I mean, I absolutely call myself a feminist. And by that, I mean a woman who believes that your opportunities should not be constrained by your gender, that women should be entitled to the same opportunities as men.
Does a writer need a devoted spouse to be prolific? At The Atlantic, Koa Beck examines the concept of having a do-it-all partner like Vera Nabokov and if this traditional gender role only harms female writers. Koa interviews various writers, from Emma Straub to Ayelet Waldman, on how their literary partnerships work. “I’d fantasized that being his Vera was a way for me to deal with being stuck as a stay-at-home mom—I’d subsume my own ambitions into something ‘greater!’ But that lasted about 48 hours,“ Waldman said.
The Truth about Kim Kardashian Hollywood Alarmists
I’m 29 years old and I’ve kissed, flirted and disrobed my way through the world of Kim Kardashian Hollywood.
This isn’t a commentary on the game, which is fantastic. There have been enough thoughts on the game, its world view and the pros and cons of playing.
This is about best-selling author and mom Ayelet Waldman, who last night (August 3) decided to take to social media to criticize Kim Kardashian Hollywood gamemakers, iTunes and Kim Kardashian herself for “preying” on children.
This is a long-fought battle. Parents have been targeting specific types of media for longer than I have been alive, believing these video games or TV shows breed violence, superficiality or a penchant for lip gloss.
But I’m here to tell you that as an adult with a host of absurd interests and fetishes that Kim Kardashian Hollywood is only a money suck if you let it be one.
No two Kim Kardashian worlds are built the same.
Sure, we’re all eventually tapped by Elizabeth Korkov to be a last-minute stand-in for a crying model, but how we perform is up to us. Our characters are digital world simulations of a near-impossible goal: A-list manufacturing. How we dress, how we handle industry bad blood, is our touch of the button, not Kim’s.
Currently, my avatar is #1 in my world. He sports long, jet black hair, a black top and dark indigo skinny pants. His welcome note is “cum in my hair.” His name is Kevin.
As I said, the constructs of this game are clear cut across the board, but we manipulate the game to suit our tastes and our interests. We make the decisions to pay for K star coins or not. We make the decisions to dye our hair aqua marine or not. We decide if a Tribeca loft is really worth $10,000. We decide everything. We can even be gay, pansexual or polyamorous. We can be all of those things at once if we feel up to it.
So, while Ayelet’s son Abe is only 11 years old, there is more here to the story than it being simply his or iTunes fault. Abe’s mother is responsible for her children, not Kim Kardashian.
Kim Kardashian helped create a wonderful game that’s more self-aware and progressive than anything in Google Play or the iTunes store today. Abe, understanding this and, simply, the popularity of this game, elected to download it and play. He then spent over $100 on in-app purchases.
Now, Abe couldn’t have done this had it not been for his parents linking an iTunes account with an active credit card. That’s this instance. In any other instance, a child could easily steal a parent’s credit card and buy enough K star coins to earn that gorgeous military trench that is, sadly, out of my own income bracket.
There’s an episode of Degrassi from the ‘80s where Melanie gets her braces off and treats her friends to pizza and soda. Then she learns that Snake wants her to attend the Gourmet Scum concert and steals $20 from her mother’s purse. She is caught and has to miss her date.
In this fictional retelling of a very common problem, Melanie acted and was made to face the consequences.
In 2014 and with Ayelet’s Abe, Kim Kardashian gets the slap on the wrist. We’re made to feel sympathetic for her child because, as she tweets, he’s crying and says he didn’t think he was so stupid.
So while we listen to poor Abe’s struggle with navigating the world of trends and commerce, Ayelet is on the phone with iTunes demanding a refund, which they honour.
Why is iTunes or Kim Kardashian responsible for any of this?
I have not spent a single dollar on the game. Time-wise, I’ve even kept it pretty minimal, opting to wait it out for bouts of full energy to perform appearances for Immaculat Vodka or to make speeches for the charity Seeds of Hope.
I know there’s an age difference between me and this sobbing child, which is why I’m not suggesting simply Abe suck it up. He spent his parent’s money without asking and that’s not cool.
But why is iTunes or Kim Kardashian expected to pay the tab?
Ayelet is the mother. A mom who has written books about parenting and motherhood. And yet her life lesson for her son Abe, age 11, is that when you order your life by zeitgeist, you have every right to demand a refund if you make a wrong move.
Your actions don’t have consequences as long as you can yell at someone on the phone or e-mail a person until you’ve berated them enough that your money is securely back in your line of credit.
The child is then perceived by a fawning parental cabal to be tortured by the demands of Kim Kardashian, Hollywood.
Again, why is Kim Kardashian the target here? Why does Ayelet criticize Kim and the idea of giving someone famous like her money? Is Kim not providing a service? Yes, she is. Did Kim invent “fremium” games? No, she didn’t.
Kim is an easy target for people like Ayelet who don’t grasp the reality of a person who made herself famous through reality. There’s a feeling that Kim hasn’t earned her keep and therefore is some sort of lesser being who values her lip gloss over the decency of children.
That’s not fair. She hasn’t inserted demands into the game, such as, “buy this fur trimmed coat from my pre-release gift bundle for 120 K star coins or I will kill your family.”
She’s simply made a fun game that, should you desire, you could spend a bit of coin. If services have value to the user, paying for that service isn’t entirely out of the realm of expectation. Even Ayelet the author of books likely requires she make money to continue dispensing her own doses of reality.
So, feel bad for Abe if you must, because who likes the vision of a crying child. But expect that he face the consequences of wronging a parent. And expect that Ayelet should know better than to admonish a person who had no hand in her child’s behaviour. She simply created a game that people would want to spend money on if they had it (or access to it).
If Abe were to assault someone in the future, you can’t blame films and call Netflix to refund the charges.
There are times as a parent when you realize that your job is not to be the parent you always imagined you’d be, the parent you always wished you had. Your job is to be the parent your child needs, given the particulars of his or her own life and nature.
My tastes haven’t changed much since I was about eight years old. Back then my favorite books were all about lonely children who in their wanderings happened across a mysterious portal that allowed them to slip away from the drab everyday and into some brighter, more exhilarating world. I can’t remember titles (that’s why they are ghosts), but I do remember the precise locations of the individual portals, the secret knocks required to open them, the terrifying, fantastical adventures waiting behind each one. I have a map, but it’s hidden and it’s in code and I’m not telling where I keep it. The portals of the moment, though, include a strange and so-far quite gorgeous Czech novel called The Golden Age, by one Michal Ajvaz, and The Museum of Eterna’s Novel (The First Good Novel) by Macedonio Fernández, who was a mentor to Borges. The first 123 pages of the latter are composed entirely of prologues, more than fifty of them. Endless doorways: what more could anyone ask for?
As for the future, a small brigade of giant and semi-giant books have been staring down at me from a high shelf for too long, posing a serious danger to the integrity of the wall, and to my cranium: Samuel Delany’s Dhalgren, Doris Lessing’s The Golden Notebook, Robert Burton’s The Anatomy of Melancholy, Elias Canetti’s Auto-da-Fé, Vladimir Sorokin’s Ice Trilogy. If I can tackle one or two of them this year, I’ll be happy. More realistically, my reading list for 2012 includes Ngugi Wa Thiong'o’s memoir, Dreams in a Time of War, Paul LaFarge’s Luminous Airplanes, China Mieville’s The Iron Council, Dennis Cooper’s The Marbled Swarm, Teju Cole’s Open City. I’m also very excited about Victor Serge’s memoirs, due out this spring.
¤ STEPHEN ELLIOTT
I’m reading The Guardians by Sarah Manguso. I recently finished The Orphan Master’s Son by Adam Johnson and it blew my mind. It’s the best novel I’ve read in a long time. I don’t usually give books as gifts ever since I saw that New Yorker cartoon where someone is unwrapping a book on their birthday and looks around at the other partygoers and says, “Oh, homework.”
As a novelist, I mined my history, my family and my memory, but in a very specific way. Writing fiction, I never made use of experiences immediately as they happened. I needed to let things fester in my memory, mature and transmogrify into something meaningful.
Tchoupitoulas Street, New Orleans (chop-uh-too-luss)
Wayne Thiebaud (tee-bo)
Uwe Timm (ooh-veh)
Tzvetan Todorov (tsveh-tahn toh-duh-roff)
Colm Tóibín (~column toh-been)
Ernst Troeltsch (trolch)
Edward Tufte (tuff-tee)
Tulane University (too-lane)
Ivan Turgenev (yvonne turr-gain-yevv)
George W. S. Trow (like ’grow’)
Michel Houllebecq (he doesn’t care)
Joos van Cleve (yohss fon clay-vuh)
Ludwig Mies van der Rohe (meez fonn der roh-uh)
Rogier van der Weyden (~ro-kheer fon dur vay-dun)
Arnoldus Vanderhorst, ultimate namesake of Luther (vandross)
Vincent van Gogh (Dutch pronunciation: ~finch-ant fan hawh)
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek (ahn-toe-nee fon lay-when-hook)
Rembrandt van Rijn (remm-brondt fon rain)
Ludvík Vaculík (lood-veekvatz-oo-leek)
Johannes Vermeer (yo-hann-iss furr-meer)
Jones Very (jonas veery)
Vladimir Voinovich (vlah-dee-meer voy-noh-vitch)
Ludwig von Mises (fonn meez-ess)
Georg Henrik von Wright (fon vrikt)
Ayelet Waldman (eye-yell-it)
Quvenzhané Wallis (kwuh-ven-zhuh-nay)
Robert Walser (valzer)
Evelyn St. John Waugh (eve-linn sin-jun wahh)
Max Weber (veigh-burr)
Simone Weil (zee-moanveigh)
Elie Wiesel (eel-eevee-zell)
Ludwig Wittgenstein (vitt-genn-shtein)
David Wojnarowicz (voy-nah-roh-vitch)
Hermann Wouk (woke)
Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (wood-house)
Joseph Wright of Derby (right of dahr-bee)
William Butler Yeats (yates)
Yerkes Observatory (yer-keys)
Yoknapatawpha County, Faulkner setting (yolk-nuh-pah-taw-fa)
Robert Zajonc (zai-unts)
Slavoj Žižek (slah-voi zhee-zhek)
Andrzej Żuławski (ahn-drey zhu-wavv-ski)
1 Portuguese has a much more complicated phonetics than English & so these are especially approximate.
2 Because Giacometti was from the Italian-speaking part of Switzerland a kind of second order snobbishness has descended on the pronunciation of his name. Most people who would judge you pronounce it as you would in Italian (jah-coh-mett-ee) but an inner-inner circle insist on correcting even these people with the Swiss-Italian pronunciation listed here.
3 The pronunciation of the -ch as soft instead of hard, unlike every other instance in German, was contrived after the philosopher’s death to avoid a near-homophony with that language’s word for ‘fuck.’
4 The last syllable doesn’t have an English equivalent but rhymes with the French pronunciation of Jean’s.
5 The first letter (qaf/qof/ق) has no equivalent in English or any other Western language and is more glottal than either of the sounds starting these approximations.
That was true, Iris would sometimes think, about marriage: it was only a boat, too. A wooden boat, difficult to build, even more difficult to maintain, whose beauty derived at least in part from its unlikelihood. Long ago the pragmatic justifications for both marriage and wooden-boat building had been lost or superseded. Why invest countless hours, years, and dollars in planing and carving, gluing and fastening, caulking and fairing, when a fiberglass boat can be had at a fraction of the cost? Why struggle to maintain love and commitment over decades when there were far easier ways to live, ones that required no effort or attention to prevent corrosion and rot? Why continue to pour your heart into these obsolete arts? Because their beauty, the way they connect you to your history and to the living world, justifies your efforts. A long marriage, like a classic wooden boat, could be a thing of grace, but only if great effort was devoted to its maintenance. At first your notions of your life with another were no more substantial than a pattern laid down in plywood. Then year by year you constructed the frame around the form, and began layering memories, griefs, and small triumphs like strips of veneer planking bent around the hull of everyday routine. You sanded down the rough edges, patched the misunderstandings, faired the petty betrayals. Sometimes you sprung a leak. You fell apart in rough weather or were smashed on devouring rocks. But then, as now, in the teeth of a storm, when it seemed like all was lost, the timber swelled, the leak sealed up, and you found that your craft was, after all, sea-kindly.
Happy Birthday, Ayelet Waldman, born 11 December 1964
Ayelet Waldman - Eight Quotes On Writing & Reading
Forget discovery. Think about discipline. Writing is a habit – a physical habit. You can’t wait for the muse – you must just sit down at the same time every day and do your work. Remember Anne Lamott’s fabulous advice: All you need to do is write a shitty first draft. That’s it. The rest – good drafts, publication, etc. – will follow.
Jane Austen taught me that you can write elegantly and with great humor about traditionally female concerns. Marriage, family, love.
I have no rituals, but I have a phobia. I hate desks. I write in an armchair or on a couch, with my laptop on my lap. That’s probably why I have so many repetitive stress problems!
Writing saved me when I left my job to be with my kids. It was the distraction I needed, the thing I had that was separate from the kids.
While I’m working I listen to minimalist classical music pretty much exclusively. Steve Reich is my favorite. There’s a piece called “Music for 18 Musicians” that I will always listen to when I’m stuck on something.
I’ve always written about maternal ambivalence. It’s the subject that consumes me.
Names are important in terms of how you construct your characters’ identity, … But the First Amendment is more important than anything.
I only have one rule when it comes to fiction: I don’t read writers that are worse than me. And that leaves so much to read. I’ll never run out of books.
Ayelet Waldman, a former public defender, is married to fellow author, Michael Chabon. She broke out with her series of Mommy-Track mysteries. She wrote the beautiful stand-alone novels Daughter’s Keeper and Love and Other Impossible Pursuits.