Observations about white people cooking stuff by a white American
Okay guys. I’m bored and haven’t made an original post in a while so listen up.
I’ve been a white person for a long time now. My whole life, in fact. And as nice as that is, I’ve gotta say, our cooking kinda sucks sometimes. So, I’ve decided to compile a random list of observations I’ve made while being a white person in a white family in a place where a lot if people aren’t white and cook better than us. If you have any more observations add on, do it please. I’d like to hear. Or, read rather.
Keep in mind that I’m Californian with a lil bit of German and Swedish in me culturally left over from the fatherland my family left who knows how long ago and I’m just writing this list because at the moment I’m bored and want to make fun of myself and a bunch of people that kinda look like me and probably have similar eating patterns.
-We eat rice, but we can’t just eat it plain
-We’ve gotta put butter in the water or something even if we do eat it plain
-We pretend that we can make sticky rice, but we can’t. We really can’t.
-For some reason we really like to pickle things
-And boil them
-Pickled cabbage, pickled eggs, pickled beets, pickled herring(ewwwwwwew), pickles, pickled red cabbage(don’t ask what the difference is. It’s just red), pickled onions…
-We either eat spicy food or we don’t, and the white people that don’t eat spicy food will cry and complain about something any normal person would swear has no spice at all
-Just put milk in everything
-Milk and potatoes
-Milk and rice
-Put cheese on your pie. Put cheese on your goddamned apple pie. Do it. Appease the cheese gods. Cheese on pie.
-Put cheese on the potato
-Now put sour cream on the potato
-And milk based gravy
-Now smother that damn potato with melted butter and dump out your damn salt shaker on it.
-Congratulations. You’re gonna have heart surgery in your forties. Now eat the salty dairy potato.
-Eat a spoonful of horseradish. Prove your superiority. No? Just me? Okay.
-Vinegar. In chips, in potatoes, in milk, in eggs. Heck, just down a cup of the stuff. It’s good for you, right? That’s how that works.
-Organic and greasy have a similar appeal. They are delicious buzz words that will get us to buy things.
-For some reason some of us put canned vegetables in green jello?
-Yeah I think we do a lot with jello.
-Put fruit in it. That’s probably healthy, right?
-Put hot dogs in everything
-Cook the dogs into your mac ‘n cheese
-Bake it into bread, I dunno.
-Just find a way to put hot dogs in something and we’ve done it
-We put it on our damn pizzas for crying out loud
-PUT FOOD ON A STICK WE WILL FIND A WAY
-Deep fry it Deep fry it Deep fry it Deep fry it Deep fry it Deep fry it
-Deep fry the potato
-You can cut potatoes like 135885428934 different ways trust me I’ve done it
-Bake the potato
-Boil the potato
-Burn the potato
-Roast the potato
-Grill the potato
-BE THE POTATO
-It’s time to get your gluten on my friends. Let’s bake some stuff.
-Have I mentioned deep frying yet?
-Awww. Look. It’s a cutesy sugar cookie grandma spent all day decorating. Let’s spread it all over the house.
-Deep fry the dough. Put raisins in it probably. Put sugar on it. There ya go. You have diabetes now.
-The heck is a tamale pie? It has nothing to do with tamales. Oh well. It’s a tasty mush full of meat and corn and that’s all that matters
-Wait that’s not dessert. I’m getting distracted.
-We call them Mexican wedding cakes or Russian tea cakes, but they probably have nothing to do with either Mexico or Russia
-Fudge time ya sissies.
-Eat the fudge.
-Ambrosia. Full of marshmallows and fruit. I’m sure this is what the Greek gods would have wanted
-Put walnuts in it.
-You can probably grate any kind of squash and bake it into bread with pretty good results
-Why do we use so much powdered sugar?
-I’m moving on to meat
-Bake the meat
-Eat POTATOES with it
-Store bought spice packs because apparently we’re too lazy or untalented to mix or grind the spices ourselves
-Don’t forget the bacon
-Wrap your damn chocolate bacon we don’t give a damn. Put it in your ice cream. Wrap it around a jalapeño. Just get the bacon in there somehow
-Meatloaf and ketchup with POTATOES
-You want lemonade with that? Trick question. Of course you do. Drink the lemonade, Sharon.
-Drink the tea, Katie. Drink the iced tea. I don’t care if you don’t like it. You will. Feed the tea to the children. Give them coffee. They will be consumers. Make them drink it.
That’s all I can think of right now. Please add some more. In the meantime, remember potato.
It’s been five years since we moved into our “new” Marvel offices in Midtown Manhattan, and we still continue to explore the area for the best lunch options. Last week, we walked over to 8th Ave and 49th to check out the Times Square Diner. It wasn’t the cheap dive we had hoped for, going for more of a classy theater district vibe, but the food was quite good. I went with their Bacon Loaf Sandwich, which was a thick slice of their homemade meatloaf on a roll topped with bacon, caramelized onions, brown gravy and melted mozzarella. I really enjoyed it and would go back for this sandwich again!
This looks a bit complicated, but wow does it look incredible! Just take it a step at a time and you’ll have a heavenly main dish in no time!
1 pound 93% lean beef
1 cup Panko bread crumbs
½ cup 2% milk
6 tablespoons ketchup, divided
1 tablespoon Montreal Steak Seasoning
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 large egg
1 tablespoon brown sugar
8 ounces mild cheddar cheese, shredded
1 pound bacon, uncooked
Preheat oven to 350°F.
In a large bowl combine beef, bread crumbs and milk. Pouring milk directly over bread crumbs. Add 2 tablespoons ketchup, Worcestershire and steak seasoning. Set aside.
In a small bowl, crack egg and beat it slightly. This helps prevent overworking the meat while combining, resulting in a tougher meatloaf. Add egg to large bowl with meat mixture. Combine well with hands, do not overwork the meat mixture.
Gentle press meatloaf into bowl and divide in half. Place first half into 7x10” baking dish and form into a flat meatloaf Gently press the center in to create a rim around the outside of the meatloaf. Add shredded cheese into the center of the meatloaf.
Form remaining half of meatloaf in the bowl into a size similar to the meatloaf in the pan. Set op top and press the sides together to seal in the cheese. Form into a loaf shape about 1½ - 2” tall. You may notice cracks in the loaf. Run your hands under warm water and then across the meatloaf to smooth the cracks out. Set meatloaf aside.
In a small bowl combine 4 tablespoons ketchup and 1 tablespoon brown sugar. Mix well with a fork. Apply glaze evenly all over your meatloaf (except the bottom).
Arrange bacon slices over the top of the meatloaf. Start by wrapping a piece of bacon across the front side and a second piece of bacon across the back side. Arrange remaining bacon over the top. Tuck the ends of the bacon under the meatloaf (this prevents curling).
Place meatloaf in the oven and bake until bacon is crispy, about 1 hour.
Remove from oven. Allow to rest uncovered for 20 minutes. Serve and enjoy!