babies

Fic: Guilt (1/2)

A Chris Evans Fanfic

Note: A follow up to the Fix You series and The Bitter Truth. Thanks for reading :) xx

Warnings: language, angst, self-loathe

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“What’s the diagnosis, doc?”

Chris craned his neck to see Natalia advancing towards him through squinted eyes. The November sun was beating down on his face, blinding him, but the cautious look on her face as she came down the driveway was hard to miss. Guilt settled in his chest.

With his hands planted on the hood of Abby’s car, Chris forced the tiniest of smiles to do his part in easing her mind. “The brake pads are worn like I suspected,” he answered, popping the top open, “but Gary said he’d be able to set aside some time in the morning to put ‘er up on the lift for a full assessment.”

Natalia’s lips pinched together as she chewed the inside of her cheek, nodding. She handed him the chilled beer bottle she had grabbed out of the fridge the second she heard him return home after test running Abby’s car. She smiled at the polite thanks he uttered, and watched him twist off the cap with expertise before he took a long, thirsty swig.

“Did he say how long that’d take?” She crossed her arms when a slight breeze circulated around her. “‘Cuz Abby’s appointment got rescheduled to 11:30; she’s gonna need the car.”

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anonymous asked:

Tell us about the birds and the bees?


Well, children gather round while ole Sammy tells you the story of the miracle of life.  It all starts on a Saturday night. Mommy and Daddy have been drinking a little wine. Mommy says she has to “freshen up” and goes into the bedroom. Daddy follows her. Mommy comes out of the bathroom wearing one of her “special” nightgowns. Then Daddy tackles her and the have a tickle fight under the covers. After the tickle fight, Mommy smokes a cigarette and Daddy makes himself a sandwich.

Later Mommy’s tummy grows and grows. Daddy says something about a “beached whale” and Mommy makes him sleep on the couch for a whole week. Finally, Mommy’s tummy is SO BIG that Daddy takes her to the hospital. You can hear Mommy yelling at Daddy saying things like “you bastard you did this to me” and calling him lots of bad names. Some kids think that a stork comes and puts the baby in a cabbage patch. Those kids are dumb as rocks. The stork brings the baby to the hospital. Along with the baby, the stork brings a bill for $300,000.00 because that’s how much it costs to bring up a kid these days.