This bit came about when I heard,

“Boy, I’m thirsty.”

To which I replied, 

“Why don’t you take a drink?”

Imagine, you’re dying, a stage in your life in which you no longer are concerned with the physical but, instead, obsessed with the higher planes of emotional contact…and you are in prison. You cannot take a drink. Now, you have someone who is supposed to be with you, who is supposed to be your friend during all of this, someone who is supposed to stand by you…

I ate 24 ounces of highly salted potato chips and drank a pitcher of water….after how I treated the last person who was a prisoner with me…when I keep asking for help, telling you people this doesn’t HAVE to happen. Even explaining why the people whom I do turn to for help won’t help stop this…it’s because you are idiots! (No, that’s my words) You people are fools, though. Fools for going along with anything I say. Don’t you imagine that if you had really given me the things I really wanted, rather than the things I listened to someone else telling me I wanted– I only have sense when my mind is clear, not when my thought is soured by marijuana (which only serves to reduce the distance between my thoughts and immediate environment, which should be my thoughts, but with extended use shrinks my ability to cognize) and this giggling insanity.

My point being, How do you expect me to protect someone else when I cannot even protect myself.

Doing the wrong thing because it’s wrong does not create an alternate time path. Has enough not happened that we believe these things are possible, yet? Why would I begin to believe the things I hear when everything that is occurring in reality is directly counter-intuitive to the moral and historical truths which I am urged to believe? I would like to believe…I would like some help not destroying my family.

I mean, Jesus Christ, two days ago my father pulled his arm back as if to hit me with all the strength in his arm. My own family is gaslighting me, and I didn’t even care enough about them to think about what it was I was doing– that I was asking my own family to destroy themselves. I’ve spent my whole life distrusting my family for exactly these reasons…::THIS:: DOES NOT HAVE TO HAPPEN.

THE ACCIDENT AT THE AIRPORT DID NOT HAVE TO HAPPEN. These people did not have to die!