backyard man

my character, a vampire bard, is traveling with a drug-addict healer (human) , a wizard, and a monk.

we reach a village and find a house with an old man. 

DM (old man) : i’m… to old… to escape this town… burning down…. (my character accidentally set the whole forest on fire) you’re welcome to take some water in the old well behind my house though.

me: we don’t have any water bottle to store the water in. 

DM: the old man has a mug which he’s been working on for decades. it has some beer in it.

me: i fight the old man for that mug

healer: why?? ? he hasn’t even finished the mug let him have the mug 

me: we need water

healer: forget the water. i see if the old man has any chickens in the backyard.

DM: the old man indeed has some chickens that you can catch.

healer: can we please just leave the old man alone and take the chickens; i’m tired of you idiots causing ruckus again

me: I FIGHT THE MAN FOR THE MUG

healer: DON’T

after a few rolls, the old man with one eye socket empty, lies on the ground with bleeding wounds.

me: can i suck his blood

healer: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

me: I HADN’T HAD ANY MEALS SINCE THE GOBLIN BLOOD AT LUNCH

me: HE’S GONNA DIE ANYWAY

healer: UGH i exit the house to go to the chickens.

DM: bard, roll for the action

me: (rolls a 3)

DM: you approach the man, but the blood has already drained all to the ground. you sadly lick the puddle of blood.

me: amazing. this isn’t going to cut it, im going to need a live chicken to feast on. i approach the healer with all the chickens.

me: hey can i have a chicken

healer: wait, actually,

healer: here, wizard, hold this chicken.

wizard: (holds the chicken) what for?

healer: while the wizard is holding the chicken, i sliT THE CHICKEN’S THROAT AND LET ALL THE BLOOD FALL TO THE DIRT WHILE MAINTAINING DIRECT EYE CONTACT WITH THE BARD.

everyone in the room goes NUTS as i continuously scream NO in frenzy for twenty minutes.

me: I TRY…TO… LICK THE BLOOD OFF THE DIRT

DM: the blood is soaked up in the dirt and you eat dirt instead

me: SHIT

healer: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A LITTLE BITCH

healer: NO DINNER FOR YOU 

  • Maxson: The Brotherhood of Steel cannot allow civilians to have any form of technology! Humanity simply cannot be trusted with anything more complex than a slingshot! After all, it was misuse of technology that brought about the apocalypse!
  • Sole Survivor: Your plan to bring down the Institute involves a giant robot that can throw actual nuclear bombs
  • Maxson:
  • Maxson: I fail to see your so-called """point""" Knight
Farmer Lance/Artist Shiro

Something me, @waffle-walks and @wajjs came up with because we have no lives.

-Shiro is an artist from the city who’s recently lost his spark

-He heads out to a farm that has been in his family for awhile, but they haven’t used in ages in hopes the change of scenery will help

-It’s a nice get-away but… something’s missing

-That something comes in the form of a man chasing chickens in his front lawn one morning. The man is very upset with the chickens and even threatens one of them he quickly apologizes

- Shiro doesn’t get a chance to talk to the man, he was far to stunned to react during the moment, and by the time he’s out of whatever state of shock he is in the man is walking away.

-His face is ingrained in Shiro’s mind though. He picks up the pencil for the first time in weeks. It’s a rough sketch, nothing polished, but Shiro is happy with it.

-Shiro keeps his eye out for the man. He looks like he went off to the farm next door -it’s awhile away, but he can see it in the distance-

-Shiro goes back to sitting outside when a cat starts to visit him. It’s a nice cat. very cuddly. Much fluff.

-Lance finds him curled up with the cat one day sleeping in the lawn. He had come over because he noticed his kitty running off in this direction and wanted to check to make sure. His kitty is all curled up on top of the hot stranger that he doesn’t wake him up.

-Instead he sits there and waits. He gets bored and takes a look around.

-Shiro wakes up to a crash and runs to the backyard to find the man from earlier in his, frankly dilapidated, barn.

-”Dude you really need to fix this place up!”

-And that is the start of Lance coming over and helping Shiro clean up the farm. Shiro visits Lance’s own farm often and watches as he tends to the animals.

-Shiro didn’t know he had a thing for men in big hats, rolled up sleeves and big gloves, shoes stained with dirt and mud, jeans too, until he watched Lance

-There’s the added fact that he’s adorable with his animals.

And since this is getting long I’ma cut it here and let Waffle or Blob take over if they want.

SUPERCORP FIC RECOMMENDATIONS
  • No One But You (got me feeling this way) by AgentJoanneMills
    • Summary: Princess Kara Zor-El of the country Krypton is living a normal life as a college student as Kara Danvers. When her sophomore year rolls around she ends up with the one and only Lena Luthor as her roommate. 
    • Chapters: 15 (completed) 
    • Tags: Flustered Kara, Smug Lena, College/Roommate AU, Slow burn (sorta), Fluffy in all the right ways, No super powers 
    • Rating: 10/10 so good definitely recommend!! I FELT SO MUCH READING THIS
  • Offstage by Aerstes 
    • Summary: Kara is desperate to make friends at National City University and when she joins theater she does so quickly. There’s one girl who bothers her quite a bit though and that girl is Lena Luthor. 
    • Chapters: 18 (completed)
    • Tags: Flustered Kara, Flirty Lena, Moderate Sanvers, College AU, Angst, Slow burn
    • Rating: 10/10 
  • Supergirl In Training by Wtfoctagon 
    • Summary: Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor are hardly even friends when their seventeen year old daughter from the future travels back in time and it’s just what they need to bring them together. 
    • Chapters: 18 (completed) 
    • Tags: Supercorp kids, Supergirl reveal, Mon-El, Karamel relationship (short term), Domestic
    • Rating: 9.9/10 only because I felt like I still needed more at the end. BUT REQUIRED READ FOR SUPERCORP FANDOM!!!
  • Listen Closely and the Stars Will Sing by Celaenos 
    • Summary: A Kryptonian pod lands on Earth and Kara finds Mon-El inside. Except Mon-El (Myka) is a nine year old little girl and Kara vows to raise her. It’s quite unexpected when Myka takes a liking to Lena Luthor and Lena Luthor takes a liking to Kara. 
    • Chapters: 14 (completed) 
    • Tags: Supercorp kids, domestic AF, Long Chapters, Sister relationship 10/10, Sanvers 
    • Rating: 10/10!!! THIS IS A MUST READ YOUR HEART WILL BE FILLED WITH JOY
  • You are the Fire (and I’m gasoline) by Youmeandem 
    • Summary: Kara and Lena meet as young teenagers while Lena is at the families summer home in Midvale. They become friends, then best friends, then girlfriends. Watch the girls grow up in ten chapters.
    • Chapters: 10 (completed) 
    • Tags: Childhood AU, Angsty, Fluffy, Supergirl reveal, Sanvers (minor and only in the end), Time jumps , LONG CHAPTERS 
    • Rating: 10/10
  • Harboring Hope by Wr8tur 
    • Summary: Kara and Lena meet shortly after Kara arrives at the Danvers. They quickly become close friends. PART ONE OF THE ADULT ASPIRATIONS SERIES 
    • Chapters: 10 (completed)
    • Tags: Fluffy cuteness, Puppy love, Childhood AU, Sweetness level 10/10 
    • Rating: 10/10!!! SO CUTE 
  • Surrendering Secret by Wr8tur 
    • Summary: It’s been three years since Kara and Lena have seen each other. When Lena returns to Midvale things are almost the same, except one thing changes drastically. PART TWO OF THE ADULT ASPIRATIONS SERIES 
    • Chapters: 16 (ongoing) 
    • Tags: Romantic, Flustered Kara, FLIRTY LENA, Identity reveal, Highschool AU (sorta)  
    • Rating: 10/10! Cannot stop reading. It’s everything you could want :’)
  • The Heiress, The Girl of Steel, And the Man Who Fell to Earth by Little Brother 
    • Summary: Lena and Kara are good friends; they know everything about each other so when a pod lands in Lena’s backyard and a man is inside Kara is the first one she calls. 
    • Chapters: 12 (completed) 
    • Tags: Supercorp endgame, Karamel (I swear guys it’s not too bad. Kara dislikes him for the majority), Long Chapters, Sanvers 
    • Rating: 10/10 
  • We Need a New Song by Uhpockuhlipz 
    • Summary: Lena Luthor moves to National City to join Cat Grants ballet company. She becomes more than friendly with Cat’s assistant, Kara. PART ONE OF THE NEW SONG VERSE SERIES 
    • Chapters: 17 (completed)
    • Tags: Ballet AU, Kara is human AU, Eating Disorder TW, Sanvers 
    • Rating: 10/10 

(( @badlydrawnjonajoestar inspired me to post the only babby-Ace picture I have on hand

because munday, and also because secretly those tiny thumbs-ups are for all of you 💖 ))

jollyjameson replied to your photo: “Of course he has chickens. Of course. I mean, why not. WHY NOT. I…”:

also cats, and bees iirc

cats I know of, yes. (at least, outside cats he feeds, of which he has pics on Insta)
bees I only heard of in some short GnS vid that I can’t find at the moment, but I’m pretty sure he has bees.

Let’s let him have all the awesome animals. He deserves it.
Humanized Warrior Cats

- Territory is like really fucking big. The camps alone are the sizes of small towns, and then are surrounded by a huge ass forest (or moor)

- Apprentices are 8-16 years old. And in the Clans, sixteen year olds are considered mature, but are not yet aloud to have children. It’s kind of forbidden for someone to have kids before 18 years of age.

- Warriors don’t share one house, and instead are split into separate ones. Though, apprentices all share one, and their mentors take turns on who has to take care of them for the night

- When Daisy and Ferncloud don’t have kids of their own in the nursery, they go to the apprentices house and read the young ones bedtime stories

- Medicine cats (still calling them that lmao) and med cat apprentices have satchels they use to collect herbs

- Kittypets are basically just humans who live in normal houses and have electricity, go to work, shop in stores ect. (Just normal, modern humans) and loners and rogues are homeless people. Though, Barely is a farmer and so was Daisy.

- BloodClan is literally just a street gang

- Each Clan has different outfits for their warriors. ThunderClans outfits have extra padding and boots and gloves for climbing, Windclan’s are more comfortable, thin, and easy to move around in while running, ShadowClans are dark with hoods and many pockets and such for weapons, and RiverClan has two outfits, one that is similar to ThunderClans but with less padding and no gloves (and obv blue) and one that’s just for swimming

- Medicine cats make their own clothes, and they usually consist of knee length skirts, any kind of shirt, and an apron with literally millions of pockets for herbs

- Since Jayfeather can’t see, Leafpool just made a mini version of her outfit for him to wear. He still doesn’t know

- Though usually all warriors are meat eaters, medicine cats are pretty likely to be vegetarian, vegan etc. It’s because they don’t like the idea of killing, plus they have bomb ass gardens in their backyards

human warrior cats, man

I’ll probably make more later. Feel free to add on if you’d like to x

me in some hollywood shit mans backyard that i infiltrated: *”fertilizes” his dandelions*

*the devil Lucifer comes out of the front gate of his beverly hills castle*

Lucifer: WHAT DA FUCK ARE YOU DOOING FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anonymous asked:

Adult Sarge wakes up one day to find a bunch of danger noodles intentionally put in his shop by someone. Who pranked him? How does he find all the snakes? What if he discovers some other critters stuck in his shop too (scorpions, spiders, lizards, birds, etc)? How does he react at first?

Fillmore did it, and it wasn’t a prank.

“Fillmore, why is there a box of snakes in my shop?”

“They’ve been living in my backyard man. It got cold last night, and I wanted them to stay warm, so I put them in your store.”

“You couldn’t keep them in your own home?”

“It’s not heated as well as yours. And these little guys deserve the best.”


If Sarge ever discovers other critters in his shop, he’s instantly on a mission to catch, release, and seal up any cracks or gaps in the building that allowed the critter entrance to begin with.

How far is the moon?

Textbooks reluctantly write it as 384,400 km on average. But How on earth did they figure out how far the moon was? Here is an interesting way:

The Lunar Laser Ranging Experiment.

The ongoing Lunar Laser Ranging Experiment measures the distance between the Earth and the Moon using laser ranging.

Lasers on Earth are aimed at retro-reflectors ( device or surface that reflects light back to its source with a minimum of scattering.) planted on the Moon during the Apollo program (11, 14, and 15), and the time for the reflected light to return is determined.

The distance to the Moon is calculated approximately using this equation:

Distance = (Speed of light × Time taken for light to reflect) / 2.

(since distance=speed* time )

The reflected light is too weak to be seen with the human eye: out of 1017 photons aimed at the reflector, only one will be received back on Earth every few seconds, even under good conditions. They can be identified as originating from the laser because the laser is highly monochromatic.

There you have it! The distance between the moon and the earth, and also conclusive proof that astronauts did land on the moon. 

Can you test this in your backyard ? Unfortunately no ! You would need highly sensitive detectors and a laser that can shoot 1017 green 532 nm photons per pulse. Not to mention the fancy electronics ! Phew !

( Extra : Lunar laser ranging The Big Bang Theory style. 

Mythbusters try the lunar ranging experiment. ( for real ) )