My favorite thing about Blaine? Oh goodness. His heart. He has this… weird sense where he can tell if I’m upset, and as soon as he figures it out, he’ll do anything in his power to make me smile again. And he’s so, so good with Daisy. And he just… he was willing to drop everything in his life to make sure that I was okay when my dad was in the hospital. He’s… honestly the most incredible, compassionate person that I’ve ever been lucky enough to meet in my life, and I swear to god, I’m never letting him go.
Yeah, that’s what I meant. And of course I think you should go! It just…I don’t know, whenever you talk about it, you don’t sound excited at all. And I just wanted to make sure it’s what you want. Because I want whatever you want.
No, no, I am, I am, I just… I mean, I’ll probably seem more excited about it as it gets closer and everything too, you know? But right now… it’s still far enough away and I’m still trying to even save for it period that it just… it’s easier to see the harder side of it, I guess. To see how much it’s costing and to realize how hard it’s going to be to be so far away for so long. I mean, god, I was ready to get back to you after a week away for Nationals. Five weeks sounds so, so long.
And again, that… that doesn’t sound excited at all. I promise you I am! I can’t even… imagine how amazing this trip is going to be, and how gorgeous Paris is going to be, and I know Rachel is just going to be a train ride away to experience it all with too! I can’t wait to spend some time just studying fashion and things related to it, because it was such a passion of mine in high school and it has fallen to the side a little bit in college. I am excited, I really am. I want to go. I’m looking forward to going.
But at the same time, I’m… kind of not, just for how hard it’ll be. Or I guess I’m scared, more accurately. If this is making any sense at all. I told you, I’m still pretty tired. This is what I want, it really is, I just… I’m worrying over everything leading up to it right now, I guess.
Well, I really don’t think my gift can compare to a homemade CD of my boyfriend's beautiful voice singing some of the most important songs pertaining to our relationship, but, uhhh… I suppose I can share it anyway! I made him another mug at Paige’s work - it says “I love waking up to you every morning.” Kind of personal, so probably not one you want to fill with coffee or tea or what have you and then take out of the apartment, or take out when we have guests over or anything perhaps. But I think it turned out pretty nicely, even if my handwriting is kind of messy. It’s simple, and I like it.
And then I bought this journal that says “The little things you do that make me fall in love with you” on the front, and I’ve been writing in it for the last month or so. There’s quite a few entries in it, but obviously it isn’t full yet, so… it’s sort of a work in progress gift, I guess? I definitely intend to keep writing in it. But for now, it’s partly full of little things that Blaine does from day to day, whether for me or not, that just make me smile and love him even more. :)
Happy (late) birthday, sweetheart, and happy (late) anniversary. I love you to the moon and back. <3
Obviously still healing, but this is what it looks like:
That, uhm… that’s Blaine’s handwriting. It’s from a note he left one morning when he had to leave before me, but the idea of it is from during the auditions for Angel when he tried to help me come to be comfortable and love my body. And he took a washable marker and wrote all sorts of things all over my body - in all the places that I wasn’t comfortable with especially. And it - god, it helped so much, having him go over everything about me. So I wanted a permanent reminder of that.
And it’s… it’s meant to sort of mirror the one in my mom’s handwriting too. The one for her is on my ribcage on the left side and reads “… to the moon and back,” and this one is on the right side of my ribcage. If you’re looking at me head on… they look like they read together. Like one (very spaced out, I know) sentence. Written by two of the people who mean the most to me - who have influenced my life the most. Two people who love me unconditionally.
And - and so now, no matter how hard things may get, I have a permanent reminder that no matter what the world throws at me… I am loved. I am so, so loved. And I am so, so lucky.
So Blaine - this is so for you, about you, because of you. Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me. Thank you for the last year. Thank you for the strength that you have given me, helped me find in myself. Thank you for always being there. Thank you, despite all of my flaws and imperfections, for loving me.
I want to marry you. You know that, right? We’ve talked about spending the rest of our lives together so many times, and having kids includes that. I mean, I won’t want to jump into that. It’ll have to be a few years after we’re married before we even think of having kids, but yes. I want kids with you.
I… y-yes, yes, I know. I want that too. I want to marry you too. I just… sometimes it’s just really… overwhelming to have you, and to have found you, so early in my life. And to know that this is what I want, and I can actually have it - I can reach right out and touch you and know that you're mine and you always will be and - and we want to have kids together someday…
For a boy who wasn’t sure he’d ever get out of small town Ohio, much less escape that stigma there and find someone who loves him so much, it’s just… a lot sometimes. But god, I’m so lucky, and I know it, and I realize it every second of every day, I promise you that.