awake in the new sleep

Kaz Brekker: hunger games au
  • Kaz is fifteen when he’s reaped, but he’s been training for six years, ever since he saw his brother being murdered on screen by a teenager, ever since Jordie’s lifless body was sent back in a box 
  • he will never forget staring at his brother’s corpse, that moment when what hope remained finally left and something inside him stirred, insisting that someone must pay for this, that his family wouldn’t be hurt like this again
  • while Kaz waits in the Justice Building, the only person that comes to say goodbye is Jesper, and as they share a quick hug Kaz furiously claims that this is not their last meeting
  • he rarely speaks at the Training Centre, and when his stylist tries to dress him up in the most ridiculous garb, he calmly tells her he will not be the laughing stock among the rest of the tributes and to whip up something decent, for Christ’s sake
  • Kaz wonders what a miracle it must be, that his drunken mentor’s liver can still handle that amount of liquor each day
  • thoughts of his dead brother haunt him every night because this is where Jordie slept and ate and dressed and was prepared for slaughter
  • he trains with the other tributes, observing his opponents, deciding which ones are threats and must be put out first
  • once in the arena, Kaz starts taking down the tributes one by one          
  • numerous parachutes fly down bearing gifts when the sponsors realise Kaz is ruthless and didn’t come here to die
  • the residents of the Capitol wait eagerly for the cameras to show Kaz because there’s never a dull moment with him; everyone is talking about Kaz Brekker, the excitement they felt as he bashed a boy’s skull in, how they clung to the edge of their seats during a particularly intense fight
  • meanwhile, the people at home can’t bear to watch: there’s a monstrous gleam in Kaz’s eyes, and with every tribute he kills they know the last Brekker is slipping away even further 
  • he injures his leg during a fight with the colossal girl from Two, and during the times when his leg isn’t almost numb with pain Kaz tracks down what’s left of the tributes
  • every slit throat and snapped neck means he is one step closer to home
  • after he’s won and he’s back home in district 10, the horrors of the arena keep him awake in the strange new bed, and during the few hours of fitful sleep, his brain brings back grotesque memories of when he murdered innocent children 
  • he can’t stop thinking about the families that are mourning because of him, can’t help but think of the siblings that are broken beyond repair just like he was after seeing Jordie being drowned on television
  • Kaz can’t look the Ghafas in the eye because he was the one that killed their daughter, felt her warm blood on his hands and patiently waited for the cannon to sound her death

Return to Dexterity

you showed me the ill spread of silence and just how violent it could be;

how to hear the sounds of venus and the cries of gods.

cupped my ears to the nothingness

hades can still be heard -

roaring in the ears of nonchalant nothingness

you cut ties from dexterity ; never tailoring your suit

exploding into static ;

dissolving me to burnt ions

ash on my tongue when i kiss her -

and i still feel you ,

far away lands and distant gods, it seems merely pointless

another bizarre for the chronicals,

a returned broken case off ill willed agony ,

i’ve lost my sense of attractiveness  

prick the turmoil from my pale veins ;

venus must of cut her hair by now

tongue tied and naive ;

cut down my hangman’s noose ;

I hear the roars of ancient gods

i’m coming home  

So let me preface by saying: I love my roomie’s twins. They are so fucking adorable and I love being Aunt Kelso. But….not that my biological clock was even close to ticking, but if it was these suckers would have set it back ten years. Seeing the reality of how exhausting it is to be a new mother (and notice I said “seeing” and not actually living it) is real as fuck. And she had them 4th year after she matched and has had basically 3+ months of maternity leave, which is unheard of in the real world (U.S. real world at least). Definitely not something to take lightly. Like, at least my dogs are totally fine with 8 hour naps every now and then. I’m totally going to be an AMA mom. 

*Inspiration for this post comes as I’m currently listening to the night owl fuss while I’m about to PTFO. 

^The cute little suckers for reference

I really wasn’t doing ok so drew a tree yesterday. 

answer 11, ask 11 (2.0)

tagged by @studytherin thank you so much for the tag (i’m sorry for having taken such a long time to actually do it ;-;”)

1. plants or flowers? sun or moon? sleep or awake?                                               - flowers, sun, (as of right now) sleep

2. new or old? great or wise? knowledge or power?                                                - new(!!), wise, and knowledge :) 

3. if you suddenly understand animal languages, how would you react?              - “omg animals, hELLO. lets’s all be friends !!”

4. any new food you want to try?                                                                                - i’ve never had black bean noodles (jjajangmyeon/jajangmyeon) and                always heard that it’s DELICIOUS, so i wanna try some! and also,                      taiyaki!!!

5. sleeping for 24 hrs or being awake for 24 hrs? why?                                           - sleep for 24 hrs! even though it’s past the hours you need on average             i kind of want to get some more sleep in my life - sometimes i’m too                   much of a party animal or just finish my homework at such late hours                .-.

6. any mythical creature you want it to be real?

           - the pegasus! it is so beautiful and ethereal. and its wings oh my god, if              i ever get to touch them … i will melt into goop

7. favourite thing about our planet earth?

            - the nature it holds, from the tall trees to the small blades of glass i                     love it all ~

8. knowing the language that no one knows or knowing the language that everyone knows? why?

             - knowing the language that everyone knows! so i can talk to them                     and learn more about them and be friends with them :’) or maybe just               talk to them about anything on their mind

9. do you think that life with an undo button is better or not?

              - i think life with an undo button could be better. i mean we’d get the                   chance to not do something bad to ourselves, but at the same time                   you learn from the mistakes you make? so, i think it could be better                   at the same time i don’t know ._.

10. hide or seek? why?

                - seek because looking for things is so interesting! you get hands on                  experiences with your surroundings, the chance to talk to those                          around you, and so much more!!! so, yes to seeking !!!

11. something new you want to learn?

                - i want to learn how to draw! like, i guess the fundamentals when it                   comes to drawing certain things such as flowers and trees and                           buildings (i like to draw sceneries ehehe) and maybe people                               preferably, not realistically

my questions are :

1. flight or invisibility?

2. what is one of your favorite tv shows/anime/kdrama/anything really of all time? why?

3. traveling by plane or by train?

4. what are some songs you’d recommend to anyone right now?

5. do you have a favorite video character? if yes, who?

6. who’s one of your favorite painters (if you have any) or maybe just artists in general?

7. is the glass half full or half empty?

8. what’s your mbti type?

9. if you won $1,000,000 what would you do with it?

10. what is one thing you love about your face?

11. what’s your style in terms of fashion?

i’m tagging: @cherinotes, @snakeystudy, @milkteafirst, @puricutie, @koala-studies, and @appliedphysics

don’t worry, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to or you’ve already been tagged !!!

we sat in a classroom and they asked, “what really is home?”

and i know we were talking about places; concrete walls and cobblestoned streets, places whose names rolled off your tongue so easily you could taste the saltwater in the air and the vanilla of your mother’s perfume and the familiarity of childhood innocence trapped in the creaking front door.

but all i could think about was the curve of your smile in the dim light of your bedroom at three in the morning when our eyes were bleary and my heart felt like it would explode out of my chest. your hand, rough and warm, tracing patterns into my skin and anchoring me to reality. the way you look when you sleep and when you first awake into a new dawn.

“what really is home?” they asked, and i held your hand underneath the table.

—  they could hand me a globe and i’d point to your heart // (h.q.)
  • Elsa: I take it we’re having a party.
  • Anna: Oh, I knew there was something I forgot to tell you. Sorry.
  • Elsa: Why should you guys tell me you were gonna have an enormous party? I didn’t tell you I was gonna be quietly working in my room. If you need me, I’ll definitely be awake, because I won’t be able to sleep because of the party.
summer bucketlist ideas for the signs
  • aries: ride a rollercoaster, have a water balloon fight, go to a concert
  • taurus: have a movie marathon, have a picnic, make tie-dye shirts
  • gemini: stay awake for 24 hours, disneyland, make new friends
  • cancer: sleep under the stars, make s'mores, kiss someone in the rain
  • leo: have a bonfire, see fireworks, go to a parade
  • virgo: take a picture every day of the summer, pick an official summer song, volunteer at an animal shelter
  • libra: make friendship bracelets, leave kind notes on strangers' cars, ride a ferris wheel
  • scorpio: go swimming at midnight, go kayaking in a cave, see a shooting star
  • sagittarius: skinny dipping, go dune surfing, play messy paint twister
  • capricorn: go on a roadtrip, make a scrapbook, do something you've always been afraid of doing
  • aquarius: have a paint fight, send a message in a bottle, make popsicles
  • pisces: catch fireflies, swim with dolphins, get a henna tattoo
i wake up in the morning hoping that maybe something’s happened while i was asleep, that maybe i’ve moved on, i’ve let go. i go to sleep at night knowing i’ve spent another day being stuck, missing you and being stubborn. i go to sleep hoping that tomorrow i will awake with a brand new consciousness. i go to sleep hoping i will never miss you this way again - never this hungry, never this desperate. i go to sleep afraid to dream.
—  marina v., two years and counting.
Chomsky was right: We do have a "grammar" in our head

A team of neuroscientists has found new support for MIT linguist Noam Chomsky’s decades-old theory that we possess an “internal grammar” that allows us to comprehend even nonsensical phrases.

“One of the foundational elements of Chomsky’s work is that we have a grammar in our head, which underlies our processing of language,” explains David Poeppel, the study’s senior researcher and a professor in New York University’s Department of Psychology. “Our neurophysiological findings support this theory: we make sense of strings of words because our brains combine words into constituents in a hierarchical manner—a process that reflects an ‘internal grammar’ mechanism.”

The research, which appears in the latest issue of the journal Nature Neuroscience, builds on Chomsky’s 1957 work, Syntactic Structures (1957). It posited that we can recognize a phrase such as “Colorless green ideas sleep furiously” as both nonsensical and grammatically correct because we have an abstract knowledge base that allows us to make such distinctions even though the statistical relations between words are non-existent.

Neuroscientists and psychologists predominantly reject this viewpoint, contending that our comprehension does not result from an internal grammar; rather, it is based on both statistical calculations between words and sound cues to structure. That is, we know from experience how sentences should be properly constructed—a reservoir of information we employ upon hearing words and phrases. Many linguists, in contrast, argue that hierarchical structure building is a central feature of language processing.

In an effort to illuminate this debate, the researchers explored whether and how linguistic units are represented in the brain during speech comprehension.

To do so, Poeppel, who is also director of the Max Planck Institute for Empirical Aesthetics in Frankfurt, and his colleagues conducted a series of experiments using magnetoencephalography (MEG), which allows measurements of the tiny magnetic fields generated by brain activity, and electrocorticography (ECoG), a clinical technique used to measure brain activity in patients being monitored for neurosurgery.

The study’s subjects listened to sentences in both English and Mandarin Chinese in which the hierarchical structure between words, phrases, and sentences was dissociated from intonational speech cues—the rise and fall of the voice—as well as statistical word cues. The sentences were presented in an isochronous fashion—identical timing between words—and participants listened to both predictable sentences (e.g., “New York never sleeps,” “Coffee keeps me awake”), grammatically correct, but less predictable sentences (e.g., “Pink toys hurt girls”), or word lists (“eggs jelly pink awake”) and various other manipulated sequences.

The design allowed the researchers to isolate how the brain concurrently tracks different levels of linguistic abstraction—sequences of words (“furiously green sleep colorless”), phrases (“sleep furiously” “green ideas”), or sentences (“Colorless green ideas sleep furiously”)—while removing intonational speech cues and statistical word information, which many say are necessary in building sentences.

Their results showed that the subjects’ brains distinctly tracked three components of the phrases they heard, reflecting a hierarchy in our neural processing of linguistic structures: words, phrases, and then sentences—at the same time.

“Because we went to great lengths to design experimental conditions that control for statistical or sound cue contributions to processing, our findings show that we must use the grammar in our head,” explains Poeppel. “Our brains lock onto every word before working to comprehend phrases and sentences. The dynamics reveal that we undergo a grammar-based construction in the processing of language.”

This is a controversial conclusion from the perspective of current research, the researchers note, because the notion of abstract, hierarchical, grammar-based structure building is rather unpopular.

Since Carlos can sleep through anything Cecil comes up with increasingly creative ways to wake him up in the morning. It started with something traditional like good morning kisses and tickling but escalated to the likes of Cecil orchestrating 4 parrots to give their rendition of classic children songs such as “we follow the leader and drown,” at this point Carlos is awake but pretends to sleep to find out what new wacky idea Cecil will come up with next

What some "fans" need to know

I’ve recently read that Taehyung asked a fan if he should do an eyelid plastic surgery and that makes me think he’s insecure about his appearence. He needs to know he’s already perfect just the way he is. He doesn’t have anything more to improove in his appearence (thing which goes for all bangtan members tbvfh). I don’t have anything against those who think that BTS aren’t that great when it comes to visuals, it’s their own opinion and not everyone sees a person the way I do. But when they start calling them “ugly” (namjoon’s case) or “irrelevant” and “useless” (jin’s case) or “cold” and “heartless” (yoongi’s case) etc., that’s just being an immature and disrespectful brat. I understand you may not like them but that doesn’t give you the right to hate and bring them down. Hate them all you want, but if you dare to call yourself a “huge fan” if you only stan one member and you do it only for his looks, then get out. ARMYs aren’t telling other idols disrespectful things (excluding the immature ones, every fandom has immature fans). Imagine someone randomly tells you you’re ugly, irrelevant, heartless etc., wouldn’t you feel hurt? Short reminder: idols are humans. They have feelings. And obviously they get hurt, in case you didn’t know.
Firstly, I’m tired of seeing comments like “namjoon is an ugly nerd”. Dear, he may not look good in your eyes, but in ours, he looks really handsome. If you think he’s “ugly” this doesn’t mean everyone sees him the way you do. And “nerd”? He is an extremely intelligent person and he can shut your mouth with just 3 philosophical phrases. I admire this guy a lot, not only for his great looks, but for his amazing personality, his amazing lyrics and the way he expresses himself to us.
Secondly, the “yoongi is lazy” joke is old. Get over it. That guy stays awake at night when everyone is sleeping, just to compose new music for your salty ass. Isn’t this an obvious reason why he always looks tired? And “cold” and “heartless”? Really? When? He always seemed to be a really cute fluffball. Of course on stage he acts a certain way to entertain the fans, but what right do you have to call him lazy, cold and heartless when he really isn’t?
Jin. Seokjin. Kim Seokjin. This adorable guy, in my opinion, tries the most to communicate with fans and you call him “useless” or “irrelevant”. He tries different ways to get closer to all of us, through EatJin series, through tweets, through interviews, on stage, what is he supposed to do to proove your salty ass he is completely useful? If he doesn’t have too many lines in their songs, trust me, it’s not his fault. He is really talented and he knows what he’s doing. In my eyes, I always saw Jin as an example to all of us. Through him I always see that you can eat whatever you want and how much you want and when you want and still can feel pretty and confident. He’s a role model and I’m sorry if you haven’t seen this yet.
J-Hope, dear, is NOT “on drugs” as you always claim him to be. Also, he is not “ugly”, I’m not going to repeat myself why. You may see him happy all the time, but let me tell you something: the happiest people are usually the saddest. So you never know what may happen in his heart and mind behind cameras. He’s always there to cheer up everyone, including you, me, us, but have you wondered.. What if he’s happy only for us? What if inside he’s sad? Be thankful. This guy showed me that there’s always hope and no matter what happens, you gotta stand for yourself and fight. And “talentless”? You must be deaf or blind. He can dance, rap, sing, compose, beatbox, make everyone smile, how is that talentless?
The “jimin has no jams” thing is so damn overused, I’m seriously tired of seeing this joke everywhere. Also, if you left when Jimin lost his abs I can say that you’re a good definition of what a fake fan is. Jimin thought he was fat, to the point he was eating only one time a day to make himself look good for your thirsty eyes. You stan him only for his looks? You don’t know what you’re missing. Jimin is an adorable guy which is always there to help everyone. He’s literally sweet and he would do anything for those he loves. (Don’t even get me started on vmin.)
“Jungkook is a fetus”. Yeah? Well you’re probably younger than him. And if you’re older why do you call him that way? Have you seen how this guy grew up since 2013 ‘till now? Are you jealous that he accomplished so much at such an young age and all you did at his age was to study? This guy gave up on his childhood to become successful and look at him now, he’s living his dream. He’s a good example to me and to any other ARMY which understands what I mean. Don’t even get me started about his great talents, visuals and his dorky and adorable personality, he’s literally amazing.
Lastly, Kim Taehyung, is probably starting to doubt himself. I’ve read that he’s really nervous (yet excited) about his acting debut. I saw a post which says that he “lacks visuals comparing the rest of the cast.” Well, in your eyes he may lack visuals, but not in ours. It was one of his biggest dreams to act and it happened. He asked a fan if he should do an eyelid plastic surgery. It breaks my heart when the person which helped me through depressing days, starts feeling insecure. It’s just not right. I’m sure he helped me as much as he helped any other ARMY through terrible days when I thought there’s no reason to fight or when I felt lost. I saw his adorable rectangle smile and it reminded me that no matter what happens, I have to fight for my dreams. I feel like he started doubting himself since that (i hate bringing it up) incident during inu era. Instead of complaning and insulting and throwing shade, can’t you just ignore it and go on with your life? Not everyone is going to satisfy your expectations. And if you think that bringing him down will make you a good person, you’re so wrong. Also calling him a “4D Alien” is probably making him feel even more uncomfortable. He said he doesn’t like being called that way, is it that hard to respect what he said?
In conclusion, it’s really sad to see such things brought up by people which claim themselves as “fans”. You are not a fan if you only love one single member. You are not a fan if you only like his looks. You are not a fan if you insult other members. You’re a not a “casual fan”. A casual fan doesn’t insult the rest of the members from what I know. Please open your eyes and realise that some things don’t only affect the boys, but the entire fandom as well.

-Admin L