azzandra

@azzandra replied to your post: honestly?? “secret life of councilor sparatus”…

When you say this, all I can imagine is a reporter trying to write an article about Sparatus, and halfway through being like “this is crushingly boring, I wonder what the other two do in their spare time?” and wandering off to find out that the other members of the council indeed have vastly more exciting lives.

honestly i’d read it!! hell i might write it

it starts out serious following him around and trying to speculate on what he’s up to and if there’s any hidden meaning or ulterior motive. around lunchtime the article starts going “man…. this guy has one of the most interesting jobs in the galaxy and yet he’s the most boring old man ever”. a couple hours later it starts making mention of what tevos and valern are doing and gradually switches to covering them with occasional mention that sparatus is doing another boring old man thing.

the article ends with dramatic lines about tevos and valern, followed by, “meanwhile, councilor sparatus fell asleep on the couch, watching the news and dutifully waiting for his wife to come home and tell him about her infinitely more eventful day.”

woo here we go round 2! round 1 can be found here

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1. 30th Century Night by Asuka Kureru on ao3 | words: 12000 | Explicit; underage | Oneshot | Pairing: Dave/Karkat

“I know it’s not a nice solid dumpster,” said the douche in a rumpled three-piece suit, “but the roof’s not too leaky most days.”

Karkat managed somehow to tear his eyes away from the kitschiest sword stand ever and its glittery hopefully-fake diamonds and give the man a long, unamused, unimpressed stare.

 He hoped it was unimpressed. Apartment, his ass, this was a fucking penthouse suite. There were highly polished wooden floors everyfuckingwhere and marble countertops with inlaid fake-gold patterns (dear lord he hoped fake) and a chimney with a flatscreen showing a badly pixelated fire and faced by a fur rug.

 It was ridiculously gaudy. It was also ridiculously expensive.

 Bring a lot of your whores back here, Hefner? Karkat didn’t retort, because hey, he was standing right here, wasn’t he.

super hot, super sad; that seems to be my MO regarding fics. sad prostitute!karkat is my jam.

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2. Absolutely Typical by Leidolette on ao3 | words: 700 | Teen+ | Oneshot | Pairing: John/Rose

John is a brawny guy.

Rose thinks that’s pretty cool.

ugh hallie converted me to grimdorks and now i can’t stop; this fic is no exception. this author writes the characters extremely well and in-character hallelujah.

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3. cork tree-verse by galacticAcolyte (coffee_goth) on ao3 | words: 60,000 Teen+ | WIP | Pairing: Eridan/Aradia

it’s damn near impossible being in love with your best friend.
*
and she’s his best friend. just his best friend.

because everyone knows that one plus one equals two, but what if it’s the wrong two? and what if the other ones get their hearts broken? and what if they find someone that understands, the other abandoned one, the discarded puzzle piece that knows exactly how they’re feeling? eridan and aradia might be broken, but maybe they’re broken together. maybe they can un-break each other.

maybe this is their second chance.

eriara is probably one of my favorite pairings. unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot of good, CONSENSUAL, eriara fic out there. This fic, while I was skeptical at first in some parts, proved itself to be one of the best eriara fics ever written. ugh eriara

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4. How You Survived The War by roachpatrol on ao3 | words: 3000 Explicit; underage | Oneshot | Pairing: Jake/Dirk

The Novice Mode is… unsettling, to say the least. Perhaps if it had been installed sooner, before the face had taken on such a strikingly human aspect, you wouldn’t have found yourself in this position. Perhaps if it didn’t look so much like Dirk.

guh this fic. i think this fic is what intially inspired my fascination with jake/bro-bot as a sad, unrequited outlet for jake/dirk.

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5. I Think I’m Confused on ao3 | words: 3200 | Explicit; underage | Oneshot | Pairing: Eridan/Aradia

In which awkwardness and persistence triumph, if “triumph” means “get an alternate universe version of Eridan Ampora laid”; and Aradia isn’t as detached as she might like to think. (This is pure idfic, and I am ashamed.)

yes!! fun, consensual eriara featuring sadsack!eridan and better-than-you!aradia

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6. I’ll Follow You Into The Dark by roachpatrol | words: 2700 Explicit | Oneshot | Pairing: Eridan/Sollux

He heads up to the roof, already chewing on his awful fucking fish, and you know he is going to spend the night bleakly glaring at the stars and smoking thin black overpriced cigarettes and listening to insipid love songs loud enough to get the police called on you.

roachpatrol is one of those fanfiction authors; you know, the type of author who, no matter what pairing they write or weird shit they include, you’re inclined to read everything they write. plus, there’s just something about poor, tortured eridan that literally puts a skip in my step what is wrong with me.

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7. The Slitherbeast King Crowned in Joy and Splendor, All-Surpassing by Cephalopod on ao3 | words: 800 Teen+ | Oneshot | Pairing: Orphaner Dualscar/Darkleer

it’s like summer in the corals when the ocean is too hot, just like this, and the water is made of salt sex and you can breathe it in and see yourself breathe it back out

that’s what you do, you breathe sex back out

(everybody’s a rockstar, aw yeah)

god this fic is just so fantastically written; now, i know what you’re thinking: “what the fuck kind of pairing is that??” and now i have to ask you to click that link just so you can literally soak in the compatibility and ponder why you never shipped these two before

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8. Such Deliberate Disguises by roachpatrol on ao3 | words: 3600 Explicit; underage | Oneshot | Pairing: Eridan/Sollux

You look back up at him and he’s just staring down at you, like just for this one moment you’re beautiful, in this strange secret place, where no one else can see you’re beautiful and he wants you.

um so yeah this is 3600 words of exquisite writing and sex. that’s it that’s the whole thing. well. there’s also crossdressing and angst

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9. uU Yogurt by Sonamae on ao3 | words: 88,000 Explicit; violence | Complete | Pairing(s): Dirk/Caliborn, Calliope/Roxy

Caliborn and his twin, Calliope, both work at their father’s frozen yogurt shop after the local colleges let out, and they have for a few years. While his sister may adore the little hole in the wall shop, Caliborn hates it.

But he hates the customers even more.

And he REALLY hates Dirk Strider.

this fic is so ridiculously fun to read and super well thought-out. every little detail and caveat is so quirky and relatable and by the end of it, you are ridiculously endeared to each character.

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10. Victory Lap by Leidolette on ao3 | words: 2400 Explicit | Oneshot | Pairing: John/Rose

There are four people, three seats, a winding road; and you’re the lucky gal who gets John Egbert’s lap.

grimdorks doing hot, sexy exhibitionist things what else could you possibly want

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11. we are all our hands in holders by roachpatrol on ao3 | words: 9000 Explicit; violence, mpreg, consent issues | Oneshot | Pairing: Eridan/Karkat

“They’re crazy. We’re all crazy. Space makes you crazy. I wish we were told.”

“I’m glad we weren’t,” Eridan says. “It was fun findin’ out.”

this fic is about pirates but it’s also about love and strength and resilience and guh this shit is heartbreaking. 

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12. You Get All Sorts by Azzandra on ao3 | words: 17,000 Not Rated | WIP | Pairing: Eridan/Equius

In which Equius and Eridan cross paths as adults. For now, mostly involves Equius being dismayed by life in the Alternian colonies. Though really just in this one in particular.

a fun, not-very-serious fic. the writing is so stylized and neat ahh

Bonus: so my moirail Hallie writes these really great fics and I’m gonna definitely feature her on this list

Recovery by the Cup by polysterfox on ao3 | words: 700 Teen+ | Complete | Pairing: Calliope/Roxy

“Do you have something against Complacency of the Learned?” She gives you a cold split-second stare.


“No,” you grin, “definitely not. I’m pretty damn familiar with the series, actually.”

um it’s fucking callierox what’s not to love let’s be real. but no, seriously, she wrote this for me and it’s so uplifting and pure and ughh 

and that’s all! stay tuned for round 3!

archiveofourown.org
Gumshoe Tango (3801 words) by Azzandra [AO3]

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Homestuck
Rating: Explicit
Relationships: Jane Crocker/Terezi Pyrope
Characters: Jane Crocker, Terezi Pyrope, Rose Lalonde
Additional Tags: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Alternate Universe - Fusion
Summary:

You first meet Terezi Pyrope while you are working the Lalonde case.

Though it’s probably more accurate to say you get acquainted with her cane first. She trips you on your way escorting Miss Lalonde out of the police station.

“Watch where you’re going!” the troll chides, a wide grin stretching her face. “Don’t you know it’s rude to step on the blind?”

anonymous asked:

dark merrywetherweather show me the forbidden davekat fic recs

oh boy. i knew this day would come and now i regret not putting together a rec list and being unprepared. i tend not to keep track of everything i read (because i will read pretty much everything and i end up forgetting stuff) but i do have a few faves that i can list and hopefully you haven’t read these before.

I absolutely love Don’t Forget the Sun and Of Heaven and Earth by  Weevilo707 (really anything by them is gold) They go by karfuckingstrider on tumblr. They’re both slow-builds and they are excellent reads.

I really like What The FUck Even is This by whittler_of_words.

Anything davekat by Asuka Kureru (Askerian) but especially Midnight on the Demon Patrol and 30th-Century Night (which also has a sequel oneshot you can check out after and I highly recommend doing that).

Be My Boyfriend (I’ll Pay You) by Volo.

Any davekat fic by sburbanite is great.

Counterpoint by Azzandra, which is strilondes/karkat and it is hella good.

Unwanted Free Ugly Troll, which is petstuck and not romance but a hell of a lot of fluff by coldhope (it’s companion piece is Loophole, which isn’t davekat but it’s a great read anyway. I cried.)

and two meteorstucks Parasomnia by paradoxmachine and Within, Without by reinkist.

I’ve also written a bunch of davekat fics but since you’re asking me for recs I’m assuming you’ve pretty much read through them so I’ll skip the shameless self-advertising. *+*+*\(o v o)/+*+*+ Hope you see some you haven’t read already.

azzandra replied to your post: Yeah, I’m done with Agent…

Ahahaha, Whedon fucked it up, didn’t he?

I think Whedon tried to model it after Firefly, but forgot that in that ‘verse, the hero wasn’t the government operative with carte blanche to do whatever it takes to achieve the mission.

I honestly think SHIELD just doesn’t work as a TV show. James Bond can do the superspy thing and ignore individual rights or collateral damage because they have a massive threat that’s been building all movie long. The villain gets to have screen time because he’s got top billing right along Daniel Craig. The TV show gets 45 minutes, of which 30 has to be devoted to the team interactions, because they’re the main characters. So instead of a credible danger we get penny-ante threats that shouldn’t even be a difficulty for a small town police force, and it’s just stupid.

But I hope you realize what it means when you simultaneously say that you’re “scared of the seemingly new fandom" and complaining about that same fandom’s focus on the romance between two queer characters.#homophobia #it means homophobia #you’re a big honking homophobe#I’m sorry I was going to wait for you to figure it out for yourself#but it became obvious to me that you wouldn’t have reached that realization by yourself

 

Very true!

Also it means obnoxious hipster. Obnoxious hipster and homophobe is not a great combo.

azzandra replied to your post: elanorpam replied to your post: looks around at…

Now we prepare to produce even schmoopier gamkar than you. We prepare… to out-schmoop. (I’m unclear on who the gauntlet was thrown at, but I can’t let that thing just lie there, someone might trip or something)

A CHALLENGE FROM A WORTHY OPPONENT. >:D

(I threw it in the general direction of the ever-more-frantic scratching I hear at my askbox. My, my, I wonder who it could be??)

alloysius-g replied to your post: looks around at fandom re…

Yes please<3<3<3«3 *chinhands*

:3

(Oh hey I never did get an IM handle from you, I’d better go send an ask)

credibilityproblem replied to your postelanorpam replied to your post: looks around at…

‘thrown down a gauntlet’ is how i feel every time i post something that sheds gamzee in a more sympathetic or hopeful light that is ALLOWED atm in fandom haha. nobody’s been rude to me yet though.

It’s PATHETIC that it’s come to this! I haven’t felt this wary and watchful online since someone tried to make me out myself (in a completely different online space a few years ago) – and feeling like this, over a character? That I REALLY don’t think I or anyone I personally know is being unreasonable about? Fuck that shit.