aw shit it talks

if you’re struggling for AU ideas take a look-see at this list i wrote for my friend who dubbed it “better than the 10 commandments" 

1)     Coffee shop AU

i)       Barista and person who has a ridiculous coffee order

ii)      I’m worried about your coffee dependency

iii)     you accidentally poured boiling hot coffee over me so you’re responsible for taking me to A&E

iv)     you give me a different fake name every time you come into starbucks and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino

2)      Flower shop AU

i)       You buy a weird amount of flowers and I’m concerned as to why

ii)      I’m allergic to flowers but I work in a flower shop – you’re a customer who’s very confused as to why I’d do that

iii)     (this is also a good way to incorporate flower meanings eg, buying certain colours/types for person to represent feelings etc.)

3)      Library AU

i)       You’re overdue on this book and I want it so I’m tracking u the fuck down

ii)      I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying

iii)     The library’s pretty empty save for you and me and OH that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

4)      Awful first time meeting

i)       I accidentally punched you in the face when I was too overexcited about something

ii)      I thought you were my friend who’s just done something awful to me (read: cut my hair while I slept, dyed all of my clothes pink, etc. etc.) because you look similar from behind so I stormed up to you and shoved you from behind while calling you an asshole

iii)     You get the gist to this one

iv)     Oooh when you told me your name I thought you were joking because it’s fucking awful and I made a joke about it and things got awkward real fucking fast (perfect for a Hannibal au just saying)

5)      Weird places to meet/awkward meetings in general

i)       We live in the same block of flats but haven’t ever talked and Sunday morning we were both doing the walk of shame and had to stand in the lift together

ii)      “okay I know that being in the woods at 2am is a weird thing to be doing but my friend called me and- wait, why are you in the woods at 2am, fuck I’m going to die aren’t I?”

iii)     A personal favourite of mine – first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

iv)     We keep accidentally running into each other I’m not a stalker I swear

v)      You live across from me in our apartments and we smile when we see each other but we don’t really know each other and oh you’re the stripper at my friend’s stag do/hen night fuck this is really uncomfortable

vi)     “My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

6)      Friends to romance – pining and all that wonderful shit

i)       You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

ii)      I really like you but you’re my best friend’s ex

iii)     You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

iv)     Somewhere along the way of getting into bar fights together, staying up all night with movie marathons, other friendship things, I’ve fallen in love with you but oh my god this could ruin EVERYTHING

v)      Friends with benefits oh wait I like you

7)      FAKE DATING HOLY SHIT I LIVE FOR THIS

i)       It’s my highschool reunion and I need a hot date so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me

ii)      My homophobic parents are coming to visit will you pretend to date me as an extra “fuck you”?

iii)     There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

iv)     I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d stop trying to set me up with people but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in too deep I need a fake boyf ASAP

8)      Soulmate aus

i)       The first words your true love(s) will say to you are tattooed on you and why the fuck are their first words something really ridiculous like ‘I’ll pay you a tenner to punch me in the face’ or ‘quick what’s your favourite animal’ or ‘fucking shit hell holy fuck wow oh my god jesus h Christ fuck me’ etc. or even worse a really ridiculous song lyric like  the opening lines of uptown funk or a high school musical song or smthing did you have to serenade me the first time you saw me asshole?

ii)      You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or an overwhelming feeling that Thatcher was a good prime minister or an image in my mind of a fucking unicorn

iii)     The more ridiculous the better actually

iv)     Something like whenever your soulmate sings a duet you can’t help but join in and my fucking soulmate is in a goddamn band but I can’t sing for shit

v)      Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s what)

9)      Alternate universes for real

i)       Mermaids

ii)      Siren and asexual pirate who doesn’t understand why all his crew are losing their shit that person has a nice voice sure but what the fuck is happening

iii)     Hogwarts

iv)     We live in a world where the greek gods are real and you went and got yourself cursed and now I have to go on a fucking quest to sort this shit out why do I love you again?

v)      Pacific rim au (either they’re drift compatible or one of them is a ranger and the other stresses constantly bc what if they die yes I have read a fic like this no I didn’t come up with this one but it’s fucking good) (also if you haven’t seen that film go watch it now)

vi)     Literally any movie or book universe you like tbh just go for it

10)   Other aus that I like

i)       I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

ii)      We work in the same office and you have a goddamn squeaky chair and you wONT FUCKING STOP SQUEAKING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT ANNOYS ME

iii)     Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

iv)     It started to snow and I’m the only one of our friends who would go outside with you – I soon found out why none of the others would go out in the snow with you (this works best if they’re new friends who don’t know each other all that well) when you shoved a handful of snow down my back and declared snow war

v)      It’s nowhere near Christmas it’s literally still November would you calm down about Christmas wait no why are you getting the tree out no stop please stop (if you do this pre-relationship you can have the grouchy one secretly finding the other’s excitement endearing and falling in love with them actually that works for established relationship too)

vi)     Current partner got a new job in America (or other country far away) and we’re getting by on skype calls and emails but it’s not easy and then I met someone new (can be poly or can be finding the OTP person)

vii)   You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

viii)  Carrying on from 10.vii. you’ve caught me checking you out in what I thought was a subtle way too many times and now you’re calling me out on it what do I do???

ix)     You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

x)      You were waving at your friend behind me but I got confused and waved back at you and now I’m dying of embarrassment but you think it’s cute

xi)     I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious and shut up you dumb fuck you don’t know me aahhh

xii)   I’m a waiter at this wedding and you’re a drunk guest who will not stop hitting on me please I’m trying to work no I can’t dance with you omg let me find you some water

xiii)  Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

xiv)  You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close and the way you talk is kind of nice actually oh fuck no

Okay I could go on forever but this is over 1,500 words of auing already I have too many ideas christ

send me some to @theskyis-forever with a pairing for me to write :)

Reasons NCT would die in a Zombie Apocalypse

Chenle: Attracted zombies with his awful screeching.

Doyoung: Got stabbed for talking shit.

Haechan: Got shot for talking shit.

Hansol: Died from starvation in SM’s basement.

Jaehyun: Lets be real he’d probably get run over jaywalking or something stupid like that.

Jaemin: Tripped and knocked himself out whilst being chased by zombies.

Jeno: Died from eating poisonous berries.

Jisung: Got found by zombies because of Chenle.

Johnny: Too lazy to run so got bit.

Kun: Trapped in basement with Hansol. Went crazy.

Lucas: Willingly gets bit by a zombie.

Mark: Died from overworking.

Renjun: Fell asleep and got bit.

Taeyong: Probably got bit trying to save one of the dream members.

Ten: Tried to trick the zombies into thinking he was one of them and gets bitten.

Taeil: Only survivor. Dies of old age.

Winwin: Trapped whilst trying to find Ice cream in a grocery shop.

Yuta: Got bitten for talking shit.

3

Episode I: Qui-Gon Jinn:  << part I >> << part II >> << part III >> << part IV >> << part V >>

2

favourite scenes: all for the game by nora sakavic

Neil stopped counting.
“You know, I get it,” Neil said. “Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you’re worth a damn off the court—yeah, sounds rough.Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time.”
“Neil,” Kevin said, low and frantic.
Neil ignored him. “I know it’s not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur,and I know you’re physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don’t think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.”
Jaws dropped up and down the line;
Raven symmetry shattered as they stared at Neil in stupefied disbelief. Riko’s expression could have frozen hell, but Neil was too upset to be afraid. He’d have a nervous breakdown later. Right now he leaned forward and looked down the table at Dan, who sat with her face buried in her hands.“Dan, I said please. I tried to be nice.”

this is for @jackerouac just because she’s lovely,,

Isak and Even hair drabble | what even is this tho?

I miss Isak, I miss Even…I wonder what they are doing right now…

I imagine that they are being goofy as always, showing their affection by arguing about something silly like 

OMG like Isak deciding that he wants to get a flipping haircut! And Even is just like NO !!!!! FUCKING !!! WAY !!!! BOI. He is literally so offended and I mean this actually turns super serious. Isak kinda just said it one day like “Ugh my hair is getting so long, and it’s so curly and so annoying and I just want to chop it all off” and Even’s all like “lol don’t do that baby, you would not pull of bald. You’d look like a cute baby egg” and then he just kisses his golden curls and Isak playfully slaps him away while grinning “Shut up! I would not, I’d look like a fucking king” 

Even just laughs and is like “sure baby” 

but then of course eventually it gets serious??? like Isak brings it up again one day, like Even mentions a film he wants to go see and Isak is like “Oh let me know the time it’s on because I was thinking of getting my hair cut on Sunday” and Even just like freezes and is all “EXCUSE ME? wot da fuq” and Isak looks up at him and is like “yeah i mean i’m just gonna get it cut a little shorter so it’s not as curly and annoying.” Even’s hand (which was stroking all of Isak’s ‘annoying’ curls) has just stopped in his hair and he is just Not. Chill. At. All. he looks at Isak with his mouth all open and pouty “You are not cutting your hair.” he declares meeting Isaks eyes. 

Isak laughs “what??” he shouts amused and surprised at the passion inside his boys voice over his damn hair. Even just tilts his face down and gives Isak his “I am not kidding babe your not going there, fight me boo” look. 

and Isak just laughs before shouting “oh my gosh your being ridiculous! It’s just hair It doesn’t even matter EVEEEEEN!” 

so then Even just thinks oh you want to fucking start this before smiling and nodding. Isak nods with pride thinking he’s won this fight befooooore Even says 

“You know what? You’re right, summer is coming up and it just gets so hot, I think i’ll go and get my hair cut with you.” 

OH DEAR LORD 

NO 

Isak looks back up at him in horror “NEI!” he practically screams before he could rethink it. 

Even’s eyebrows shoot up smugly “what? no? But baby it’s just hair right?” 

Isak rolls his eyes and crosses his arms in defeat “Fine…fine no fucking hair cut. I hate you.” 

Even rolls over and pulls grumpy Isak closer to him, holding him against his chest. “You love me…” He runs his hand through Isak’s prince hair and kisses it before whispering in his ear “and I love your hair.” 

Isak smiles to himself and blushes. He would never tell Even but after hearing those words from the man of his life, Isak has never looked after his precious curls more.  

2

Guys even Snapchat can’t help me anymore. Spending my Friday night in bed unable to breathe properly yay. And this is still a pointless shitpost BUT the purpose was to let you know that you should definitely send me messages and ask me stuff so I can pass the time. Help a girl out

hey instead of portraying lance as someone who uses spanish to talk shit about ppl, consider this less awful alternative: lance purposefully mispronounces common spanish phrases for Irony™

  • “this jell open no is really spicy.”
  • instead of “caliente,” saying “call your hentai” sensually, in the worst situations possible
  • “pasta la visa, pidge” “lance i took two years of spanish, i know it’s pronounced rasta al visual” 
  • keith hates it bc he didn’t know lance was being Ironic™ until a couple weeks in
  • “in spanish, we don’t say i love you, we say tea emu and i think that’s beautiful” 
  • allura knows when he’s joking, but she likes to pretend that she believes him 
  • (also allura can probably speak every language so??)
  • shiro just. stares blankly at him and leaves the room the first couple times, but now he’s desensitized to it
  • calls cuba “cup, cub, curb, coop, etc.” on various occasions
  • “I’m just a boy from a cube”
  • “aloha, Amy Goes.” “lance i will literally murder you with my own bare hands” 

i miss feeling secure with you, like even in the shittiest of times you made me feel safe. I really fucking miss that tonight.

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return of victor the black powder merchant