b.o.p.e

  • Alucard: Now that I'm all by myself, I can just kick back and reeeeela-
  • Reporter: Shots fired from the Penthouse suite of the top floor...
  • Pip: What?
  • Reporter: The initial S.W.A.T. team has not reported back (shows pictures of Seras and Alucard. Pip does a spit take.) leading officials to fear the worst. The terrorist duo inside is comprised of a young British woman, and some Ozzy Osbourne looking motherfucker. (Anderson is shown laughing as he watches the report.)
  • Integra: On the phone. Get him on the phone! I want him on the phone right now!
  • [Phone rings.]
  • Alucard: Hold on a minute, I got to take this.
  • [Alucard presses button on phone]
  • Alucard: Y'ello?
  • Integra: What did you do?
  • Alucard: Alright. (Alucard over the phone) But you can't be mad at me.
  • Integra: What did you do?
  • Alucard: Okay, first, I was minding my own business-
  • Integra: (Slams hand on table) BULLSHIT!!
  • Alucard: (Whining) I was!!!!
  • Integra: And exactly what happened whilst you were minding your own business?
  • Alucard: So I was just chillaxing in my room like a baller and then all of a sudden these schmucks kicked in my door!
  • [Door gets kicked in by B.O.P.E. forces, as Alucard recounts his trial of tribulation.]
  • Alucard: One of them yelled out: (Cut to the B.O.P.E. Schmuck.)
  • Schmuck: GET ON YOUR KNEES!
  • Alucard: And I responded with: (Cut to the past.) I'm not your mother last night!!
  • Alucard: And they took exception to that. (Raging gunfire ensues, as the Schmuck emits a war cry, and Alucard's body gets shot to the ground. Not Dead, by the way. KThxDie.) But you know how that song and dance goes. (Men screaming as they die) And I killed all but one of them.
  • Integra: What happened to the last one?
  • (Man whimpering and shoots himself in the head.)
  • Alucard: PUSSED OUT LIKE A BITCH!! Silver lining? I can cancel my room service!