ayoko na

ilang beses ko na balak mag resign dahil hindi na ako natutuwa sa mga ginagawa ko pero ang hirap iwan ng mga beshie ko. ang qt lang talaga kasi sobrang close namin tapos iiwan ko sila?? ugh okay idk!! ang gulo pero yep, baka mag tagal muna ako para matagal tagal ko pa sila makasama ew ang drama pero qaqo kapag magreresign daw ako sasabay yung isa kasi tag team kami. nayupak na yan hindi ko na talaga alam bahala na.

Cg

From the moment that I saw you, I knew that we will never have a chance

But your deep mysterious eyes highlighted by your thick eyeglasses called into my soul like the deepest trench

Your manly posture shouted how you can catch me amidst my clumsiness

Your perfectly-angled jawline showed how you were a perfect mixture of hell and heaven

I knew from the start that I would only be given stolen glances

But I still considered them my precious chances

No name, no picture, nothing- just a glance into your eyes would make my day

I only had the chance once a week, but my memory of you burned into my mind for minutes, hours and even months

There were times where I almost forgot how you look like

But darling, your deep eyes would always put me in a hype

You were like a fictional character made just for me

Which was why we can’t be

They say that the person destined for you isn’t who you expect him to be

But I would ask all of the deities for this one wish- you being with me

“Pag may aalis, aalis talaga, pati nga si captain barbel sumuko din eh ako pa kaya? Gusto ko na ng tahimik na buhay ayoko ng makagulo ayoko na tama na pagod na din ako. Sorry kung di ako maka stay ng matagal ah?”

yan yung huling part ng letter na binigay mo sakin, nagkita tayo kahapon tapos farewell na pala yun. Masakit, sobra.

Lagi na lang akong nasasaktan. Nasasaktan physically, mentally, and emotionally. Ang hirap ah. Ang hirap. Sobrang hirap. Hindi ko na lang sinasabi masyado na nahihirapan na ako pero minsan talaga kapag labis na, hindi ko na makayanan. Hindi ko kayang mag-isa. Hindi ko kayang akuin lahat ng hirap. Hindi ko kayang pasanin lahat ng mga pasanin sa buhay. Ayoko. Pilitin ko mang maging malakas, hindi ko kaya. Nanghihina rin ako. Hindi ako superhero para maging strong sa lahat ng oras. Ayoko na. Gusto ko nang sumuko. Nalulungkot ako. Ang hirap hirap na. Gusto ko na lang mawala sa mundong ito. Gusto kong magpaka-layo-layo para hanapin ang sarili ko. Ano ba itong nangyayari sa akin? Tulungan niyo ako. :’(

No, it doesn’t hurt like the first time around and honestly, I don’t want to talk about it not because I am being bitter but because I don’t want you to pity me for always being the one who gets left behind. I’ve dealt with so much pain and I don’t need your “inspirational statements” to make me feel better. Yes, they are together now and I couldn’t do anything about it. Why should I anyway? I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to feel the love that he deserves even if it wasn’t from me. I wanted to see him with a smile on his face everyday even if it is not because of me. It is because he is important and I wish nothing but everything that is good for him.

I know you’re thinking that sadness is still enveloping me like a cocoon till now but you’re wrong. I already accepted the fact that he will never be with me. My mind and my heart both did. I just don’t wanna see them together because it will just bring a pinch of pain in my heart but there is nothing after that. It hurts less as time goes by. Anyway, I am tired of being so into him. I’ve already wasted seven months of my life being crazy about him and maybe this time around, I should mean it when I say, “I don’t want it anymore." 

I am just so done. I don’t wanna talk about it because doing so will just bring back the pain and it will do me no good. Let’s just all move on, shall we? Don’t worry about me. I’ll be alright. This is just another episode of heartbreak, it is nothing. I have dealt with it for a lot of times, I lose count. I’ll move on and maybe sooner, I’ll fall again.

“Wag na PLEASE”
Na SANAY na ako na WALA ka eh,
Gumigising na ako na di na umaasa ng GOOD MORNING mo.
Natutulog na akong WALANG GOOD NIGHT mo, at na kukuha ko ng NGUMITI kahit papano.

Pro bkt ganun, ung tipong sumasaya ka na kasi na SANAY kana na WALA cya ay dun naman cya nag PAPARAMDAM. :\

Ung mga ganyang tao ay parang MULTO,
Nag paparamdam sa lugar at panahon na di natin inaasahan.

Sinasabi pa nating NAKA MOVE ON NA AKO NOH! pro isang LIKE lng ng status mo or isang SIMPLENG “HI” ay BOOOOMM! bumalik na ulet ang feeling mo sa kanya (Konte lng naman)

Bumalik ka ba kasi d ka pa tapos na saktan ako?

Cgru SADYANG na MISS lng kita, na miss ko ang NOON natin, ang KULITAN natin, ang mga NGITI ko dahil sayo at ang mga I LOVE YOU na di ko na madadama nayon.

Na miss ko din cgru ang KAHAPON natin na naging DAHILAN ng SUGAT ko NGAYON.

Cgru nga kailangan ko din ma alala ang SAKIT na binigay mo sakin, ang HAPDI ng pagtangap na ikay WALA na, at ang LUNGKOT na nadama ko nung UMALIS ka para ma isip ko na,
“AY HAYAAN MO NA CYA, SINAKTAN KA LNG NUN, WAG MO NG BALIKAN, MASAYA KANA EH :)”

Kaya WAG na PLEASE, wag na… .

Alam mo yun..

may minahal kang lalaki.

pero..

ang sakit sakit lang kasi.

kahit gaano mo siya kamahal..

kahit napakasimple lang ng hiling mo..

hindi mo parin makuha sakanya

kasi iba ang mahal niya..

kayo nga.. pero iba ang nasa isip nya

sakit langs!

sa bawat hiling mo na sana..

ikaw ang maging attention ng buhay nya

kahit sandali lang

pero wala parin..

pero ikaw naman tong si tanga

umaasa parin

na mamahalin ka nya

kahit alam mo sa simula pa lang…

na matagal na kayong..

HIWALAY!

Minsan, hindi naman talaga “AYOKO NA” ang ibig sabihin ng “AYOKO NA.” Mas gusto lang talaga ng taong mahal mo na ipakita mong ipinaglalaban mo sya kaya nya nagagawang sabihin yan. Gusto nya lang malaman kung hindi mo sya isusuko at patuloy ka pa ring lalaban sa kanya. Minsan, ang “AYOKO NA” ay nangangahulugang, “IPAGLABAN MO ‘KO. MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA.”

Dear John,

This is probably my last unsent letter for you. Anyway, since its your birthday, I greeted you a happy one. But it hurts that you didn’t even reply to me and I keep wondering why. I don’t know why do you have to reject me a number of times but this time, I am just greeting you. I am just plainly greeting you and you just snob me like I didn’t greet you. Okay, maybe I am being melodramatic here but I just want a simple thank you from you. I just want a simple recognition that you have received my birthday message and that you appreciated it or something like that. But you just snob my message to you as if I never sent you one. It hurts you know? Do you know how long it is before I typed that message and pressed enter? Do you know how fast my heart beats before I send it to you? Do you know how much that message means to me? Maybe you don’t know. Or maybe you’ll never know. That is why you have snob me from the start but this is just too much, you know? This is just too much for breaking somebody’s heart. It hurts too much but I am laughing because I know it shouldn’t be. I am expecting for this but I greeted you anyway because I don’t wanna spend my life wondering what you will say if I did. Do you know what are you doing to me at this very moment? I feel so empty, so useless, so nothing. Maybe they are right from the start. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so vocal about my feelings for you. I am sorry for your wasted time. 

Goodbye. And for now, it is real, I promise.

Love,

Me