babies with laser eyes

AN: *whispers* two days in a row.

Steve didn’t think he’d ever run so fast in his life, even in a battle situation. 

He’d just stepped out of the store with a bag of groceries when the explosion had rocked the city around him. He’d instinctively looked up at the top of Avengers Tower a couple of blocks away like he always did in situations like this, more out of habit than because he actually thought it was the source of the commotion, but his heart had leapt into his throat upon seeing reams of smoke pouring from the top half of the building. 

So yes, he was running. 

It was really bad. Just from looking at it, Steve could tell it was bad. Thick plumes of ashy grey smoke were pouring out of the windows, which he realised with a sick jolt had been blown out. He counted floors as he ran, realised the damage was exclusively in Avengers’ quarters, and felt even worse. 

As he got closer, it became harder to get through the crowds. As well as passers-by who had stopped to stare, Stark Industries employees were pouring out of the atrium to stand in the street. Steve pulled his phone out of his pocket as he pushed his way through the throng of people. When he hit Tony’s number, it just rang and rang and rang. 

“Pick up,” he pleaded, and then cleared his throat when the answer machine beeped. “Tony, baby, pick up your phone.”

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A few things my Humanitarianism professor said this semester
  • “You gotta lie to get anything done here”
  • “Go ask the BlackBoard gods”
  • “Coffee is now more important to me than oxygen”
  • “I’m bad with social cues, but I thought I had that one nailed. I was wrong. It broke my leg”
  • “Who’s the man? That’s me”
  • “Everything you need to know about International Affairs you can learn from The Sound of Music”
  • “Anyone want to tell me anything meaningful? I hope not”
  • “I absolutely love Richard Nixon. He’s my favorite president”
  • “Richard Nixon was the most human president”
  • “Would it KILL you to call me at 2am so I can go to the National Mall with you? I know you all do it every weekend here”
  • “I don’t have ADHD but I WILL sell you ritalin”
  • “Awww……sounds like someone needs some medication”
  • “Academia is a place where you put people who are a little odd…you put them there to protect them from society”
  • “You know the phrase ‘beating a dead horse’…like…have any of you literally done that?”
  • “The mundane example of a child drowning”
  • “You pay taxes? Why? Revolt!”
  • “It’s like Rules of War for 4th graders”
  • “I can show you some more war porn if you want”
  • “I want the dishonest truth because I can’t handle the honest truth”
  • “I know all of you have been on tons of therapy and most of you are on medication”
  • “Send me TV show suggestions to watch. I’ve got tenure. It’s not like I need to write anymore”
  • “Do you want to come up here and write ‘military necessity’ on the board? Conjugate the verb ‘Ir’ while you’re at it”
  • “Are you okay? You all look so sad. And you’re not even responding to me. And you’re not going to. You! (pointing to student) You speak for the whole class. Why are they so sad?”
  • “Do you want a hug? No, wait. That’s probably a workplace violation”
  • “I’m gonna take this personally one day. Actually, I already have”
  • “It’s too hot in this classroom so I told them you’re engaging in civil disobedience so they’d run over and fix this”
  • “They’re going to be talking about how stupid I am at this book event, so if you want to see a spectacle, this is your thing”
  • “I can’t promise any edibles”
  • “The review session will probably be before the final”
  • “If we wait, there will be no one left to save. Put THAT on a bumper sticker”
  • “I’m going to show you a video because you all look like you need some fun in your lives”
  • “If I showed this video in Minnesota I’d have to first explain what humor is”
  • “I know what you must be thinking: Who passed in the paper early? Who do I need to kill? Well, I’ll tell you later if you pay me”
  • “I, of course, do not actually care about my graduate students”
  • “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands” (approximately 6 out of 83 people clap unenthusiastically) “Oh…….wow”
  • “Arnold Schwarzenegger is a legal weapon and the next frontier of International Humanitarian Law”
  • “Little babies shooting lasers out of their eyes are legal”
  • “You’re not supposed to strap military weapons to goats. It’s actually in bad taste”
  • “Would you trust me to make these life or death decisions?” (1 person out of 83 people claps very enthusiastically) “NO”
  • “Maybe you’re all vegan…..but I like to operate in a world of denial”

i am in love with that otp idea about the shorter one literally wanting to fight anyone who insulted the taller.

Can you imagine like a 5′6 sirius having to carry a little step stool and then having to fold it out every time someone talked shit about Remus. 

meanwhile, the boyfriend in question is about 6′5



and then he looks at his victim with laser beam eyes. if you weren’t careful he’d turn you to dust. 

don’t cross sirius black if you value your life. 

anonymous asked:

Wait, I'm confused, what's airbuddies and why is it bad?

what’s your favorite movie? paul blart mall cop, right? well, imagine this. imagine if paul blart mall cop was based on a true story. it’s a good enough movie on its own, but once you learn that it’s all based on true events, wow, right? what an inspiring guy. this out of shape fellow had no business thwarting all those master mall thieves, but he did anyways out of sheer determination. so okay, great. paul blart mall cop. favorite movie. you buy the DVD, put posters up in your room, scour the internet for news about any upcoming sequels.

so then we find out that the real paul blart mall cop is dying (in this universe, there’s no need for kevin james, as PBMC does his own stunts). oh no! there goes any chance of a paul blart sequel, right? wrong. they’re gonna put out a sequel, all right, but they’re gonna shoehorn a subplot about paul blart having babies. which is fine, right? it’s a happy ending that can extend the story for future generations. PBMC would have no problems with this ending. so then, the sequel is made, and the real PBMC passes away at peace with his success. before his body is even cold, those same directors, realizing there is still money to be made, start work on a spinoff series surrounding blart’s babies. which, again, fine, right? wrong. they don’t know why you love paul blart mall cop. they don’t care that the real paul blart mall cop’s appeal was his reality.

he really existed in a world that underestimated him for how he looked, and he really overcame that. but hollywood doesn’t care. they think “oh, the kids love paul blart mall cop? well imagine how much they’ll love it when we give them a movie series starring his babies! except his babies will be superheroes. there will never be any sense of peril, the movies won’t feature malls, cops, or mall cops in any form, and also, just in case the audience starts to suspend their disbelief for even a moment, they’ll talk.

so there’s no soul in the sequels, and instead of doing his own stunts, as paul blart mall cop did, they bring in stunt doubles. they bring in doubles for the puppies, er, babies as well, because there’s no way you could really have a baby flying around shooting laser beams out of his eyes at space alien thieves or whatever. oh, and also, 5 babies actually die during production of parvovirus because they weren’t vaccinated by the directors

so now this shitpile of a movie is coming out, and this is all you hear about from your loved ones, because you’re the big paul blart mall cop fan in your circle. “hey, wanna go see the new PBMC?” “I got you a PBMC cake for your birthday!” “I hear they’re working on another sequel, how excited are you?” you feign excitement at first, but you’re not a rock. you lack the force of will that the original PBMC had. you lash out a few times, but luckily, it all becomes white noise after a while.

feel that vague sense of unease and churning in your stomach? this is exactly what happened with air bud and that is why I will live with that feeling until the day I die

I was looking to see if I could send Robin Williams’ daughter a message of support. I heard there were some people sending awful messages and tweets and I guess I wanted to counter that. I was surprised to find that I created her header image for twitter. It was part of my short-lived “Babies with Laser Eyes” tumblr.  I created something that made her smile and I know that isn’t much, but I feel like she probably needs all the smiles she can get. I wish I could do more.