bad bibles

Keep reading your Bible

Please. I’m begging you.

I know, I get it. It can be overwhelming to think about. You don’t know where to start. It feels like a chore at times. You get too easily distracted. I. Get. It. But please don’t give up on it.

You need it if you want to survive and remain strong in your faith. Without it, you will spiritually starve yourself to death. You can’t maintain a strong relationship with the Lord when you’re never reading the Word He gave you in order to be close to Him.

Find a book related plan to go off of. Look for reading challenges. Keep a Bible journal. Join a Bible study group. Do something. Make it a habit, to the point that a day without it feels like a day without brushing your teeth. Stop putting it off, please. It’s in your best interest. You’ll never regret spending even the smallest bit of time in the Word.

Please just read your Bible.

I just want everyone to know that if I ever say Christian media is bad,

1) I’m specifically complaining about the modern publishing category, so anything which predates that category or which was presented as belonging to a different category suitable for general audiences isn’t Real Christian Fiction. Narnia is not really a counter-example even if you like it, and LotR definitely isn’t

2) veggie tales is exempted from all of my criticism. I forget to say this because I always assume it’s obvious, but veggie tales is legitimately fun children’s entertainment that is equally engaging and equally appropriate for young children and for adults. it is not “good, for christian media”, it has transcended the normal limits of the category, and indeed the normal limits of children’s media in general, and become something legitimately beautiful. the vegetable children have done nothing wrong, ever, in their lives, do not slander them in my presence

3) adventures in odyssey is not exempted from all of my criticism, but my aunt and uncle refused to let their 12-year-old and 9-year-old sons listen to it because it was “too dark”, so apparently I have to go to bat for it and admit that it’s actually pretty well-written most of the time

4) 321 penguins isn’t that good, but the kids are not hallucinating. the penguins are aliens that occasionally take control of the penguin figurines. yes i will die on this hill

5) Bibleman was kind of artistically terrible, but it was funny and made on a budget that I am pretty sure consisted of $52 and a snowcone, so the early episodes get the same sort of pass that you give to star trek for its terribleness. the newer episodes where new!bibleman receives direct divine aid do not get a pass, those are actually genuinely terrible

6) Frank Peretti isn’t a counter-example. during any given rant about christian media there is like an 85% chance that I am at some point specifically complaining about something that happened in a Frank Peretti novel

7) “those are eggs? we thought those were ping-pong balls” seriously guys every episode of veggie tales was a cinematic masterpiece

seventeen on stage and backstage
  • s.coups: daddy on stage, baby backstage
  • jeonghan: angel on stage, devil backstage
  • joshua: bad boy on stage, bible boy backstage
  • jun: badass on stage, dumbass backstage
  • hoshi: sassy on stage, crybaby backstage
  • wonwoo: cool on stage, lame backstage
  • woozi: producer performer on stage, super hitler backstage
  • dk: singer on stage, gagmaster backstage
  • mingyu: rapper that "can spread ppl's leg" on stage, nursery boy spreads booger backstage
  • the8: "i'm like a bird" on stage, "hu got da bird :^)" backstage
  • seungkwan: beyonce on stage, still beyonce backstage
  • vernon: leonardo on stage, uncle vernon backstage
  • dino: baby on stage, jeonghan's baby backstage
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I’m here for it

“For what profit is it to a man, if he gains the world, and loses his own soul? Matthew 16:26, I believe?”

-Dracula, “Castlevania: Symphony of The Night”

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Get To Know the Fangirl | Ten Female Characters [1/10]
     ↳ Geraldine Granger

You were expecting a bloke? Beard, bible, bad breath? And instead you got a babe with a bob cut and a magnificent bosom.

Saturday Night Live meme
  • “I’ve been drunk since eleven A.M.”
  • “Say, where are the whores?”
  • “I’m not a baby! I’m just scared the monster’s gonna eat us.”
  • “You don’t gotta go looking for scary stuff. It’s gonna find you.”
  • “This lady done lost her damn mind.”
  • “Okay, let’s go. These white people are crazy.”
  • “This chick takes dumps out of her mouth!”
  • “I loved taking a race car to that improv class with you.”
  • “It feels really good to laugh, because before this I was in a really bad cult.”
  • “We were rolling down a hill in two giant plastic hamster balls.”
  • “Sorry I got mad. That’s not me. Well, it is me, but I’m doing a bad job hiding it.”
  • “I served in Iraq. I was a waitress at a diner there for three years.”
  • “All the girls hate me just because I’m so mean to them!”
  • “Well, I live in Hollywood. I’m a pediatric nurse… I’ve also done some light porn.”
  • “Look in her eyes! There’s nothing inside! It’s Miss Trash 2016!”
  • “My mom’s a bitch! She still makes me sit in a car seat and it faces backwards so I never know where we’re going! I get so carsick I have to suck on my own foot to calm me down!”
  • “Her foot is in the guacamole!”
  • “They do wheelies, they smoke E-cigarettes, they dry hump in their cars. Now, I know they’re doing it because I can hear the sound of the denim on the denim!”
  • “I’ve been sober now for twenty minutes.”
  • “I’m sorry; some kind of fat bird just hit my mouth. I need a minute.”
  • “I totally just kissed your head! That was weird!”
  • “I’m gonna match my eye shadow to my dress, to my nails, to all the crystal clips in my hair so I’m like one big color.”
  • “After school I went and said ‘what can I do for some extra credit’ and it was on.”
  • “I walked to the car with my arms out, kind of like spinning in circles like a Disney princess. Like… mid-song.”
  • “Whoa! I found a dead squirrel in your pool!”
  • “I even taught myself how to break dance. And I was good! Like, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really good!”
  • “The only thing I eat for breakfast is a single vitamin and two diet cokes.”
  • “May you only have daughters!”
  • “You know… you remind me of the bad guys in the Bible.”
  • “I smell bad, but I look good.”
  • “I knew he was dating that chicken; I just knew it.”
  • “You know: the haircut all moms have! That’s a soft waterfall in the front but knives in the back.”
  • “Don’t speak! If you speak they will know you are simple; if they know you are simple they will drown you in river.”
  • “I can’t find my debit card; I think my identity’s been thieved.”
  • “God! I wish I was a lesbian so I didn’t have to carry a purse.”