aw man the quality is so bad

Spider-Man: Homecoming(out)

Peter knew he was scared, he also knew that keeping secrets from those he cared about most had never seemed to work in his favor. Keeping the fact that he was a masked superhero from his Aunt was hard enough… hiding his hopes of ever being able to transition was a whole new task. Not to mention May didn’t even have the first idea about Peter’s “gender situation”, as one of his friends had put it. (He knew they meant well, but it still put a weird taste in his mouth.) He had long since mentally shed his existence as Petra, but there was still outward lingerings of her life, Aunt May included. He knew it was time to bring her up to speed…. on at least one of his secret identities. 

Peter: Okay, this is gonna be fine. 

Aunt May is the best person on the planet and you know she loves you.

-You gotta do it. This is who you are. 

Okay- Hey Aunt May! Can I talk to you? 

Aunt May (from the hallway): Sure thing sweetie, I’ll be there in a second!

Keep reading

Guys I’m seriously about to cry okay so you know that new movie Storks? I found it online (sorry in advance for the quality) and this movie is not only really good, but look at these families getting babies from the storks (okay disclaimer this is near the end, but this entire movie is about families that aren’t ‘normal’ and is centered around friends-become-family trope)

It’s so cute, it means so much to them

There’s shock and confusion but also that awe of “Our baby?”

LOVE!! AND LOTS OF DIFFERENT KINDS OF FAMILIES!! 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LESBIAN. REALLY EXTRA EMOTIONAL LESBIANS AND WE KNOW WHY SO U CANT DENY

(THE QUALITY IS REALLY LOW THAT’S MY BAD I’M SO SORRY I AM SURE THIS MAN HAS A LOVELY FACE)

SINGLE MOM

HEY THATS GAY

GUYS STORKS IS GREAT

2

The ABCs of Death 2

I figured I’d take a different tack with this one, considering it has such a large scope for an anthology film, and give my thoughts on each short separately, assigning it either a PASS or a FAIL. I did see the first one and was thoroughly underwhelmed, as there was an equal number of passes and fails; but hey, maybe this one will serve as a much-needed improvement. Honestly, the boring opening with the Suspiria rip-off stock-standard music didn’t do much to get me in the mood. But without further ado…

A is for Amateur

Directed by E.L. Katz

This tale about an amateur hitman trying to bump off what I guessed was an amatuer porn baron (which, if it is, great title parallel) has already set a pretty high bar. It’s slick, stylish, but most importantly ultimately very funny and creative. My first exposure to E.L. Katz’s work was Cheap Thrills which I wanted to like but it ultimately left me cold, so it’s nice to feel enthusiastic about this short here. It makes me excited for his upcoming Netflix movie that’s to be released this year.

PASS

B is for Beaver

Directed by Julian Barratt

I’m a sucker for the found-footage genre, and I found this short to be amusing for the most part. The whole trope of the narcissistic TV presenter who hounds his crew is done very well here. Personally, my only problem is really that it doesn’t hold up technically. The special effects are a bit hoaky and the sound mixing’s a bit iffy, which I wouldn’t call out except found-footage is a genre that tends to rely on some kind of artificial sense of realism. The punch-line at the end was a bit forced as well. Nevertheless, I still think it suceeds at what it sets out to do, as I did say it still managed to be amusing.

PASS

C is for Capital Punishment

Directed by Julian Gilbey

An interesting little short about a small town that enacts vigilante justice on a supposed child-killer. It’s well shot, well acted and the gore effects are nice and over-the-top. The ending was a bit so-so, being rather predictable, but that’s no reason to condemn the whole thing.

PASS

D is for Deloused

Directed by Robert Morgan

This one is so fucking surreal and unsettling that I love it. It’s everything a horror short should be. The art-style and animation evoked a Hellraiser by way of Dario Argento kind of vibe, featuring a colourful aesthetic and heaps of interesting creature design. The animated shorts always tend to stand out, with Lee Hardcastle’s T for Toilet being one of the best of the last movie, and this is no exception. It could literally be its own feature length film, and I would not be opposed to the idea at all.

PASS

E is for Equilibrium

Directed by Alejandro Brugues

Quirk and tone seems to be the name-of-the-game here, as two castaways find themselves at odds with each other when a beautiful woman washes ashore. The cinematography is fantastic, with some great camerawork and a clever use of colours to show the characters’ descent into madness. The ending is also very funny, and not what I expected at all.

PASS

F is for Falling

Directed by Aharon Keshales and Navot Papushado

An israeli soldier has parachuted into a tree, only to be confronted by an Arab boy with a rifle. Honestly, this once just feels aimless. It’s well shot, but the tone is all over the place and it just ends up being really silly, not to mention that this is the first of the shorts where the bad acting really starts to show. It’s not an awful short, but it’s the first dip in quality.

FAIL

G is for Grandad

Directed by Jim Hoskings

Oh god, the acting in this. This short revolves around an old man and his grandson drinking by the fireplace. The actor playing the grandson is just… so bad… The whole thing has a Greasy Strangler vibe (mainly because Jim Hosking’s only feature is The Greasy Strangler), except it feels like it was written seconds before shooting started, because it’s just nonsense. There’s no point to it. It’s just shock for shock’s sake, which is ultimately how I ended up feeling about The Greasy Strangler, to be honest.

FAIL

H is for Head Games

Directed by Bill Plympton

This one’s obviously metaphorical, and if the not-so-subtle commentary on relationships and how both parties can destroy each other by playing the titular headgames doesn’t grab you, the animation style will, even if the short visibly struggles to fill its short running time.

PASS

I is for Invincible

Directed by Erik Matti

This felt like it was directed by Sam Raimi, with the over-the-top makeup effects and camera-angles. This segment, about a family trying to kill their demonically possessed grandmother to collect the inheritance was the kind of devilish fun I was hoping for from this movie. It’s got a lot of energy to it, thanks to a great cast, even if the lighting is a bit flat and the ending’s a little abrupt.

PASS

J is for Jesus

Directed by Dennison Ramalho

A father hires a private investigator to observe and kidnap his son for reasons that are both darkly comedic and bleak. This one’s really sold by a clever script and some decent acting. The cinematography’s a bit uninspired and the ending’s a bit predictable, but the story is solid and the short makes for an interesting watch overall.

PASS

K is for Knell

Directed by Kristina Buozyte and Bruno Samper

Beautifully shot and lit, employing a warm colour pallete, this short about a mysterious apparition in the sky causing the residents of an apartment building to go insane and kill each other is hypnotic and vivid. The sound design aids the suspenseful atmosphere, which is unfortunately let down somewhat by the hokay supernatural angle which ultimately doesn’t go anywhere. That said, on a purely technical level, this is definitely one of the best shorts.

PASS

L is for Legacy

Directed by Lancelot Imasuen

Some truly obnoxious editing really lets down what would otherwise be an interesting short about an african tribe and the scheming that occurs within, causing a beast to emerge. Not only do the constant cuts and whatnot make the story hard to follow, but they really do no favours to the aformentioned beast, which is clearly a bloke in a costume stomping around, causing people to turn into really bad photoshop effects. Once again, not a terrible short, but not exactly worth the watch either.

FAIL

M is for Masticate

Directed by Robert Boocheck

Gaining entry into the movie via the winning of a contest, this slow-mo horror show is hilarious, chronicling the journey of a madman on bath-salts as he tries to eat his way through a group of bystanders. My only beef with it is that I have a pet-peeve against obvious contact lenses, but that’s because I’m a prick. The short is still insanely well done.

PASS

N is for Nexus

Directed by Larry Fessenden

It’s Halloween, and some poor bloke is running late to meet his girlfriend. What transpires is a Rube Goldberg-esque sequence of events shot like a music-video. There’s not much to say about this one. You can pretty much guess how it’s going to play out, but the presentation is good enough that you won’t get bored watching it. Bonus points for the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it reference to You’re Next.

PASS

O is for Ochlocracy (Mob Rule)

Directed by Hajime Ohata

This is fucking brilliant. In the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse, the living dead, who’re capable of cohesive thought thanks to a new wonder-drug, mobilise and begin to put humans on trial in a courtroom where they sentence the survivors accordingly for their barbarism. It’s an interesting subversion on a seemingly tired genre that makes up for its lack of visual style by heaping on a large amount of wit and cleverness that always keeps you guessing. This feels like it should be a feature film. If I had the money, I would fund in a reanimated hearbeat (because I would have to have sold my kidneys).

PASS

P is for P-P-P-P Scary!

Directed by Todd Rohal

More like P is for P-P-P-P I couldn’t think of a word starting with P, so I contrived this weird homage to the Three Stooges in which three bandits on the run encounter what looks like Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade and his fucked up baby. I don’t know, I appreciated the visual style, but once again, it’s another short that has no point and never goes anywhere. It’s not interesting, let alone scary or funny.

FAIL

Q is for Questionnaire

Directed by Rodney Ascher

This one was probably the most unpredictable of the shorts. It’s insanely well-written and acted, and it’s nice that it’s not initially obvious at all where the violence is going to come from, plus the gore effects are decent and the ending is staged perfectly.

PASS

R is for Roulette

Directed by Marvin Kren

Eeeeh, this is another one I’m not too enthusiastic about. Technically, it’s not bad. It’s well shot and the art-direction is interesting, not to mention the acting’s not terrible either. The problem is that the premise isn’t really suited to a short film. It’s a game of Russian Roulette, but there’s a lack of context and emotional weight. When the big twist happens, I couldn’t tell you why it happened or why you should care.

FAIL

S is for Split

Directed by Juan Martinez Moreno

The short is easily the best edited of the bunch. The colour-correction and the whole Brian De Palma-esque split-screen technique is used to really unsettling effect. Unfortunately the short, with its extremely clever premise and execution, is let down by some bad acting and make-up effects, but I think the end-twist makes up for it somewhat, so it does eke over that edge.

PASS

T is for Torture Porn

Directed by Jen and Sylvia Soska

I have not seen a Soska Sisters production yet, but their reputation certainly preceeds them, and this is what I assume a movie of theirs would look like. They try for suspense, but they give away the twist way too early, at which point it pretty much devolves into a strobe-fest that plays out exactly how you’d expect. It’s perfectly serviceable, but it’s nowhere near as clever, funny or engaging as the majority of these shorts.

FAIL

U is for Utopia

Directed by Vincenzo Natali

The premise is very Twilight Zone. Chances are you’ve seen something like it before. The casting is really what makes it work though, particularly with regards to the main character, who you genuinely feel sorry for even though you know exactly what’s coming to him. Not to mention the visual aesthetic is interesting. It was very reminsicient of the Robocop remake, which is definitely a way to go.

PASS

V is for Vacation

Directed by Jerome Sable

H is for HANG UP THE FUCKING PHONE!!! Man, you wanna talk shock value? This one takes a predictable premise and tries to make it work by making it as repugnant as humanly possible. I was just bored and repulsed with this one. There was nothing clever about it. The only thing I’d note is the guy playing the obnoxious friend was so over-the-top that he was actually kinda great. That said, this is probably my least favourite of them.

FAIL

W is for Wish

Directed by Steve Kostanski

80s Nostalgia never gets old, and this He-Man parody is perfectly cheesy and over-the-top with the bad acting and great special effects. It’s like a self-aware version of the Cannon Masters of the Universe. Another one that I would be more than happy to see a feature made out of, even with the incredibly dark as fuck ending.

PASS

X is for Xylophone

Directed by Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo

Jesus Christ, guess where this one’s going. If it takes you more than a second, you probaby wrote this short. It’s another one that’s technically well-made, but with an entirely predictable premise that it tries to overcome with shock value. It’s a shame, because the effects are good and that last image should be haunting, but we all saw it coming.

FAIL

Y is for Youth

Directed by Soichi Umezawa

There’s nothing better than a good J-horror, is there? There’s so much visual creativity to this striking short about a young girl venting about her neglectful parents as we see her dark thoughts visualised to surreal effect. It’s so great to see that this one doesn’t rely on shock-value either, with an ending that’s restrained yet still poignant. Definitely one of my favourites.

PASS

Z is for Zygote

Directed by Chris Nash

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. They certainly saved the weirdest for last. Issues of neglect take a very insanely literal and absurd turn. The special effects are sickening, the acting is great and the cinematography is evocative as hell. That said, I think what really makes this work is the sound design. Holy shit, the sound design in this short makes it the most unsettling of the bunch. It’s definitely a strong note to end the film on.

PASS

Overall…

I found myself enjoying this one a lot more than the first. There was a lot more creativity on show, with a smaller number of shorts relying solely on shock value. Perhaps I had written this series off a bit too quickly. Maybe a third one would be absolutely perfect. Who knows?

7

Probably the Best DAY EVER!!! Everyone was fantastic and amazing!! Andy Serkis took his time to go all around and sign and take pictures with his fans, A lot of the actors really liked my drawings (especially Mark Hadlow and John Callen) so I was REALLY HAPPY. Dean O Gorman was like “Aw man I wish I looked like that”. It got so crowded and pushy when Orlando Bloom came by, it was really crazy. Just wish Lee Pace and Richard Armitage stopped by to sign and take pictures,cause I really wanted to see them, but they had to leave quickly. I missed William Kircher, Elijah Wood, and Evangeline Lily cause so many actors were coming all at once. But I got most of the Kiwi actors, so I’m happy :D.
I was shaking so bad so that’s why the pictures aren’t that great quality.
Mark Hadlow was Amazing!!!! I got to tell John Callen that the Oin comic he reblogged on his facebook was mine. I love how Andy Serkis was drawing Smeagol. I’m just so thankful and happy. 

anonymous asked:

dubs are often god awful dude. i know not all of them are but i just stick with subs because it's better than dealing with shrill helium female voices and generally horrible fucking acting. unless you're a slow reader, have ADD and need to be doing something else while watching a show or something legitimate like that there is no reason you can't read subtitles.

Haha okay, where do I start here? First and foremost, there’s nothing wrong with watching a show subbed. I often do it first nowadays as there’s definitely something special about the original audio.

That said, subbed anime is legitimately harder to follow as your focus is taken from the visuals and onto the subtitles, and for folks such as me who often have to re-read sentences, it can be a little frustrating. A good dub can be a much more natural experience as you can follow what’s happening easier by hearing your own actual language.

As for the suggestion that “dubs are often god awful”, you’re entitled to that opinion, but there’s no questioning that dubs have improved immensely over the years. Seriously, the year 2014 is a wonderful time for professional, authentic dubs that still capture the spirit of the original while also having tremendous performances from the actors. The studios put a crapload of effort into each production and it damn well shows.

That’s not to say every dub in existence holds up to this standard, but the industry has come such a long way over the past couple of decades. We’re not in the 90s any more. The quality has jumped to a point where there are some dubs that people will watch INSTEAD of the original Japanese because it just fits so much better. Black Lagoon is a good example of this.

So that’s why we should get past this silly idea of “man dubs are awful subs forever”. There are good reasons for checking out a dub in this day and age, and y’all should move on from this outdated belief that they are automatically going to be bad.

Pietro/Reader Shower With Me?

Summary:  Pietro’s hair is an utter mess and you, another one of the newer Avengers, have been dying to fix it. One day he lets her have her way with his hair, and he does his best to get her to join him in a shower. Lots of flirty Pietro!  

Rating: A little risque but not too bad. 

Word Count: 3,166

Author’s Notes: Edited from a Pietro/OC i wrote to make it a Pietro/Reader. Couldn’t change the hair color from blonde tho, sorry. A little back story, this is from a another fic I wrote where the character saves Pietro’s life. She has suer cell regeneration and gives him some of her blood to bring him back to life. If you have any Pietro/Reader requests let me know! Smut is welcome.  


(Y/N) loved hair, not only did she love her hair, she loved other people’s hair. She loved styling dying it, cutting it, everything. If she wasn’t graced with super cell regeneration and the ability to spy on people through their shadows, she swore she would have worked in a salon. That being said, when she first met Pietro Maximoff, (Y/N) wanted to attack his head. Ignoring the fact that the man was utterly gorgeous, cocky to the point it made her swoon, and had the most amazing eyes, his hair was a disaster. Sure he could rock the color, and the cut wasn’t too bad, but the quality of his hair was so awful. His roots were growing in, he had dead ends from bleaching it too much and not trimming it, and it was starting to get brassy, not at all the silver color he desired. At first the color may have looked nice, but now he was just a sallow mess. (Y/N) knew she could do something about it, Natasha trusted her hair in (Y/N)’s hands and no other’s, and on more than one occasion she had trimmed Steve and Tony’s hair. Now if she could only convince Pietro to let her work on his. He just never sat still long enough to hold a real conversation. He would race in, make a flirty comment or two, wink and then be gone again. It was the highlight of her day every time she got an ounce of attention from the speedster, but the small two minute interactions were starting to lose their effect. She was starting to crave more. Little did she know that both of her problems would soon be solved. “Is that your natural color?” (Y/N) looked from the bathroom mirror to her picture of human perfection. Pietro leaned in the doorway, fresh from a run. His workout shirt no longer hugged his torso perfectly, but hung around his neck as he aired himself out. Sweat glued a few strands of his hair to his forehead and dripped down his chest. (Y/N) watched a droplet fall from his neck, to his collar bones, down to his pecks where it disappeared against his abs. She had to keep herself from drooling. This didn’t stop him from noticing her stares. “You like what you see? I just got back from run, you join me in shower, yes?” He smirked down at the young blonde woman. “Uh no, I mean yes, er kinda.” Pietro raised his eyebrow. “You kinda want to shower with me?” He sounded confused. (Y/N) sighed shaking her head. “No to the shower, and yes slash kinda to this being my natural color. I am a natural blonde, but more of a honey color. I tone it to make my hair a whiter color, I like the look a little more.” She replied, picking up her curling wand to begin styling her hair for the day. “Oh, white! Like my hair.” Pietro grinned, looking down slightly to give her a better look at his head. “Yeah, sure, white.” She scoffed, beginning to part her hair. “Why you sound sarcastic? My hair not white enough for you?” He looked down his nose at her, his accent thickening as he grew annoyed. “Not at all, you look like a ska band with how brassy your hair is.” Pietro was confused by both the terms ska and brassy. “It means your hair is yellow.” (Y/N) finished. “No it is not! My hair is silver, hence the name Quicksilver.” “You should change your name then, bud, because it doesn’t fit.” (Y/N) was loving this. All she had to do was insult his ego and he was talking to her. He was such a guy. “Fine, if you know so much about hair then fix it.” He sniffed, annoyed at how much of a know it all (Y/N) was acting like. Suddenly a choir of cherubic angles floated down and fluttered around (Y/N)’s head. Pietro was bathed in a ring of heavenly light and she was unable to repress her smile. This was all she had ever dreamed of. “Pietro, are you serious? I’ve wanted to do your hair forever.” It was clear how excited (Y/N) was, she visibly shook and had to put her curling wand down before she burned herself. “Da, you may make my hair silver.” He nodded, a little off put by her excitement. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” Channeling the racing god she was about to work on, (Y/N) ran to her room in Avenger Tower as fast as she could. In a drawer of her dresser (Y/N) kept her entire stylist kit, an assortment of different dyes, toners, bleaches and developers. As well as different scissors, brushes and mixing bowls. She grabbed the entire kit, and rushed back to the bathroom. Pietro sat impatiently on the toilet. “That is a lot of stuff, you really know what you’re doing.” He looked almost frightened. “Pietro, this is the love of my life. I have a passion for hair.” She replied, mixing a small batch of thirty volume bleach for his roots. Usually twenty would be fine, but she wanted extra lift to get him to the silver he wanted. “Is no surprise, your hair always looks beautiful.” He said nonchalantly. (Y/N) was not sure if he was flirting, or just being honest, either way it made her swoon. “Thank you Pietro, it’s because I take care of my hair, unlike you.” She grimaced, getting a good up close look at his hair. His ends looked like straw with how bad they were split, it made her hurt on the inside. “I’m going to man handle your head, and this is going to itch, so be forewarned.” Taking her mixing bowl and tint brush, (Y/N) began to paint the bleach on his roots, being meticulous that she didn’t touch his scalp. His hair being so short it didn’t take her long to get through his entire head. He looked funny with all his hair pushed back, bleach lightening his roots as he tried not to scratch. “How long do I need have this shit in my hair?” Pietro asked, parting his hair to look through it more thoroughly. “About twenty minutes, because that’s virgin hair it won’t take too long to lighten.” “Virgin? I am no virgin.” He sneered, puffing up his chest to seem more manly. “I wasn’t trying to insult your manhood, Pietro, calm down. Virgin hair means it has never been touched with chemicals or anything of the sort.” She laughed, setting a timer. “Oh.” Pietro shut down, looking at his hair some more. “So who originally dyed your hair? From your roots and beard I can tell you’re not a natural silver.” “Wanda did it for me on a whim one day. We felt so lost and completely out of control of our own lives. We wanted a change, something we could control. So we decided to dye her hair one day. However we could only find one cheap box of blonde dye and she was too afraid to go blonde. So I did it instead, for her.” He smiled down at his hands, remembering the memory fondly. “That’s so sweet Pietro.” (Y/N)’s heart swelled and she wanted to throw herself onto him. They chitchatted a bit more, Pietro asking questions about his hair and where she learned how to do all of this. He wasn’t shy about slipping a few more flirty lines throughout the conversation, and (Y/N) had to hide her blush every time. The timer went off at the perfect time because Pietro’s roots were at the level she wanted them. “Okay, hop in the shower really quick and rinse that out of your hair. No shampoo or conditioner.” She told him. (Y/N) turned to clean her brush and bowl, expecting Pietro to wait for her to leave before he got in the shower, but when she turned around he was completely nude in front of her. “P-pietro.” She stuttered, unable to look away. “You want join me?” He smirked, looking down at (Y/N). Her mouth was completely dry and her eyes could not leave the impressive appendage between his legs. Pietro was a shower. “I-I heard the doorbell ring, and I’m expecting a penis, I mean package.” She stuttered, rushing out of the bathroom to go anywhere but there. She heard him laugh before the water turned on. (Y/N) speed walked down the hallway muttering to herself about the carpet not matching the drapes, freckle placement, and coloration; when she accidentally walked right into Wanda without even knowing it. Her face turned beat red as she looked the telepath directly in the eyes. “(Y/N), I am so sorry, I was not watching where I was going. Are you okay?” Wanda asked, giving her blonde teammate a once over. Utterly horrified and not knowing what to say, the first words that came to her mind just shot out. “I just saw your brother’s penis, and he asked me to get in a shower with him, and now I think I may literally melt into a puddle of (Y/N) soup.” She smacked her hands against her mouth, stunned at her word vomit. Wanda looked just as horrified for a second before she burst out laughing. “My brother is not a man of subtlety.” She chuckled. “Why were you in bathroom with him in the first place?” “I was fixing his hair so it actually looked silver, and when we were ready to wash out the bleach, the next thing I know he’s naked and inviting me in with him.” (Y/N) told her, flabbergasted at the conversation. “Who’s inviting you to shower’s?” Tony’s voice asked through the intercom above them. Wanda waved her hand, and a red mist made the mechanics short out. “Back on Sokovia, before we volunteered for Strukers experiments, Pietro had no difficulties with the ladies. We hung out with a lot of activist groups, all young adults like ourselves with no real place to call home. We lived in camps mostly. There we could help organize rallies and different meetings to try and create change in Sokovia. With so many young people around, hormones flying all about, it was not difficult for Pietro to find a new girl often. Whatever he fancied that month he got.” (Y/N)’s brow furrowed, not knowing where this was going. “But with you I see something different in Pietro. His methods of going about it are similar to what they were back then, but you’re not just the flavor of the week. I don’t have to be a mind reader to know that.” Wanda said with a knowing smile before she continued walking. When she passed the bathroom Pietro was in, the brunette waved her hand, and suddenly steam poured out from under the door. A yelp could be heard, then seconds later Pietro was out of the bathroom, towel around his waist. He sped off after his sister, yelling at her in Russian. (Y/N) watched the two bicker for a few minutes, no idea what either of them was saying. She guessed some of it was about her because she saw both of them gesture her way. After a few minutes it died down, Pietro was staring at his feet while Wanda watched him expectantly. He looked at her, then at (Y/N), then back at her before muttering something. Wanda replied with a harsh tone before walking off. Pietro sighed before standing up with perfect posture, clearly puffing out his chest, then sauntering over to (Y/N). “My sister told me I needed apologize to you for my careless and crass actions. I have not had the chance to court anyone properly, and I am not so good at it.” The young Sokovian told her, his blond hair pushed out of his face. “It,” (Y/N) paused trying to regain her thoughts, “It’s alright Pietro. Truth be told I don’t know how to be the recipient of anyone’s affection. Every time I guy tries to flirt with me I completely ignore it, or run the other way.” She chuckled sheepishly. “I know a thing or two about running, (Y/N), and you did not seem to be running.” He grinned, leaning against the wall. His towel was sitting dangerously low on his waist, and it threatened to fall off at any moment. “Let’s just go and finish your hair.” She told him, walking them to the Pietro’s room. “Put on a pair of pants and run until your hair is dry.” He looked down at her with an eyebrow raised, but complied none the less. He walked to his closet, instead of changing in front of (Y/N) like he had before, Pietro closed his closet door behind him and got dressed in there. Seconds later his silver streaks were out the door and rushing past her. “Meet me in the bathroom!” (Y/N) called out, hoping he would hear her. Walking back to the bathroom (Y/N) got everything ready. She was going to trim his dead ends before coloring his hair once more. With a mixture of two thirds toner, one third conditioner and a small squeeze of lavender dye, she was ready for Pietro to return. Three minutes passed before he returned, standing in the doorway catching his breath. His hair was windblown and a complete mess, but dry. “Shit, I forgot I was cutting your hair as well and would need it wet, oh well.” (Y/N) shrugged. Pietro glared down at her before taking a seat back on the closed lid of the toilet. “You did that on purpose.” He panted, before taking a sip of water. “Maybe,” (Y/N) giggled as she covered his shoulders in an apron and spritzed his head. Taking a razor and a comb, the blonde carefully trimmed all his dead ends off. It did not shorten the length of his hair by much, but it definitely made a difference in its quality. After that was all finished she brushed the trimmed bits off to the floor and began the coloring process. “Why is everything in that bowl purple? Am I going to have purple hair?” Pietro asked, leaning away from (Y/N). “No, your hair isn’t going to be purple. At least not overtly. This is all color theory my friend,” She told him as she began to brush on the toner, “Purple and yellow are complementary colors, this means that they negate each other. So if your hair is very brassy, which means it’s yellow, you have to use purple to get rid of these tones.” He nodded listening to her speak so surely about what she was saying. “We do this by using purple toners to reduce the brassiness in your hair. I added some conditioner to make your hair softer and healthier after the bleach, and a tad bit of lavender dye. It’s not going to do much but make your hair an icier color. If you do have ever so slightly purple hair, it will wash out to the silver color you want in a day or two.” “You really know a lot about hair, (Y/N).” He said, almost amazed, “Wanda and I had no idea what we were doing when we did this, we just rubbed it in and hoped for the best.” “Yeah well, she didn’t do too bad a job. You hair was white when I first met you, but without proper maintenance white can go brassy really fast.” “Now I have you to help me keep up with all of this.” He smiled, his perfect blue eyes sparkling at her. “You bet your perfect ass I’ll make you keep up with it.” She said, running her gloved fingers through his hair once more, making sure the color was evenly applied. “You think my ass is perfect?” he smirked, turning to face her. “It’s better than mine, that’s for sure.” She sighed, peeling her gloves off and dropping them in the trash. She removed the apron from around Pietro’s shoulders, revealing his shirtless form. “(Y/N), printsessa, do not say such things.” He stood, towering over her by more than a few inches. He leaned down, hands hovering over her cheeks, “May I?” he asked. (Y/N) nodded, then felt Pietro’s strong hands grab her ass. “Mine is all muscle from running, is very tough. But yours is nice and squishy, like jello.” “My ass is squishy? Thanks looks like I’ll have to hit the gym double this week.” The blonde Avenger grumbled. “No no, this is not bad thing. I like squishy butts, shows you are not stick. I like woman with curves.” He grinned. “I feel like you’re calling me fat, but in a nice way.” (Y/N) said confused. “You American womans and your ideas of self-image,” He sighed shaking his head, “(Y/N), you are an Avenger. I have seen you destroy robots with your bare hands and take down men double your size. You can recover from having your stomach ripped completely from your body, and have no scars two seconds later. I see you train daily with Natasha and Steve.” Pietro paused looking for the right words. “You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met. You literally saved my life. You are a woman with beautiful curves, long blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes,” (Y/N) couldn’t help but smile as he spoke, “And you have the most gorgeous dimples I have ever seen.” Pietro met (Y/N)’s eyes, gripping her face in his hands. “I don’t know what my point in saying all that was, but would you like to go out to dinner with me one night?” He asked, his accent suddenly thicker than it was before. Her mouth dried almost instantly. This couldn’t be happening could it? Pietro Maximoff not only let her play with his hair, but also asked her out in the same day. (Y/N) was sure she had died and gone to heaven. “(Y/N) you are awful quiet, please get to the answering me part.” He said shakily. With a smile that could kill a weaker man she replied, “Pietro, I would love to go to dinner with you.” He let out a loud sigh of relief just as the timer for his hair went off. They both laughed before stepping away from each other. Pietro reached into the shower to turn on the water. Staying dressed he turned to her and asked, “May I interest in you in joining me this time?” “Not yet big boy, I know you’re the fastest man alive, but we’re going to take things slow.” She answered, walking out the door. “Come show me your hair when it’s dried.” She called out before shutting the door behind her. Butterflies fluttering in her stomach, (Y/N) squealed as she danced down the hallway. “Pietro Maximoff asked me out, I can die happy now.” She laughed, walking to her room, excitedly awaiting the days to come.

booklvr4  asked:

Hello lovely! I have a prompt doesn't have to be smutty but I would love to see Claire learn how to cook something other than stew! You know Jamie would appreciate it😊

Sorry this took so long to get to! I’ve been trying to think of something else Claire could make, food wise. And I’m doing it in canon because I haven’t done enough of those lately.


If I was lucky, this wouldn’t burn. The bread I had cooking didn’t worry me. What worried me was the rabbit.

I’d promised myself I would make at least one thing out of the rabbits Jamie had caught us that wasn’t stew. Stew was easy and could be stretched to fill his massive appetite. But it got boring.

So, I’d tried to make a sort of rabbit steak. It was admittedly difficult, given the size of the rabbits. The first attempt had burned into a crisp. Jamie was still gone, trying to find more meat for us, so he didn’t know I’d accidentally wasted one of his catches.

Now I was hoping for shredded rabbit. I was cooking it in a broth to keep the meat moist (no it wasn’t a stew!) and things seemed to be going alright.

“Stew smells good, Sassenach,” he said, dropping down beside me. 

I glared at him and stirred the pot.

“It isn’t stew!”

His brows went up in surprise, obviously not understanding why I snapped at him.

“I’m sorry, a nighean. I didna mean any offence.”

“No… It isn’t you. I just thought I should try and cook you something besides stew. I suppose I’m not a very good wife…”

He hooked a finger beneath my chin and turned me to look at him.

“Ye’ve mended me more times than I can count. I can speak my mind wi’ ye and have no fear that you’ll laugh, though sometimes ye do when I’m being daft. Ye warm my bed every night. If ye are’na the best cook, I’ll be verra happy to eat stew the rest of my days.”

With his proclamation finished, he bent and kissed me.

“Well… If you’re sure. Stew might be all you ever get from me.”

“Then I’ll be a verra happy man.”

He sat patiently and waited for me to finish mutilating the poor rabbits he’d caught us. Finally, I put the shreds of meat on the wooden plate, beside a slice of fresh, warm bread.

“It looks verra bonny, Sassenach,” he said bemusedly.

I waited, anxious, as he took a huge bite. Had I not been watching, I might have missed it. He had a distinctly sour expression a moment before he forced himself to swallow.

“It tastes awful,” I said, sitting down hard.

“No! No it’s no’ bad, Sassenach! Truly!”

I glared at him.

“Don’t you lie to me, James Fraser.”

“I’m no’ lying! It’s no’ bad, just a bit… Salty.”

I stared at the pot and wondered just how much salt I’d put in. We didn’t have much with us, being on the road. I dipped my finger into the liquid quickly and tasted it.

Sure enough, it was full of salt.

“Damn it! I’ve ruined all the meat you just caught!”

Jamie shrugged and, after slicing the bread with his dirk, stuffed the over-salted meat into it.

“It’s actually quite good wi’ the bread.”

“I can’t even properly feed my own bloody husband,” I muttered.

Jamie put his plate down on the grass and knelt beside me.

“Hush now, Sassenach. Ye’ve no need to be worriet. I’m no’ a picky man, easy to feed. I’ve told ye I ate grass before. This is much better than that, I promise ye.”

“You’re not angry with me?”

“Och no. Ye have many other fine qualities. I dinna need ye to be a perfect cook. And truly,” he said, picking up his improvised sandwich. “It’s really no’ bad wi’ the bread.”

After taking another large bite, he offered it to me. I took a bite and thought he might be over-exaggerating to be kind, but it wasn’t completely awful.

“I’ll go back to stew tomorrow.”

“Dinna fash, lass. So long as ye stay beside me, I’ll eat whatever ye offer me.”

Something in the tone of his voice had me looking up at him. His ears were pink, but he smiled.

“Whatever I offer, eh?”

“Aye. Whether it be the food ye cook me or just… you. I’ll eat ye right up.”

He blinked owlishly at me, his version of a wink, and I felt a thrill of lust run through my body.

“You’ll eat me?”

“I meant what I said. Ye liked it the last time I did.”

“Well yes, but… Out here? In the open?”

“Wi’ no’ a soul around to hear ye scream for me.”

My heart was fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings.

“Oh… Ah, well…”

“No’ just yet, though. Ye need to eat. And rest. Perhaps later.”