“when you’re a kid and you have a weird sexual awakening for sentient pollution just because of tim curry’s voice”
“damn it curry. Don’t make me want to stick my dick into motor oil.”
“that moment of awkward arousal to a fucking cartoon pile of sludge…“
“Almost forgot to masturbate to this today“
“damn, handsome Squidward really outdone himself this time.”
“Okay, so there are a lot of comments saying how Hexxus and this song are really sexy, and that’s true, but I just realized something. Thematically, that’s kind of brilliant. Polluting is easy to do. All it takes is thoughtlessness and short-sighted pursuit of pleasure and profit; you get a big, smog-emitting truck because it makes you feel like a big man. You throw that cigarette butt on the ground instead of disposing of it properly because it’s easier that way. The forests are cut down for logging and cattle grazing land because it’s profitable. The act of polluting is seductive, it’s a temptation that we actively have to fight if we want to preserve the environment. This isn’t a good movie and I don’t know if that was intentional, but the thematic elements of this scene are very strong.”
A/N- So I was reading this amazing Roommate AU series off @jungkookfortunekookies
and I got lowkey inspired to write something similar. Hope y’all enjoy this.
<3 Thanks to noona for creating and giving this beautiful idea love her. <3
Life was really difficult at this point because you had just
moved to another country for your bachelor’s degree. You were a good student
and you were luckily provided with an apartment near your uni by authorities.
The only thing that you were kept a secret with was that your roommate was
actually a guy.
I had just got off the cab in front of a beautiful mellow
red building with green springs flowing from each balcony. It was delightful to
see where I was about to live for 4 years now. I started to collect my stuff
from the mini truck that had come along.
“New place, new faces, new life… this is it y/n. You’ve made it till here alive
and functioning and you’ll survive.” I thought to myself as I take a deep
breath, clutching my own self because of the mildly cold weather.
“I wonder what my roommate would be like. I hope it’s not
someone too crazy, or a murderer or something like that.” My thoughts were
consuming me as moving to another country only left me dependent of one person,
unwantedly though, but it had to be my roommate I have to get along first.
“OUCH!” I scream as a large carton fell on my head from the
piles of boxes I had been gathering around.
“Are you okay?! Do you need help?” a soft, heart-warming boyish
voice comes from the back of me, who was now on the ground with a box on my
head and the canvases and paint bottles fallen all over the place.
“Well, I guess so…” I said dumbly raising my hands with
petty, with the box over my face. I heard the voice chuckle. I removed the box
from my face and just was left breathless. A beautiful Sunkist pale skinned face
with ebony hair and unrealistic body proportion, almost that like of a Greek
god or even better, was right in from of me, diligently gathering my canvases. He was dressed in achromes and was absolutely stunning to human eyes. I couldn’t really focus on him, but, God, I swear he was hot. Before I could be
more shameless in staring at him, he cuts me off.
“Yo! Here.” He handed me over my stuff.
“Uh-Oh-! Yeah! Thanks. Jesus Christ, I’m so clumsy.” I
stammered out of embarrassment caused by his overwhelming perfection.
HOLY FUCK WHO IS THIS MAN
“I got to go now, let’s see if we meet again.” He gave me
the brightest smile before zooming out of my face on his skateboard.
“T-T-T-Thanks…” Before I could barely even thank him, he
“Wow. Will I ever even get to see this man and thank him
properly?” I sighed.
I quickly move inside the building not wasting anymore time
in thinking about someone I wasn’t going to meet again.
There I was finally, in front of my house from now to 4
years more. I knocked on the door. A
surprisingly cute boy opens up the door and- “Ah, a girl? What on earth is
“Well, your mum is a girl too.” I sassed him back.
“Huh, never mind. What are you here for though?” he asked.
“I am going to live here from now on, apparently.” I told
him, yet keeping the sass up.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IS THIS BOY GOING TO BE MY ROOMATE? WTF.
HE’S CUTE, BUT THIS IS A GUY HERE OMFG WAE?!
“Oh, I’m sorry. Please come in! I mistook you there.”
to hide the crime boy.
“By the way, I’m y/n. I’m new here.” That was me giving a
generic introduction to my ‘roommate’ I guess.
“I’m Jimin. Let me help you with your boxes.” He said as he
let me in the apartment.
That was really sweet of him. BUT STILL AM I GOING TO ROOM
WITH A GUY? UNACCEPTALBEEEEEEEEE. MORE LIKE, UNCOMFORTABLEEEEE!
I moved about a bit to check the place. It was surprisingly
clean for a guy to live in. the house had an amazing smell aura and it was very
mesmerizing. There were scented candles, house plants and everything about that
place seemed to perfect to exist. It was a blessing. It wasn’t furnished
completely, but whatever there was, was too good.
“Woah, I like this house too much already.” My eyes lit up.
I approached the bedroom but then suddenly, Jimin called me
out, “NO! You can’t take that room! It’s occupied.”
“huh?! What do you mean? We are supposed to be roommates
now, I think I can have the right to choose a room of my choice.” I told him.
“We? Roommates? What are you saying, woman? I am not your
roommate.” He laughed out loud.
WHAT THE HECK? HE AINT MY ROOMMATE, THEN WHO IS?!
“Then what are you even doing here?” I was confused at this
“Damn it! It’s my girlfriend; the one who will be sharing
this place with you.”
GIRLFRIEND. OKAY, Y/N IF YOU HAD ANY DREAMS WITH THIS ONE,
LEAVE THEM IN HELL. HE’S STILL CUTE THOUGH. HIS GIRLFRIEND IS ONE LUCKY BITCH.
So, it was a girl I was supposed to live with. I guess that
is fine, but it got me kind of excited to even think about living with a guy.
Only if he was like Jimin.
“Oh, I see.” I spoke slightly disappointed. “Yeah…” He nodded.
“I think I will arrange my stuff now.” I told him whilst
“Sure, let me know once you are done. I guess we’ll meet
often now.” He winked at me, taking a bite out of his chocolate bar.
WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF DID HE JUST LOWKEY FLIRT WITH ME?! WTF.
Okay calm down y/n. it’s just a guy, who’s girlfriend lives with you now.
Nothing is going to happen. Calm the fucking tittes down.
It was 9pm now. And I had finally unpacked and arranged my
things. It all looked so pretty. Me and Jimin had a pretty decent conversation about
the uni and I was 90% of the conversation as I was nonstop blabbering about me
being excited and awkward.
“I think I have to go now. See you tomorrow y/n! nice to
meet you really. I hope you’ll like my girlfriend.” He gave a quick flying kiss
Okay well, this was nice. Meeting with two of the most
attractive men in life and getting my dreams shattered twice in a day. Great
start, I thought.
I finally lay on the mattress kept in the living room area
wondering about my life from now on. “Wow, I stink.” I muttered to myself. I
got up and lit some candles already kept in the living room and turning on
ferry lights to make the room look better. I quickly went in for a shower.
OKAY, WHAT THE HELL.
There were so many men’s grooming item in there. I was
shook. I couldn’t undersyand anything that was going on there.
“What kind of a girl uses all of the men’s grooming items…”
still shook me, took a quick shower, not thinking too much about it. I stepped
out in just a towel wrapped around me. My soaking hair fell on my shoulders giving
me shivers in the cold weather.
As I entered the living room in my towel, I was
shook again as I saw someone.
It was the same guy! The skateboarded! Holy shit! Oh my god
what the hell is he doing? Am I dead? Am I hallucinating? What the fuck y/n?! I
was literally naked and this is how I met him again? First time it was me,
dying on the ground and now here I am, soaking wet, just in a towel… Wow. I
loved this day.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW DID YOU GET IN? YAAH! WHO ARE YOU? OH MY
GOD!” He practically screamt in my full face almost covering his face to avoid
looking at me.
“UM EXCUSE ME, HOW DID *YOU* GET IN?” THIS IS MY APARTMENT
OKAY HOLY SHIT.” I was really in no mood for jokes now. This was serious
business. Did he follow me? Is he a pervert? Probably not-
We both had a ‘who screams louder’ competition there.
“UH WHAT- THE-, this is your apartment?” he was shook now.
“Well, yeah? Why else would I be standing in a towel like
this?” I told him.
“HOLY Shit- You’re my roommate then!” he had his hand
covering his mouth now.
ASDFGHJKL HOLY FUCKING BRICKS. This GUY?!
“You?! But wasn’t it supposed to be a girl?” I scraped my
“Daebak! Jimin was here? Wasn’t he?” He face-palmed and I
noticed his slender fingers with rings on, which were very seducing. Holy shit
why isn’t this day enough?
“Yes, I met him. He told me that his girlfriend was living
here, so how is it you? Like how, what? Why? I’m confused”
I was perpetually
torn between feeling awkward, awful, aroused and ashamed.
“I am the girlfriend.” He let out a funny sigh. “He calls me
that.” He was lol-ing so hard now, almost crying. He fell on the mattress and hid his face with a pillow.
Is he okay? Well, I am not. This guy I swear I couldn’t ask
for more from god at this moment in life. A hot guy in my room, with me, for 4
This was going to be fun.
was it okay? please let me know. i have a lot more to write in this. xoxo :P
Sorry but I'm dead the image of Shisui's MORTIFICATION at Kurama's The Talk bc here's a guy he's terrified of but also finding unfairly attractive educating him and his boyfriend on the specifics of guy-on-guy sex.
Shisui’s life is pretty much him bolting headlong from mortification to awkward arousal to terror, lbr.
He grunted deeply into my ear, sending shocks down my spine. “Fuck, you like that?” His jaw clenched everytime he closed his mouth, “Tell me [Y/N], or I’ll stop.” His hands were resting on each of my thighs, he slammed into me constantly.
We were going at it for the second time that night. Justin had been away on tour for months, leaving us both alone to deal with our needs. We both expressed our clear desire for one another by instantly connecting our mouths the second I opened the door to find him stood there. We haven’t stopped touching since.
I focused on him in front of me now. “I do, I like it, Justin. I love it. I love you.” I panted, feeling the sweat beginning to form in the crevices of my body.
“I’ve missed you so much. I’ve been going crazy without you; I’ve been surviving on ten minute jerk off sessions after every concert. I can’t please myself like you can.” He grunted. Suddenly, I felt the sharpness of his nails digging into my thighs. There was sweat running down his chest. “Fuck, you’re so perfect.” He was out of breath, as was I.
“There’s been so many times that I’ve fucked myself to the thought of you, but nothing is better than you.” I whimpered, watching as he bit down on his bottom lip. Without me realising, his left hand had moved down over my clit. His fingers worked their way up and down me slowly, while Justin still moved in and out of me steadily.
“Mm, I love when you squirm. Does that feel good on your clit?” He grinned, letting his eyes move over my body. The room was beginning to feel hotter and hotter as we both neared our second orgasm.
“Justin,” I gasped. “Faster.” I groaned, unable to control my want for him.
“Shit,” He chuckled. “I’m going as fast as I can, you’ve really missed me, huh?” He smirked, bringing his lips down to my neck, leaving wet kisses over my skin.
I couldn’t help but grab a hold of him, still not completely realising that he was actually back in my presence, making me feel the things I’ve missed so much. “Oh God.” My moaned, feeling myself clench around him.
“You’re so fucking hot when you’re like this, you drive me insane. Fuck.” His hips thrusted against mine mercilessly.
As I was ready to collapse around him, as he was me, I was running my hands through his short and gripping only him while he held my legs and began pounding into me, I heard the easily recognisable sound of my phone ringing on the table beside the bed. It rang close to my ear, making me cringe and jerk my head away from it.
We both heard it, but it seemed as though we were trying to ignore it in the hope it would just stop and leave us to feel the intense pleasures we were feeling at that moment.
But it only stopped for a moment before it began to ring again. Justin huffed. “Make it stop.” Lightly, he bit down on my neck, making me gasp. “Baby. [Y/N].” He said when I didn’t answer.
I sighed. “They’ll give up in a minute, it’s fine.” I shuffled a little and got comfortable once again, pushing my hips up to meet his that had slowed down since the phone started ringing.
He growled, pushing his face into the nape of my neck. He slammed into me. “Oh, God.” He moaned. The phone still rang.
He let out a sigh of relief when the phone silenced. Picking up his speed again, only slightly, however. But in a few moments, as I slightly expected, the phone began to ring again. “Oh, for fuck sake. Just answer the damn phone; put us out of our misery. Jesus.” He sighed in annoyance, collapsing on top of me but still being inside of me.
I tried not to laugh at his frustration while I rolled over and picked up my phone. I noticed it was my dad, I groaned at the awkwardness. Quickly, I answered it with full intention of letting him know that I was busy. “Hey, dad.” I hesitated, especially when Justin stopped the attention he was giving my neck with his lips and smirked at me.
My dad began by asking me how my day had been, but I struggled to listen while Justin’s lips wrapped around my nipple, making me gasp. “My day? I-It’s been a great. Justin is back for a few days, remember? Yeah-”
“Just don’t let him know you’ve been getting fucked all day, and as a matter of fact, right as you speak; you’ll give the poor man a heart attack.” Justin muttered, chuckling before paying his attention back to my nipples.
“Y-You wanna speak to Justin? S-Sure, he’s here.” Justin shook his head as I passed him my phone, he sighed as he put it to his ear.
I attempted to push Justin’s body off of me, but he only pressed up against me more. “Hey, sir. Yeah, I’m good, thank you. And you?” Justin, for some reason completely unknown to me, slammed his hips into mine, making him reach deeper parts of me, causing me cry out as quiet as I could. He bit the inside of his cheek, probably to stop himself from letting out a moan. I saw his eyes roll back slightly. “Good! I’m glad you’re well.” He smirked down at me. “What are we doing? Oh, me and [Y/N] are having a very eventful day. Mhm. Just reconnecting, you know? Spending so much time apart can be straining for a couple, we’re just making sure our relationship doesn’t lose the depth,” His cock pushed further into me. “and making sure the love is still there.” He chuckled tightly, and grabbed my boob in his hand casually, as though it was no trouble for him at all to be speaking to his girlfriend’s father while pleasuring her.
“J-Justin, stop. This is wrong on so many leve-” He moved his thumb down to my clit, probably to shut me up. “Oh,” I whimpered.
“Yeah, yeah. The tour has been a great success so far. ” He nodded, letting out a grunt every now and then when he slid into me. “Yeah, it’s so hard when I’m away from her,” He smirked, clearly referring to his penis, but we both knew my dad wouldn’t catch on. I rolled my eyes as well as my hips. “but I know that I can always call her or something if it gets too painful.” He chuckled, having to pull the phone away from his mouth for a moment to breathe. “Anyway, it was great to speak to you, I’ll pass you back to your daughter now. Alright, bye.” Justin grinned proudly, making me sigh.
“Hey, dad.” Justin resumed to his previous position, lowering himself so he was closer to me. I heard my dad’s voice through the phone with a lot more difficulty because of Justin’s distracting touch.“Yes, Justin’s looking after me.” I chuckled, rolling my eyes but I soon stopped as Justin picked up the pace of his thrusts.
“You bet your ass I am. I’m looking after you very well, if I do say so myself.” He grunted each time he moved into me. He moved his head down to my neck and continued the fast pace. The bed creaked slightly. “Shit. You might wanna put the phone down now, babygirl. If you don’t, your dads not gonna like what he’s about to hear.”
“D-Dad. I’ve gotta g-go.” I felt myself clench as I felt Justin filling me up perfectly. “Yeah, I, uh,” I breathed heavily. “I’m not feeling too well.” I bit the inside of me cheek, feeling my cheeks flush at the current awkward situation. Justin chuckled deeply, amused, and seeming to be a little aroused, by the whole thing.
“Hey, baby. Call me daddy.” He muttered before he bit my neck harshly. “Don’t listen to your dad on the phone, I’m your daddy. I’m making you feel good. He doesn’t know what a little slut his little girl can be when she has the right person to bring it out of her.” His breath was on my neck then, tickling me but also sending shivers down my spine. “I’m fucking you, pay attention to me.” That demanding voice that has made me fall under his spell so many times suddenly became present. I shivered.
My dad was still talking on the other end of the phone, lengthening out his goodbye and talking about something I was only partly paying attention to.
Meanwhile, Justin was pounding into me with confidence, only increasing his speed. “You didn’t do as you’re told, [Y/N]. Who’s your daddy? I’m not letting you cum until you tell me.” His palm pressed into my thigh as he pulled it up to his waist.
Quickly, I pulled the phone down away from my face. “Daddy.” I whimpered, knowing what that did to him. “Let me cum, daddy.” My hands ran around his neck.
I cringed, Justin smirked, when I had to bring be phone back up to my ear and speak to my dad. “Dad, I really have t-to go.” I was running out of time; I felt myself almost ready to cum. “I, oh. I’ll call you tomorrow, l-love you.” I quickly ended the call before he could speak again. I threw my phone on the table before gripping the sheets underneath me. “Oh, fuck, Justin I’m cumming!” I screamed, surprising myself.
“Fuck!” His hips smashed against mine as we both reached that much needed point. I felt his juices filling me up as I exploded around his length. “Shit, baby.” His torso clenched too as he tensed up and finished releasing himself.
Every single muscle in our body relaxed in that moment as we laid together panting for breath. “Fuck, that was wild.” He laughed, throwing his head back before shaking it. “What have we just done? We’ve probably scarred your dad for life.” He pulled me closer.
“You mean you have; that was all your fault! That was so awkward!” I shoved his chest but still fell into his warmth happily. “Did I sense you being a little more than turned on by that situation?” I raised an eyebrow as I looked up at him.
He scoffed, a smile on his face. “No.” His head fell beside mine. “I’m kidding, that was so fucking arousing.” He muttered into my ear, making the hairs on my neck stand to attention, like they were giving all their attention to him, just like I was.
This Ardyn fanfic came about from my love for Ardyn and daydreaming about him as a patient. ;-) A little insight to what your friendly neighborhood dental hygienist could be thinking about, while you’re getting your teeth cleaned. SMUT
Word count: 6,475
Headcanon: Ardyn has beautiful teeth, well managed.
The work day has been long for you, actually, the whole week has been tiresome. For some reason, this week was full of difficult patients. Either they had difficult personalities or difficult mouths to clean. Mentally and physically you are tired. More than ready for the weekend break. You roll your sore neck and shoulders out as you finish typing your last patient note. Looking at the clock you see that you have ten minutes before your next and last patient for the week arrives.
Excitement and anxiety race through you just thinking about your next patient. He is an outrageously handsome man, too charming for his own good, and is the chancellor of Niflheim. Upon his request, you never call him by his title, not since his first visit. He prefers you to call him by his first name, Ardyn.
Just found your blog, why do you headcanon jane as ace?
I think I’ve answered this before in a different ask, but I’m not sure I tagged it, so I’ll do it again.
Mostly it’s from what happened in episode 2.
Her entire narrative in that episode was about the fact that she had never had an orgasm and not because she hadn’t had sex. They imply that she’s tried pretty much everything, including watching porn and masturbating and nothing has worked.
She says that she has tried creating fantasies but she always “logics” her way out of them.
When she goes to her gynecologist, she gets very clearly told that there’s nothing physically keeping her from having an orgasm.
She tries the yoni egg thing and it very obviously doesn’t work in helping her have an orgasm.
When Kat has her hand up Jane’s vagina and Sutton is trying to calm Jane down by giving her some sort of relaxing vision about puppies on the beach, Jane’s reaction is “DO NOT RUIN PUPPIES FOR ME!” Now I know that situation would probably be awkward and not arousing for most people anyway, but I’m counting it.
When she writes her article about never having had an orgasm and includes a lot of research on women who have never had orgasms, she tells Jacqueline that those numbers aren’t meaningless to her. Those numbers comfort her and let her know she’s not alone, that there isn’t something wrong with her.
She only goes after Ryan because she wants to “be bold” and “take risks” like Kat does and there’s literally no evidence that she actually likes the guy other than one fantasy that she stopped herself from finishing (that she presumably “logic’d” her way out of again). So it’s more about her trying to change herself and be more of what she thinks someone in her position should be than it is about her feelings (sexual or otherwise) towards Ryan.
During some of the scenes in episode 3 when Ryan is pretty clearly trying to get her in the mood for sex (the one in particular where she talks about wanting to write about “bigger things” and he says that there’s nothing bigger than sex and relationships and makes up a bunch of stupid shit as evidence for his argument) she appears to have zero interest. She doesn’t pick up on his hints and is far more interested in having an actual discussion about the Congresswoman and how she thinks it’s unfair that just because she writes for a women’s magazine that she won’t ever be considered a more serious writer who can handle serious topics. Ryan is being about as blatant as he clearly feels he can be on what is essentially their first date (even though Jane refuses to call it that) and Jane is absolutely uninterested in any of it and doesn’t seem to understand where he’s going with this until she comes back and finds the article on his computer that he’s writing about women who fake orgasms.
Now I know that Jane has said that she had two orgasms during sex with Ryan, but that doesn’t actually change the headcanon since asexual people can still have sex and enjoy it, depending on where they are on the spectrum. Personally, though, I think she was still lying about it. I don’t believe the show is going in that direction ever and have made it pretty clear that Jane definitely enjoyed the sex, but I like to believe she was lying still (mostly because I’m not a fan of the ship). Ryan interrupted her in the middle of work and in a public space just to ask her if he did the sex good, so it’s entirely possible Jane lied again because it was an uncomfortable situation he was putting her in and it was easier to lie than to have to get into a whole discussion about the fact that she hadn’t had an orgasm still. He probably would have wanted to know if it was him and if she hadn’t had any fun at all and if she didn’t trust him enough then and the easiest way out of that is to just lie and say she had an orgasm (or two, which… sounds like overcompensation to me because… really? She’s literally never had an orgasm before even when masturbating and somehow this white boy’s magic dick gave her two? Please).
So yeah. Personally, I see her as asexual because there was a shit load of evidence in the entire narrative about her never having had an orgasm before and no matter what happens with Pinstripe, my asexual ass is never gonna let go of that headcanon.
They’re like “Hey!” and you guys smile at each other. During the ride, the both of you keep accidentally touching and say sorry over and over…and it’s just really awkward but kind of arousing at the same time to be so close to them.
And the train jerks and they fall forward. You catch them and one of their hands goes around your waist for support. Neither of you let go.
I imagined it on the train today. If it happened with X….oh…it’d be so cute! And sexy af!
Ugh I’m sorry I took so long to answer this I had to think it through a lot because I don’t really subscribe to the whole personality=element thing, because Avatar helped me come to terms with being Asian American I hold steadfastly that your nationality determines your element, not your individual self. Nozoeli, being japanese, would be firebenders by default, or biracial earthbenders if it’s post-war, but I know that’s kinda boring so I tried my best with their eye colours and where they would be in the world so here we go
okay, so, this fic is based off of this amazing drawing i adored it so much that i had to write for it it was exhausting and nowhere near as easy as i thought it would be but it was fun!
enjoy! —————————– Alfred was very excited for the Triwizard Tournament. It was his seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and he was determined to go out with a bang.
He was going to woo a Beauxbaton witch.
Alfred admired the girls of Beauxbaton’s Academy of Magic for their grace, poise, and beauty - and so did many of the boys at Hogwarts. He’d get down on his knees and beg one of them to give him the time of day (that is, if he didn’t have at least his own body weight in pride). They were all so lovely, so confident, so French.
Yes, he was sure he could find at least one.
Then he showed up, with his army of huge lumberjacks with their fur coats and their accents.
He soon learned that, not only had Beauxbaton’s Academy been invited to participate in the Triwizard Tournament, but so had the notorious Durmstrang’s Institute.
Alfred wasn’t positive of the location of the institute, but when the burly, fur-covered men came marching into the Great Hall, sparks at their feet and fire in their breath, he determined it was nowhere he could possibly want to be - nowhere like France.
ive read all the junghope fics youve done and i must say theyre really well written. i can count the number of junghope fics out there with my fingers and toes but none of them disappoint. writers like you and them are the reason why i still ship them. so id like to request a fic which portrays jungkooks vulnerability only around hoseok, but is rather a bratty kid when hes with other members, with some smut please c: itd be a great addition to the collection
And I will continue to help you ship them because this is sucH AN IMPORTANT SHIP FUCK ME
Crashing Down; Coming Back = Hoseok was Jungkook’s best hyung. » junghope. smut/fluff.
OH MY GOD HOW WOULD THE BOYS REACT TO YOU TEASING THEM TO SEX TRIP OR RIDE ME BY JAY PARK ? I WOULD TEASE THE SHIT OUT OF THEM LIKE SHIT (okay ignore that last part)
I would too… let’s be real ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) So I think this really needs more than just a gif and a caption… therefore, I wrote more o: Also by “teasing,” I’m assuming you mean a combo of various types of teasing, e.g. strip tease, lap dance, touching, dirty talking, etc.
Kookie: He’d tilt his head up to look at you, keeping his lips parted slightly. He’d stare right into your eyes trying to not let his expression waver, to not bend to your will even if he’s so close to.
He’d want to seem cool about it. He’d want to test his own patience, see how long it’d take him to break, and once he did… let’s just say things would escalate very quickly. He wouldn’t even remember the music started all this at that point.
Tae: He’d be taken by surprise, and this would be a bit odd for him because usually he’s the one shocking people. He’d stare at you with wide eyes, paying attention to everything you do, but then he’d create a plan. He’d immerse himself in your actions, biting back moans, throwing his head back…
for half the song. Toward the end, he’d switch things. He’d be the one to tease you, catching you off guard.
Jimin: He’d completely melt, his breath growing heavy, his skin heating up, but he’d use that to his advantage. He’d moan and smirk at you endlessly. “I think someone wants to go on a sex trip”
He’d allow his body to react to yours, knowing the kind of effect it’d have on you. If he was going down, you’d be going down with him. You can’t expect the ultimate tease to not taunt you back.
Hobi: There’s no way he’d be able to handle you at all.
“Hey w-w-what are you d-doing, you-” he’d stutter, cutting himself off with his own hissing. Each touch, each motion, each word paired with the sensual music would driver him over the edge even more, and he’d have no choice but to succumb to his own feelings… not that he’d have a problem with that.
Rapmon: He’d be feeling three things the moment you started: awkward, flustered, and aroused.”Is this what happens when you listen to this kind of music?” he’d say it so shyly too… but come on, we know what goes on in Nams’ mind (I mean he has rapped about it enough). He’d wait for the song to end, though, before he’d let the sauce show. Before that, his face would be very ‘Where do I look? What do I say? Should I do anything??’ mixed with frustration.
Suga: First he’d be amused, “Well I do know full well what sensual music does to you,” and by that he’d mean, ‘I know you get turned on when you hear a sexy voice… like mine, so I’m not surprised.’ He’d just sit back and let you do your thing. He’s too smug to not act like he’s not the one in control even if you’re the one taking action. Finding himself in this situation, he’d just lay back and enjoy whatever you have in store for him.
“Fuck, just like that,” he’d hiss in his deep voice. He’d understand the little things were what would get you. Patience is key. He wouldn’t rush anything. He’d be calculated but also natural… so basically there’d be some form of revenge in your future, and even if you knew it, you would never be able to predict the details.
Jin: He’d have the most apparent shock. He’s usually fluffy, but, you see, his other side (which doesn’t make enough appearances, if you ask me; I bet that boy really knows how to lay it down) would take over. “Oh you had this side to you? You never told me… or showed me… not like this.”
“You should do this more often.” He’d put his hands on you like he was trying to guide you. “Do you need some help?” You probably wouldn’t be expecting his behavior, but that wouldn’t be your only surprise… yeah, he’d definitely be a Jin you’d never forget.
dude i ship heinkel/seras so badly. Like both as a hateship and as a gay frenemy ship.
It’s really too bad I can’t find shit for them, they’re both just. So cool. I imagine at some point they end up assigned to the same mission in neutral territory ala the Ireland debacle, but they end up working together bc the target is ACTUALLY a competent vampire, as opposed to some cheap Millennium mass-production vampire. And after they kill the target they’re both just like “hey so is it just me or was that really fun, and also kind of arousing?”. Awkward silence and/or makeouts ensue.
I live in the coolest part of Manhattan as far as food is concerned for numerous reasons. Old school gelaterias and cheese and butcher shops litter the neighborhood to one side of my apartment. Chinatown, in all of its colorful, putrid, noisy, charming mayhem is two blocks away. Soho and Tribeca harbor plenty of upscale markets as well as the majority of “it” restaurants, old and new. Walking out of my door is a daily struggle for someone who lives to eat but also has to remain a size 2-4 to make a living.
My favorite of these resources is Chinatown. I so clearly remember my first sticky summer trek heading south down Mott street towards Canal. It was my first awkward but arousing embrace with Chinatown. I kept texting my parents excitedly as if they hadn’t each lived here before, as though I had discovered something they hadn’t.
You know those scenes in fantasy books or movies where a rather mundane environment becomes a pop-up fantasyland (think “Charlie and the Chocolate” factory when they finally enter the chocolate river/garden-thing; Bridge to Terabithia)? That was what it felt like leaving SoHo — where even the potted storefront flowers take themselves too seriously — for the unlawful firecracker that is Chinatown.
Hoards of Chinese people huddled around street vendors plucking herbs and bags of mung beans, there were stands and makeshift tables of unidentifiable vegetables and hairy fruit. The locals unapologetically gave me a harsh and pushy welcome into their space. I understood, I didn’t belong.
Though I couldn’t know what they were articulating I could see them bartering for better deals on already unbeatably cheap produce, a timeless exchange I really admire within street business. I wish I could bitch and moan my way from a $68 rack of lamb to a $20 dollar one at Dean and Deluca.
There were more 200 year old toothless women than I ever imagined existed, busily scooping tiny dried up sea creatures by the pound to make magic potion broths that obviously make you live forever. It smelled like a lot of different deaths in those jars at the Dried Up Creature/Plant Market but each jar is coincidentally labeled with the life giving benefits offered by their content. Promises of better skin, hair, digestion, sexual stamina, mental alertness, fertility and so on in Chinese characters underlined by penned broken English. Liver troubles? Make something with these dried up, gag inducing mushrooms! Diminishing eyesight? Eat the dried up entrails of these bird fetuses!
There were too many thick, questionable puddles for having had no rain in a week.
My favorite scene was of a man in a button up shirt running and screaming in 4000 year old gibberish with a set of three feet long tongs trying to catch pissed off crabs that had somehow managed to free themselves from the 20 square feet fish market, harshly lit by light bulbs only serial killers use to illuminate their torture labs in movies. Those bad, flickering, white-green lights that make noises like buzzing insects. Were the crabs aware of how creepy the lights were and thought maybe if they moved fast enough they’d escape death and find their way to the peachy and promising Hudson River? Newly hatched sea turtles have a better chance at dodging 30 hungry beach birds on their trek to the ocean than crabs do reaching the sewer pipes when surrounded by the most fearless people in the world + THOSE TONGS!?
Alligator legs and feet, live frogs, cows’ stomachs, hanging and emptied pigs…All within the entrance of an actual grocery “store”. Whole hanging ducks and glossy roasted pork to make me abandon any promise of healthy eating. A lot of pushing and grunting and no eye contact.
Fast forward two years later and I’m still absolutely lost, in awe of, in love with, disgusted by, but primarily stimulatingly intimidated by this little world. You could say I harbor similar sentiments towards men during the courting ritual of romances. Still, the end result — only brave enough to tackle docile little (DELICIOUS) spring rolls. I need some local hand holding!
***Perks of this dish: Super cheap to make, cooking level is beyond easy (boil water) and everyone can have fun getting their hands a little messy while they customize their roll. Read: good for kids.
Rice paper sheets/wrappers
Rice noodles or vermicelli, boiled until white and tender, 7 minutes
1 cucumber, skinned and julienned
1 large carrot, skinned and julienned
1 bunch of fresh mint
1 bunch of fresh cilantro
1/2 lb of boiled shrimp, cut in half lengthwise
1 head of a green leaf lettuce with some crunch and texture, leaves separated
1 bunch of green onions, white and light green parts only, julienned
1 avocado, thinly sliced
1 bowl of really hot water for softening rice paper
Optional: roasted pork, thinly sliced.
2/3 cup Chunky peanut butter
½ cup Hoisin sauce
1/3 cup water
Squeeze of garlic-chili paste (Sriracha)
1 lime’s juice
2 tsp fish sauce
Create a spread as seen here.
While mixing the ingredients for the sauce, allow your vermicelli to cook, boil for 5-7 minutes. I prefer the ingredients to reach room temp before making the rolls, including the noodles so don’t feel pressure to hastily prepare everything.
Easiest way to roll the spring rolls:
Take 1 sheet of rice paper and dip it in hot water bowl for about 7 seconds. Bring it out, softened and stretchy. Flatten on plate, place green of lettuce leaf first on 1/3 of rice paper closest to you, then layer on about 1 inch thick of vermicelli, a few slices of cucumber, carrot, avocado, add a few slice of green onion and herb leaves. Pull the loaded side of rice paper up and flip over tightly while using your fingers for support, aline 3-4 shrimp halves, then fold in both edges (like a burrito) and continue rolling until you have what resembles a condom wrapped salad. Delicious!