So here we are, Carter has started crawling… And yes my world has trippled in difficulty since. Aside from a daily workout chasing him, I’m loving life. He is growing so fast. On top of all of his new mobile action, he has been teething. Which means a super cranky eight month old. Vocally Carter has said momma and dada totally unintentional but we will just pretend it was! He has me running for my money but as difficult as it can be, I’m loving every second of it. You cant forget to hold on to the moments while you have them because they’ll will one day be only memories. Savor life! Hope everyone is doing well! Thank you to Carters grandma for taking the photograph!

Pregnancy is beautiful and empowering, but I can’t deny that days when you feel like this happen! lol

I love this dress but I know I look fat in it. It’s so clingy and I still haven’t shifted the baby weight after one year… Today I decided “fuck it I’ll wear it” because it’s one of my favourite things I own and to not wear it would be a shame!

I never thought I’d be THAT Mom.
The one who can’t get enough of those gummy grins, belly laughs, rolls on chubby little legs.
I never thought I’d be THAT Mom-
The Mom who loves her baby so much that it physically hurts. I pray every day that he’ll have every happiness and I wonder how I’ll handle any hurt or sadness he comes across. I wonder what I’ll do when he fails for the first time after trying so hard. I wonder what I’ll do when he is hurting and I can’t wad him up in my arms and kiss away his baby tears.
I never thought I’d be so in love with another human being, so in love with someone I carry in my heart and soul.
Things I wish people had told me about Motherhood.

When people first found out I was pregnant they decided to bestow on me lots of information and tips about what would happen and what I would feel as soon as my baby arrived. Some of it helpful, most of it utter and complete crap. Now that my boy is 3 months old I have had a chance to look back on our time together and see that I was actually quite ill prepared for motherhood and its dizzying highs and soul destroying low points. I decided to share what I have learned so far and hope that it might help someone in the future to be less blindsided than I was. I understand that everyones journey is unique so if you can relate to this great and if you can’t thats great too! 

1. Straight after labour you will be in a daze that you don’t realise you are in until you crash out of it. I was in this daze for a few weeks, so much so I can’t remember the days after my sons birth day very clearly. 

2. When you finally bring your baby home you will feel like you have been hit by a truck both emotionally and physically. Your hormones will be all over the place, you have to take care of a helpless human, you won’t have had much sleep in the hospital, if you had a section you will be in pain and on painkillers, also in my case I could not walk as my pelvis was unstable. I felt horrific. I could not stop crying anything and everything set me off. 

3. People will want to visit. I thought it would be ok to let anyone and everyone come to visit as I believed I was able. If I had the chance again I would have made them wait at least a month. I was drained, injured, anxious, and trying to take care of a baby when I was unable to lift him or walk around the house to get bottles or nappies. Visitors on top of this was a huge mistake. Even if your birth was straightforward I would advise against having big groups of people over to your house in the first few weeks. You need rest above everything and time to adapt to your new life. Unless they are going to help or let you go for much needed sleep they will be a hindrance. 

4. Lower your expectations when it comes to a baby sleeping. Babies have smaller stomachs and day night confusion which means for at least a month they will not sleep through the night. If they do you have a miracle baby and congratulations but most of them will not. Don’t stress yourself out trying to attempt sleep training like I did. It just made me miserable. The best thing we ever did was decide to take a night each and let the other sleep. It sucks not sleeping in the same bed every night but its only temporary and means no-one is suffering from exhaustion. Now that Fergus is bigger we try to have his last 2 feeds closer together and the last one usually puts him to sleep for the night. 

5. You will love your child beyond belief but there will be days when you wish you had never decided to have children and it is ok to feel this way. Being a parent is terrifying, it changes your whole life and you have to learn to adapt. It is difficult at times so it is natural to wish that you had left things the way they were. This does not mean you don’t love your child. You just wish sometimes you could have a bit of a break. 

6. When you decide to bring your new baby out for a walk for the first time you will be so nervous. I did not stay indoors the recommended two months with my baby as I would have cracked the fuck up but I just stayed away from areas where people would be near his buggy so they didn’t get a chance to pass anything to him. Now we are old pros and just toss the bag into the buggy and off we go!

7. The first time your child gets ill, you will feel so helpless. My boy got a urinary tract infection last month and I felt so stressed and lost. He was off his food and very upset. He seems to be better now but still has to have an ultrasound. I wish it had happened to me instead. I have a feeling that whenever my child gets unwell I will think this!

8. The first time you are left alone with your child you will feel like you are the only person in the world. This can be very isolating. Make sure you are kind to yourself during this time. I tried to maintain the house whilst not being able to walk properly and taking care of a baby. All this pressure led me to get post natal depression. Luckily I caught it early and got it under control. The only thing that matters is your health and that of your baby. Nothing else.

9. C-Sections are major surgery. Treat them as such. Remember to take your painkillers on time and make sure you aren’t doing too much. Easy to say but not so easy to do when you have a little human to protect! Try to get as much rest as your baby will allow. Other things will have to wait.

And finally.

10. You will love your baby so much that you will be feel like crying. This little life you brought into the world will bring a love to your life that you have never experienced. Before he was born I thought I knew what love felt like but there is nothing like the love a mother/father feels for their baby. Somedays I am frightened of this love. It makes me a better person but if it was taken from me it would destroy me. Show them this love everyday. Never let anyone tell you you are spoiling your baby by loving them too much. Pick them up, cuddle them. If they cry go straight to them. You can never show a baby too much love. 

This is my experience so far. I’m sure I have so many new things to learn as my baby and I grow together. I hope it didn’t sound too negative either! If anyone has any questions or would like to know anything else please let me know!