wonderful, it’s…not something I really feel like I deserve. For all my whining and thinking and flailing, I haven’t really /done/ anything for Them. Nothing worth mentioning, at least. (And more guilt here- this time it’s the “by insulting your gift you insult the person you have given it to” type of crap.) I don’t really have a “godphone”, I can’t astral travel as far as I know, I rarely have meaningful dreams, my spiritual “sight” is even worse than my actual eyesight…it’s a fuckin mess, to sum things up. Plus, for some reason I have a /lot/ of trouble actually talking to/at Them- reffering to them in second person just feels really wrong, and I dont feel like they can really hear me when I do so…so in effect my internal monologue is more uncomfortable squirming and inarticulate howling than coherent prayer (or anything like that). So, pretty much- communication issues, low sense of self-worth, over-comparing self to others even while knowing they function under completely different circumstances, and an apparent inability to connect with anything outside a chunk of my own brain. Not too good.
And now we get to the /real/ shit.
The whole wild/ecstatic/madness/death/wow-that-ain’t-good bullshit. Mhm. Truth be told, my inherent perception of morality is much closer to what people here have described spirits + deities as having than the “normal” morality (or at least my impression of traditional western morality with a christian twist). …which I am having a hard time coming to terms with. And sounds like outright elitist pretentious bullshit. Fuck. I guess thr real problwm is i get really weird thoughts that are…idk. too uncivilised? Wild? Strange? And I just feel guilty and shut them out and fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. Plus the whole fact that i hail from a steadfastly christian family, and my drifting away from that is hugely frowned upon. (Or at least i am told in the passive-agressive “do not approve” tone that i still have a lot of thinking and self-discovery before I can do something like that, and that faith isnt something you choose and tradition etc etc…) so. Uhhh. Pretty much. And its frustrating because I’ve thought about this, about my faith, all day every day for what? Nearly four years nonstop? Pretty much. This isnt a spontaneous “i read too many fantasy books and decided i didnt like being a boring ol christian” or anything like that. Fuck, Im not even entirely sure /I/ chose this- if I wasnt teeming with doubt all the time, I’d hazard a theory that these Gods have called to me. They’re damn fucking REAL. And its a lot of internal conflict here between
-my desire to be accepted
-my love for my gods and how badly i want to be close to them
-having been raised in an agressively christian country (more than one actually, but w/e)
-my mental illnesses affecting my ability to perceive the world properly
-fear that im making this up
-struggling to let go of the past, fearing and doubting the path im on
-the doubt when family constantly rejects my beliefs

Aaand the fact that my idea of life goals is apparently “serving as a hunting dog/companion/familiar/??? under a norse death-god”, which for some reason I dont see as a bad career choice. Uh.

3

You know, I’m not naive as to why people would think it was a bad [career] choice, or why there is a snobbery about it. But I’m also not stupid, and I knew with [director] Sam [Taylor-Johnson], and [cinematographer] Seamus McGarvey, the film would be in safe hands. And, you know, it does no harm to be in a film that makes half a billion dollars - Jamie Dornan

4

You know, I’m not naive as to why people would think it was a bad career choice, or why there is a snobbery about it. But I’m also not stupid, and I knew with director Sam, and cinematographer Seamus McGarvey, the film would be in safe hands. And, you know, it does no harm to be in a film that makes half a billion dollars.

3

You know, I’m not naive as to why people would think it was a bad [career] choice, or why there is a snobbery about it. But I’m also not stupid, and I knew with [director] Sam [Taylor-Johnson], and [cinematographer] Seamus McGarvey, the film would be in safe hands. And, you know, it does no harm to be in a film that makes half a billion dollars - Jamie Dornan 

anonymous asked:

Fizzy's snapchat showed her with the younger twins and the puppies at Louis' public London home. I hope the stunt gf only sees that house and not their family home.

Sorry I’m just not that worked up about this I had expected it yesterday morning, had hoped not but had expected it? The family knows what the deal is. The twins already had to take pictures with her back in LA and Fizzy had to be her parade marshal in London during SoccerAid. That family has each other’s back like a real family should.

Really I think Danielle is incredibly stupid and desperate and makes one bad fashion and career choice after another. But right now if she has to show up at the public house have a photoshoot play with some dogs and do what needs to be done and then get out then whatever. Because I want Louis to be able to see his family, I want him to not have to be tied to LA. And if her presence allows that then so be it.

Confession #1595:

Well Mark, if YouTube, Voice Acting, Charity Running, Carpentry, Book Reading, Show Hosting, Acting, Bartending, Sushi Folding, Sake Making, Mercenary Gunner, Pole Dancing, Teaching, Hustling, Phone Sexting, Data Mining, Data Inputting, Lyft Chauffeuring, Med Engineering, Singing, Trumpeting or whatever doesn’t pull through, you could always walk dogs like what Daniel Radcliffe is doing now. Well, that or be a professional hip gyration dancer. Not a bad career choice right?