Tbh Clint Barton would be the best friend ever. You know that he’d be in the audience of Kate’s cello recitals screaming her name after she finishes a piece and trying to make sure Lucky doesn’t fall out of his coat because he wanted to listen too and Clint couldn’t just say no to that face.
Because baby crazy Diana is the cutest thing ever I s2gosh. Looks and acts like a cinnamon roll but can actually kill you
“Oh, a baby!”
Kate hears the voice before she sees the speaker; a tall woman who parts the crowd around the cafe like the Red Sea, trailed by an exasperated Maria Hill.
“Ms. Prince,” Hill starts, but by that point, Diana Prince is kneeling in front of Kate, one of Ash’s tiny baby hands wrapped around Diana’s finger.
“Oh, look at you,” Diana coos, utterly enchanted by the tiny human perched in Kate’s lap. “Aren’t you precious?” She finally looks up at Kate, eyes sharpening as recognition dawns. “Oh. Is she yours, Hawkeye?”
Maria makes a noise like someone being strangled to death, an utterance Kate is fairly certain is paired with an eye-roll for the ages. In the two weeks that Diana, Princess of Themyscira, daughter of Hippolyta, and so on and so forth, has been in this universe, she has proven rather…uninterested in secret identities.
Uninterested is the wrong word. It feels more like Diana sees the whole person–superhero and secret identity–without the arbitrary line most of them have drawn between the two. Maybe Kate’s just projecting. It’s not like Hawkeyes are particularly good at keeping the two distinct.
“He,” Kate finally corrects before shaking her head. “This is Ash, and he’s my nephew.”
“Oh. Do you have any children?”
Diana’s lips curve upward for half a second before settling back into a neutral line.
Susan chooses this moment to return to their table, taking in the strange woman making faces at her child. Kate can see the moment the pieces click together in her sister’s brain.
“You must be Diana!” Susan beams at the amazon in question. “Kate’s told me so much about you!”
“Well, not so much,” Susan corrects herself. “Since it’s work related, or whatever. But enough!” She gives Diana an exaggerated wink and oh god oh god no Susan why.
Susan is operating under the mistaken impression that Kate has game. Not that she doesn’t! Kate has plenty of game. It’s just that Diana is an actual, literal goddess, and Hawkeyes don’t do people! Everyone knows that Hawkeyes are just piles of trash compressed into human form except for sisters who don’t know that you’re a Hawkeye, exactly, and–
“But listen to me! Going on and on and not even inviting you to join us! Take a seat, Diana, please!” Susan’s eyes finally catch on Maria, arms crossed and glaring at the tableau in front of her. “Oh! Is that your girlfriend?”
“No,” Diana smiles, a real one that lights up her whole face and purifies the soul of everyone within a ten-foot radius, Hill notwithstanding. “I don’t have a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend.”
Susan gives Kate one of the most obvious well there, look at the good thing I did for you I’m so proud what a good wingman I am looks in the history of ever and Kate dies just a little bit on the inside.
“I’d love to join you,” Diana continues, ignorant of Kate’s spiritual demise at the hands of her sister. “If that’s all right with you, Kate?”
It takes Kate a few seconds to realize the question was directed at her and not Hill. The fact only really sinks in as Maria’s frown deepens.
“Sure!” Kate says, the eagerness in her voice making her cringe. “I’d love that.”
Ten minutes later, Kate is positive the only reason Diana agreed to stay is because she’s in love with Ash. To be fair, the feeling appears to be mutual. Diana is making faces at Ash, who is delighted at each one. He dribbles food down his chubby little chin, and Diana swoops in to wipe it off with noises and flourishes of the napkin that entrance the infant.
“Whatever you do, don’t give Kate your number,” Susan jokes–really, Susan? What is that, reverse psychology? That’s not going to work– “Or I’ll steal it from her when I need a babysitter.”
“I’d love to babysit!” Diana beams, like Susan just offered her a unicorn. With what Kate understands about Themyscira, perhaps comparing babies to unicorns isn’t all that weird.
Kate loses the thread of the conversation for a few seconds–Maria is glaring at Kate so hard she’s surprised her head hasn’t caught fire–but hears Diana say something about wanting kids and looking for the right person to have them with.
“I’ll have your babies!” Kate blurts out before realizing what she said and immediately wanting to die.
Susan, for her part, is a horrible person and doesn’t even pretend not to laugh, and Diana smiles, corners of her eyes crinkling in amusement. Maria stifles a laugh, disguising it poorly as a cough, and even little Ash takes his cue from the rest of the group and starts giggling.
“Unless technology is highly advanced in this universe, that won’t be possible. We could adopt,” Diana muses after a moment. “But I think we should go on a date before we discuss adoption. At least one date."
"Are…you asking me out?” Kate’s mouth is dry and she swallows convulsively.
“No. I’m telling you that you may ask me out.”
Diana laughs again, but instead of making Kate feel like an idiot, it makes her feel warm, like the two of them are sharing a private joke. “A date. You should ask me to go on a date tonight.”
“Oh. Oh! Right. Diana, did you want to go out to eat. On a date. Tonight?”
“I would love to.”
Maria clears her throat and stands, and Diana follows suit. “We should be going, Ms. Prince. We still have a lot to do if you want to get off work in time for your dinner tonight.”
“Does six work for you?” Kate asks in a rush, suddenly aware of how bad she is at this stuff. “I can text you the place. Or pick you up. Or–”
“Oh, for the love of god, just text her,” Maria snaps.
Diana gives Maria a Look before leaning in to say goodbye to Ash. “I should let you know,” she murmurs to Kate. “That I love ice cream. If we get ice cream, I’ll definitely kiss you at the end of the night.”
Kate manages to find words to say goodbye with around the pterodactyl screeching in her mind as Diana and Maria leave.
“Way to get your auntie a date, Asher!” Susan raises her son’s hand and gives him a high-five. “We’re definitely telling this story at their wedding.”