automatic windows

Call center employees goes on rampage on last day.

story data: very long story. 1625 votes. %90 upvoted. very popular.


This story is about a former coworker. Also, this is as much being a d*ck as revenge. But it was quite epic, so…

One guy was a younger guy at a cellphone call center who was always kind of a slacker doofus with a (unfairly) stereotypical millennial work ethic and attitude. I’ll call him Shaggy. There was growing discontent because we were a commissioned sales group but were increasingly getting assigned non-sales campaigns, such as explaining to customers of X wireless what happens now that my company Y wireless bought them out. It was taking up ½ to 2/3rds of our day and killing our sales, commissions, stats, etc. Plus they kept changing the commission system to make it harder and harder to get payouts AND made it possible to get no payout if you fell below some number of sales per hour. Fortunately, I worked pretty hard and kept my numbers up, but for lazy slacker doofuses it was bad news.

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youtube

Tricks to disable windows update permanently.

I just added two smart outlets for the first time, and I am delighted.

“Turn lamp on.”

*blink!*

“Ahahaha. Turn the lamp off.”

*click*

I’m laughing like a supervillain, this is so great.

anonymous asked:

How would dads react to deaf dadsona getting surgery/ a hearing aid, then bursting into tears when they hear for the first time?

Speech in italics is signed.

Update: It was pointed out to me that cochlear implants are perceived as disrespectful by the deaf community. I wasn’t aware of that and would like to apologise. I’m leaving the prompt up for the sake of the person who requested it, but, should you demand it, I can rewrite it or delete the prompt all-together. - Mod Mare

“Are you ready, Mister Y/N?” Nervously, your eyes flicker to [Dad], then back to the doctor. You don’t know if you’re ready. All your life, you walked through a world of silence – no sounds, none at all. And now this is going to change. You jerk in surprise when a hand comes to rest on your shoulder. [Dad] gives you an encouraging smile and squeezes your shoulder. Taking a deep breath, you look back up to the doctor and nod. She reaches out and fumbles with your hearing aids. Then, suddenly, there is noise.

🥃 The first sound you notice is the humming of the air conditioning. Eyes wide in wonder, you put your hand on Robert’s and tug. He rounds your chair and kneels down in front of you. “Hey kid,” he says. You never would have expected his voice to be so deep and gruff. Without thinking, you sign him to continue speaking, your hands trembling so hard, it’s a miracle he got what you were trying to say. “Have I ever told you the story of how I got Betsy? Don’t believe Damien when he says I got her from the shelter, because I didn’t. See, it was five years ago, I was out hunting…” He continues talking even as you start to cry, overwhelmed by the influx of sounds and, most of all, overwhelmed by Robert’s voice. Robert doesn’t stop talking, but simply takes your hands in his. There’s a glimmer in his dark eyes and a certain wetness to his voice. “… and out of nowhere came a little dog, a pup, really, and tackles the thing—“

🍸 The room is silent. At first, you panic, worried that the hearing aids don’t work, but then the doctor starts talking. She asks you a dozen questions, tests your hearing, makes you say from which direction a noise came, all the while Joseph stands there, frozen like a statue, watching. Finally, the doctor proclaims everything is in order, congratulates you and then leaves to give you and Joseph privacy. It’s almost as if the door falling closed pulls Joseph out of his trance. He clears his throat and kneels down in front of you. “I thought long and hard about what my first spoken words to you would be,” he says. His voice is exactly like you imagined it, but at the same time totally different too. He must have noticed you starting to tremble, because he takes your hands. “I prepared a speech and all. But seeing you now, knowing you can hear me, all I want to say is… I love you, Y/N. I’m so happy for you right now.” There’s no way you can hold back your tears after this. Joseph smiles and puts his head on your knees, murmuring sweet nothings while tears run down his cheeks too.

☕ “Did it work??” You flinch in surprise and turn your head to where Mat is standing, staring at him in wonder. Did that come from him? The last few days, you started wondering what he would sound like, but whenever you asked him, Mat dodged the question in embarrassment. He had the same expression he now has, staring back at you. “I didn’t mean to startle you, I’m so sorry. That wasn’t supposed to be the first thing I said to you either, but I panicked, I mean, you can hear now, which is awesome, don’t get me wrong, but I wanted my first spoken words to you mean something and now I’m babbling which makes the situation only worse and-“ He stops when you suddenly start to laugh. At the realisation that you can now hear yourself laugh, you can hear Amanda’s voice now, you can hear Mat babble and chuckle and sing, the laugh turns into crying and sobbing in joy. Mat is at your side in an instant and wraps his arms around you, engulfing you with the smell of coffee and vanilla. When you look up, you see he’s crying, too.

🌹 Outside, a car passes by the window. You automatically turn your head towards it and watch, listen, as another one soon follows. You hear children laugh and the general hustle and bustle of the city, but it doesn’t register that you can hear, you’re almost numb and a little overwhelmed. A hand on your knee pulls you out of your rigour. As you turn your head, you find yourself looking right at Damien, who is standing right in front of you, smiling so brightly it rivals the sun. “There are a thousand things I wish to say to you, Y/N.” At the first sound of his voice, your hand flies up to your mouth in surprise. It’s even more beautiful than you imagined and the realisation finally hits you, bringing tears to your eyes. Damien leans down to kiss your forehead. “And I intend to say them all, if you let me. It fills my heart with joy, knowing you can finally hear, that I can now share with you the beautiful sounds of life.” He dabs his eyes with a handkerchief and blinks away his tears. “I love you, Y/N.” The last three words break the dam. You’re full-on crying now and bury your face in Damien’s chest.

🎣 You don’t know what you expected the first thing you hear to be, but it wasn’t that. “Shame. Now Daisy and I will have to stop talking about you while you’re there, now that you can actually hear us speak.” Thankfully, there are only three people in total in the room and one of them is a woman, so the voice can only be Brian’s. You stare at him in wonder, at his shit-eating grin, and absently sign to the doctor while tears start rolling down your cheeks. “I changed my mind. Can you take them out again?” The doctor laughs. She relays what you said to Brian, who immediately starts pouting. The expression makes you giggle, which, after a few moments, turns into laughter, followed by tears as it finally registers. You can hear. “I think I broke him,” Brian chuckles. His footsteps are the only warning you get before he pulls you into his arms in a bone-crushing hug. There’s a familiar rumble in his chest – but now, you can hear the accompanying laughter too. “You can hear!” Brian exclaims. You wince – gosh, he’s loud. That’s going to take some time getting used to.

👟 You can’t even identify half of the sounds you’re hearing – there’s noise coming in from outside, cars and pedestrians and honking, footsteps from outside the room, muted conversations seeping through the walls. It’s overwhelming. You don’t even notice you’re crying until Craig’s hands cup your cheeks and wipe away some of the tears with his thumbs. He’s also crying, but probably looking far more attractive doing so than you. “Bro,” is the first thing he says and it startles a laugh out of you. Craig grins. “Bro, you can hear.”
“I can hear,” you repeat, signing. Craig sinks down on the chair in front of you, not letting go even for a second, and pulls you into his arms. “My bro can finally hear! I never- I never would have thought I’d see the day. I always wondered, after college, whether you found a way, and I was sad I wouldn’t get to be there with you, but you’re here and you can hear!” He tightens his arms around you, sobbing quietly. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispers. Your arms trapped against his chest, you somehow manage to sign “I love you”. “I love you too, bro,” Craig replies sniffling.

📖 The doctor, seeing your reaction, nods and makes space for Hugo, who had been anxiously hovering nearby. He steps in front of you and gets down on his knees, taking your hands in his. “Y/N?” He asks cautiously. You really try to hold back, but hearing him say your name breaks all the control you had over yourself, and you’re full-out bawling within seconds. Hugo, thanks to his teaching experience, doesn’t even flinch. He merely stands up and pulls you up for a second, so he can take your place on the chair, and manoeuvres you into his lap. You throw your arms around his neck and cry into his shoulder, hoping he doesn’t mind you ruining his vest. “I never believed in miracles but for you, I’ll make an exception,” Hugo says after a while. “I didn’t dare hope… the doctors said there’s a fifty-fifty chance it wouldn’t work, so I tried to stay rational, but I was hoping and now- Now you can hear. You can hear. I can hardly believe it.” You hear him snuffle and look up, right into his eyes. He’s crying just like you are, a rare sight on him. You lean in for a kiss, which he returns eagerly, cupping the back of your head.

Regium

Pairing: Taeyong X Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst; Fallen Angel! AU

Word Count: 4.1K

Note: Taeyong has me weak. As always. Stupid hair, stupid smile, stupid skills. I hate it all, ok.

Originally posted by mayfifolle

It’s dark outside today, you realize, as you risk a glance outside the dusty window of your apartment. It’s still around 4 in the afternoon—the darkness undoubtedly owed to the dark clouds crowding the skies above—so you have a while before you need to leave for your shift at the convenience store down the block. It’s actually a welcome thought, you decide, as you make your way to the kitchen to preferably make some tea and curl up in an armchair with a book.

That is, if it rains at all.

You give just one more skeptical glance outside for merit’s sake, before turning back towards the counter, hands knowing where to go all on their own. As you put the kettle on the stove to boil, a loud clap of thunder startles you into jumping just slightly, and your eyes automatically stray to the window, only for your mouth to drop open in undisguised shock.

It’s full out pouring outside.

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Jealous, or just sleepy? // Wolf!Jeno

Originally posted by jejun-fluffers

Jeno loved the rain. He loved it more when he had someone in his arms to watch it fall with- said someone was too busy giving her attention to another wolf. He wasn’t too keen on this, no, not at all.

It wasn’t hard for jealousy to bubble up within his being, wanting nothing more than to rip her away from the red head. Of course, he couldn’t necessarily do that, for he’d never live it down. You, on the other hand, were oblivious to the entire situation. Your mind focused on watching Renjun draw the scenery, from by the window before you both.

‘What bit you?’ The voice was one he generally thanked the heaven’s for hearing, but right now, it was the last he wanted. The words were followed by a tray being set on the counter, varies types of cookies decorated along the blue plastic.

Each of them had the ability to hear miles away from them, so how was he supposed to admit his problem with the latter being so close. In the end, he didn’t have to, as the older followed his gaze; he chuckled. 'How cute.’ His eyes narrowed, pointing them up to Johnny, who loomed over the counter with a shit eating grin.

'How is it that you just happen to know everything?’ He questioned, plucking one of the cookies up to bite into a bit angrily. 'Because, I have a mate, and I know that look all too well.’

At the comment, both Renjun, and you looked up, wondering why mates were being discussed. Upon patting the red head’s leg, you rose to stalk towards them, your arms going around the raven from behind; 'What’s going on?’

Jeno had no intentions of saying he was envious of the attention she was giving the other, hell no, but Johnny thought otherwise. 'He’s all twisted that you’re watching Renjun draw, rather than watching the storm with him.’ If only looks could kill, the young Lee would be happy.

A smirk began to form on your lips, chin dropping to his shoulder; 'Little Jennie is jealous?’

He wanted to sink into Hell, and vanish within the flames at this point, especially when the other two males started laughing. 'Jennie?! Oh my god, dude.’ He was going to strangle Johnny one day- just, one day. He’d make sure of it. Renjun kept his comments in his own head, not wanting to face the wrath the younger harbored.

A handful of the pack generally did their best to not anger him. It was smartest, and safer that way.

With his own cheeks now tinted a soft pink, he shifted to get to his feet, tugging you to, and up the stairs; no more patience to face the tall Beta.

You simply followed, humming to yourself, already knowing where he was taking you. It was a path you’d traveled many a time before. So, when you manage to make it to the attic, you’re not surprised at all.

It was odd how he basically became a different person once he reached the top step. From defensive, and jealous, to sleepy, and soft.

Jeno was silent as his body dropped down to the worn out couch, his eyes automatically glued to the window wall that’s being targeted by the harsh cloud tears.

He’s already being sucked into his own world, though not before his arms reach out to pull you down; you situate so your back is to his chest, allowing you view to the darkened sky as well.

'I love you, goodnight,’ he mumbled out, burying his face against the top of your head, knowing all too well he wouldn’t be able to stay away long. It was amusing really- maybe it was the animal in him, it didn’t allow him to stay up too long during weather like this, or maybe it was the couch.

It was old, but still quite comfortable- in your opinion, at least. A smile lit up your lips, eyes falling shut as you nuzzled back to him; 'I love you, too, Jennie. Sweet dreams.’

The only response was a groan, soon enough followed by the silence of the attic, and the sound of rain drops on the house.

This was how rainy days generally ended. Falling asleep in the attic, the only light source coming from outside.

You’d learned over time that Jeno only slept well on these nights, as he explained that 'the thunder disrupts the nightmares’; any other time, it was you. So, nights when you could relax, knowing he was sleeping peacefully were a blessing.


a/n; this is one of many, many wolf scenarios based on our Wolf Au Point Posts. There will probably be about 5 scenarios, per point post, which is all the members. So yes, about 85 scenarios in total, once done. The 5 Jeno ones, however, are dedicated to @jeno-xoxo as I promised they would be ♡ I’ve made her wait long enough for them—-

[ Requests open ] If there is a certain scenario plot you’d like, for a certain wolf!nct member, let me know.

Momma’s Boy Part 16

Prompt: A witch turns Liam into a toddler causing the reader and Scott to take care of him. (Requested)

Pairing: Liam Dunbar x Reader (platonic) , Scott McCall x Reader

Parts

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15

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Call center employees goes on rampage on last day

NOTE: This story is about a former coworker. Also, this is as much being a dick as revenge. But it was quite epic, so…

One guy was a younger guy at a cellphone call center who was always kind of a slacker doofus with a (unfairly) stereotypical millennial work ethic and attitude. I’ll call him Shaggy. There was growing discontent because we were a commissioned sales group but were increasingly getting assigned non-sales campaigns, such as explaining to customers of X wireless what happens now that my company Y wireless bought them out. It was taking up ½ to 2/3rds of our day and killing our sales, commissions, stats, etc. Plus they kept changing the commission system to make it harder and harder to get payouts AND made it possible to get no payout if you fell below some number of sales per hour. Fortunately, I worked pretty hard and kept my numbers up, but for lazy slacker doofuses it was bad news.

So one Sunday (usually a busy call day) I noticed Shaggy seemed… different. Smiling, laughing, not using the company software like… at all. At some point he took off his head set and was bullshitting with me and it came out this was going to be his last day so he was just fucking around in a way that sounded… bad. I mentioned it to my supervisor. Later, my supervisor began looking into what exactly he’d been doing. From listening to the call logs and looking at the software logs we determined he:

1: Telling rude customers to go to hell, go fuck themselves, etc. If they asked for managers he then hung up, transferred them to another cellphone company, or muted them and came back pretending to be a supervisor with an outrageous accent who also told them to go fuck themselves.

2: Transferring people to an automated message that said something like, “do you know how to keep an idiot entertained forever? Just hang on and I’ll tell you the secret of keeping stupid morons entertained, in just a moment you’ll learn exactly how to keep them…” etc and seeing how long they lasted. Apparently some stayed on for awhile.

3: Clearing the entire call center queue. Apparently the system wouldn’t detect a hangup if you hit release fast enough after the headset started to beep. Holding enter would automatically close the computer window (or some other key combo did it). So 50 calls waiting becomes zero in seconds.

4: Suspending service for customers he didn’t like. We weren’t allowed to or supposed to suspend service or mess with billing, but had access. (We could keep a notepad file with whatever we wanted in it on the computer, so many of us kept track of phone numbers [for various legitimate purposes] and also developed ‘enemy lists’ of sorts)

5: Giving credits to customers he liked. Because customers could have seen this it and relied on it, or maybe were entitled to a credit, or some other reason, it was apparently decided not to erase the credits.

I saw him one other time, washing cars at a dealership. I don’t think it was a move up from $15-20 an hour, but he went out in a blaze of glory.

NOTE: To cut off all the complaints of “this must be fake! Customers would call back right away and he’d be caught!” This didn’t get discovered for several reasons. He wasn’t pulling up the customers accounts so there was no record of who got the call. Also, it was not possible to search for calls from customer X if they were transferred from another department rather than calling in directly, as Shaggy knew. Further, complaints like “the last guy was a dick!” when you can’t see/don’t know what department the last guy was in don’t go far. They could see everything done to accounts under his company ID and undo it later however.

This isn’t a fuck customers per se, but it happened outside my store and I’m pissed off and want to talk about it.

So my store has the pretty standard facade. There’s are two double automatic doors with the windows, the sidewalk with those bolsters at the end, and a white striped pedestrian walkway outside the doors. We also have stop signs positioned on the road right before the walkway so people can quadruple check for pedestrians. About 10 feet from the stop signs we have speed bumps and then 10 feet from those we have additional sets of speed bumps between our storefront and our neighbors. Like I said, fairly standard strip mall parking lot.

One day I’m leaving work, and I look both ways before I cross the street. There’s only one SUV to my left, on the other side of the farther set of speed bumps. I wait a second, and the guy practically comes to a complete stop to cross the speed bumps, so with another set of speed bumps and a stop sign coming up, I figure I have plenty of time to cross and start to go.

As soon as I step into the road, this asshat slams on his gas, flies over the next set of speed bumps, and runs the stop sign. And because I was expecting him to not drive like an asshole, I was caught off guard and didn’t even think to run. I was directly in front of his fucking car, and he stopped within about 3 feet of me. I’m assuming he thought it’d be hilarious to make me run across the street? But we have camera surveillance in the front of my store, so I would straight up let somebody run over me there. Go ahead, pay my student loans. I made sure to take longer than necessary to cross in front of his car too.

{ sleepy jealousy ¬ jeno }

Originally posted by dearnctdream

Jeno loved the rain. He loved it more when he had someone in his arms to watch it fall with- said someone was too busy giving her attention to another wolf. He wasn’t too keen on this, no, not at all.

It wasn’t hard for jealousy to bubble up within his being, wanting nothing more than to rip her away from the red head. Of course, he couldn’t necessarily do that, for he’d never live it down. You, on the other hand, were oblivious to the entire situation. Your mind focused on watching Renjun draw the scenery, from by the window before you both.

‘What bit you?’ The voice was one he generally thanked the heaven’s for hearing, but right now, it was the last he wanted. The words were followed by a tray being set on the counter, varies types of cookies decorated along the blue plastic.

Each of them had the ability to hear miles away from them, so how was he supposed to admit his problem with the latter being so close. In the end, he didn’t have to, as the older followed his gaze; he chuckled. ‘How cute.’ His eyes narrowed, pointing them up to Johnny, who loomed over the counter with a shit eating grin.

'How is it that you just happen to know everything?’ He questioned, plucking one of the cookies up to bite into a bit angrily. 'Because, I have a mate, and I know that look all too well.’

At the comment, both Renjun, and you looked up, wondering why mates were being discussed. Upon patting the red head’s leg, you rose to stalk towards them, your arms going around the raven from behind; 'What’s going on?’

Jeno had no intentions of saying he was envious of the attention she was giving the other, hell no, but Johnny thought otherwise. 'He’s all twisted that you’re watching Renjun draw, rather than watching the storm with him.’ If only looks could kill, the young Lee would be happy.

A smirk began to form on your lips, chin dropping to his shoulder; 'Little Jennie is jealous?’

He wanted to sink into Hell, and vanish within the flames at this point, especially when the other two males started laughing. 'Jennie?! Oh my god, dude.’ He was going to strangle Johnny one day- just, one day. He’d make sure of it. Renjun kept his comments in his own head, not wanting to face the wrath the younger harbored.

A handful of the pack generally did their best to not anger him. It was smartest, and safer that way.

With his own cheeks now tinted a soft pink, he shifted to get to his feet, tugging you to, and up the stairs; no more patience to face the tall Beta.

You simply followed, humming to yourself, already knowing where he was taking you. It was a path you’d traveled many a time before. So, when you manage to make it to the attic, you’re not surprised at all.

It was odd how he basically became a different person once he reached the top step. From defensive, and jealous, to sleepy, and soft.

Jeno was silent as his body dropped down to the worn out couch, his eyes automatically glued to the window wall that’s being targeted by the harsh cloud tears.

He’s already being sucked into his own world, though not before his arms reach out to pull you down; you situate so your back is to his chest, allowing you view to the darkened sky as well.

'I love you, goodnight,’ he mumbled out, burying his face against the top of your head, knowing all too well he wouldn’t be able to stay away long. It was amusing really- maybe it was the animal in him, it didn’t allow him to stay up too long during weather like this, or maybe it was the couch.

It was old, but still quite comfortable- in your opinion, at least. A smile lit up your lips, eyes falling shut as you nuzzled back to him; 'I love you, too, Jennie. Sweet dreams.’

The only response was a groan, soon enough followed by the silence of the attic, and the sound of rain drops on the house.

This was how rainy days generally ended. Falling asleep in the attic, the only light source coming from outside.

You’d learned over time that Jeno only slept well on these nights, as he explained that 'the thunder disrupts the nightmares’; any other time, it was you. So, nights when you could relax, knowing he was sleeping peacefully were a blessing.


originally written for @prince-leejn

2

hey what’s up it’s been a while 🌻

retard4life  asked:

When will you start the Marvel AU?

Hamilton Marvel Au Chapter 1

Alexander: So! What’s the mission this time?

Laurens: Trying to find out what this building is hiding. This could be the place to find out what happened missing people that are mysteriously vanishing.

Eliza: And it’s up to us to hack into their computer system and we’ll find out who’s behind this and we can see if we can free the people that went missing.

Alexander: Awesome!

Eliza: So I’m guessing we’re going to cancel our original honeymoon plans and make this our own honeymoon?

Alexander: Hey! We’ll be fine, we’ll still have time for our trip to the Bahamas in no time.

Laurens: You do realize that I’m here right! I kinda feel like I’m third wheeling here.

Eliza: *laughs* Oh John! We could never do that to you. You’ll find that special someone.

Laurens: Unfortunately I did, but I had to let them go.

Alexander: Who’s the lucky guy that you had to let go?

Laurens: I’d rather not say and I don’t want any of you two to set me up on a blind date.

Alexander: Too scared to ask someone out?

Laurens: Nah! Too busy. *kicks the door down* Let’s move before security gets here!

Alexander/Eliza/Laurens: *runs into the building*

Alexander: So where are the computers at?

Eliza: 6th floor, we can take the elevator.

Alexander: Wouldn’t that slow us down?

Laurens: We can always take the stairs where there’s a bunch of security guard waiting for us.

Alexander: Elevator it is.

Alexander/Laurens/Eliza: *walks into the elevator*

Laurens: So?…

Eliza: So?…

Laurens: I’m just saying after this and when we find out who’s behind all of this, what is our plans after we completed the mission? We’ve been on this case for a while now and if we solve this case do you still wanna keep doing what we’re doing or maybe is this the day we get to retire and not work for the government anymore?

Alexander: I’d still like to keep on fighting and I know Eliza will have my back.

Eliza: Actually Alexander…

Alexander: What? You really wanna break this team apart? I thought we were going to do this as long as we want?

Eliza: We have been doing this as long as we have Alexander… we just got married and I don’t want to keep doing this forever. Do you want to start a family with me?

Alexander: Of course I do. But I don’t want to start thinking about kids yet Eliza. Remember how much I really want to solve this case? This could be the night that we can find out who’s behind all of this and we can finally find Peggy. After that I get to find this guy I’ll probably reconsider retiring and start building a family.

Laurens: I hope so because I think it’s time we all settle down. *walks out of the elevator*

Alexander/Eliza: *walks out of the elevator*

Alexander: Alright… What now?

Laurens: According to the map the computer should be through in…

*beeps*

Laurens: *opens the door* Here.

Alexander: *runs to the computer and starts logging into it*

Eliza: Can you get in?

Alexander: Of course! I am the hacking wizard after all. *types on the keyboard* Just keep an eyes out while I do this.

Eliza: I have to say this was easy?

Laurens: Yeah.. too easy?

Alexander: I guess we just got lucky I guess. *puts the flash drive in*

Laurens: I don’t believe in luck. But what I do believe in is what made us go though here so easy.

Alexander: Hey maybe security is lazy and maybe the security cameras are probably not working.

Laurens: I don’t know… I got a bad feeling about this.

Alexander: It’s going to be okay. I’m almost downloading the data on my hard drive after this we-

*suddenly the door and window automatically closes on them*

Laurens: Shit!

Alexander: What the hell happened!

Eliza: They must’ve known that we were here!

Alexander: Laurens can you do something?

Laurens: Yeah! Let me get the laser and I can open this door for us!

Alexander: Okay I’m almost done. Just give me a few minutes and I’ll go with you guys.

Eliza: Wait you’re not coming with us!

Alexander: I’m trying to do something Eliza! I’ll be back outside with you two in no time!

Eliza: Alexander I know how this mission is important to you but we can’t leave you behind! What if I loose you?

Alexander: You won’t!

Eliza: Alexander! We just got married and I can’t leave my husband behind and as your wife I am begging you to come with us!

Alexander: I’m almost there Eliza besides why are you being so dramatic right now!

Eliza: Alexander! I’m pregnant and if you don’t come with us your child will grow up without you!

Alexander: What?…

Eliza: I was going to tell you after we completed the mission but I guess the plans were changed.

Alexander: *pulls out the flash drive*

Eliza: What are you doing?

Alexander: I’m canceling the mission and calling for a chopper to pick us up!

Laurens: *cuts through the door* Good! We got to about an hour to get out of here. We can fight our way up to the roof and we can get out of here and you two can talk about your plans for your son or daughter!

Alexander: Okay! Let’s go!

Laurens/Alexander/Eliza: *runs out*

Laurens: *punches the security guard*

Alexander: *throws a chair at the security guard*

Eliza: The chopper is almost here! Alexander! John! We can go trough here! *points to the stairs to the roof*

Laurens: *kicks open the door and runs inside*

Alexander/Eliza: *runs upstairs*

Alexander: I can’t believe that you didn’t tell me that you’re pregnant!

Eliza: I was going to! But this wasn’t the best way to surprise you!

Laurens: Really? Are you two going to do this now!

Alexander: I can’t believe I’m going to be a father! My father wasn’t never there for me and I can’t imagine myself being a dad!

Laurens: Alexander! Please can we talk about this in the chopper!

Eliza: You’ll be a wonderful father I just know and when this child is born we’ll raise him or her as a team!

Laurens: Guys! I am happy that you two are going to start a family but please! We gotta go!

Alexander: Right! Let’s just go!

Alexander: *opens the door and runs to the helicopter* C’mon! *hops on the helicopter*

Eliza: *runs over to the helicopter*

Laurens: *stops and sees a security guard aiming at Eliza* Eliza! No! *jumps in front of her and gets shot*

Eliza: John!

Alexander: Laurens!

Laurens: Go! I can take it!

Eliza: But-

Laurens: Go!

Eliza: *runs to the helicopter*

Alexander: Laurens! No!

Eliza: I’m so sorry! Alexander he-

Alexander: No! We need to go back!

Eliza: Alexander it’s too late! We’re taking off!

Alexander: But Laurens is my…

Eliza: We’ll send a team to go back for him in the mean time we need to head out and talk.

Alexander: Okay…
*meanwhile in the helicopter*

Alexander: *wipes away his tears*

Eliza: *kisses Alexander*

Alexander: I promise I’ll always be there for you and the baby!

Eliza: And we’ll always be a team!

Alexander: Always! And we’ll retire and your dad can hire me at his company.

Eliza: He’ll also help us find an apartment and we’ll live there as long as our child moves out for college!

Alexander: *giggles* Yeah! I can’t wait to do this with you! I promise you I will do my best to provide for our family!

Eliza: I love you!

Alexander: I love you too! *kisses Eliza*

*16 years later*

Alexander: And so we did come out of the mission alive… well… not all of us… John Laurens was pronounced dead after the team we called to find him couldn’t find anything on where his body was. So we don’t know where he is, all that we know that he’s still alive in our hearts and will always be with us and will always be remembered as a hero. After Eliza and I retired our son, Phillip was born. But unfortunately Eliza died due to complications of child birth. So I’m trying my best to provide for me and my son and run this million dollar company after Mr. Schuyler passed away and had passed it down to me. But I know that my wife wanted me to be strong and we’ll always be a family even though she’s not here with us.

Reporter: Mr. Hamilton! I wanted to say thank you for sharing this amazing story with us and I would like to say thank you for being a hero to so many people.

Alexander: I’m no hero. All I want to do is make raise my son and keep my wife and best friend in memory. So on the anniversary of Eliza Hamilton’s passing I hear by declare that the Eliza Hamilton children’s hospital is now open!

*All the reporter starts cheering*

Alexander: Thank you all for coming and we hope that you all will have a wonderful day. *walks off stage*

Madison: *walks up to him*

Alexander: How was I?

Madison: Well… You did good and you were off the cue cards that I gave you and the speech was really long but you did good.

Alexander: Alright… what’s next?

Madison: You got to pick up Phillip at school today and after that you got to get ready for the party tonight and you got some of the biggest shareholders that you need to impress to save this company.

Alexander: By the way how’s our stock going?

Madison: We dropped to about 50% of sales this week.

Alexander: Ugh…

Madison: We can try again and if we go into partnership with these other companies we’ll not only save the company but save your reputation.

Alexander: Good. Cause I need it. By the way is my suit ready for tonight?

Madison: It’s already being delivered and all you need to do is to get ready for tonight.

Alexander: Okay…

Madison: By the way Adams called and said he’s not going to the meeting with in the Middle East you so it’s all up to you.

Alexander: Great!… just perfect!

Madison: Hey I can’t tell John Adams what to do. My job is to look after you.

Alexander: And my son.

Madison: Hey! I’m your assistant not your nanny for your 16 year old son!

Alexander: But it’s okay to be both! *hops in the limousine*

Madison: *rolls his eyes* Let’s just go. We have a lot of things to do before we get you home. *hops in the limousine and closes the door*

Check, Mate

It’s his move. The chess set sits on the windowsill, several pieces set aside as casualties in an arduous, ongoing battle. He notes even from here she’s captured his bishop, though can see she’s left herself open for a checkmate in three turns.

“Bad form, Starfish,” he whispers to himself with a half smile.

If the silly mistake weren’t enough of a clue, the little trinket in the basket hanging from his arm was a dead giveaway. His Alice was distracted, and she wasn’t the only one. Killian smiled and shook his head. He couldn’t fault her for letting a pretty blond pull her focus, least of all one as stubborn and brave as Robin. Once upon a time he’d let a fiery, stubborn woman be his own distraction. Like father, like daughter.

He stepped to the board, setting the basket onto the wood panels of her porch, contemplating his next move. If he moved his rook, he could pretend for a few more moves he didn’t notice how she’d let her lovesick head get in the way, but where was the fun in that? Wasn’t it his fatherly duty to tease, even just a little?

His knight galloped toward her queen, swiping it away from the battleground in a crushing blow just in time to hear a distressed squeal.

“I can’t believe I forgot about that!”

Killian’s eyes shot up to see Alice standing there, glowing in the light of her fireplace, jaw dropping at the sight of her queen’s demise. Gods, how had he made such a perfect person? His heart stopped for a moment, and he wished for a moment that the poison within it would subside for even just a moment, just long enough to race into her cottage and pull her into the tightest hug he could manage.

He pushed the thought away and forced a smile. “You have something else on your mind, love?”

“No…”

“Mmmhmmm,” he half-hummed, half-chuckled, laughing outright when her cheeks flushed crimson. “Well, you may not have something on your mind, but I think someone else might.”

He really did have to teach her a better poker face. Alice’s eyes widened and for a moment she bolted forward toward the window, Killian automatically stepping back to avoid the all-too-familiar jolt of pain through his heart. Registering what she did, Alice’s face almost fell into a sickening pale.

“Sorry. I—”

“Nothing to be sorry for, Starfish.”

A heavy silence hung between them for a moment, their fingers toying with their respective shirts to keep them distracted, to keep them from the impulse to latch onto something else. Hold someone else.

“I best be going,” he muttered.

“I’ll see you again soon?”

“I certainly hope so.”

He forced a smile, forming a choked, “Bye, Starfish,” and all she could do was nod in return. She considered it a win when she waited for the tears to prickle at her eyes until after he’d turned his back and begun to walk away.

Only when he was safely out of sight did she chance venturing to the porch, kneeling down to rummage through the basket. She rolled her eyes at the money, wishing he remembered she was an adult now and didn’t require an allowance. A giggle escaped her lips at the marmalade and raspberry jam, and again that damned prickling feeling came back when she saw a note with loopy handwriting so very much like hers.

“Papa loves you, Starfish.”

Simple, sweet, but it both ached and made Alice’s heart soar. She held onto it, hugging it near her heart and wishing he could feel it just a little.

Finally, she picked up a string of wrapped string, inspecting the trinket. Attached was a simple tag, Robin’s messy but no less charming script decorating one side. “It’s a tradition where I come from to give those closest to you a token. Or something. Here’s a friendship bracelet to remember me when I’m not there. That way you’re never alone.”

Alice chewed her lip, twisting the string around her wrist and knotting the ends, taking a moment to admire it. With a look up to the chessboard and the white knight that had just put her in check, she felt Robin’s words sink deep into her heart. She was right, she wasn’t alone. Not anymore.

SasuHina Revolution Week 2018 Prompt 1: Irusu

Uchiha Sasuke had three locks on his door.

The first one he installed when he first moved into his apartment, for obvious security reasons. The neighborhood was decent enough, for the price range. Not exactly old-money, as he had been accustomed to for so long, but close enough. Arrogant Wall Street bankers. High-profile lawyers. Celebrity plastic surgeons. For a loft near the private academy, he knew rent was going to suck most of his inheritance dry. But he at least expected reasonably updated deadbolts on his door. The upgrade, as it seemed, would come out of his own pocket.

The next installment came six months after, when a carjacking put all of the neighborhood on high alert. Sasuke did not own a car, but cars had windows and his loft certainly had plenty of them. Never mind that he was on the twelfth floor. After he finished the upgrades on the automatic window sliding locks, he decided adding another latch on the front door couldn’t hurt.

The last one was installed after he met an annoying blond in school that had a habit of showing up unannounced and making a show of trying to pick the locks. With a reinforced chain, Sasuke could crack open the door, mutter a ‘piss off, loser’ and slam it shut without giving Naruto an opportunity to elbow his way in.

But, more often than not, Sasuke eventually let him in.

“Man, why do you even need that many locks?” Naruto’s muffled scratchy voice demanded from behind the door, irritated by the amount of time it took Sasuke to unbolt all the locks and get the door open. “You know your building comes with a doorman, right? Dude’s there 24/7, he doesn’t even sleep, Sasuke!”

“They’re on six hour shifts, dumbass. Hurry up.” Sasuke waited for him to step in before quickly locking up shop again.

“Whatever.” Without waiting for an invitation, Naruto hurried to the kitchen. The sounds of cabinet doors being slammed barely registered to Sasuke, who mulled quietly over the question Naruto hadn’t been expecting an answer to. “Sasuke, what the hell?!” So he had locks. “You said you would have instant ramen next time I came over!” Everyone had locks. And so what if his building had a doorman and a guard stationed at every floor? “There’s no ramen!” That didn’t stop people. You could have all the money in the world, the most meticulous bodyguards in the country, a prestigious family name–it didn’t stop anyone. It didn’t stop thieves, and kidnappers, and rapists. And it certainly didn’t stop murderers.

Man, he hated people.

Sasuke!”

He really hated people.

“Sasuke, let’s go Ichiraku’s.”

“No.”

“What? You’re the one that didn’t stock up. Come on, just this once.”

“I said no.” Sasuke walked away to the living room, now irritated and regretting not turning the blond away. He threw himself down on the couch, reaching for the remote, and turning it on to a mindless reality show. Not a minute passed by before Naruto collapsed besides him.

“Alright, fine, Mr. I’m-a-loser-that’s-too-scared-to-step-foot-outside-my-fancy-apartment-with-my-fancy-security-system-and-”

“Shut up.”

“Well, you are. You never leave this place, and when you do, it’s only to go to school. That’s weird.” Sasuke didn’t bother responding. “You know I don’t give a shit, but…people talk. They know you’ve got this fancy ass apartment, and that you live alone. Kiba says he’d be throwing parties every night if he had his own place. You know, that time you told Sakura off–”

“I didn’t tell her off.”

“You told her, and I quote, ‘Stay the fuck away from me, you goddamn groupie’. Not saying you were wrong or anything, but you coulda been nicer about it. A simple ‘no’ would have sufficed.” Naruto sniffed disapprovingly. Sasuke didn’t agree. For some reason, his classmates–particularly the female ones–couldn’t wrap their tiny brains around the fact that no, he was not inviting them over. No, they weren’t going to hang out. No, being an unsupervised kid with his own place and a virtually unlimited inheritance didn’t mean he was going to live out their rebellious teenage fantasies. And Sakura, in her blind infatuation, just couldn’t take no for an answer.

Sasuke liked his privacy. He liked his space. He liked being alone.

Might it have something to do with becoming an orphan and the sole survivor of a burglary-turned-homicide at the tender age of twelve? The mandated therapist thought so. Not that Sasuke had seen him in a while.

“Look, all I’m saying is maybe if you just–I dunno, went out every once in a while, they might leave you alone. Just saying.”

Sasuke didn’t respond.

“Whatever. I’m going to Ichiraku. If you change your mind–” Naruto stood and stretched, yawning and crossing over to the door. “You know where I’m at.”

The door slammed after him, and the only thing Sasuke could think to do was get up and lock it after him.


Sasuke was in the middle of folding his laundry when a series of soft knocks on the door made him pause.

Odd.

The doorbell was most commonly used when he had the occasional solicitor, and since he had it removed when he moved in, they usually were discouraged and went away on their own.

But someone had found it necessary to ring the doorbell and knock. Sasuke was baffled. And annoyed. He continued matching his socks.

For two minutes, the knocks persisted. Some stretched to six-tap-sequences, some reduced to heavy-single-knocks. And while there was a pause in between each set, probably for the invader to rest his knuckles, the determination sent him on edge. Sasuke stood from the couch and quietly padded over to the door, socks aiding him in his noiseless glide. Cautiously, he peered through the peephole.

Gone.


He was doing homework when the knocks came again the next day.

This time, Sasuke felt vengeful. He considered the methods available to him. He could report this to the president of the building’s board committee. Better yet, to the manager in charge. He was sure a Google check could reveal to him the name of the building’s owner.

Sasuke pulled out his cell phone, ready, when the sound of scraping paper grabbed his attention. Quickly, he looked over to his door and snarled at the sight of a sheet of notebook paper sliding under his door.

He stalked over, swiped it up, and crumpled it without a second thought.


“Dude, what’s with the towel?”

Naruto stared at the green towel bunched under the door, looking back at Sasuke for confirmation.

“It’s temporary.” Sasuke answered, shining an apple on his shirt. The rubber door weatherseal was already on the way.


The next day, Naruto was there–again–and was helping himself to a frozen pizza as Sasuke tidied up the kitchen, nerves on high alert.

Three knocks.

Sasuke paused, eyes narrowing.

“I’ll get it!”

Before he could stop the idiot, Naruto leapt away. Infuriated, Sasuke almost yelled out to stop him before quickly remembering he was not supposed to be home. Instead, he sprinted to the door, thankful for his socks and smooth hardwood flooring that afforded him squeakless silence. Just as the blond buffoon reached for the first lock. Sasuke arrived and brutally smacked his hand away.

Oww–MM!” Naruto was stunned as Sasuke slapped a palm over his overused mouth and pulled him back.

“Shut. Up. Dumbass.” Sasuke hissed as quietly as he could. The two stared at the door, eyes wide in anticipation, as the knocks continued. Gradually, Sasuke loosened his hold, and Naruto slipped free, glaring at him. Thankfully, he didn’t move to answer the door.

“Who is it?” Naruto whispered hoarsely to him. Sasuke shook his head. “I’m gonna check.”

“No.”

“They won’t see me, dammit.”

Sasuke watched as Naruto tiptoed over to the door, bracing himself as he leveled with the peephole. A few seconds passed, and Sasuke waited in agony. “Dude,” Naruto said lowly. “She’s really hot.” At this, Sasuke stilled.

She?

“I’m opening the door.”

At lightning speed, Sasuke yanked Naruto back by his shirt, and the blond retaliated with a sharp jab of his elbow. The two squabbled as quietly as they could, hair-pulling and arm-yanking with dangerously gritted teeth.

Then, the knocks stopped.

Upon realizing it, Naruto flew back to the door. “Aww, man! You let her get away! Damn you Sasuke, always ruining shit.”

“Good.” Sasuke snarled, returning to the kitchen in a huff.

“Who was she?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why didn’t you answer the door?”

“Why should I?”

“Well, what if she needs help?”

“She won’t find it here.”

Naruto was silent after that, but he turned and looked at Sasuke in such a way that made even the impenetrable sullen teenager feel uncomfortable. Naruto excused himself shortly after.


Well, what if she needs help?

The question bothered Sasuke the day after.

There was the issue of who this mystery woman was.

Another student, perhaps. The knocking, though random, was always timed accordingly after school hours. Or, his paranoia kicked in, a stalker who knew his schedule.

She must live in his building. How else would she constantly get by the doorman? Or, the quiet voice chimed in, she snuck in through the ventilation system. At the thought, Sasuke peered up at the vent in his living room, filtering in crisp cold air. His mind was whirling on possible ventilation-shaft-security-systems when the knock sounded again.

Sasuke stared at the door.

She could be a normal girl that needed to borrow his phone or use his bathroom or something trivial like that.

Or she could be a drug addict, a thoughtless crackhead looking for money or her next fix.

In a luxurious apartment building, in one of the wealthiest counties in the country. Yeah. Maybe not.

Sasuke sighed into his hand, pressing the heel against his brow. What the hell was he supposed to do?

The knock sounded louder this time, and it sparked urgency in him. Quickly, he shuffled silently over and decided he needed to take a look.

For a long second, Sasuke watched a supple ass and shapely legs walk away from his door.

“Damn it.”


He decided he wanted to see her.

Not in person, per se, but through the door.

Parked on a stool by the counter, he waited. He didn’t know what to expect. Naruto had been approving, but he didn’t have much standards. Then again, Sasuke had seen part of her, and those parts had been…convincing.

It seemed unlikely that she was a drug addict. Her jeans, though snug, didn’t look frayed or tattered. Her physique clearly wasn’t one of a malnourished vagrant.

But that didn’t rule out the other possibilities. She could be saleswoman, or worse, a member of the Peace Corps. They were known for being persistent. But this persistent? Knocking every day for five days straight? Didn’t they usually get the hint and leave? The very few others one had.

For some reason, she came back. For what, he wanted to know. He regretted disposing of the paper she had slid under his door. It would have solved his dilemma, knowing what she wanted. What it wouldn’t answer was her determination to speak with him. He had plenty of neighbors she could bother. Why was she fixated on him?

As if on cue, the mystery woman knocked again.

This time, Sasuke was ready and in position. Quickly, before she could escape again, he leveled himself with the peephole.

There were very few times in his life that Sasuke felt helpless. There was his birth, in which he had very little say, and instances in his childhood where nannies and his mother often held the upper hand. There was the day he had been hidden under the bed by his older brother, amidst the sound of screaming, breaking glass, and a gunshot. Don’t open the door for anyone. I’ll come back for you. Itachi never came back.

Sasuke thought to himself, with a desperation he had never experienced before, that he needed to get this door open. And yet, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t tear his eye away from the microscopic bead of glass that was his only window to the outside world–to her.

She was beautiful.

With dark hair, tinted purple and blue in the hallway light, and soft gray eyes. Creamy skin. Pink lips that were trying to smile, but twisted into an impatient scowl with every passing knock.  

Open the door.

Open the door, dumbass.

Open the door. What are you waiting for? She’ll leave.

But she’ll come back. She always come back.

Sasuke stayed glued against the door, even as she gave up, sighed with her beautiful eyes shut in agitation, and left.

The next time, he decided. Next time, he would open the door.


Three days passed and Sasuke felt like the biggest fool to ever walk the Earth.

“So, whatever happened to that chick? Did you find out what she wanted?” Naruto asked distractedly, eyes glued to the screen as his thumbs whirled away on the PS4 controller.

Sasuke felt his throat constrict. “No.”

“Shame. She was pretty. Looked like a nice girl too. Well, I hope she got what she needed.”

Sasuke sighed through his nose. “Yeah. Me too.”


By the fifth day, Sasuke had given up on ever seeing her again. Clearly, she had moved on. Found another target to bother. He was glad.

He had seen it in the news, pretty girls going around luring young men to their doom. If he had opened the door, who knows where he would be now. In some sex-trafficking ring in Thailand, most likely.

It was for the best. He had done the right thing.

And yet, when three knocks sounded at the door, Sasuke was out of his seat before he realized it.

And for the first time, as he quickly set on unlocking his door, he wondered to himself, why the hell do I have so many locks? Finally, he snagged the reinforced chain and yanked it to the side, ripping open the door.

He froze at the sight. And resisted the temptation to slam the door shut.

A girl–and not the one he had been hoping for–peered up at him. He looked her over, noticing the obnoxious uniform. A Girl Scout. Sasuke sighed and started to retreat back inside.

“Wait! Would you like to buy some cookies?” The girl shouted before he could escape. Sasuke paused, his sense of morals coming back to him. She was little. If she cried, someone might get the wrong idea.

“No.”

“Are you sure? I have all kinds!”

“No thanks.”

“Oh, but–”

“Hanabi!”

Sasuke felt an unmistakable rush of heat and did his best to feign indifference. The mystery woman. He knew it was her.

He and the little girl paused, listening as the footsteps echoed closer and closer.

She was even more beautiful in person. Even when she was lugging around a wagon of cookies.

“I told you, don’t knock on any doors without me. It’s dangerous.”

“I know, but I didn’t think he’d answer, he hasn’t been home all week!”

Sasuke watched as the mystery woman suddenly seemed to remember him. Her skin–that pale, creamy skin–reddened and she quickly looked up at him. He met her eyes and tried to breathe normally.

“Um, hello.” She said slowly.

Sasuke blinked. “Hey.”

She laughed nervously, and he could tell it wasn’t genuine. She was embarrassed. Of what, he couldn’t fathom. “She-uh, she just meant that–well, we’ve been knocking on your door for a few days now, and you never answered so…” Pausing, she took a breath and then let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, I should start over. This is my little sister. She’s a Girl Scout. We’re selling cookies.”

“I…see.” Sasuke didn’t know what else to say. He knew this. This was all he knew. What he wanted to know was who she was.

“Normally, I go with her to every doorstop. It’s not safe for a child to go knocking on just anybody’s door. We did try you for a few days, but it was probably bad timing. I did leave her council information, just in case you wanted to use her code online…” She trailed off, looking at him expectantly. Ah, yes. The paper he had balled up and stuffed down the garbage disposal.

“I didn’t see it.”

“Oh.” Silence persisted for the longest six seconds of Sasuke’s teenage life, and he hated himself for it. “I see. Well, we won’t bother you any longer. Thank you for your time. Let’s go, Hanabi.” She turned around and the creaking of the wagon wheels prompted urgency. This time, he wouldn’t miss it.

“Cookies.” Sasuke forced out. The Girl Scout and her beautiful sister paused, looking back at him. “What kind do you have?”

She smiled. It was warm, and comfortable, and he wanted to see it again. “All kinds. Do you have a minute?”

For the next ten minutes, Sasuke dragged on a conversation that shouldn’t have lasted more than two. He wanted to know every type of cookie they had. Which was the most popular. How far along was Hanabi with her sales. Was there a prize she was hoping for. Two boxes or three. He couldn’t decide. And, what was her name.

Hinata, she told him. Hyuga Hinata.

And ultimately, “I’ll probably finish these soon. I have a friend that eats all my food. Will you be back tomorrow?” And he looked at her in a way he hoped she could understand.

She blushed. It was faint, and barely noticeable, especially when she dipped her head down to scribble something in their log. “Oh-um, yes. Yes, we are.”

Sasuke felt the beginning of what he would come to know as a sign he’d be waiting for Hinata every day for the rest of his life. To knock on his door, just so he could look forward to answering it.

She knocked on his door approximately eighty-four more times, before he gave her three different keys.

And, as they shopped together for the last lock–for the crib in their bedroom–he wondered how many locks he would have kept buying, if he had never found his key.

The Living Ghost (part 1/4)

(CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR TEG)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Fic info: takes place right after The Empty Grave. Rating: General. Pairings: Lockwood/Lucy and Holly/her ‘flatmate’. Ao3 link: here 

Further fics in this series: The Shattered Frame, A Merry Little Christmas, A Little Help From Your Friends.


I leave for one minute and you let me get nicked again.

“You were gone for a week!”

Yeah, whatever. Some friend you are.”


Lucy comes home to find the skull missing. On their quest to get him back, Lockwood & Co. discover that the secret to eternal youth might not have been the only thing the Orpheus Society were striving towards.


Part 1 – The Theft

Keep reading

Happy Birthday Nyx @ginniewheezie! I saw your ask about a drabble on the birth of Rose, who in honor of you now shares your birthday as of 2006 or 2007, a Wheezie through and through.

“I’ll get the car! I’ll get the car!” Ron was panicking. Predictably. This was on par with what Hermione had expected, but she couldn’t help but feel a bit let down that he wasn’t letting her freak out about expelling an actual human from her internal organs. One of them had to be the sensible one, and 9/10 times (being generous, obviously, to Ronald) it was her. 

“I’ve got the overnight bag,” she called after him. It had her clothes. She had carefully chosen her picture outfit for her post-birth pictures. She was freshly scrubbed from a recent shower, her hair was in a power bun (already frizzing out, but that couldn’t be helped), and she had her mobile in her hand. 

They had a muggle car mostly for Hermione’s interactions with her parents, where they drove to their house quietly, normally, mostly Hermione driving because Ron couldn’t pass a muggle licensing test on account of not having any important papers like birth certificates or national records. But he came skidding around the corner in the silver volkswagen sedan in such a way that forcibly reminded Hermione that Ron hadn’t had much practice at driving cars  since he had crashed into the Whomping Willow when he was twelve. It seemed a very big risk to have happen the first of February, though Hermione wondered if a good thumping across the back might just pop the baby right out and she might nix her way past the defecating, screaming, and crying bits. 

Ron was very uneasy that Hermione had decided to have her birth in a muggle hospital, and now that Hermione was realizing there was no way to get there safely that didn’t involve an automobile which Ron would have to drive, that she hadn’t thought it through. The problem was, of course, that she wanted her Mum there. She had already called her. It was only eight in the morning, so she hadn’t woken her. Dad was at work elbow deep in someone else’s gum disease, but Mum had retired a year before from their joint office of “Drs. Granger, D.D.S.” She mostly did the books now, the stuff Dad always hated. She had promised to come straight away with Dad. 

Hermione hadn’t thought either of them could find St. Mungo’s, much less any of the smaller birthing clinics the hodge-duelas worked from. So she had firmly enrolled with a gynecologist, gone to every appointment on time while Ron goggled at a sonogram, learned she was carrying a daughter, and of course behind Ron’s back double checked everything with a medi-witch just in case. 

And now she was coming. She. They had dabbled with a few names, but narrowed it down to ones that started with ‘R’ or ‘H’ for Ron and her. They planned on two children, probably, so whichever one they used this time they’d use the other letter for the next one. 

“I HAVEN’T PUT PETROL IN THE CAR IN THREE MONTHS!” Ron bellowed, the windows still shut fast, hands scrabbling to roll them down so she could hear him, which she very much could. Hermione sighed, bent over the door handle, paused for a long, gasping moment, and then opened it and slung her bag in. Ron managed to half push down the driver’s automatic window as he sprinted around the car, batty and half dressed, his trousers unzipped and in full wizarding robes, and tried to help her into her seat. By the time he had her door in hand, she was already pulling the seatbelt across her stomach, breathing in three contracted rhythms she had been told in both her magical and muggle birthing classes. 

“Are you alright?” Ron asked anxiously. 

Hermione only looked at him.

“Right. Right!” he ran a hand over the back of his head helplessly. “Can I get you anything? Some ice? Would ice help? Or tea?”

“You can get in the car,” said Hermione, trying to keep the usual bickering snap from her voice and failing.

“RIGHT!” shouted Ron. “RIGHT. The hospital! We’re going to the hospital!” He slung himself in the driver’s seat, tangled his seatbelt in his robes, stood back up, stripped his robes over his head, threw them in the dirt, got back in the car wearing nothing but unzipped cargo pants, and hit the acceleration so hard he nearly flattened Crookshanks, who streaked out of the way with an angry hiss as they bolted out of the neighborhood. 

Ron,” Hermione chided, but without heart. 

At the stop sign at the end of their street, the car died completely.

“It’s okay,” said Hermione in weary resignation, when Ron made to get out of the car again. “I’ll do it.”

She took out her wand and willed the engine to turn over with a friction charm. It did so quietly, and Ron resumed his stop-go slam motion of getting them to the hospital. 

They got lost four times, and by the time they were pulling into the car lot, both of them were yelling at each other at the top of their lungs.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU FORGOT TO PUT PETROL IN AFTER I’VE TOLD YOU THREE TIMES THIS WEEK!” Hermione shouted.

“ME? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO WON’T JUST APPARATE IN!”

“APPARATE IN? AND SCRAMBLE OUR BABY INTO JELLY? MERLIN, RON, GET A GRIP!”

“WE COULD HAVE FLOO’D IN!”

“RIGHT, SO I CAN JUST SQUIRT HER OUT ON THE LOBBY FLOOR RIGHT WHEN WE -”

“Guys,” it was Harry, and he was leaning into Ron’s window, which he had never closed all the way. 

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