Hi there, do you have any recs for long drarry fics? I'm not very good at finding them
Hello!! I’ve done a rec list for long, slow burn fics in the past, so please check that out because I love every fic on that list to death! But OH MAN I could talk about long Drarry fics for the rest of my life, so here are some more! All very long, but not necessarily slow burn this time ;)
What We Pretend We Can’t See by gyzym (131K)- Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought. This is the only one I am going to copy from the slow burn rec list, because I just want to rec it every day of my life. It is quite literally my number one favorite fic ever, and I am not exaggerating. Do you see how serious I am right now? I am never serious. This fic is so amazing it turned me serious. I’m not even going to summarize it again because if you trust me at all you will just go read it nooooooow.
Turn by Saras_Girl (307K)- One good turn always deserves another. Apparently. Of course in the middle of declaring my favorite fic ever, I had to remember Turn and how utterly brilliant it is and how I’ve reread it and it was STILL utterly brilliant the second time and have a crisis because MAYBE THIS IS ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE FIC???! Aaah help, I can never choose! Anyway, are you a drarry fan who hasn’t read Turn yet? Really? Well, in that case FUCK YOU BECAUSE I AM SO JEALOUS YOU GET TO READ IT FOR THE FIRST TIME YOU LUCKY BASTARD. *ahem* Anyway, in this amazing fic, epilogue-compliant and worn-down Harry goes to an alternate dimension in which he is happily married to Draco, owns the best pet snake ever, and makes furniture for a living (love artsy Harry <3). It’s truly a masterpiece, and as always with my recs there is a happy ending, so don’t worry!
Tales from the Special Branch Series by femmequixotic (272K so far)- (Summary is from the second part of the series, which is the first long installment: Lost in Your Arms) Three months after their brief encounter, Draco has almost forgotten about Potter–or so he tells himself. Then a Dark wizard shows up on the Auror radar and all hell breaks loose. Draco will have to choose between everything he holds dear–everything he’s worked so hard for–and a few stolen moments of passion with a certain green-eyed Inspector, once his sworn enemy and now something rather different entirely. He’ll make the right choice, won’t he? Who is he kidding? He’ll ruin everything, as per usual. Bad choices and the name Malfoy go hand in hand. This series is a WIP, but a regularly updated one and the FIRST CHAPTER OF THE NEXT BOOK IS BEING RELEASED TOMORROW AND I AM SO EXCITED!!! I feel so lucky to be following along with it as it comes out, because let me tell you, this is an instant classic! There is lovely forbidden fornication between a boss (Harry) and his subordinate (Draco) (the prequel was written for the kink fest so you can bet the sex is SCORCHING), a very compelling mystery/case, and truly brilliant characterization! I identify so much with this Draco. And I also love that Harry isn’t the perfect flawless cinnamon roll he is often portrayed as in fics. Everyone in this series is very human, and I am just dying of excitement to find out what happens to them next! I know I’ve already gushed about this fic in several other places recently, and I’m sorry to repeat myself but I really can’t get enough! PLEASE JOIN ME IN ROOTING FOR @femmequixotic AS SHE KINDLY DEDICATES HER SOUL TO US ALL FOR THE NEXT BIT OF HER LIFE <3
Secrets by Vorabiza (395K)- Beginning with Draco’s unexpected arrival at the Dursleys, Harry’s summer after sixth year becomes filled with activity and many secrets. As his summer progresses, Harry generates several unexpected allies as he finds himself actively becoming the leader of the Light side. OMG it’s the first fic I ever read!! The fic that brought me into the fandom! I have suuuuuch a soft spot for this fic, and it is just so so so good! It’s probably my favorite adventure/wizarding war plot of all. Harry is just so confident and he embraces his Slytherin side and really Gets Shit Done, and it’s SO SATISFYING. Also, I love any fic in which Draco helps with the Horcrux hunt. Also there’s a baaaaaaby (no mpreg) and mentor!Snape, which is really nice. This fic was written post-HBP, but is SURPRISINGLY accurate in its predictions. Oh, and the sex is super hot too ;)
Checkmate by Naadi (245K)- Draco has the perfect plan to get Harry Potter and challenges him to a game of Dare Chess. But is it love, or betrayal, he has in mind? A real chess game is played throughout the story. This fic is so lovely! It’s an “alternate 7th year AU”, written after Goblet of Fire. It’s fluffy and funny and lovey and then dramatic and passionate and YEAH I LOVED IT. The real time game of chess, in which Harry and Draco take turns making “moves” (on each other) is just such a wonderful idea. Read the author’s note for more info!
Leo Inter Serpentes by Aeternum (658K combined so far)- Just one conversation between two eleven year old boys goes slightly differently, and the world changes. Just how much will be different with Harry being sorted into Slytherin, and how much will stay the same? SLYTHERIN HARRY ALERT SLYTHERIN HARRY ALERT! Yep, a Slytherin Harry rewrite, and a REALLY GOOD ONE. Like usually I love the idea of Slytherin Harry, and then once I start reading I either find I’m bored because everything is just a repeat of canon or I can’t get into it because everyone is so OOC. But not this one! This fic is engaging and different enough from canon to be interesting and I love the eleven-year-old baby drarry friendship that eventually turns to romance! This fic also features benevolent mentor!Snape, which I suppose is either an enticement or a warning depending on your preferences. You SHOULD be warned that it’s a WIP. But the author is currently actively posting the 6th book, and I have hope it won’t be abandoned :)
Any Instrument by dicta_contrion (131K)- Draco Malfoy wouldn’t go back to England for anything less than an exceptional case. Being asked to figure out why Harry Potter can’t control his magic might be exceptional enough to qualify. Okay I have a HUGE thing for healer!draco and this fic portrayed him so so so perfectly. Harry is having complications with his magic after an operation gone wrong. So Draco comes from France and of course they can’t get together because Draco is Harry’s healer but OMG THE UST and then let me just say that when they finally do have sex, it’s the most beautiful, moving, heart-stopping sex scene you will ever read. Like, I felt it in my soul. And the character development is so compelling and there are literally no flaws in this fic whatsoever.
Starts With a Spin by Maxine (120K)- It started with the spin of a bottle, and now Harry and Draco have gotten themselves so far into their own game there’s almost no way out again. Except to keep playing. AAAAH this fic has all the teenage drarry feels! They’re so in character, always trying to one-up each other! And like these constant party games are happening and they’re being “forced” to go further and further with each other by their friends until they’re actually having sex, and YET THEN THE WAR IS STILL ON AS WELL, and it’s just super well-written and great! Another classic :D
Changing of the Guard by Lomonaaeren (210K)- Need a perfect stranger? Ask Metamorphosis. Harry Potter runs the business secretly and becomes whoever’s needed for each occasion. He’s not sure whether he should be more surprised, worried, or amused when Draco Malfoy comes to Metamorphosis and requests an actor who can play his boyfriend so that his parents will disown him. Yet Harry has even more dangerous choices after he creates Brian, Draco’s “perfect” boyfriend. Draco doesn’t know who Brian is, but he’s trying to find out—and now so is Harry. Aaah Lomonaaeren! Drarry writer of my dark, dark heart! And yet I know some people aren’t huge fans of her style and I don’t want to be reccing her fics all the time, so I try to keep the Lomon recs relatively infrequent. But if you are looking for long fics and you do like her style, I’m pretty sure she can keep you busy for like an entire year. This woman is more prolific than Steven King, and it’s a true blessing. As for this particular fic, Harry basically has Dissociative Identity Disorder, but he has been making the most of it by running a whoever-you-need-for-hire business. Only then Draco arrives, and Harry’s world had to come crashing down at some point and that point is NOW, and the drama is just so so good and this fic gave me ALL THE FEELS. It’s possibly my favorite of her fics :)
“Are you saying your father….” It wouldn’t be surprising, he supposed, if her father had fallen victim to Voldemort or one of his Death Eaters. “If he was killed by one of them, though, it’s usually stated in the Prophet. You see it all the time. Just this morning Greyback got another child.” His expression darkened at the mention of the werewolf that had bitten him and cursed him.
“You won’t be seeing any of them associated with my father’s death.” Sitting up her eyes burned into his, her anger spiking slightly at the mention of Greyback’s name. If she hadn’t already been adamant about stopping each and every single one of the dark wizards behind this war she sure as hell would be now. Revenge could drive someone to great lengths, and she planned to carry out her vendetta. “The Ministry has to keep their secrets after all. My father didn’t just work for the bloody Department of Magical Law Enforcement…he was a hit wizard. I forced the truth from my Grandpa after,” she trailed off not wanting to recall the night she had found out her father died. “He tried to warn me, Remus…before we came back to school. He told me they were sending him on mission he may not come back from. I told him I was going with him, but he refused. He fucking warned me this would happen and I did nothing. NOTHING! I came back here and did nothing.”
“Dorcas, you can’t blame yourself for what happened,” Remus said immediately. “He wouldn’t want you to. It was his job, he knew what he was doing. These things happen. It’s not your fault. We’re not even of age yet. And if you had been with him, he would have been worried about keeping you safe. It wouldn’t have made anything easier on him.” And he believed that too. There wasn’t anything she could have done. “We’re at war, and all he would have wanted was for you to be safe.”
Dorcas curled her hands into fists, her nails digging little half moon shapes into her skin. Deep down, below all of her rage, her voice of reason was screaming at her that Remus was right. It was trying desperately to be heard, but all she could hear was the last conversation she had with her father. They had fought. She had yelled and screamed and blamed him for things that weren’t his fault. All because she didn’t get her way. “I should have been there,” she said through clenched teeth, biting back the words that were threatening to spill off of her tongue- ‘So I could have told him that I didn’t mean it…I didn’t mean any of it.’
“There’s nothing you could have done. You would have died too, Dorcas. You’re a talented witch; there’s no doubt about it and everyone knows it. But your father was a fully qualified and professional wizard. You wouldn’t have stood a chance. Instead of mourning one person, your family would have had to bury two.” And he wasn’t sure what he would do in a world where she had ceased to exist. “You can’t…you can’t blame yourself for something you had no control over.”
Dorcas averted her eyes for a long moment and when she looked at him again it was like she was staring right through him, a distant expression plastered across her face. She was eerily calm when she spoke but her heart was screaming once more and she couldn’t make it stop. She just wanted it to stop. “When he said he wouldn’t refuse to go, that he had to work the job…when he chose his damn work over life and me again…I told him to go. To leave. And that I never wanted to see him again.”
That was the straw that broke the werewolf’s back. Remus moved forward and pulled her to his chest, holding her there, not caring if she raged and stormed and cursed at him for doing so. “Dorcas,” he murmured. “Dorcas, everyone says things they don’t mean when they’re angry. I’m sure he knew it wasn’t true. That you didn’t mean it.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head. “You have to let it go and not let it destroy you too.”
Dorcas stiffened when she was pulled against him. It was too much for her. She felt exposed, like she had been stripped completely and was feeling everything at once. Which is why her hands covered her ears while he spoke then started to beat against his chest in rapid but sloppy succession. “Remus stop. Stop, stop, stop, STOP!” And almost as suddenly as the punches started they stopped and her arms were around him- her grip tight as her hands curled into the back of his shirt. “Make it stop.”
Remus squeezed her tight, holding her to him as though his arms were the only things keeping her from falling apart and drifting away. And, in a way, perhaps that was true. “I wish I could, Dorcas. I wish I could. You don’t know how much I wish for that.” He began to rock her, his lips pressed to the top of her head again. “It’s okay to feel like this, you know. It’s okay to cry.” He knew she didn’t want to let her emotions show because she feared that meant she had lost control, but bottling it up only made things worse. Emotions could destroy you from the inside out. The anger and pain he had felt after being bitten by Greyback had festered for a long time until he snapped, and it wasn’t pleasant. He didn’t want the same thing to happen to her.
Despite all of her reservations and walls she was so thankful to have Remus there, because she did indeed feel like she was falling into pieces. Her biggest fear had always been that she would lose herself completely. It was something that ran in her family and was hard-coded into her genes, and in that moment? With all of her emotions ripping and clawing until they shredded her into all of those falling pieces? It seemed like he was catching them and putting them back in place. “I can’t do this, Remus,” she said- her words contradicted by the welling tears in her eyes. “I can’t.”
“Shh. Yes, you can, Dorcas,” he soothed. “I’m here, okay? I won’t let you lose yourself.” Tenderly, he wiped away her tears with his thumbs. Remus was relieved to see that she was giving in and letting herself cry, letting herself feel. She wasn’t a robot and so she shouldn’t have to be afraid of letting her emotions show. It was better than turning into a ticking timebomb. “You don’t have to go through this alone. You’re strong, yes, but even the strongest of people need their friends from time to time you know.”
Dorcas allowed him to wipe her tears and even leaned into his touch slightly before burying her face into his robes, her thought returning to the last time she had cried. It had been so different and she could still feel the soil beneath her hands and her aching muscles from being thrown from her horse. There had been no solace to be found then, but she could feel herself discovering it now. She jumped headfirst into it, and became submerged…her tears flowing hotly and freely against his chest.
request! Harry is drunk one night & accidentally hurts you and feels really bad the next morning (nothing sexual)
I’m sorry this took so long! It’s been a crazy week. I hope you all like this one, and keep those requests coming!
Liam’s text came around midnight, making you regret not trying to get some sleep. It was going to be a rough night.
I think Harry’s had a bit too much to drink. I’ll drop him off, be prepared. xx Liam
You ran upstairs to grab some painkillers and blankets for the hangover you were sure he’d have the next day. Placing them next to the bed, you heard the doorbell ring and a groan left your lips. Taking care of drunk Harry was always a disaster.
Liam was practically holding up Harry, who was giggling uncontrollably, and he smiled sympathetically knowing you were in for quite a night.
“I think I’d better help you get him up to bed, he’s a bit too clumsy tonight for you to handle on your own.” Liam smiled, helping Harry inside and prying the jacket off his body while Harry laughed at a spider crawling across the floor.
With a lot of help from Liam, you were able to drag Harry up the stairs and into bed.
“Baaaaaaby come cuddle me!” He called, while you changed into your pajamas and threw your hair into a messy bun. You ignored his request with the intention of fulfilling it later, and filled a glass with water from the bathroom.
Harry was struggling with his pants when you got back, pouting while desperately trying to get the tight material down his legs, but failing miserably. You couldn’t help the grin that spread over your face; although he was a handful when he was drunk, he was definitely adorable.
Smiling to yourself, you set the glass on the nightstand and began to help him get out of his jeans and silky shirt.
“You’re my girlfriend.” He giggled, running his finger over your nose. You smiled and nodded, pecking his forehead lightly. It was somewhat comforting that even in this state- when he literally couldn’t think straight at all- he still knew who you were.
You managed to get him out of his clothes, but of course he had whined the whole time about how tired he was and how he needed a cuddle before bed.
“Just drink this and then we’ll cuddle, I promise.”
The gesture had been innocent, only wanting to cuddle, but he started to pull your arms and the glass fell out of your hands and shattered as it hit the floor. There were pieces of glass everywhere, leaving little cuts all over your foot.
His mouth fell open in shock, but he was much too drunk to understand what had just happened.
“Go to bed, Harry. I need to take care of this.”
It was definitely surprising that he complied, but you watched him lay down and clumsily pull the covers over his body while you left the room. You were relieved to see that the cuts on your foot weren’t deep- nothing needing stitches- but they were still painful and leaving little drops of blood down your foot.
You’d be lying if you said you weren’t angry with Harry, but you knew he couldn’t help it. It wasn’t purposeful; it was a total accident and he was way too drunk to control himself.
You finished cleaning your foot and wrapped it, pleased to see you could still walk on it without causing too much pain.
Breathing a sigh of relief when you saw Harry had fallen asleep, you brought a dustpan into the room and began to sweep up the glass on the floor. It was time consuming, but you managed to get the floor spotless without waking Harry.
Less than a minute after you crawled into bed, exhaustion took over and you were asleep.
You woke up before Harry and padded down the stairs, opting for a plastic cup this time as you filled it with water.
The cuts on your foot weren’t too painful, but they sure looked like they were. There were about four larger cuts, and a few smaller ones scattered over the top of your foot. You changed the wrapping and figured the cuts would heal in the next few days; leaving no scars if you were lucky.
By the time you were back upstairs, Harry was awake and groaning. His hand was rubbing his forehead, the other one covering his eyes that were squinting at the light coming in from the window.
“Look who’s up.” You cooed, walking in and giving him a little smile.
The bandages on your foot went unnoticed for now, but you knew that wouldn’t be the case later. He winced as he sat up, looking for the pills on the nightstand that were always there after a long night of drinking. You always knew exactly how to take care of him. Handing him the painkillers and water, he took them quickly while you watched in concern.
“You feel icky, huh?”
He nodded, looking at you with those puppy dog eyes that immediately melted your heart.
“Get some more sleep, love. You’ll feel better later.”
You kissed his forehead and turned off all the lights, smiling when soft snores filled the room before you were even able to leave.
It was a few hours later when you heard soft footsteps coming downstairs and into the living room. You turned around from your position on the couch, surprised to see that Harry had obviously showered and gotten dressed, a huge contrast from how he looked earlier.
He nodded, a little smile forming on his lips.
“Thank you so much, baby.”
He walked towards you, and his eyebrows narrowed as he caught sight of your bandaged foot.
He sat down next to you, realization hitting him like a ton of bricks when you hesitated answering.
“Did I- when I was drunk… Did I do that?” His voice was quiet in disbelief, and you swore he was going to cry when you nodded sheepishly.
“No, no no no. I’m so sorry. What did I do?”
He was staring at your foot, eyes wide in panic when you started to unravel the bandage.
“It’s not that bad, Harry.” You sighed, before your foot came into view and he covered his mouth with his hand.
“I did that? I can’t… I’m so sorry.”
Shaking your head, you lightly ran your fingers over the cuts.
“You didn’t mean to. It was an accident; it’s fine.”
“No, it isn’t fine. I hurt you. I’m a shit boyfriend.”
You couldn’t help the little giggle that escaped your lips, because you knew he couldn’t be more wrong.
“You are not a shit boyfriend. It wasn’t your fault. Frankly, I should’ve been holding the glass tighter.”
His hands tugged at his freshly groomed hair while his face was contorted in an expression of guilt and sadness. He wanted nothing more than to touch you; pull you into his chest and kiss you until you’d both forgotten about everything. But he was afraid that whatever had happened last night, you’d be scarred enough to flinch away from him. And if that happened, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to forgive himself.
“So did I, like, throw something?”
You laughed again. Most men you knew were scary when they were drunk- yelling and breaking things in a fit of rage you never knew they were capable of. But no, that softie made you drop a glass of water because he wanted a cuddle.
He blushed when he heard the whole story, the smallest little smile spreading across his face.
“You know, I always was a cuddler.” He joked, his little dimple finally coming into view.
“Still are, baby.”
You scooted closer, throwing an arm around him and leaning your head on his shoulder when he tucked you into his side.
“Are you sure you’re alright though, baby? Does it hurt? Maybe we should go see a doctor just-”
“Harry,” You breathed, staring up at his concerned expression with a smile.
“It’s just a few little cuts. They’re nothing to worry about and I barely even notice them, really.”
His chest caved as he sighed deeply, pulling you a little closer and kissing your head.
“I know I can’t say this enough, but I really am sorry. Just stay away from me next time I’m drunk, please.”
You reached up to cup his cheek with your hand, forcing his eyes to meet yours.
“Listen, baby. There is nothing at all to be sorry for. It was a total accident and it was not your fault. As long as we’re both alive and breathing, I’d say there’s nothing to worry about.”
He managed to crack a smile, and leaned down to press his lips to yours.
“If you need anything, just let me know.” He whispered, rubbing his nose against yours.
Ok, I love the Voltron Family AU, your writing of Keith as an Ace actually helped me identify myself. Since Pidge also identified as an Ace in one of your prompts/asks I was wondering how would everyone react to her bringing a partner home?
[The Voltron Family] Everyone in the family (even the grandparents) knew about Pidge’s sexuality. So when Pidge went home one day and talked to her Daddy Shiro about bringing someone to their formal dinner…
Shiro: *blinks* I… Pidge: I know what you’re gonna say but– Keith: We’d love to meet this someone. Pidge: *smiles* Thanks! *hugs both her daddies*
So when Pidge left…
Shiro: *turns to Keith* Oh my god? I’m— I thought… I thought it would seal the deal she won’t be with someone. *distraught* Keith: *chuckles* Oh, c’mon! She’s ace, not blind! *rolls eyes* Shiro: But… Keith: *stares* Shiro. She’s 20 now. I met you when I was 21, remember? Shiro: *throws hands in the air* SHE’S A YEAR EARLY!!!!! Keith: *shakes head in amusement* You’ll get over it. Shiro: But Keith— Keith: *ignores* Your turn. *points at their game of chess* Shiro: *breaks down* *sobs* She’s my baaaaaaby. She’s not allowed to like someone until she’s 80! Keith: *blinks* *laughs* Oh my god. And here I thought I had it worse for Lance and Hunk.
It was Shiro who opened the door. Outside there stood a handsome young man. He could see him looking nervous while trying to fix his bowtie.
Boy: H-Hi.. I-I’m… I’m… *fidgets* Um.. Uh…. I… Shiro: *raises an eyebrow* Yes? Boy: *raises pointing hand in the air* C-can we do this one more t-time? I’ll knock a-a-again? Shiro: *blinks* *nods* *closes the door* Keith: *joins Shiro by the door* Was that him? Shiro: *smiles at Keith* *nods* Yep. I’m so amused. He’s asking to do it one more time. He’s a nervous wreck. *laughs quietly* Keith: *slaps him* You idiot! He got scared of you. This is why I don’t let you open the door! Let me do it. Now step aside. Stop scaring little boys. *shakes his head in disapproval* Shiro: I’ll just be behind the door where he can’t see me. *snickers* Keith: *rolls his eyes*
So when Keith opens the door again, the young man had his head down and then the boy took a deep breath and looked up with such a courageous face…
Boy: *looks up* *takes a deep breath* Hi, Good Eve— *sees Keith* Keith: *smiles at him* Boy: *flustered* Oh. H-hi.. um… *shuts his eyes* Oh my god. Keith: *restrains himself from giggling* Shiro: *from behind the door* *whispers* He’s prolly crushing on you, Keith. Keith: *silently pinches Shiro’s sides* Boy: *opens his eyes* *blushes* I’m L-Lotor. I’m Pidge’s thesis mate and *gulps* *points at Keith with his hand* You must be Pidge’s Dad? Keith: *nods* Yes, I am. Come in. *opens the door*
They directed Lotor to the living room to sit and wait for Pidge.
Keith: *whispers to Shiro* What a beautiful boy. Shiro: *whispers* I know. I didn’t even know Pidge had such a friend. Keith: Are you telling me you think Pidge isn’t pretty enough to attract someone like him? *crosses arms* Shiro: Awww, darling, you know I didn’t mean it like that. *pulls Keith* Lance: *joins them* *whispers* I can’t believe it’s Lotor. OF ALL PEOPLE. Shiro: *turns to Lance* Why? Does that boy have vices or something?! Hunk: *suddenly joins the huddle* No. He’s like The Golden Boy. He’s legit the son of a business tycoon. Probably the richest boy in our school. Keith: *eyes widens* *hisses* WHAT?! Pidge: *joins them* What are we all whispering about? Hunk: *eyes widens* P-Pidge! *nervous laughter* Shiro: *fake smile* Hi, sweetheart. Your friend’s in the living room. Pidge: *sighs* Before you guys ask anything, he’s… *blushes* he’s like me. Keith: *beams* *pulls Pidge into a hug and kisses her* Oh my god. Pidge, that’s WONDERFUL and PERFECT!! Shiro: *sighs in relief* Oh thank god. *places hand on chest* Pidge: *snickers at Shiro* You can stop worrying now, Daddy Shiro. Lance: *nudges Pidge* So you, like, yanno, hold hands? Pidge: *blushes* Oh my god, Lance! We haven’t gone that far! Hunk: *wipes tears and pulls Pidge into a hug* So pure, please stay that way. If you need advice on, say… Lance: Kissing. I’m the expert on that. *points at himself* *flashes smile* Let Lance the Love God show you the ropes. Pidge: *flushes even more* *stammers* I… I don’t think we’ll even go that far! Shiro: Marriage. You’re only allowed to kiss that boy for the first time at the altar. *points hand in the air* Lance: *giggles* Oh my god. *turns to Pidge* Good luck, Pidge.
Keith: *pulls Pidge into a hug again* If you need to ask anything *looks at his family* I think I’m the most qualified here. Don’t you think? *raises an eyebrow* *turns back to Pidge* But I agree with your Daddy Shiro. No kissing until marriage. Pidge: *grumbles* I fucking hate this family. *gets smothered by everyone* Shiro: *shock* Pidge! Bad Words Jar.