awkward patrick

Kid: Mom? Dad? Remember my friend Patrick?

Emma: Yeah…

Kid: Well… he kind of asked me to go see a movie tonight… together. Can I go?

Emma: You mean like a date?

Kid: Yes?

….

Kid: Please? I really like him and I promise to be home at a reasonable time-

Killian: Well i’ve got no problem with you going if your mother says it’s alright.

Emma: Wait- seriously?

Killian: Aye. She can take care of herself and I trust her.

Kid: Mom?

Emma: Well… I suppose you’re old enough-

Killian: There’s just one request. If Patrick would do us the honour of introducing himself before you go? I’ve yet to meet the lad.

Kid: Dad… you’re not going to pull a grandpa, are you?

Killian: I’ll do nothing of the sort.

Kid: yes! Thankyouthankyou!!

*kid leaves*

Emma: Okay, what are you up to?

Killian: Nothing! Isn’t it better we show we trust her while knowing where she’s going and who with, rather than deny her to the point she’s sneaking out?

Emma: Hmm…

Killian: have a little faith in me, Emma.

*LATER THAT NIGHT*

Emma: Okay, he’s here. Remember to be nice?

Killian: I’ll be nothing but courteous. 

Emma: Patrick! Nice to see you again, come in.

Patrick: Hi Mrs Jones.

Emma: She’ll just be a minute. Patrick, this is Killian…

Killian: Pleasure to meet you, lad! I’ve heard quite a bit about you.

Patrick: Likewise, Mr Jones.

Killian: Take a seat. I’m sure she won’t be long. So you’re going to the movies?

Patrick: That’s right, sir.

Killian: Wonderful. Emma never lets me take her to the movies anymore. She says my running commentaries are disruptive.

*awkward laughter*

Emma: I’m gonna go see where she’s at.

*awkward silence*

Patrick: So… Mr Jones-

Killian: Let’s get one thing clear, Patrick. I am not your friend, nor am I a pushover. You know who I am, correct?

Patrick: Yes sir?

Killian: Good. Then you know what i’m capable of. Now I love my daughter, and I know she’s looking forward to tonight. So you’re going to be a gentleman, aren’t you, Patrick?

Patrick: Of course, sir. 

Killian: You’re going to treat her with respect, have her home at a reasonable hour, and you’re both going to have a wonderful time, aren’t you.

Patrick: y-yes sir.

Killian: Because i’d hate to think what could happen if she ever came home hurt or upset.

Patrick: Of course not, Mr Jones sir. 

Killian: Then i’m glad we’re on the same page. Oh, and one other thing… I prefer Captain.

*ladies enter*

Kid: Hey, you ready to go?

Patrick: Yeah! Erm… you look really pretty. Shall we go? Let’s go. Was really nice to meet you Mrs Jones…. and you Mr Jones- Captain, sir.

Killian: And you, lad.

Emma: Have a lovely time, you two.

*Silence as they leave*

Emma: Okay, what did you do to him?

Killian: Nothing! I actually quite like the boy. Charming fellow.

Emma: Killian Jones, you are a bare faced liar and the fact you think you can still astounds me. 


Ok I don’t for a second think he’d be this bad but it was funny in my head. And yes I never gave their kid a name because I couldn’t be bothered lol. Enjoy the dumb crack!

anonymous asked:

matt: "why would we be excited about your birthday a week from today" also matt, two seconds later: "anyway i have deemed this month the 30 days of stephanie where we do something each day to celebrate stephanie's birthday"

Matt: wtf guys her birthdays not for a week why would I be freaking already?

Matt: so what kind of cake do you want and do you want a party and what do you want for your birthday actually Ima get you a fitbit bc you wear yours out all the time and you want ice cream cake right how about we try ice cream cake on the stream for your birthday actually you know what lets just have 30 days of celebration cause idk how we’re gonna fit all this into one day :/ :/ :/

3

Patrick laughed and then reached for Gus’ hand, turning it so that it was palm up and gingerly placing the boat upon it. “F-f-for you,” he explained a little shyly. “To…to cheer you up. N-n-not that you r-really n-n-need it today, but l-lately…. I mean I d-didn’t know you were d-doing b-b-better, I just…. Well, it’s d-dumb, but—”

“Thank you,” Augustus murmured.

Patrick flushed, holding Gus’ hand for a second longer and then letting go to stuff his own into the pockets of his jeans. “You can f-fold it to store it and k-keep it from wrinkling.”

This Augustus did, folding the boat along its creases and then swinging his backpack around to his front so that he could slip it inside for safekeeping. There was a bird merrily chirping in the tree nearby. He wondered whether it could have been the parakeet Tobias was tracking. The last he’d heard it was still cleverly eluding his grasps.

“Augustus?”

“Hm?”

“S-s-sorry,” Patrick said, glancing at him uneasily. “I sh-shouldn’t have b-brought it up. I—”

“What? No, it’s—it’s okay,” Augustus said. “Don’t worry about it.”

Patrick opened his mouth to say something else, but Gus’ phone emitted a particularly loud tri-tone, causing them both to startle. He’d forgotten that he’d turned his volume up in case Gemma called.

“Sorry,” he said with a grimace, “hang on….”

Kisses On The Necks Of "Best Friends"

Prompt: Not requested. You and pre hiatus Patrick are best friends and you decide to use each other to lose your virginities not knowing you’re in love with each other

Word Count: 3,311

Pairing: Patrick x Reader

Reader: Female

A/N: omfg the ending is so weird but idk how to write endings lol

Everyone on TV loses their virginity at 16 and all your friends have done just about the same, thus making you feel like a total loser for being almost 18-a senior in high school-and still a virgin. Your best friend, Patrick, still is as well so you don’t feel completely lame because he’s gorgeous and kind and smart and yet he’s never even kissed anyone. So there isn’t anything wrong with you, it’s just hard to fuck someone when you’re in love without someone else. Patrick, you’re in love with Patrick, you just haven’t told him or anyone else.

Of course somehow you get it into your head that losing your virginity will help you move on from Patrick so you end up making out with some asshole at a party. He tastes like cheep beer and menthols, his hands feel unwelcome on your skin but you let him touch, waiting for him to take you upstairs. He doesn’t get the chance, someone pulls you away and you’re stumbling through the crowd of drunken idiots and out into the hot nearly summer air. It’s dark but the heat isn’t letting up, not even a breeze and you glare over at…Patrick?

“What did you do that for?” You ask, not sounding nearly as annoyed as you wanted to. You can’t remember what the guy you were with looked like, much less his name. You hope he doesn’t ask.

“You looked uncomfortable and I know that isn’t like you,” He explains. He looks nervous, he always does at parties, he doesn’t fit in and everyone knows it.

“You don’t get to pick who I kiss, Patrick.” You wish he did, maybe then he’d pick himself.

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So I’m out to dinner with my cousins and aunts, and one of my aunts starts to bring up how she can’t understand how people can ship the members of the bands they like, or those two guys from Supernatural( Dean and Cas). Now keep in mind that I do do these things so I’m trying very hard not to freak out, which is kind of hard considering things I secretly do aren’t normally talked about. Anyway, she kept going on and I had to keep saying it’s the interactions between those people, and if we’re being honest I don’t know why I ship those people, I just do. The whole time I kept wishing for the subject to change and when it did I was relieved. ………yeah I should probably go charge my phone since it’s at 1%..yeah, okay…..bye

Detox just to Retox

Patrick Stump imagine

Summary: You find out your boyfriend has been cheating on you with your best friend. Patrick is one of your other friends who has a huge crush on you. You end up at his house looking for alcohol and some comfort.

Pairing: Patrick Stump X Reader

Reader: female

Warning: Smut at the end

Words: 3845


You walked down the street after your shift at the local bar ended. It wasn’t too late; only about 11. On a Saturday night, the city was alive with people from the suburbs looking for a good time. Chicago was home, despite its problems. You walked quickly past the street performers and beggars. You wished you could help them all but seeing them everyday has desensitized you.

You hugged your bag closer to you when a group of drunks called at you. You tried to use your bag to cover up what your uniform didn’t. You wore black jeans with converse and a red tank top that did little to cover your chest.

“Oh, come on baby girl! Don’t be like that. We know you just wanna have a good time,” one guy said. Two of them had started following her, catcalling. You gripped your house keys in your hand, ready to defend yourself.

“Leave me alone. I want nothing to do with you,” you said. Not much farther and you would be at your building. One of the guys grabbed at your shoulder and you jerked away. “Don’t touch me,” you yelled. You started running. You looked behind you to see if they had come after you. You ran into someone while you weren’t looking. You started to struggle, worried it was one of the guys.

“Woah, hey Y/N. It’s just me. It’s ok, it’s just me.” Hands gripped your arms to calm you down. You looked at your friend with the beautiful hazel eyes. Patrick Stump. You relaxed and let out a deep breath.

“Patrick. I’m sorry. There were these guys and… I just thought you were one of them.” He smiled and pet your head gently. He was a couple years older than you so he had kind of become like a big brother. A very attractive, funny, sweet, big brother. Him and the rest of his band all watched out for you.

“Nah, it’s just little old me. Figured I would come by to show you the new track we’re working on,” he said. “Are you ok? They didn’t hurt you?” His tone became serious and his hand ran through your hair. You blushed slightly and turned to walk up the steps of your building.

“I’m alright, Trick. I think you scared them off,” you said with a slight laugh. He shook his head and followed you into the elevator. You pressed the button for the 13th floor and up you went. The ride was quiet but it was never awkward with Patrick.

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2

Turnadette Tuesday

Reflection # 3

Angst and Hope

This week’s Reflection is based on another contrast I saw that I haven’t seen pointed out yet. I’ve actually seen a few parallels to 2x06 mentioned (and there are lots, I’ve noticed), but I haven’t seen anyone mention this one. Here are two scenes that struck me in both their similarity and their remarkable difference (and thanks again to @mg-bsl381 for the 6x03 screencap). More thoughts (with mention of the 6x04 SPOILERS) follow:

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