I am often told:

“Everyone experiences that.”

“That’s happened to me.”

While this may be true, and I appreciate the sympathy, it also makes it hard for me to forgive myself.

If everyone has trouble making friends, why am I so often alone?

If everyone is overwhelmed by loud noises, why do restaurants and concerts and carnivals scare me?
If everyone forgets and misuses words sometimes, why am I often incapable of getting others to understand what I’m trying to say?
Does this mean I’m weak? Does this mean I’m lazy? Does this mean I’m not trying?
No.

NO!

Because you may experience something once, but I experience it constantly.

Something may occasionally bother you, but it is a constant obstacle for me.

When I tell you something is hard for me, and you tell me it’s hard for everyone…
You are not helping.

You are planting seeds of doubt.
You are telling me all the work I put into surviving each day is worthless, because I shouldn’t have to do that work at all.
Please. Don’t.

To the disgusting autism moms who claim they will never be proud of their child’s autism: 

You are teaching them internalized ableism.
You are teaching them lateral ableism.
You are teaching them to hate who they really are.
You are teaching them that they’re not allowed to be their real self.
You are teaching them that they have to be fake to please you.
You are teaching them that your love for them is conditional.

And any angry responses to this post will prove that I’m right.

I’m so tired of autism moms lamenting their child may never get married, say “I love you” or hold down a job. Funny how all these are things the moms want to do with the child. They act like an autism diagnosis is robbing them of experiences they see other moms have.

Yeah, and while you’re crying about all these things you want you’re missing out on the child right in front of you and you’re missing out on what they want.

It’s not all about YOU, autism moms.

Yes, it’s stressful. Yes, it’s frustrating. Yes, it’s hard. 

But you want to know what’s harder? Being autistic and surrounded by people who say “Be yourself…” and as soon as I flap my hands, somebody pulls me aside to say, “…but not like that.”

I stopped listening to those people. Do you want to be one of those people to your child?

Okay so just a little heads up:

If you work in retail, or somewhere else that require costumer service, please do not think that customers are being rude if they do not answer you.

That customer may have anxiety, selective mutism, or be autistic. They might not be able to talk or they may be too afraid to make small talk.

So please don’t call us assholes, shitheads, or bitches because we can’t make small talk at the counter. It’s probably not our fault.

This is the Autism Everyone Talks About

And they get it completely wrong! All you see most of the time are images of children crying and melting down. These folks constantly talk about fecal smearing and rocking back and forth. They talk about children banging their heads, but they never try to understand the reasons why. They just want to paint a horrific picture of autism without getting into the deeper truth and subtlety of it.

Which really would help people more!

I was first introduced to an interesting perspective about autism in college. I suspected I could be autistic. I read the sites of autistic people like Mel Baggs.

They had a site, I don’t know if it’s still here, where they wrote about how people see autism as tragic. Oh, like at this autistic person alone rocking back and forth. They have to wear diapers. How sad.

But then they talked about how they really are. How the rocking back and forth was comforting to them. How it was hard for them to notice things like if they had to go to the bathroom. It made a lot more sense than someone who is an outsider to autism just looking at them and going, oh, how sad.

This happens with high support non speaking autistic people all the time. “Experts” don’t understand what it’s like to be autistic on the inside. What it feels like. They don’t understand that many children smear excrement and a lot of times it’s a sensory thing. That can be redirected. They don’t understand how comforting stimming is. Rocking, twitching your fingers, twirling your hair, all of these are comforting. Even self injurious behavior can be comforting for a lot of autistic people.

I rarely meltdown, but it is usually caused by a built up of frustration and stress so terrible I have no choice but to scream, claw myself and growl in rage. These things can be prevented.

Talking about the autism no one supposedly talks about isn’t helping if you’re getting it all wrong. If your understanding of autism comes from non autistic people and “experts” who look at us and judge us but never try to see inside of us it’s doing more harm than good.

And they say we lack empathy.

Does anyone else get the thing where if you’re watching a TV show you genuinely can’t handle any chaos or drama, like if a character messes something up I find it so frustrating, even though I know it’s written for comedy purposes or plot development

It means I’ve skipped scenes, episodes, or even a full season of shows to avoid having to rewatch all the chaos

Personal tip: Do not talk to me about a ‘cure’ for Autism. We need cures for Cancer, AIDs, and so many other diseases good people are stricken with. My baby is just fine. He feels more (& more beautifully, poetically-), he thinks (so intensely) & tries (so very much) harder, and he is likely not the 'same’ as you (it’d be so droll of he was)- but that’s why he’s beautiful… Not sick. My baby doesn’t need a cure. He needs love & understanding; which are both things he hands out ten fold. Love my baby; because he loves you… It’s up to you to be able to see it. I can…

Josh Sauchak - Why he's so important to me.

Today I bawled my eyes out, not out of sadness but out of happiness because I finally got to explain to someone what Josh means to Autistic and Aspergers people and I realised during that explanation that he’s my favourite character. Not just in Watch Dogs but in the whole of existence.

Now I feel a little weird writing this because I’ve never felt this way with a character before and if you read this and start to get a little confused please bare with me.

Growing up for me was different, I always knew I was different from how I could read Lord of the Rings or Poldark at the age of six and understand every word. From how I never fit in with the other kids, from how I could only talk to adults because I was on their mental capacity levels and how I’m effected by the system for being this way. When I was finally diagnosed as an Aspergers young lady, it all made sense. Back then, I believed that I had all these quirks and was bullied a lot because I was broken. I wasn’t neurotypical, I was defective.

For me I had nobody in TV, Film or later on video games. Autistic and Aspergers people are always represented as the dependant person who burdens the carer because it’s so “difficult and challenging” to raise / care for people like us.

Because of all these things, people misunderstand people like us. They treat us differently like there is something wrong with us. We’re defective. Broken. Weird. They tell us to “just be normal” and some people say we need a cure.
Some of us are effected more than others like myself and need special attention and care, others are independent but none of us are broken.
I’m in the middle myself, I’m partially independent but sometimes I need help. Especially in social situations like meetings and phone calls or studying but I’m independent enough to fund and plan out every single detail of a trip to Montreal, Boston and New York by myself. To meet new people and old friends. I do get sensory overload and I have breakdowns so sometimes I need help myself. We’re all different though.

This teaches some of us to feel as though we aren’t worth anything. To hate who we are and some of us to more extreme measures that I myself have done and even depression. Some of us are even afraid to tell others that we’re autistic in some way even friends because just like Clark Kent in Smallville, we’re scared they’ll hate us or no longer treat us the same if they find out our “secret”. I know that means they were never really our friends but it still hurts us so much.

But then Ubisoft created Josh.
With Josh he’s independent but sometimes has sensory overloads, like when Lenni hacked Dedsec. He also has a moment when he realises some of the followers are fake and begins to fall into a breakdown. Yet his friends never told him to get over it or that he was over-reacting. They never treated him like he was broken. They never said he was that way because he’s autistic. They never pushed on it. Horatio mentions it in an audio file but never puts Josh down about it. Just Blume and how they ruined his life by marking him as people usually do. Defective.

I relate to Josh so much, when I look at him I see myself and I’ve never had that. I’ve never seen someone so like Josh/me be loved so much because they’re human. Even the little things like how he wears a green hoodie. So simple but I wear a green hoodie all the time. It’s my favourite, even more so now. Even now I struggle with acceptance of my Aspergers but it’s because of these things I speak about it constantly and try to raise awareness and acceptance and I feel with Josh. We’ve taken a huge step towards it. If only TV and film could follow Ubisoft in this way.

So thank you Ubisoft and Jonathan for making someone like Josh so people like me can have someone to relate to and see that it’s okay to be different because the right people won’t treat us like freaks, they’ll love us for who we are. I cry about this because I’m so happy because I see people play this game and love Josh so much and it gives me hope because that means neurotypical people can love me too. I honestly can’t explain it as I can in my head but I tried my absolute best to get the words out.

If you read all this, thank you. I’m sorry for the rambling, I tried.

  • Anti-Tumblrite: Autism is a mental illness!
  • Me, someone diagnosed with autism: Actually, it's classified a developmental disability, according to the CDC, the DSM-5, and the entire field of psychology. Autism is also one of the most well-known developmental disabilities, which typically involving delays of speech and socialization, primarily in children. Developmental disabilities differ from mental disabilities or disorders in a number of ways, and shouldn't be lumped together. Likewise, developmental disorders and mental illnesses thought processes and behavior in different ways, such as developmental disabilities usually being diagnosed in childhood, or under the age of 18, whereas mental disorders are usually diagnosed in adulthood. Additionally, these disabilities or disorders differ in duration and treatment. Developmental disorders are lifelong disabilities, whereas mental disorders may not be lifelong. While autism cannot be treated with conventional drugs or medicine, some mental disorders, such as anxiety and depression, can. Some patients may suffer from multiple conditions, including combinations of developmental disorders and mental illnesses. However, having autism doesn't always mean that a patient also has a mental disorder or disability.
  • Anti-Tumblrite: You just want to be a special snowflake! Stop saying, "autism isn't a mental illness, that's ableism, reeeeeeeeeeeee"!
  • Me, someone diagnosed with autism: *looks into the camera like I'm on the Office*
the TSA is a piece of shit

so I never make posts this long or involved, but I was so angry I had to speak out, and I knew the Tumblr community would be on the same page. Even if this only reaches 15 people, I’m asking you to please read this and spread the word.

I’m a caretaker for a severely disabled 17 year old girl. She has a primary diagnosis of what’s called isodicentric 15 (IDIC 15 for short), which is a chromosomal abnormality that causes extra material from chromosome 15, in addition to having autism & epilepsy. She functions at about a pre-school/kindergarten level developmentally. I will refer to her as E to protect her.

Recently, E and her mother were flying to Florida to visit family. While E is TSA approved, she was still selected to be “randomly searched”. Her mother tried to explain to the TSA agent that she is severely disabled and would not tolerate being searched (part of her disability causes her to hit, kick, & scream when she is in an uncomfortable/unfamiliar situation. In addition, she does not respond to verbal commands, as she has limited receptive & expressive language skills). The agent replied with “she looks fine to me. What does she have?”. When E’s mother explained IDIC 15, the agent said “I’ve never heard of that”. E’s mother asked to speak to a supervisor to which the agent replied “I am the supervisor”.

So they took E into a separate room, forcing her mother to stand outside, despite her explaining that the process would be much quicker and easier if she could be in the room with E. TSA objected, proceeding with the search. E of course did not comply, and she screamed, cried and objected while her mother was forced to watch outside the room. The agents tried to explain to her that “honey, if you just put your arms up and listen this will be a lot quicker”, but being that E has LIMITED RECEPTIVE LANGUAGE SKILLS, that made nothing better. A man even came over to E’s mother, watched the situation and said to the agent “is this really necessary? I can hear that child screaming from down the line, this isn’t right.” E’s mother also tried to explain that she has epilepsy and that when she gets upset or overstimulated, she has seizures. The agent replied with “we’ll just call first aid then”.

The TSA has been under fire lately as is. Most of you have likely heard of or seen CNN commentator Angela Rye’s horrendous situation of being inappropriately touched by a TSA agent until she was in tears. If you haven’t, here it is:

http://www.cnn.com/videos/travel/2016/12/21/angela-rye-tsa-pat-down-video.hln

How sick and disturbing is this? An organization meant to protect us, instead putting a severely disabled girl and her mother in distress, in addition to inappropriately touching a woman as part of a “routine search”. I’m appalled, disgusted and truly upset.

I’m hoping you guys will be willing to spread this so more people are aware of what a piece of shit the TSA is.

6

I made a webcomic strippy thingy! About autistic spectrum disorder! And here it is!

I started this as my final project for 2D design last quarter and I just finished it yesterday while I had free time to work during my printshop internship. This comic is the culmination of dozens of hours of work, lots of frustration, a couple of tears, and an earnest desire to explain myself to other people.

Feel free to share this with others so that more people can learn about ASD!

Daydreamers?

Okay so I see a lot of posts on the actuallymadd tag about your daydreaming life and basing it off fiction and fantasy…but does anyone else had very “mundane” daydreams? Like detailed, with a few idealised aspects… but very normal, in terms of everyday life? Idk just wondering