i'm the man who had the cheese! i'm the man who had the jerky!
put them both together, and dude, it really worky! ccheese jerky! say what? say what? cheese jerky! say what? say what? mozzarella, moose swiss and mayodan turkey! just one taste and it will drive you bazerky! cheese jerky! say what? say what? and it's all fricky fricky, fresh!
Iggy, you are now the last meme of 2014. Can you give us a freestyle to tell us how you feel?
I give you a hamburger. The universe is engulfed within itself. A bus advertising hotdogs drives by a papillon. It disapproves. An unnatural force reverses Earth's gravity. You ask for a hamburger. I reciprocate with a mildly convulsing potato. You disapprove. Your disapproval releases a cosmic shift in the void between birth and life. You ask for a hamburger. A certain small dog feasts on hamburger patties for the rest of its unnatural, eternal endurance. Your constant disapproval sends silence through everything. A contrived beast becomes omnipotent. You ask for a hamburger. I give you a hamburger your body becomes an unsettled blob of nothingness, then divides by three. The papillon barks. The universe realigns itself. You, the papillon, and the hamburger disapprove. This condemnation stops the realignment. Hades freezes over. A pig is launched is launched into the unoccupied existence between space and time with a specific hamburger. You ask for a hamburger. I give you a hamburger. It screams as you lift it to your face. You laugh maniacally as I plead with you. You devour the hamburger as it pleads for mercy. I disapprove and condemn you to an eternity in a certain void where a certain pig and its specific hamburger are located. The Universal Space-time Continuum Committee disapproves of my irrational decision. You are locked away and are fed hamburgers for the rest of your natural existence. A pickle refuses to break down during the process of digestion. You die in a freak accident. A certain pickle lives the rest of its life in a comatose state. Your soul disapproves. Down the street a child cries as a hamburger gets stuck in, and climbs back up, her esophagus. You ask again for a hamburger. I refuse to reciprocate. You demand a lawyer. I remind you harshly that this is the new world order. Lawyers no longer exist. Only papillons. Your name is written on a list of sins. Blasphemy. You ask for a hamburger. The comatose pickle vanquishes your soul from this universe. Realignment occurs. You beg for a hamburger. A certain papillon's name is written on an obelisk in Egypt. Mumble. Peasants worship the obelisk. Your soulless corpse partakes in the festivity. Hamburgers are banned universally. The sun implodes. All planets cease to have ever existed. Mercury. Venus. Earth. Mars. Jupiter. Saturn. Uranus. Neptune. Pluto is the only mass in existence. Conveniently, you are on vacation here. Your need for hamburgers re-establishes space-time. Earth is recreated under your intergalactic rule. Hamburgers are your army. You wake up. Clowns. Clowns everywhere. Your dream rushes to meet you. You are kidnapped. You ask for a hamburger. They hand you a hotdog.
dog goes woof cat goes meow bird goes tweet and mouse goes squeak cow goes moo frog grows croak and the elephant goes toot ducks say quack and fish go blub and the seal goes ow ow ow but there's one sound that no one knows.... WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY
• im on the bus and my two year old wont stop crying, except you just smiled at them and they did.
Niall didn’t even bother to hide the distressed look on his face as the passengers turned to look at him and his two year old daughter, Stella when his little girl started crying.
The Irishman has tried everything from promising more lollipops to rocking her to sleep but she just wouldn’t stop crying.
He was confused why she was crying in the first place, one second she was asleep in his arms for their usual 7:30 am ride to his Ma’s while he goes off to work and the next she was crying and the single father has been trying to make her stop since then.
Niall could tell none of them appreciated this kind of noise early in the morning but what was he supposed to do.
The bus stopped at a stop - not theirs but he was grateful so he could bend down and make her milk without spilling anything.
Putting in the formula and warm water from a flask, the bus lurched to move again as Niall shook the bottle’s contents.
Stella was still crying and the blonde bit his lower lip nervously as he finished the milk and tested the hotness.
Right, it’s a good enough temperature.
“C'mon, Stella. Are you hungry sweetie?” Niall rocked Stella in his arms, putting the nipple of the bottle to Stella’s lips but the little turned her head away and cried even louder if that was possible.
A “shut your kid up!” Was heard from the back seats but Niall kept himself in check before he lashed out.
Stella was still crying after 5 minutes and Niall was just rocking her so she could fall asleep and he sighed in defeat when that didn’t work.
He stopped rocking her and just let her cry, smoothing back her soft curly hair and kissing her head to reassure her.
She stopped crying suddenly and Niall looked at her strangely.
Stella was smiling slightly, pointing to the person in front of them and Niall looked up to see a very - wow, very attractive man smiling at his daughter.
Attractive with brown curls stopping at his shoulders and dimples poking out from his smile, green eyes shining from the little light they have in the bus and outside in the gloomy London weather.
The blonde sat up straight, straightening his work tie and adjusting Stella in his lap.
So. Stella stopped crying because of a smile from a stranger.
“You have a really cute daughter”
Niall was slow but his mind soon registered that the attractive stranger was talking to him - and still smiling might he add.
“Oh, thank you. Um, she seemed to stopped crying” Niall chuckled awkwardly when Stella started snuggling in his arms instead, to fall back asleep he supposed.
“Yeah, she did. You must be a very great dad” Attractive stranger that made his daughter stopped crying said again.
“Or you just have an amazing smile” Niall shrugged nonchalantly until he realised what he just said.
Oh no no no, a 25 year old single gay father do not have many single attractive gay or straight males looking at him, much less striking up a conversation and he just royally fucked this up by spitting out the obvious didn’t he?
Instead of turning back around though, the attractive man held his hand out.
“ ’M Harry” He introduced. Niall noticed various rings on attractive - Harry’s fingers.
“Niall Horan and this cutie is Stella” Niall placed a kiss on Stella’s head again as her breathing evened out softly. Niall smiled down at Stella, the only happiness he’s got in this life.
“Stella Horan then? I like it, sounds like a star’s name you know” Harry mused out loud and Niall looked up at Harry with a small chuckle escaping his lips.
“Oh she’s going to be a star all right, she loves it when i play to her” Niall agreed.
“You play?” Harry propped his chin up in his palm as Niall continued to talk to him about Stella and their mini concerts.
Their conversation stopped short 10 minutes after when the bus arrived at Niall’s stop and Niall tried to juggle the bags all at once while carrying Stella that Harry had to help him.
He was grateful even after he continuously said that Harry didn’t have to help him.
“Stop it or you’ll end up dropping Stella you know” Harry said, already having Stella’s diaper bag slung over his shoulder as they got off the bus.
The bus left and Niall stood there with his daughter in his arms and an attractive stranger named Harry next to him with his daughter’s diaper bag slung over his shoulder.
“So, my Ma’s house is just around the corner … I’m gonna drop off Stella”
Niall broke the silence and reached for the diaper bag.
“Right. Um- i better get going to .. Uh. Work” Harry was stumbling over his words and Niall smiled at the cuteness of it all.
“Now I know where Stella got her smile” Harry noted with a grin.
Niall couldn’t help the blush that appeared on his cheeks and he thought it was ridiculous but he didn’t get to acknowledge anything because Harry was walking away, waving at him.
When Harry was turning the block was when Niall realised he never got the guy’s number!
“Oh my god Niall, stupid stupid Niall!” He mumbled to himself as he started walking.
Why didn’t he ask for at least a last name! All he knows is his name and that memory of his face and that smile, oh god that smile.
“Dada” Niall was broken out of his internal complaining.
“You’re awake I see” Niall fixed a grin for his daughter, balancing her on his hip.
Stella rubbed her eyes sleepily.
“ ‘arry ” She mumbled and Niall almost froze in place, blinking at her.
No, that must have been some kind of hearing thing. That couldn’t have been-
“Dada! 'Arry!!!” Stella wailed in protest at not seeing the smiling stranger from just now as Niall sighed, thinking of an answer to tell his parents if they start asking as to why Stella kept saying 'arry after this.
“Alright guys, no lollipops from the surprise doctor if we don’t keep quiet!”
Harry put a finger to his lips in silence and the kids followed suit when he did.
He smiled in victory as they all kept quiet and a knock on the door broke the silence.
The 24 year old kindergarten teacher turned around to greet the doctor that agreed to come as a guest to talk about his job when he stopped in mid “Hel-”
He knew this guy.
He was stupid enough not to ask for his number the first time they met all those weeks ago and never saw him since which disappointed him deeply.
But now he was here - in front of him.
Harry was still trying to process that the attractive single father he met with the fluffy blonde hair and the cute smile and those blue eyes was here. In a doctor’s coat no less, looking like he was twice as shocked as Harry.
“Mr Styles?” One of the kindergarteners broke their awkward staring and Harry coughed, smiling at Niall and gesturing him inside.
“Class, this is Dr Horan” Harry introduced to his class as he turned back to his class full of 5 and 6 year olds.
They all chorused a “Hello Dr Horan!” And Niall was definitely not grinning that wide because Harry remembered his name.
2014! THIS YEAR WAS A FUCKING JOURNEY AND IT AIN’T OVER YET LET’S DO THIS 2015. 2014 left me down and broken, but it was needed and for every misstep there was a lesson to be learned. Here’s to more journeys and more lessons learned.
2012! Most of it anyways. My goal for the year was to draw more full pictures, which, I was pleased to find, I did. I also managed to get something drawn every month, even if March is a scribble of Haddock drinking. Don’t know how I feel about growth between this and last year though, but it’s chill.