auto aggressive

anonymous asked:

symptoms of bpd?

There’s plenty cause BPD is more of a spectrum than a definite illness with a certain amount of symptoms cause all in one it’s all about emotional instability, a false perception of relationships, extremely intense emotions and black and white thinking, so here’s a few

  • everything is either black or white- there’s no grey area for you, you can never be neutral
  • your emotions, positive or negative, are extremely intense (when you’re happy, you feel like you’re about to burst and when you sad, you literally want to fucking die) 
  • it only takes 1 little thing to change your mood within a split second 
  • people are either ultimately good or bad to you (you find it hard to wrap your head around the fact that people can have both good and bad character traits)
  • someone is nice to you= they’re amazing!!!!/ someone is mean to you, even if only once= they’re horribly evil and hate you and want you dead 
  • the people you love are like perfect god like beings to you
  • making little mistakes upset you to an irrational point 
  • things in general upset you to an irrational point
  • BPD itself comes with a lot of irrational thoughts and fears. you overthink and develop fears concerning relationships that people without BPD wouldn’t ever think of 
  • since BPD has a lot to do with relationships, many people who suffer from it have one (or more) favourite person they focus on and all of their emotions depend on said FP’s actions. there’s this meme that says something like “when my friend doesn’t reply within 2 seconds or in a slightly different tone I assume they hate me” and i guess it’s relatable for a lot of people but that’s literally life for people with BPD 24/7 
  • so you really take everything personally 
  • and when your FP or another person you value acts slightly irritating you automatically assume something’s off and they hate you 
  • people with BPD are a lot like little puppies and it’s horrible they’re being mistaken for cruel people just cause we tend to be aggressive and impulsive at times 
  • impulses!!!!! impulses!!! impulses!!!!! it takes you 0.02 seconds to come up with a fucked up idea and turn your fucked up fantasy into actions and 0.04 seconds to instantly regret it 
  • auto aggression. not always only cutting and “classic” self harm but also giving in to impulses that you know will harm you and doing other things that are bad for you and your health 
  • drug abuse and alcohol abuse cause BPD in general comes with a lot of dependence and you quickly grow attached to whatever keeps you happy
  • BPD sadness is not comparable to depression sadness cause depression sadness is often numb and grey and cold and quiet whereas BPD sadness cuts like a knife and makes you wanna rip your insides out- not degrading the kinda sadness you feel when you’re depressed, it’s just as horrible 
  • people with BPD can cut you out off their life without batting an eye
  • which is another reason as to why we’re often perceived as evil but really it’s just a way of protecting ourselves and we can’t help it 
  • people with BPD really are like puppies in desperate need of love but we come off clumsy and helpless cause we’re living in constant fear of being abandoned
  • another symptom that I personally struggle with a lot is having no concept of relationship permanence. Like when my boyfriend is gone for longer than a day I start to feel like he won’t ever come back and like he’s never been here in first place. 
  • it is- you guess it- like a puppy waiting for their owner to come home- it doesn’t matter if they’re gone for ten minutes or an hour or a day, it always hurts and it’s confusing to us and just terrible
  • and another symptom that I personally struggle with an awful lot is jealousy and I fucking hate it but it’s common that people with BPD want their FP to be theirs and only theirs entirely and when your FP gives another person the slightest bit of attention you automatically assume they like that other person more than you 
  • all in one, BPD distorts your idea of relationships and influences your emotions and thinking in terms of relationships, it comes with impulsive thinking and going from thinking you’re a God to wanting to kill yourself within seconds 

I’ve been prescribed antidepressants that are amphetamine derivatives, but instead of making me want to go out and move around, they just make me grumpy and want to punch someone. So I’m sitting around and am scratching my scalp bloody.