I have been thinking in this idea for a while its a Jared x Wife!Reader, hope you like it “Imagine Jared having an emotional breakdown and the reader shows him all the good things he have done and how much he means for a lot of people” - @bemyqueenofdarkness
Pairings: Jared x wife!Reader Mentioned: Jensen, JJ, Misha, Mark & some crew
Warnings: Emotional breakdown and angst!!! with a fluffy ending
Summary: I took this story from personal experience. My mom did this for me a few years back and I have since lost the video but it meant so much to me.
The moment you walked into your house, you knew something
was wrong; the air around you felt heavy and thick as if it was almost
suffocating. You stopped dead in your tracks when you could finally hear the faint
sounds of music floating down the stairwell and as your mind wrapped around the
melody; your heart stopped.
“Jared!” You yelled as you dropped the bag of groceries on
the floor in the entry before you tore through the house toward the stairs
knowing exactly where he would be. You took the steps two at a time and with
every step, the heart breaking music got louder. Sure enough, when you pushed
open the door to your bedroom, you could see the large lump of your husband’s
body under the blankets, curled in the fetal position in the middle of the bed.
His eyes shot up to yours and you felt your heart break as a fresh wave of
tears poured from his blood shot eyes.
I just realized what that band really meant(well imo)
I was watching the Ever After music videos and I got to By Now and I’m fucking crying. It took me over a year to piece this together.
“Sometimes when your eyes see something that your heart can’t explain, your mind makes up a new history to make sense of it all.” And then clips from the other videos that were like taking place in Toyland play through and then it’s like “you make a new story. One with the fairytale ending that you deserve. You sit back, an you say to yourself, once upon a time, I awoke, in a strange place” AND THOSE ARE THE WORDS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE FUCKING STORY IN THE ALBUM.
AND SO THE VIDEOS ARE LIKE AN INDEPENDENT STORY THAT TELL HOW THE ALBUMS STORY IS LIKE AN ILLUSION MADE AS A COPING MECHANISM WHILE HE WAS GOING THROUGH HELL WITH CAROLINA AND IT HAS BEEN FUCKING WITH ME FOR YEARS.
coffee break rated e for everything is cute word count: 2,189
You had always
supposed coffee-shop romances to be too cliché, too textbook, too drama and
music video with back lighting to soften the edges, make everything hazier than
they are, dreamier than they are. So when you walk into the little cafe on at
the corner of 3rd and 12th, you aren’t expecting the strange (and very, oh-so-cliché)
wave of preemptive enticement, like something is meant to happen today, like
the world is meant to change right here, right now, and you are meant to
witness it change.
For as long as I can
remember, I’ve always been a fan of rap music. It’s been my favorite genre
since I was a small child. The very essence of my being is attached to this
love I have for Hip Hop. Every morning I wake up, I say Good Morning Hip Hop.
My favorite rapper, Killer Mike, admitted to a sold out crowd that it was one
of his favorite things about following me on Twitter. I try my best to study
the entire culture. I love graffiti, I always respect the DJ, and the dancers
have just been some of the illest performers I’ve ever witnessed. It’s not
every day that a lot of people get into heated debates and discussions about
what era was better or who deserves the props. People don’t sit around and
discuss the best producers in their spare time. They don’t have a list of
favorite DJs. They barely even read liner notes. All of these things, I’ve done
since I was still losing teeth. As a nearly 28 year old Black woman, these are
still some of my favorite things.
Knowing how much I love Hip
Hop as a culture, it’s no secret that I own books, movies, magazines and just
spend as much time as humanly possible thinking about it. The music I’ve been
fortunate enough to purchase and witness live is my favorite thing of all. A
few years ago I started attending rap concerts. This is the thing that changed
my life forever. Doing this allowed me to participate more fully in something
that I’ve already dedicated so much of my life to. Even my screen saver is
dedicated to my love of rap music (and Prince). Rap music has fascinated me for
almost 30 years. I even started rapping at a young age as a result. Since
around 4 and 5 years old, I’ve been reciting rap lyrics. The very first album I
learned was Dr. Dre’s The
Chronic. My parents introduced me to it. Like most things, I first came into
contact with them at home. So it shouldn’t be a shocker here that I learned quite
a few things that weren’t exactly suitable for children to know in the process.
I say they were not suitable for a child, but I am forever grateful to my
parents for not robbing me of the chance to learn these things mostly under
As a kid, I spent so much time studying my mom and how she set
up her stereo. Nothing was better than spending the weekend seeing my mom go
from Teena Marie and L.T.D. to Snoop Dogg and Tupac. Yeah, my Momma picked out
the music. I loved watching my mom dub tapes, or record new songs off the
radio. My mom had the antenna going all the way up the wall and speaker wire
everywhere. For the longest time, the stereo was the nicest, most well
maintained thing in our apartment. Daddy knew the best gift to give Momma,
besides jewelry, was a good stereo. Back then she had a Fisher entertainment
system. I could never mess with it, but I would always want to. Her music was
her music, but it quickly became the soundtrack to my life. Many Friday
afternoons, I would come from school and Mommy would be cleaning and cooking.
Keith Sweat’s Make It Last Forever album was how she set her equalizer. She
always told me that was the perfect album for the task. I realize now that I
spent a lot of time shadowing my mom, and I never fully understood why, back then. Now that she’s passed, I get it. She was
larger than life for much of my entire life. God rest her soul.
It’s important that I tell
you guys the backstory to my love of rap music. I remember reading about the
Quad Studios shooting of 2Pac in the Washington Post. I’ve always lived in
Prince George’s County, Maryland. That story shook me, because I was a big 2Pac
fan. My childhood consisted of cartoons, listening to my parents’ music and
music videos. 2Pac was the man around my house. My dad used to collect issues
of The Source inside and old school desk. Don’t know where the hell that desk
came from, but I remember it being in our apartment. On my favorite road trip
of all time, the summer of 1996, we played All
Eyez On Me all
the way down I-95. To this day it’s still my favorite 2Pac album, even though Me Against The World is his best work. I just love being
able to associate that memory with the music. How bittersweet it was to return
from that trip and have to watch 2Pac get shot and ultimately die. I cried so
much when I learned that 2Pac was dead. It hurt me immeasurably, at 8 years
old. My mom couldn’t understand why I was crying, but for some reason, I
couldn’t stop. That’s how I knew it was bigger than anything I would ever come
to like or know in my life.
Let’s take time to pay attention to the names I’ve mentioned. The
only woman, other than me and my Momma, is Teena Marie. Do women exist in rap
music by the time I’ve become a fan? Absolutely. Am I a fan of women in rap
music at this time? Hell yes. I love MC Lyte. I love Queen Latifah. “Ladies
First” is my jam. Salt N Pepa are the bomb, I remember rapping along to
Nonchalant on the radio. “5 O’Clock” was all over The Box, man. My Mom even had a copy of Bo$$’s only studio album. Missy
hadn’t quite taken off on her own, but she was getting work behind the scenes. While it wasn’t the rap game, but she did rap, Left Eye was easily one of my
favorites. Of course there were names like Lauryn (still in the Fugees), Da Brat released her platinum, with the assistance of Jermaine Dupri. Lil Kim
was emerging as was Foxy Brown. There were so many more, though. Ms. Melody and
Yo-Yo, Monie Love, Lady of Rage (who I love so much) and so many others. I’d
heard of all of them, but I still had my clear favorites. So there are women in
rap. At this point in time, I’m only really paying attention to Queen, Lyte,
Left Eye and Rage, though. They just had the lyrics and images that I liked
more than everyone else.
You don’t know how much I’ve always hated talking about image in rap
music, because I believe the music matters the most. However, being a young
girl who loved rap music, and coming up in the era of the music video, you saw
a lot of different images, and a lot of the same ones on display. Many of the rappers I liked were the
rappers nearly everybody liked. You liked 2Pac, Snoop, Ice Cube, LL Cool J and other
alpha male types. These were the guys whose music I heard a lot of.
Unfortunately, more often than not, they appeared to have a very specific idea
of women in their music. Women decorated the videos and weren’t much else
outside of sexual conquests or objects in the music. I say this at 27, because
I know more about what the words mean now. Back then I was just learning the
lines so I could perform along with the music. Did I know which ones where
considered bad or offensive? Yes, because you got popped if Momma heard you using them, lol. In all seriousness, though, I’d heard those words in several places
outside of rap music as well. Were they words that I used to describe myself?
At the time, no. I had no real preference for any of these words except
gangsta. I knew I wanted to be a gangsta because Scarface said it felt good to
be one. There wasn’t a record going around saying “damn it feels good to be a
For every song I really loved, there wasn’t a lot of anything
directed to women, outside of sexual preference or sexual instructions. Which
at the age I was listening to it, meant absolutely nothing to me because I
wasn’t having sex, and wasn’t going to be for a minute. What would I have taken
offense to at that point? I was a kid, and even when I entered my teens, I
still didn’t feel like these records were written with me in mind. I accepted
this as something that didn’t apply to me, mostly because I believed it didn’t.
Call me crazy, but I didn’t think I had anything in common with the women in
the music videos, because their particular style didn’t suit me. Back then it was spandex, short skirts and low cut tops. I’m still
not into that look, to be honest. Hell, I just bought my first pair of cargo
shorts last month. (If at all possible, I try to always be wearing pants, usually jeans and if not that, dress pants will do.) I formed
no negative opinion about the women just for wearing tight clothes, but I saw that the
rappers got to wear baggy jeans, sweatshirts, jerseys and hats, which seemed more like what I
wanted to wear in the first place. Not until TLC popped up did that become a good look for women in music. So I just picked the cooler outfits.
What wasn’t cool was the fact that as I matured, I heard people
tearing down my favorite genre. How I managed to ignore it during the 90s, I
don’t really know. I knew Tipper Gore had her issues, C. Delores Tucker, Bob Dole
and a bunch of other people didn’t like the messages in rap music, but I rode
with the rappers. Did that mean there was nothing wrong? No. But I sided with
the people who were anti-censorship, especially bullshit censorship. Claiming
it incited violence and demeaned Black women, specifically, hit me differently
than it should have. I didn’t think rap music was any more violent than the
biggest action films out at the time. And I didn’t fully recognize how Black
women were the only women who were being disrespected in the music.
In fact, I still don’t. Because for as much music as I’ve bought, I’ve not heard bitch or hoe specified as any Black woman or modified to make certain to exclude white women or Asian women or Latina women.
I don’t recall white women protesting hard rock artists. They didn’t feel that all of the white women glorified in rock music were whores or tramps. Yet rap got the bad rap for things that other genres were spared. I think it’s been carried in a manner that depends on Black women to be the most outraged by it, in order drive it out. But the problem there is that there are also Black women in the rap game. During the earlier extremely problematic era, rap music had groups like Oaktown’s 357 and Hoez With Attitude on the scene, who were the supposed women versions of their male contemporaries.
Hip Hop culture is
absolutely nothing without Black women. We were at the park jams. We were
dancing, we were writing and tagging buildings and trains, we were DJing and we were rapping. Rap
music is problematic as fuck. The industry is some bullshit. It’s unwelcoming
and designed to make people rich, who don’t give a damn about this culture or
this art form. The fact remains, rap music needs Black women. It wouldn’t have
the trends or the success or the appeal without us. Many men relied on the fact that women
danced to their music or bought their albums or came to the shows. It’s not
like these guys wanted only men to buy their music. If the objective was to get
rich, why not try to profit from the largest possible audience? It makes no
sense to refuse good money. However, in treating this like a consumer/business
relationship, it requires that we take customer complaints seriously, and work
to improve the product. That I know hasn’t always happened, but it cannot be
said that rap music has always been toxic and detrimental to women. Despite the misogyny and the under to complete misrepresentation of women, there have been great achievements in recording excellence, by many of
music’s more problematic people. In the next part I aim to discuss how as much as I’ve loved it, by no means has it been an easy line to walk.