awkward alice


“Hello? Will?”

Since it’s common knowledge Claire is in Resident Evil: the Final Chapter, I’m not gonna feel too leery of posting this now.

Did anyone else completely get the feeling that Claire and Alice’s reunion and full-on way they related to each other throughout the movie was like past lovers seeing each other after not knowing the other was alive anymore? I almost screamed out loud in the theater, “Oh my god they’re acting like exes!!!!!” for heaven’s sake!

Happy Father’s Day!

Originally posted by awesomethingsandsuch

A/N: This was requested anonymously. I hope you enjoy!

Request: “Omg please do an FP Father’s Day smut. Say Jug has just left after giving a gift and y/n stays for a while and says that there is a birthday gift for ‘daddy’ omfg OMFG O.M.F.G”

The reader is legal age. (18/19).

Warnings: Daddy kink, swearing, unprotected sex (Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener), fingering, smut and porn gifs.

Someone asked me to try adding porn gifs to my smuts! I want to know what you guys think? Yay? Or Nah? Give me some feedback, please!

Word count:


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SHE NEEDED A HERO (SO THAT’S WHAT SHE BECAME): A mix of empowering songs for all the amazing women in webseries. (Listen) 

1. Single Ladies, Beyoncé // 2. Skyscraper, Demi Lovato // 3. Brave, Sara Bareilles // 4. ROAR, Katy Perry // 5. Hit Me With Your Best Shot, Pat Benatar // 6. Fighter, Christina Aguilera // 7. Stonger, Kelly Clarkson // 8. Defying Gravity, Kirsten Chenoweth & Idina Menzel // 9. New Romantics, Taylor Swift // 10. What The Hell, Avril Lavigne // 11. Girl on Fire, Alicia Keys feat. Nicki Minaj // 12. You Call Me A Bitch Like It’s A Bad Thing, Halestorm // 13. Take A Hint, Victoria Justice & Elizabeth Gillies // 14. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Cyndi Lauper // 15. So What, P!nk // 16. Run The World (Girls), Beyoncé 

Gay Subtext & the Resident Evil Movies

I’m a lesbian Resident Evil fan. These are not intelligent movies, the plot erratically skips from track to track from movie to movie and the only thing that’s actually consistent is Alice being badass and being propped up by other badass women. And that’s why I like it. Attractive women with guns in well-choreographed fight scenes with the undead and various beasts that all look like they’ve been styled by a leatherdaddy out of Berghain. And women who also share dialogue with each other that’s not specifically about the men in the movies. What’s not to like?! I’m a lesbian, not an elitist cineast. So yeah, this is definitely my kind of movie/s.

Went to see the last one the other weekend and loved it, even though it retconned pretty large parts of the series and destroyed my headcanon of lesbian Claire Redfield. Still it was a pretty good ending to the series. It was the kind of ending I needed right now. Obviously this sent me into a RE spin again and I simply had to rewatch the other movies. And hoe-boi, that’s some good gay shit. I mean I’ve always been aware of the subtext, I’m always acutely aware of that even when it barely has a pulse, but I’d forgotten or not fully realised how truly consistent the gay is, in all of them (maybe not so much second one, but I blame that mostly on Valentine not playing ball chemistry-wise, because the writing is there to gay up if you want to). To be fair the only way the movies actually make sense is with a bisexual Alice.

Spoilers ahead.

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White Rabbit - Seventeen

Spencer Reid’s apartment was everything Alice had imagined it to be. Neat and tidy, with everything well organised. Bookshelves completely lined one wall and Alice knew that if she moved a book, he’d be able to tell instantly which one it was. It was cosy though, homely.

“I like it here,” she announced, standing in the middle of the room.

“Erm, thanks. You have a nice apartment too, Ally.”

“Yeah but it’s not mine. Ellen controls what I do with it. This is yours, it matches your personality. It feels like you.”

Spencer had watched her as she’d walked into his home, her eyes quickly scanning the apartment and clocking the doors and exits. She’d walked over to his books now and was skimming through his collection, running her hands over the spines.

“You read a lot, right?”

Spencer nodded.

“That’s what I missed most when I was at the compound. They had a collection of books there and Charlie would bring me stuff from his trips into town, but it was never enough. I could have happily sat and read all day when I was younger, immersing myself in worlds so much different from this one. Now though… Now I don’t enjoy it as much. At least not fiction. I can’t lose myself anymore.”

“Because of the things you’ve experienced right? I understand. In this job you see a lot of things and I used to enjoy being able to lose myself in a fictional universe but now…. Sometimes it doesn’t seem right. So aside from the classics and some series I can’t seem to stay away from, I tend to stick to fact based books too. Essays and such.”

Ally bent down to where he had his book series stored and she pulled the last Harry Potter book from the shelf.

“I never even managed to to finish these. And I adored these books.”

“Take it then, by all means. I know the stories off by heart anyway. They’re all stored up here. One of the perks of having an eidetic memory, being able to remember everything I’ve read.”

“I imagine that also has its downfalls.”

Reid nodded again, “It does. But anyway, if you want the books, take them.”

“I can’t. Maybe when this is all over I’ll buy them and read them from the start.”

“Alright. Well, give me about thirty minutes. I want a quick shower and I need to get some a change of clothes and some things.”

The rest of the evening was intense and awkward. Spencer and Alice returned back to the Manchester’s home to find that Ellen had prepared a meal for the four of them, much to Alice’s dismay. She’d hoped to be able to slope straight off to her apartment as it was approaching 8pm by the time they’d returned, but her sister hadother plans.

Alice knew it was because Ellen wanted her questions answering but she couldn’t. She just didn’t want to talk about it with anyone who she didn’t have to. Every time Ellen started to ask, Alice would just tell her, “No”.

“Alice, stop being awkward. We have a right to know,” Ellen finally burst out, scowling at her younger sibling.

“You really don’t. You don’t have a right to know anything that happened because it didn’t happen to you, it happened to me.”

“I have every right to know. You were placed into my care when you were younger, and you’ve been living in my house since you returned. I deserve to know what sort of fucked up business you were involved in.”

Alice shook her head and mirrored her sister’s scowl. “I was placed into your care alright. And look what happened, I ran away because the care was so great. Trust me Ellen, if I’d had any other choice when I came back, then I wouldn’t have been here. Why don’t you ask what you really want to know, I can almost hear the question slipping from your mouth anyway. So ask it. Stop pussy footing around it.”

The girl was almost spitting with anger and Spencer couldn’t believe how different and yet similar the two sisters were.

Alice had stood up now, her knife and fork clattering to the plate. Across the table Ellen copied her, the girls standing off against each other.

“Ellie sit down,” Robert tugged on his wife’s arm but she shook him off.

“No,she’s right, I wanna know. We didn’t get to hear what was said this afternoon, so I don’t know what other revelations we’ve missed, but I need to know this now. You were with them for nearly five years. They killed people. Did you?!?”

Robert sucked in his breath, averting his eyes from his wife and to Alice.

“You don’t have to answer that Alice. It doesn’t make a difference. We love you either way, you don’t have to answer.”

Spencer looked up at the young girl, her shoulders heaving as she tried to control her breathing. Her face was flushed and her fists were clenched at her sides. She was almost shaking. Alice looked between her brother in law and her sister, trying to breathe deeply, to get a hold of herself as she tried to answer the one question she’d been terrified of being asked but knew that she inevitably would be.

“Robert, be quiet. For once, take my side here. I want to know. Did. You. Kill. Anyone?”


Alice kicked her chair back and bolted from the room as Ellen burst into frustrated tears. Robert looked up at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of the house, to Alice storming through it.

“Guest bedroom. Top of the stairs and turn right. It’s opposite the bathroom. You might not see her at first, she’ll be behind the closet door.”

Spencer thanked Robert and then quickly followed his instructions, taking the the stairs two at a time and finding the door to the guest room. Robert was right, he couldn’t see her.

But he could hear her breathing. The closet door was open and folded back on itself, moonlight streaming in through the open drapes, the only light in the room.

“Ally, I’m going to come in and close the door. I won’t turn the light on.” He did as he said and shut the door behind him quietly, letting his eyes adjust to the dimly lit room.

“I’m walking across the room to the closet door okay.” He padded quietly, passing the bed and then sinking to his knees when he reached the door. He didn’t pull it back entirely, but instead slotted himself in next to her, seeing Alice with her knees drawn up against her face and her head resting on them. Her breathing was ragged and he could hear her beginning to choke on the air.

“Ally… Ally, look at me. Please, raise your head and look at me,” he soothed, twisting his body so he was facing her in the small space.

She raised her head, her cheeks still flushed and her hair tangled over her face. She shove it back quickly, and Spencer saw the tears glistening on her face. She was beginning to hyperventilate.

“Look at me Ally, breathe slowly. In and out. Focus on my eyes and copy me. In and out… In… and out… ”

Alice locked eyes with Reid and he tried to ignore the terror in them, the sheer uncertainty.

“In….. and out, Alice. Come on, you can do this.”

She slowly started to mirror his breathing, her green eyes fixed upon his. After a good three minutes or so and Spencer was starting to feel light headed himself from breathing so deeply, but she appeared to have gotten it under control. Her cheeks were paling slightly, returning back to their normal colour and she sat upright, resting her back and head against the wall.

“Sorry,” she rasped out, her voice slightly hoarse.

“It’s okay. You’ve relived a lot a memories over the past two days. You’re doing so incredible well though Alice, you need to know that. So well.”

She closed her eyes and sat there in silence, not responding but gathering her thoughts and senses back together. Spencer let her, readjusting himself next to her but being very careful not to touch her, he didn’t want to startle her. It was a lot to go through and he felt terrible for her that she’d kept all of this locked away for so long. He felt even worse knowing that they were going to have to dig deeper to proceed with this case.

“I don’t know if I killed anyone. How can I not know?”

“You don’t have to talk about it now” he told her, his voice low and calm again.

“I do. I have to.”

// I’ve never done this before so the level of awkwardness is almost unbearable - Also, I don’t have a guitar anymore so there’s no background music and this adds up to the awkwardness - Also, the audio is so bad it’ll make you cry (or laugh) (but please don’t cry, or laugh if you can help it?). Anyway, I’m still pretty proud to have taken this step despite my gigantic fear of filming myself, so, idk, there. I did it.

I’ll Try Anything Once - The Strokes

“The Mad Hatter is my favorite Disney character. I especially loved the Tim Burton Alice In Wonderland, but don’t get me wrong I love the classic too. The Mad Hatter makes me feel a little better about myself in the aspect I am really socially awkward and it is hard for me to make friends. His energetic and fun attitude makes me feel better when it comes to meeting new people and makes me feel like I can be myself around new people and friends.”

Alice considered her meal for a moment, trying to ignore the looks thrown in their direction, knowing it very much had to do with the ring sitting on her left ring finger. After a week of what she could only describe as pure bliss, it’d come somewhat to an awkward pause the moment Alice asked Frank to come to Tinworth with her. It wasn’t loud and obvious, but Alice had been so attuned to Frank’s moods this week, it was impossible to miss, particularly now that they were here. While she didn’t particularly want to prod about it while they were in public, she made a mental note to do so the moment they went home tonight. For now however, there was something she presumed would be easy to discuss. 

“I think I may attempt to see if I can set an appointment at Lavinia’s for sometime this month while we’re here today. What do you think?” 

OUAT Headcanon

Once everything calms down, Storybrooke organizes a huge film festival where they all hang out on blankets and stuff in the town square and eat popcorn and Granny caters and they just watch a ton of Disney movies and other fairytales and laugh at each other.

Hook’s all grumbly because he’s pissed about how Peter Pan makes him look and Emma and Henry tease him mercilessly, mostly because he has nothing to tease them with.

Archie and Marco are laughing and telling stories to baby August.

Red laughs her ass off when they start playing Young Frankenstein and Victor yells at her that that’s not how it went.

Charming’s trying to reassert how “manly” and brave he is because he feels like his adaptation didn’t properly show it, but Mary Margaret just keeps giggling at him. 

Everyone boos while they’re watching Peter Pan or The Wizard of Oz and Pan or the Wicked Witch come on screen.

Everyone feels a little awkward while watching Alice in Wonderland because they don’t want to boo Cora with Regina sitting right there, but Will and Anastasia do it anyway, and Regina just thinks it’s funny, mostly because she’s too distracted with Robin to notice.

They also feel uncomfortable when Beauty and the Beast is playing because if they say something wrong Rumple could turn them into a snail or some shit, but Belle would never let him do anything, because they’re finally back together. 

Everyone is amused at the fact that Robin is portrayed as a fox, and nobody laughs harder than he does.

They just sit out there, and maybe the film festival lasts a few days during the summer so all the kids are off school and they don’t have to worry about any fairytale villain destroying their town, they can just enjoy each other’s company and have a good time, and laugh when Charming, Hook, and Robin get a little tipsy one night and try to reenact the Snow White story with Charming as Snow, Hook as Charming, and Robin as Regina.

(PS if anyone would like this to be a full-blown fic, message me or something. I’ve been thinking about writing it for a long time but I haven’t gotten around to it)