I came across this series while scrolling through Tumblr, and they were the inspiration for my new personal project which aims to address depression and mental illness. I was lucky enough to speak to Emily about her work, and she answered a few of my questions with rich answers which I found extremely insightful in to this series.
What inspired you to start the project - is it from personal experience which you’re writing these? They’re extremely relatable (at least I find), is this intentional? I’m not really sure what inspired it to begin with to be honest. One day I was in a creative mood and saw that first blue envelope on my dresser and the idea just came to me. And yes, they’re all from personal experience, which I’m sure makes them more relatable considering they’re coming from a very real place.
Why did you choose to write them on the back of envelopes instead of just on paper? I chose envelopes mostly because of the artistic value they added but also because they tie in nicely with the letter theme I was going for.
Are your colour choices with the envelopes intentional? They tend to tie in with the theme of what you’ve written often. A few of them have been intentional but it’s mostly random just depending on what I have around me at the time. They’re all used envelopes that I’ve received actual letters or birthday cards or whatever else in so it’s very organic and just whatever I have on hand.
I think what I love most about Emily’s work is that they provoke at empathetic response in me - I feel that I can completely understand where these thoughts have come from and they remind me of when I felt that way as well. I also feel that the simplicity aids the starkness of these feelings also, amongst the sense that there isn’t anything else to feel except for that emotion at that time. Like a photograph captures a moment, these few sentences capture these complex emotions perfectly.
I have over 700 hours banked on Fallout 4 alone, so let’s just say that my feelings aren’t coming from a place of hate. Rather – they come from a place of love for the game, and disappointment in the poor decisions made by Bethesda. For those of you that don’t know, Bethesda released Creation Club a few days ago that enables users to buy paid mods through them directly. I will not even touch on my sentiments on this element alone as several thousands of members of the Fallout community have already voiced their opinions in a more thought-out and eloquent manner than I ever could. Unfortunately a massive consequence of this decision is that it pollutes gamers’ SSDs and HDDs with what is essentially bloatware. Every time content is added to the Creation Club it downloads on your computer, regardless if you purchased (or consented to) this content or not. This also has been reported to break peoples’ F4SE, another issue which makes the game completely unplayable to some users. The community has discussed whether or not this was intentionally executed or an accident on the developer end. So far Bethesda has made no effort to address this matter (I’m not sure they ever will).
Because I do play on PC this does make the issue a little more easier to deal with, but not by much. I can delete the content for now. But as more mods are likely to surface on CC, they will eventually re-download themselves in a bigger volume. I can delete the BA2 files, enable downloading for the game only when it launches through Steam, and then only launch from F4SE from now on – but this is still part of a bigger issue. My SSD is expensive, it is not a warehouse that a company may use how it will. When a gaming company starts dumping bunk onto my storage that is not relevant or desired, that’s when I start having a problem. That is how you get me to stop supporting a game.
I was going to keep this a secret, as this was something I was quite excited to do: but I was going to buy the entire 6 box subscription for the Fallout Loot Crate that is coming out in December and offer an unboxing for folks who were interested to see what they sent in each box. But after this entire ordeal I would rather just save my money than give Bethesda another cap from Loot Crates’ kickback.
What does this mean? I probably won’t be playing FO4 for awhile, or at least until there are more absolutes and there is a clearer picture we can grasp of this situation. It’s been a few days and there is little clarity how Creation Club will affect people’s systems in the future. For now, I’m taking my cat and returning to the Mojave. We’re gonna tune into that sweet Johnny Guitar and see how my new computer specs measure up against some of the visual mods offered on Nexus instead. (Yes I will still continue to draw FO4 stuff, I just may be more inspired to also do more NV art as well.)
I am not a very patient person, but this is obviously something that we will all have to push back against and wait to see what happens.
Now this is hard, not because it’s a hard cipher to break, but because to break it you’ll need creativity and you have to be able to see patterns. So instead of frequency analysis we use patterns to break this. This is a concealment cipher, this is meant to look like an ordinary game of chess.
Logic dictates that, if it would be a useful cipher it should be easy to encipher and decipher. That means that the chessboard probably plays a part in this cipher. Let’s try the first part.
If you we are aware that the English alphabet has 26 letters you will have it easier.
A = 1
B = 2
C = 3
D = 4
E = 5
F = 6
G = 7
H = 8
I = 9
J = 10
K = 11
M = 13
N = 14
O = 15
P = 16
Q = 17
R = 18
S = 19
T = 20
U = 21
V = 22
W = 23
X = 24
Y = 25
Z = 26
Now we try multiplying the first chess coordinate, so d(4) x 5 = 20 so that would be T. We go on. d(4) x 2 = 8 so that would be H and we continue.
This looks like a mess right now but start analysing the other parts. h2xa3, h(8) x 2 = 16 a(1) x 3 = 3. 16 x 3 is 48 so that won’t work. 16 + 3 = 19 so that’s S. b8xc1, b(2) x 8 = 16 c(3) x 1 = 3. 16 + 3 = 19 so that’s S. Continue doing this.
Now this makes more sense but it’ll need a bit more work. Ba7, B(2) + a(1) x 7 = 9 which is I. xNe1, N(14) + e(5) x 1 = 19 which is S. Continue doing this.
So this then becomes:
Which is easier read as:
This is a test X. Come meet me if you succeed to decipher.
OK So this one is terrible because I know literally nothing about Sandeul. As in, I know him as far as, he’s the one with the good voice >< I need to listen to B1A4 more. Anyway, so I tried my best but I found this one slightly disappointing - sorry whoever requested it </3
“What if she says no?” Sandeul said pacing backwards and forwards. Baro grabbed him by the shoulders. “Why would she do that?” “Maybe she thinks that I’m too childish to step up and be a husband. Oh god, that’s what she thinks isn’t it?” He sighed, looking down at the floor. CNU walked past, patting his head. “You’ll do fine.” He reassured him.
“So he’s been really weird with me recently.” You explained to your sister, sitting on her couch with a glass of wine. “He’s weird anyway.” She laughed. “No, like. a lot more secretive. Well at least he tries to be - he’s too dorky for that sort of thing.” You mentioned. She shrugged her shoulders slightly. “I don’t know. Go talk to him about it?” She suggested, finishing the rest of the drink. You nodded and finished yours before leaving. You only lived round the corner so it didn’t take you long to get home. However when you entered the house, it was empty. You brought out your phone. -Seriously, i’ve had enough of this. Where are you?- You pressed send and waited for a reply -Cheonggyecheon. Come meet me.- You rolled your eyes and got in your car.
You parked up and began your efforts to find Sandeul in the crowds of people. Granted it did take you 20 minutes but you eventually found him.
“There you are!”You yelled, hugging him. He nodded. “Do you remember when we met?” He asked innocently, pulling you into him with his hand. “Mhm, I was walking home past here and you fell in the river.” He cringed, face palming. “Yeah, and you came over and helped me whilst everyone else just walked past. So I asked you out on a date to make amends.” “And I said no because I don’t date dorks. But you wouldn’t stop asking so I agreed.” You reminisced. He let out a small laugh. “I never forgot that day. Who knew embarrassing yourself could get you a girl hey?” You rolled your eyes and began walking with him, you hand in his.
He found an empty spot to sit in, pulling you legs over his. “Isn’t this where you face planted the floor when you got too over excited?” You nudged. “Yah, that was only because you agreed to move in with me” He huffed. You smiled, resting your head on his shoulder. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “What’s wrong?” You asked, a bit insulted he didn’t bother putting his arm around you. “Well uh, Well..” “Will you just do it already?!” You heard a shout from behind. You were about to turn your head, Sandeul pushed it back. “That was no one. Anyway um. Well, how do I put this without me sounding stupid?” “You can’t.” “Thanks.” He winked before clearing his throat.
“So. I am a persistent dorky human. You know that better than most. Especially after our first meetin- anyway. So i’m dorky and I do wrong things sometimes. I’ve made you cry and i’ve made myself cry and all of that. I know I focus a lot more on music than you - and it shouldn’t be that way. Soi I was trying to think of a way I could show you how much I care, how important you are to me and uh.”
He had gone bright red, you stared at him - waiting for him to continue.
“So I bought something months ago. I’ve been meaning to ask you but I didn’t really know how. But I can’t really get myself out of this time right now - i’ve dug myself a deep hole.”
He laughed at himself.
“Marry me..?” He asked cautiously. You twitched your head as if you hit a brick wall. “W-What?” “Marry me.” He repeated - sounding more confident than before. You looked at him, then at the ring and back at him. You didn’t say anything. You simply flung your arms around his neck. “Yes!” You whispered into his ear. He pulled you in for a kiss before slipping the ring on your finger. “I love you” He grinned. “He’s done it!” You heard the same voice as before. Baro came running over with the rest of the band. “Aish, guys. Ok, let’s go celebrate yeah?” He nudged, pulling you up and walking off with you and the rest of the others.