things some of my favourite musicals have taught me
-how to make an omelette
-a basic understanding of the history of america
-a basic understanding of the history of america from a mormon’s perspective
-in order to be successful, you don’t need to have brains or knowledge, just popular
-how to kill someone and make it look like a suicide
-how many minutes there are in a year
-how to tell if someone is gay or European
-it’s really easy to fake emails
-don’t sell drugs kids, even if you have the hots for the person you’re selling them to
-always be aware of autocorrect
-how to break in a glove
-nice is different than good
-everyone’s a little bit racist sometimes
-it’s too late to screw at 4am
-revolutions likely end in death
-almost all bankers, bums and barbers know how to read
-‘pop’ is a suitable synonym for the verb ‘chew’
-how many people resided in newfoundland before 9/11
-how many people were redirected to newfoundland after 9/11
Hello I’ve slept on it for 2 nights now and I’m still mad at the fact Pasek and Paul consider they pitched “the weirdest idea for a musical” as if hip-hop founding fathers, electropop opera 70-page extract from War and Peace, wizard of oz fanfiction, nsfw puppets, mormons in uganda, singing cats and u.s. marines play who’s got the ugliest datebefore going to Vietnam (aka their very own show Dogfight) were never pitched. the disrespect of it all honestly.
Phantom of the Opera: A speculative fiction about what would happen if Benedict Cumberbatch were a woman and his fans had access to a basement.
Hamilton: The best friend of an ambitious political dissident warns him repeatedly that his actions will end in tragedy. When that doesn’t actually happen, the best friend takes it upon himself to teach a valuable life lesson.
Jesus Christ Superstar: The best friend of an ambitious political dissident warns him repeatedly that his actions will end in tragedy. When that doesn’t actually happen, the best friend takes it upon himself to teach a valuable life lesson.
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat: Tim Gunn was sick today on Project Runway. Let’s see what happens!
Miss Saigon: White savior done fucked up. No one is surprised.
The Scarlet Pimpernel: Proto-superhero pretends to be gay. Wife is understandably miffed when she discovers she won’t be getting the D. Hilarity ensues.
The Lion King: A Shakespearean look at a pride of liMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSAAAAAWENYAAAAAAMAAKALAKIIIIIIIIIIIISSHUENOOONOOOOOOO
Chicago: He really did have it coming.
Cabaret: A Conservative Republican’s worst nightmare is set to music.
Cats: Furries provide a fun-filled look into an average night out.
Rent: All these people are going to die the minute you leave the theater.
Avenue Q: Today on Sesame Street, we learn an important lesson about the purpose of the internet. The word of the day is ANAL.
Les Miserables: A man steals a loaf of bread and is chased across France by the most dedicated police officer on the force. Consequently, everyone dies.
My Fair Lady: A valuable life lesson is taught: if you want to make it in life, all you need to do is sacrifice everything, suffer torment from an obsessive linguistics major, and fake an upper-class English accent. Unless you’re a man, and then you just need to explain that you really need money for alcohol. In that case, someone will promptly die and will you their fortune.
How to Succeed In Business Without Really Trying: A young man attempts to push the boundaries of white male privilege. He soon finds there are none.
Sweeney Todd: A barber and his girlfriend take Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal” a little too far.