How to grow an avocado tree from a pit!

  1. Meticulously poke holes in an avocado pit with some toothpicks.

  2. Wow, these things are pretty solid. Are you sure this is how it works? Check Pinterest.

  3. Definitely seeing a lot of pictures of this. It has to be possible.

  4. One hour later, throw the pit and a handful of ruined toothpicks in the garbage. The perfect smiles of the chevron pattern-wearing, mason jar-repurposing, green smoothie-drinking women of Pinterest are mocking you. You hear their laughter in your head. You have failed. You will never have that utopia with happy chickens and bee hives and fruit trees and home brewed IPAs that you have always dreamed of. You will forever be a pathetic leech on the environment, and every time you buy an avocado at the grocery store will be a bitter reminder of this.

  5. Curl up in a ball and weep.
  • Me: finishes daredevil
  • Me: closes laptop
  • Me: stares at wall contemplating the dynamics of shows and how this particular one effected me and think about how now I'm free and I can move on now that I have this knowledge
  • Me: opens laptop
  • Me: plays daredevil episode 1