aybuhay

28 May 2017

After months of dwelling over an attachment, I recently piece myself together. And I’m happy to say that I am becoming happier without having the need to be pretentious about it. L E G I T HAPPINESS!!

If I’m going to detail how I did everything, a lot of people might say that I have handled the situation immaturely. 

But who the hell they are to tell me what is a “proper way” of dealing with a broken heart?

Let me all remind you: I was PERSISTENTLY hurt not only with lies and humiliation but also with the questions of “am I NOT good ENOUGH?”, and “was it MY FAULT?” As I was not used to this kind of situation, these thoughts managed themselves to torture me every time I remember it.

And you know what’s the worst part? I cannot comfort myself because the solutions I came up with always received a negative response from a lot of people. Some people said I had to act like nothing happened– which is a total bullshit because I cannot pretend like nothing happened (when A LOT HAPPENED) just so people around me won’t feel uncomfortable. Why WOULD I do that? I was hurt, I was betrayed, and I was persistently lied to, and you THINK THAT’S OKAY? That’s bullshit. Why would I pretend like what he did to me was not UTTERLY offensive?

So my life advice to my future self and to all the people reading this who are in a similar situation: Do NOT be afraid to cut people off your life. Stop thinking about what other people will think if they found out that you did it, but think about YOURSELF. If you know that it will make you feel better, go ahead. It’s your life, you don’t need to conform to their standards. You have your own mechanism for dealing with your broken heart.

Today I am finally freeing myself from all the negativities that surrounded me for the past months.

It was a tough road, but I am tougher.

In one hand, be reminded that it wasn’t a loss losing to the battle, because in the first place love isn’t supposed to be a battle, and how would you fight for someone you don’t even see as someone you really like as a whole? If you love someone, you have to love all of their flaws and capabilities. But you don’t–you never did. The standards were always the hindrance because you know in yourself that this person isn’t the person yet, and that you were just attached.

On the other hand, this semester is not a failure. You were dealing with so much while the difficulty level of this semester can shook you with Magnitude 8 earthquake. It’s normal to have mistakes, it’s normal to feel like you’re being reprimanded by the professors, and it’s normal to feel like you didn’t work hard enough.

Everything happened already.
Stop correlating.
We are in a different situation.

6

21st of June 2016

Whenever someone asks me “Where do you want to eat?” Choosing a restaurant in the mall is always my last choice. Apparently, I fancy bizarre-interior-designed independent restaurants you’ll find in Tomas Morato, The Fort BGC, Maginhawa, BF Homes Parañaque, or anywhere I didn’t mention. I love how it tends to be uncrowded, private, and well Yup smells bloody romantic.

So once again the trio (Pammy, Krizia, and I) searched over Google to find a wallet-friendly yet still an Instagram-worthy restaurant. The primary goal of this “meeting” is to actually just talk over a cup of coffee while twirling our fork around the pasta or perhaps just satisfy our sweet tooth with delicious pastries. Despite our Facebook chat being so active, we would still prefer to meet in person. I also have enslaving commitments while trying to push through with my habits of watching Korean Dramas, writing a story, blogging, editing videos and such. So, typing my long stories and my exaggerated point of views will take me until my next life.

But guess where we went? Book and Borders cafe. From the name itself it already rang a bell that it’s a place that is conducive for people trying to get a hold of their sanity while understanding a pile of books for their successful future. And then us… We’ll be there seating in the farthest couch and whiling.

I was the first one to arrive since I was just a few blocks away from Tomas Morato because of my voice lesson. I walked to the couch at the farthest corner because we want to freely do tête-à-tête. After a while, Krizia arrived, and since we don’t like to come into tedium, we started ordering food. I ordered a Chicken Parmigiana, which was, as Louisa Clark (From Me Before You) would call it, “ pasta in green gravy.”  The deliciousness of the food was sinew with a Crispy Chicken Fillet on top. While, Krizia ordered the Quatro Cheese, which was a baked mac with lots of cheese. As much as we are capable of obliterating the foods in split seconds, we weren’t able to because we had so many things to chat about.

While we were eating our desserts, Matcha Cheese Cake and Belgian chocolate cake (something), Pammy arrived. We glanced at our wrist watches, and vehemently shot her with our “You’re 3 hours late!” But of course we love her, so we let it pass. And we just bullied her, to compensate for the past 3 hours we’ve missed. She ordered Chicken Penne Pesto. Although I liked what I ordered (of course, being it a Pesto), I was a little disheartened when I tasted the Chicken Penne Pesto. I think they need improvements with their pasta in Penne because it tends to not absorb the flavor that it was supposed to give off.

We chatted for another hour or so. And then we went to Style Metro that’s just a few steps away from Book and Border. Just to check on some clothes that we can buy for the debut that we were invited to.

After a while, we decided to go home because it’s getting late.

We are planning on another adventure, so stay tuned for another blog. And! I will also be publishing a vlog about everything that happened for the month of June.