4 O’Clock (Taehyung x Reader)
- pt 1 -
a/n: let me know what you think, and feel free to request a part 2 :-)
summary: you view him as your world. he views you as just a fan.
You had always been there for him since day one. You made him meals, took care of him whenever he was sick, brought him his favorite food and drinks, offered him emotional support. You defended him against haters, gave him advice whenever he messed up on something, encouraged him to move forward instead of dwelling on meaningless mistakes.
You believed that your relationship with him was something much more than a relationship between an idol and a fan. After all, you had given your support to him since he had become a trainee, way long before he had debuted as BTS.
You went to all of their concerts, all of their fansigns, and all of their award shows, even when they were hard to get into. He knew who you were; he’s had conversations with you before. You’ve hung out with him a bunch of times when he was a trainee. You would even go so far as to call him a friend.
But that’s where it stopped there.
Because everyone, including Taehyung himself, knew that a healthy relationship between an idol and a fan should just continue to remain as it is, especially since he was still on his dating ban.
He had told you that he had a dating ban on his contract, so everybody knows that he had been off limits. But somehow, he always managed to keep in contact with you.
In fact, you two had shared a little secret that no one besides the other members knew. Every so often, the two of you would meet up at 4 o'clock in the morning at the park when no one was awake. You knew that he would get in trouble if people found out that he kept meeting up with a girl, so it absolutely had to be a secret.
You two would talk about how things were going on in his life; in BTS; his worries; his hopes; his dreams; how much he loved the dazzling sky laced with pale blue azure and the gleaming moon above. However, your meetings would be cut very short because once it turned 5:30AM, he would leave immediately in order to prevent the risk of being caught.
You found the way he spoke and his philosophical approach on life very intriguing though. He pulled you in so much that you wanted hear him talk and talk for hours without end.
You were so utterly in love with him.
You were sure he had to feel the same thing for you as well. After all, you had been there for him since the beginning. Why else would he allow you to get so close to him and his members? Why else would he ask to have secret meetings at the park at 4AM? Why else would he make sure to wave to you at a concert or a fan meeting, knowing very well that you’d always be there? You were 99% sure he must feel something special for you.
It had been a month since you’ve last seen each other. You had made up your mind to tell your feelings to him the next time you two saw each other. You recalled the last time you talked to him.
“Hey, y/n,” he called your name. You two were situated next to each other on the wooden bench.
“Yes, oppa?” You responded.
“I can trust you right?”
You blinked at his question, “Of course you can. You know, I’ve never leaked out any of the secrets you’ve told me.”
He smiled gently as you, “Yeah, you’re right. We’ve known each other for years, and I know you’re not that kind of person.”
“Why do you suddenly ask?”
“I’m not really supposed to tell anyone this,” he looked a bit hesitant, “but I’m sure it will be fine.”
You remained silent, encouraging him to go on.
“… It’s been four years since we’ve been BTS,” he started explaining and then chuckled, “but I’m sure you already know that. Our contract is getting renewed in a month.”
“Yeah, Yoongi-hyung read the new contract to us and explained all of the differences between the old one and the new one.”
“What are they?” You immediately added, “-if you want to tell me.”
“No, I want to tell you. You just have to keep it a secret because I’m not allowed to disclose it.”
“I promise I won’t! I’m a very loyal fan, and you know it!”
“Thank you,” he gave you a cute smile before continuing. “I don’t want to get into too much details, but a lot of things are going to change for us. I think we could use those changes as an opportunity to grow though.”
“Yes, that’s true. I don’t know what they are, but you and the other members have worked so hard the past few years, and I know for sure that you can make it through!”
He stared at you for a moment, trying to take in your words before he broke out into a big smile. “Wow, you never fail to amaze me. Our fans are amazing, and I’m glad to have them, and especially you, to support us.”
Your heart raced at how he added that “especially you” part. But a part of you also thought about he still grouped you as part of those fans, how he still sees you as only a fan.
“It’s cute,” he added. “You’re so, so cute.”
“Ah, oppa, don’t try to flatter me,” you said flustered and playfully pushed him.
“It’s true though,” he defended and let out a laugh. “I do want to tell you an important change that was on the contract though.”
“What is it?”
“The dating ban will be lifted.”
Those words alone brought you hundreds of mixed feelings- good and bad.
“So you and the other members can date now?” You asked.
He nodded but he didn’t look too happy about it.
“I feel like if I dated, I’d hurt so many fans. I don’t want to do that,” he told you.
This was one of his traits that made you fall in love with him. He was always thinking about the fans.
“Well, if you dated,” you started, “I’m sure a lot of fans would be devastated. If they were your real fans, though, they would continue to support you and your music.”
“Do you really think so?”
You nodded, “I don’t think it really matters if an idol dates. There are a lot of fans out there who are possessive of idols, and there are those who aren’t. I think, overall, fans just want the idols to be happy. And as your fan, I would want you to be happy, too, and find someone who you really love. Just know that there will always be fans out there to support you, even when there’s so much hate going on.”
He listened to every single word you said before he smiled. “When you explain it like that, it makes me feel much, much better about my own thoughts and feelings.”
You didn’t mention the fact that you would be one of those fans who would be devastated. But if he dated, regardless, you would continue to support him. Your love for him, after all, was much more complex than just a simple crush.
“So,” you started and wiggled your eyebrows, “do you have someone particular in mind once the dating ban is lifted?”
You were begging to hear his answer. You prayed that he was going to say no.
“I do,” he admitted.
You heart started beating louder, and it wasn’t a good feeling.
“Who is it?” You pressed. “You know I won’t tell anyone.”
“I know,” he laughed, “but I’m going to keep it a secret just for a little bit longer.”
“Awww,” you said, a bit disappointed. “At least tell me what kind of girl she is? Do you talk to her now?”
“Yeah, I’ve known her for a while now,” he replied and looked at the pale blue sky that lit up a bit from the rising sun. “I always feel very comfortable around her, and I feel like I can tell her everything. She’s beautiful like the moon, and she shines brighter than any sun.”
“Taehyung-oppa…” you said astonished at the way he looked while he was talking about her. It seemed like the girl who he was talking about had completely captivated him; that at that moment, he imagined her smiling and laughing with him in his head.
You were hoping he was talking about you. You weren’t confident because the description was very broad, and you didn’t want to be too cocky to think that it was about you. You could only hope.
You gulped, waiting for him to say something else.
“She’s my first love, I’m sure of it,” he said. The nameless birds started chirping as the sky lit up some more. He then looked at you and asked, “Do you know that feeling when you can’t stop thinking about a person? When all you want to do is stop whatever you’re doing and just hold that person in your arms? When all you want to do is see their smile and listen to their voice all night long? Do you know that feeling?”
You blinked, startled at his passion. But you gulped again and worked up the nerve to nod and reply back, “I know the feeling.”
“You do?” He asked back, surprised. “You’ve been in love? This is the first time I’ve heard about this.”
“I’m in love now,” you admitted and your heart was beating so loud at that moment that you swore it could cause an earthquake anytime soon, “with a guy who I’ve been talking to. He’s my everything. I feel the same thing for him like you had described.”
“Are you going to confess to him soon?”
“I-I don’t know,” you stuttered and looked away. If you told him you were talking about him, you were sure you were going to run away from embarrassment.
“I think you should. I’m sure he feels the same way,” he gave you a gentle smile that made you melt inside. “Here’s some advice from oppa: if he wants to keep talking to you, then he’s probably interested in you too.”
“I… I hope he likes me back then,” you said shyly. “He’s my first love too.”
He grinned, “then we’re both the same.”
“Yeah,” you agreed, your heart still beating like wild. “You should confess to that girl too. I’m sure she likes you back.”
“Do you really think so?” He asked with wide eyes. “I’m going to be really nervous, but I plan on asking her out after I sign the new contract and the dating ban is lifted.”
You smiled back, “Of course. You’re Kim Taehyung after all. Any girl would be lucky to have you.”
He let out another smile. You loved it when he smiled. “Thank you. That was what I really needed to hear.”
“I’ll be cheering you on, oppa,” you told him, praying that it was you who he was talking about.
“Thanks, I’ll be cheering you on too! Let’s confess to the people we like at the same time, then.”
“Sure! Taehyung-oppa, fighting!”
“Yeah! Y/N, fighting!”
His words repeated in your brain, “if he wants to keep talking to you, then he’s probably interested in you too.”
That was the reason why he kept wanting to talk to you, right? Why he kept on wanting to meet up with you? Right?
You had begun to doubt yourself. Taehyung hadn’t responded to your texts in a few days. Usually, he would respond back quickly. The other members were responding to you just fine.
The other members definitely knew who you were. You were their most loyal fan, after all. You formed a friendly relationship with all of them, but you were just the closest to Taehyung.
You wanted to ask the members how Taehyung was doing, but you felt like it wasn’t any of your business. Even though they all treated you like a normal friend, you still felt like there was that barrier between you all; the barrier between an idol and a fan.
You then got a text message.
Taehyung: Hey sorry I haven’t been responding
Taehyung: We’ve been busy trying to renew the contract and making sure everything is okay
Did that mean that the dating ban had been lifted? You quickly responded, glad that he was texting you again.
You: It’s fine!!
You: How have things been lately?
You waited for a response back. It took ten minutes.
Taehyung: We just signed out contracts
Taehyung: Let’s fulfill our promises soon okay??
You smiled at the text. He didn’t forget and you were so, so happy.
You: Sure! Do you wanna meet up soon, then?
Taehyung: Yeah, let’s do it this Tuesday
Taehyung: Same place, same time
You let out a breath. That was in a few days. You needed to prepare yourself. You wanted to look extra special just for him.
You went out to buy a new dress and even some new makeup. You didn’t want it to seem like you were trying too hard though, so you planned on keeping it casual.
Then, the morning that you and Taehyung were going to meet came.
You woke up early, got ready, and ventured out to the park that was all so familiar to you. There was something ominous about the world that morning, though. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it. The moon was concealed underneath the clouds that covered the entire sky. The street lights slowly started to dim as the gray sky brightened from the rising sun. All thoughts ceased, however, once you approached the bench and noticed Taehyung’s broad figure that sat upon it.
You straightened your back and breathed out, ready to admit your feelings to him.
He looked very nervous, staring at his phone as if he was waiting for a text or a call. He didn’t even notice you approaching the bench. When you called his name, he looked up, startled.
“It’s been a while, oppa,” you said and sat down next to him.
“Yeah, it has,” he said shortly before turning away to look at his phone.
“How have things been?”
He was definitely nervous. And you were nervous too. Your heart was pounding, unsure of how to continue the conversation. You wanted to tell him your feelings, but what if he didn’t feel the same way? What if he loved someone else?
“This guy you like…” he started, and you looked at him startled, heart thundering a million beats per second, “How have things been with him lately?”
“Ah, pretty good,” you said flustered, “H-he hasn’t talked to me in a while, but we recently connected again.”
“And do you still have feelings for him?”
You immediately nodded and he stared at you, an inscrutable expression on his face.
“I’m still in love with him,” you confessed. You wanted to stop there, but once you got it out, you just couldn’t find yourself to stop. “I’ve always been in love with him since we met. He-he didn’t used to be confident before, but I wanted to keep supporting him because I knew how talented he was. He treats me kindly and pays attention to everything I say. And when we talk, I want to keep talking, and I want to keep listening to him. He’s everything to me. Actually, oppa, this person is…”
You hesitated. Your heart was pounding rapidly and you felt yourself getting sweatier. You were so, so nervous. You clenched your hands together. You had to tell him you loved him. You promised to yourself that you would let him know.
You took a deep sigh, making up your mind and said, “The person I love is-”
“It’s okay, you don’t need to tell me,” he said right as you were about to say it. He gave you a gentle smile, “I can tell he’s a great guy, judging by the way you talk about him. You should tell him all of that, not me.”
“I feel the same way about Kim Mi Sun,” he admitted, interrupting you again.
It was then that your heart dropped.
Kim Mi Sun? The lead singer of that new kpop girl group that had just debuted? That same Kim Mi Sun?
You didn’t reply. You didn’t know how to reply. It felt as if everything had just came crashing down.
“I know a lot of people will be against our relationship,” he commented, “but I just know that she’s the one for me. She’s my first love.”
“You…” You struggled to get the words out, not sure of what you could possibly say. Your heart had torn into a million pieces at then, and you wondered if this was some sort of sick joke.
You were about to cry and run off, but then, his eyes made you stop.
Yes, it were his beautiful eyes that made you stop from doing so. The way his eyes glistened, piercing right through you, desperately waiting for your response.
It was then that you realized that you had to put your feelings aside and to support him. You could cry about it later because if you told him about your feelings now, it would just ruin things. He was counting on you to be there for him; you promised him that.
“You two… would look really good together,” you forced out and faked a smile, blinking back tears.
He let a sigh of relief and his tensed shoulders slumped. “Thank god you like her. If you like her, then I’m sure the rest of the fans will too.”
There he went again, grouping you with the rest of the fans. That was all he saw you as. There was nothing more to it.
You gulped down that feeling and leaned over to pretend you were interested, even though you felt like breaking down. “Tell me more about her. How did you two meet?”
He smiled, a smile that you had seen once, which was while he was talking about the girl he loved the other night. Mi Sun.
He told you about how he met her a few years ago after BTS debuted. She was struggling being a trainee, and he gave her a lot of advice on how to make it as an idol. Even though she had the chance to get to know any of the members, she stayed close to him only. He felt like it was a dream to have such a beautiful girl as one of his best friends. She was talented, funny, and had similar interests as him. They continued talking for the next few years and met up in secret. He was really in love with her.
You wondered why you hadn’t heard about her at all. But you realized that right after BTS debuted, you had lost contact with him for a while because he was really busy. He must have used most of his time off to be with her
“She reminds me of the pale blue sky that appears just right before the sun rises,” he stared off into the distance, “and the bright moon, too. She lights up all these feelings inside of me.”
You remained silent. The cloudy sky brightened slowly, but everything still looked gray. There were no birds chirping. There was not a single sound besides the drops of rain that fell down one by one.
Or maybe those were just your tears.
He didn’t notice. He just looked up and said, “Oh I didn’t know it was going to rain.”
“When are you going to tell her your feelings?” You asked quietly, ignoring what he just said.
He turned to you, eyes widening once he saw the tears pouring down your cheeks.
“Y/n?” He called your name in concern, “Why are you crying?”
You wiped your tears away, sniffling before you gave him your biggest, fakest smile, “Make sure you tell her today, okay?”
“Okay,” he said, “but what’s wrong? Did something happen?”
You shook your head. You weren’t going to tell him your feelings. Not when he was so in love with her. He’d just feel guilty if you said you had been in love with him since the beginning.
“I wish you luck, Taehyung-oppa,” you said and got up. “You should get going now before the rain gets heavier.”
“Wait-” he called out but it was too late because you had started running.
You ran and ran until you were panting. You stopped at some random corner of the park and then looked back. He was nowhere in sight. You then crouched down, trying to catch your breath before you let out a loud sob. The rain was pouring at this time, ruining your makeup and wetting your new dress. But you paid no attention to the inconvenience, only one thought racing through your mind.
It wasn’t you. It wasn’t you.
It was never you who he loved.